Chapter 37: Back to the Routine
Routine came back at the compound. The Avengers had their training, Tony and Bruce were doing science in the lab, and Alex had gone back to his daycare. As for Loki, he had gone back to his job as a handyman, but anytime New Asgard would call, he would gladly help and answer any questions Thor or the others might have.
One evening, they were all sitting around the table when Alex decided to act like any kids of his age and play with his food.
"Look, Daddy, my salad is Asgard and I am destroying it."
"No, Alex, it's a salad, it's your supper, you should it that salad, it's not Asgard. Asgard is not a salad. You eat your salad," said Loki putting pieces of the salad back into the bowl.
But interiorly, Loki was smiling. Of course Asgard was a salad and it could be destroyed. And what if Alex wanted to play "let's destroy Asgard"? He is a child and love to play, much like his father. So as much as Loki wanted to reprimand his son and just have him eat normally, like a proper person, Loki had to admit he had probably done the same and play with his food countless times in Asgard. So he could not help himself but smiled proudly while his son was not looking. But hey! That's what a father does: being proud of the silly actions of his children and hope for the best.
oOo
Of course, Fury came back. It was to be expected. With Loki, Bucky and New Asgard, let's just say the director was longing for vacations, preferably far from the chaos on Earth. He had received Natasha's report about Loki going to the park, and he was not very please with it, but considering everything, it was far from a priority.
"Loki is under house arrest, not under 'yes, sure he can go to the park whenever he wants arrest'. House. Arrest. Meaning not going outside of this compound," said Fury.
"Nick, Loki had been given to dear old Cap," had said Tony. "Therefore, Steve is the captain on those decisions."
"And it's not like Loki went alone," said Bruce. "I was there and so was Wanda."
"And if you don't like Loki going to the park, I don't want to see your reaction knowing he went to Norway, Nick," said Tony.
"I am aware he went to Norway, but he was there to work, not for fun," said Fury. "The park is different."
"Are you really just here to rant about Loki going to the park," asked Tony.
"No, I am here to speak with Barnes," said Fury.
"He's in the kitchen, or living room," informed Tony.
oOo
At the end of the day, Fury's visit was not so bad, though Bucky. He had lost time and was now a criminal. Nothing made sense and he was also in another era. Of course, he had his best pale Steve to help him adjust, but Steve was also self-righteous.
So, that evening, Bucky was sitting alone on the porch outside. He did not really want to be alone, but he did not want to be with an Avenger. Not that they were bad friends, just that they were all heroes when he was not.
So Bucky was relieved when, after the children's bedtime, Loki stepped out. Since he got permission to go outside, as long as he stayed closed, whenever he wanted, Loki would get out to enjoy the fresh evening air nearly each evening before his own bedtime.
"Bucky, didn't see you there. If you want to be alone, I can go," said Loki.
"No. Actually, I wanted to speak to you. I was waiting for you."
"Is something wrong?"
"Yeah, me. Or maybe it's the whole world. But I'm pretty sure I am the one who's wrong."
"How so?"
"I fought in the war in the 40s and got capture. I was brainwashed and forced to assassinate. I ended up being a mercenary for those who were my enemies."
"You are questioning your place among the Avengers," said Loki.
"Yes and no. I am not an Avenger can never be, not with my past. The general public would not want the Winter Soldier as part of the Avengers," said Bucky. "When I joined the army, it was to help, to do good. I did the total opposite."
"I know how it feels," said Loki softly.
"Exactly! You know. You are the only other one here that can relate," said Bucky. "How do you cope with being a criminal in the eye of the public?"
Loki said nothing for a moment. They just both look at the moon. In the distance, Loki could swear he saw a raven, but he knew that his father's ravens were now in New Asgard and Thor had promised he would only send them to the compound if he needed to deliver an urgent message.
"I never wanted to be the villain. It was an illusion. Thor fulfilled the place of the golden child. The only way to be noticed by others was to cause disturbance. The only occasions when Odin would talk to me at some times was to punish me because I misbehaved. But I had his undivided attention for a while. I didn't enjoy hurting people, I had too. I had to be in control and the only way to be in control in Asgard is to be feared. I just wanted control because I was supposed to be king.
"Now, I cannot go back to my life," continued Loki. "Asgard is gone."
"My era is far gone too," said Bucky.
"You and I are in the same boat," said Loki. "It's a midgardian expression."
"We are both out of our comfort zone, far from our family — well, you have your own. We both fish out of water, other midgardian expression," said Bucky.
"Not just midgardian. We have fish in Asgard too," said Loki. "But we both have to adapt to an environment we are unfamiliar with. And let's be honest, the biggest common point between us is the fact that we are both criminals, but never wanted to be. We were manipulated into doing very bad things."
"And we both have Steve in our lives," said Bucky.
"Steve is incredible," said Loki. "I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for him."
"Yeah, he saved those around him," said Bucky. "Always had."
"He helped me cope with being a slave by not treating me like one," said Loki. "He never treated me as such, except that first night, but Thor and the raven were there."
"What did Steve do," asked Bucky curiously.
"He beat me, five lashes with his belt," said Loki like it was nothing.
But it was not nothing for Bucky.
"Why would he do that? That's not the Steve I knew."
"Don't worry. At the beginning, things were different," said Loki reassuring. "I had just spoken without being spoken to, which is a behaviour a slave should never have. And Thor was here, he had a spy with him, a raven. Odin wanted to know if Thor would treat me like a common slave or show me familiarity. As the future king, Thor should not be interested in a low slave. I did deserve the punishment and it did not even hurt. Well, it did, but not much, not considering everything I endured before. And while I was supposed to be a slave and only eat once a day, Steve made sure I got more food and get healthier. I was pretty beaten and pregnant at the time."
"I'm still getting over the fact that you can get pregnant," said Bucky thinking how weird it was.
"Well, I'm not from Earth."
"Earth had changed," said Bucky.
"Is it good or bad?"
"I don't know. There is a lot of good, but also a lot of bad."
"The more things are changing, the more they stay the same," said Loki.
"Same story, different people," said Bucky.
oOo
One day, Natasha brought Alex back from the day care with some news for Loki. Alex had been invited to a friend's for a play date.
"Tommy is nice and he is my friend. He likes dinosaurs and the colour green," said Alex. "And he says we will play with his dinosaurs."
"And you would like to go play with him at his place," asked Loki.
"Yeah!"
Loki was stunted. As a child, he had barely gone to his friend's house. Well, he did not have many friends and the palace was big enough for others to come.
"Hey, it's normal," reassured Natasha. "Children sometimes get playdate together, so it's just a small group of them together. And it's just going to be Tommy and Alex."
But Loki was not reassured. Natasha bent down and told Alex to go play in the other room. Once they were alone, Natasha looked back at Loki.
"I know you are worried, but this is good," said Natasha.
"What is a play date exactly?"
Coming from him, Natasha was not surprised he did not know.
"Two or more friends playing at one's house. Tommy only invited Alex. And I spoke to Tommy's mother, charming woman. She knows I'm not Alex's mother, but she invited Alex and someone else."
"Someone else?"
"Yeah, basically, sometime the parents will talk together while the children are playing. You don't have to go, it can be someone else. Or we can just drop Alex there alone and go pick him up later."
"I cannot go. But Alex should be happy," said Loki.
"You know me, I have already investigated every family sending their children to the daycare, Tommy's family is clean, no problem, both parents have a good, stable job. Absolutely no criminals in their extended family. And Tommy has an older sister, Louisa, she is five and is going to the same daycare, so Alex already knows her. And a little sister who is three. I have Tommy's mother's phone number if you want to speak with her."
"Why? Okay, I get the why, but I still should not. I am a pariah, an outcast on your realm, I should not meddle more than necessary."
"She doesn't know the guy who attack New-York is also Alex's father," said Natasha.
But even after the conversation was over, Loki still had his doubts. Natasha had been the one to organise the play date: Saturday at 10, Alex would eat dinner with Tommy and Natasha would pick him up around 4. Loki was not worried about the play date in itself, but about the consequences it would have.
"What if Alex wants to invite his friends here," asked Loki to Steve, Tony and Bruce later.
"You don't want his friends knowing who you are," asked Steve.
"Or knowing where you live," said Tony, "and that he literally lives with us, Earth greatest heroes."
"Well, kind of both," admitted Loki. "What will happen if his friends learn he is the son of… of a murderer? His friends would surely all leave him. And the same will happen to Storm as well. I am a problem in Alex's life. In both of their lives."
"But if you had the choice, you would not leave them," said Bruce.
"No, I would not abandon them. Never."
"Sooner or later, Alex would want to invite friends over," said Tony. "I had the same problem. My father was known, but… Okay, so my father was not really taking care of me. My point is, it might get awkward the first few times his friends come over, but after a while, we will be the ones laughing at their reactions. And we won't hover over his friends."
"Knowing you, Tony, you'll be the weird uncle," said Bruce. "Alex and Storm will need to learn how to make friends that are worthy of their friendship because of who they are, not because of their association to the Avengers. And Alex had kept that a secret so far."
"We are crossing bridges one at the time," said Steve. "If Alex wants to invite Tommy another time, of course, he can. But at that age, kids will just want to play."
"As for who you are, even if the secret gets out, nothing bad will happen to you or your children," said Tony. "And for that murderer part, unfortunately, you are not the only killer in the country."
"But what if there is a talent show at school," suggested Bruce. "What if every parent is there except for Loki. Alex will feel bad."
But then, Loki thought of the solution. It had been so simple all along.
"Steve, with your permission, I could shape shift. Maybe nothing big, but just something so people won't recognise me. I could use an alias for everything related to the outside world. So if Alex's friends come by, I would not be Loki who attack New-York, just an ordinary guy. I don't want to lie and manipulate people anymore, but I want what is best for Alex and Storm. I don't want to resort to lying for them, but…"
"Yeah, I got it," said Tony.
"We could do that, but on a case-by-case basis," said Steve who was not totally on board with the whole shape shifting and lies.
oOo
On Saturday afternoon, Natasha went to pick Alex back.
"Hey, did you have fun with Tommy," asked Loki.
"Yeah, we play with his dinosaurs. It was fun," said Alex. "Daddy, could Tommy come here one day to play with my toys?"
"Yes, sure he can, but you ask me, and Tony and Steve before, okay?"
"Okay, daddy."
Alex ran off to play elsewhere and Natasha approached Loki.
"Everything went well. They had fun like normal children," she said.
"I'm happy to hear it, thank you," said Loki.
oOo
A few days later, Wanda had been the one to pick up Alex because Natasha was over at Clint's farm. Alex was more exited than usual when he went to hug his father.
"We are going to the zoo, daddy!"
"The zoo?"
"Yeah, with the daycare."
Wanda handed out a flyer to Loki. Apparently, the daycare decided to organise a trip to a nearby zoo for one day. And the daycare needed parent's authorisation as well as some parent assistance. Well, of course, Loki would sign and give permission to Alex to go, but he would not volunteer as a chaperon.
"Are you existed to go," asked Loki.
"Yeah! We will see giraffes, and elephants. I want to see giraffes," answered Alex.
"Who's going to see giraffes," asked Tony while entering the room.
"Alex is going to the zoo with his daycare," answered Loki.
"Wow, zoo, what a cool trip," said Tony.
That evening, Alex still had to stop talking about the zoo when Loki put him to sleep.
He then joined the group in the living room.
"So he is already making school trips," said Tony. "Well, daycare trip, but same thing."
"I'm guessing it's a midgardian thing," said Loki.
"Yes, even in Sokovia, we had those," said Wanda.
"It's pretty popular among schools," said Natasha.
"Even in my days, we had some of those," said Steve. "Remember the zoo, Bucky?"
"Yeah, the New-York zoo," said Bucky. "It must have changed a lot since our time."
"It did," said Steve. "I went there once, since coming out of the ice."
"But Alex's going to another zoo, nearby," said Wanda. "Not New-York city."
"Still, a zoo is a zoo," said Tony. "It has animals and it's fun!"
But Loki was a bit bittersweet. He was really happy Alex could go and have fun, but he knew he could never be the one providing that kind of fun and educative experience for his children.
"Loki, are you okay," asked Vision. "I can feel you are troubled."
"I'm good. It's just… Alex is growing up and I will never be able to bring him to a zoo, or a museum, or a theater show. I am stuck here. I have accepted my punishment and it's okay, but my actions in the past will have consequences throughout his whole life. I have deprived him of a normal father even before he was born. Same with Storm. And same with a lot of other families for what I did in New-York, the people I killed. And the people I injured. I cannot go back and changed it, so now I feel what my victims, direct and indirect, feel every day."
"Loki, you will be able to go on trips with Alex," said Steve. "Just ask and I will give you permission."
"But I should not have that permission. Steve, you are generous, and I thank you for that. The fact is, I will always be a prisoner, or a slave, or a criminal. Nothing can change that. I cannot change what I have done. I wish to repair it and I think Odin would have wanted me to make reparations. But I don't know how in my current position."
oOo
Alex had not stopped talking about the upcoming trip to the zoo until the day of the trip. He was very happy and exited to go to the daycare that day.
Loki was more relax about letting Alex go to a trip far away. Well, not that far, but still further than usual. He was happy for Alex. Steve had decided to keep an eye on all the Avengers and Tony, making sure none of them would sneak to the zoo to watch Alex. But everyone stayed at the compound and there was no spying. At the end of the day, it was Bruce's turn to pick Alex at the daycare. When Alex entered the Avengers' living area, they were all waiting for them.
"Daddy! We saw some giraffes! And some monkeys. And snakes! Do you know turtles are very slow? And parrots are loud. And I touched a donkey, a goat and a rabbit. They were fluffy! And we saw some foxes eat!"
Needless to say, Alex kept on rambling for not only the evening, but also the following days as well. The Avengers got a very detailed description of the whole day at supper and a few of the following meals.
Loki was just happy, he was happy his son was doing normal midgardians activities and got to learn about this planet. He was happy Alex was having a normal life and not the life of a slave. Not the life of a prince either, just a normal midgardian life. Or, well, human life.
