Moving On Chapter 4

By Gimpy


From behind the blanket of hair Rogue watched with apprehension as Scott pushed up from the wall he and Logan had been occupying. There was a strain on his face as he did and she knew he'd been sitting there for a long time - waiting for her. Guilt hit her hard but she swallowed it. The man took a few steps and stopped, pausing two feet before the girl, his eyes unreadable but the lines on his youthful face giving his anger away. Placing a poorly constructed wall around her, Rogue lifted from behind the veil and tried to smile.

Hands still securely in her pockets she peered at Scott and said the first thing that came to mind. "Hi."

A bushy brow lifted at her words but Logan remained on the floor next to her door, no doubt acting as century or a guard. She loved these guys, she did, but their protective streak ran a little too deep and too long. Scott was obviously the first wave, the first man on the battlefield and probably the first to be dragged off.

His arms were folded across his chest, typical 'school-teacher' maneuver, and when he spoke he carried the same tone he used in the classroom. "Hi? If that's your defense you may want to strike legal litigation from your list of college courses."

"Defense?" Innocence… innocent voice, innocent eyes, innocent stance. A tactic used several times and normally effective. When the subject is alone and not so pissed off.

"No," Scott started, a hand raised against the look she was giving him. "The innocent act is out of order today so put up the sign and start explaining yourself."

Rogue sighed, the naïve light dimming and letting the darkened child underneath through. The cloud ravished her face, claiming all it could and when it was done all she could do was frown. "Ah'm sorry."

He couldn't help but be caught off guard by the drastic change. A moment of uncomfortable silence fell when Scott forgot how to work his mouth. Running a hand over his face, he sighed and spoke softly, "I'm trying to be sympathetic here."

Nibbling her bottom lip, Rogue muttered, "Ah know."

Her chestnut hair fell into her eyes and Scott couldn't help but want to push it away. He didn't, instead kept the step he'd taken to do so. "I get that last night… it was screwed up."

A rumble of laughter rolled through her, its tone bitter. "Thank yah Captain Obvious."

Ignoring the jibe, Scott continued, his hand still running the course of his face. "I'm not going to pretend I understand what happened… and you're not going to tell me, I can deal with that."

"Don't sell meh short just yet Scooter, wait a bit an' at least give the pretense of tryin'." The anger rose before she could stop it and at the moment she was doing a balancing act over whether she would care either way.

"What I don't get, Marie," he ground out, her words seemingly slipping past him. "Is what made you think that you could just disappear without saying a word? No one knew where you were, when you were coming back. For all we knew you'd run away and were half way back to Canada or lying in a ditch somewhere."

"Or in New York! Sittin in a damned coffee shop! Did that ever cross yah mind? That maybe Ah needed ta get away an clear mah mind? Westchester isn't the center of the universe yah know!" Rogue snapped, storming into her room, the door crashing violently with the wall. She knew they were following and had no qualms in continuing. "Or did your mind just jump ta 'Rogue the run away' country?"

"Marie," Logan's horse voice broke in as he slipped into the room and leaned on the frame.

"He speaks!" she countered. "An here Ah thought yah were just back up incase one-eye here couldn't get past the infantry."

"So what, it's a crime now to worry about you?" Scott snapped before Logan could.

Standing tall in the center of her room, she shot looks back and forth between her men. The edge in her voice softened as she spoke, "Maybe it should be."

The sandy haired leader had been expecting a retort, a snide and deadly comment but once again the girl had managed to tear out his ability to speak. Dumbfounded he turned to Logan for support but the broader man simply shrugged. 'So much for backup' he mused to himself.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked timidly, afraid of the answer.

She could feel the spotlight shining down on her, its heat forming beads of sweat on her contorted forehead. Trying to find stable ground to completely bypass this one, she dropped onto her bed and sighed.

"Ah don't know… nothin ah guess."

"See there you go again," Scott started as his frustration built. "You give me a snippet and then you stop talking all together."

"Ah beg your pardon?"

"I don't know!" Scott's arms flew into the air and he started to pace. "You never talk."

Her green jeweled eyes widened in shock. "What! Ah talk, Ah talk so much yah have ta shut me up most times. Where have yah been these last few months during my babblin' sessions?"

"I don't think that's what he meant," Logan added, still hiding in the shadows.

"Thank you!" Scott shouted, his frustration reaching new heights. "Even the self-proclaimed ass understands."

"Hey!" Logan yelled, not in the least bit offended.

"Sorry," Scott muttered offhandedly. "You talk, I know you talk, non stop at times. But you never talk, talk."

Rogue was slowly becoming indignant, wondering how the conversation had switched from her being out past curfew to this - whatever this was. "What do yah want me ta talk 'bout? The weather? It's been crap lately, Ororo should really look into that. Or how 'bout politics? Ah could bore yah ta death over the Bush/Re-election thing. Or music, or books, TV? What?!" she snapped when he tossed his arms in the air again and let out an angered breath.

"You! I want you to talk about you!"

"Ah talk about me," she quipped hotly.

"Yeah about the bitch of a final chemistry exam, or the massive headache you have, or how annoying Jubilee can be when she's trying to play dress up with you. But never about the things that make you you. I don't know what your favorite color is, your favorite song or band for that matter. I don't know any of your fears or your joys. I don't even know your last name and I wouldn't have known your first if I hadn't heard Logan say it."

Rogue felt like a fish struggling to breathe, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to find something to say. Sucking her lip into her mouth she found her voice. "Green, Perfect, Elton John, heights, closed spaces, bein' alone, open spaces, chocolate milk shakes an hugs."

Both men just stood there staring at her, wonder and uncertainty shining in their eyes.

Sighing she amended, "Mah favorite color is green, mah favorite song in Perfect by Alanis Morisette, mah favorite band is Elton John though technically he's not a band. Ah'm afraid o' heights, enclosed spaces an o' bein' alone. Mah joys are open fields, chocolate milk shakes on Sundays and hugs." Peering up at them from the permanent spot she'd marked on the floor she asked, "Am Ah done now? Can Ah sleep?"

Neither man noticed her purposefully leave out her last name for which she was grateful. Logan remained stoic and unreadable but Scott had the word 'unsatisfied' printed boldly on his face. To her utter disappointment he moved and crouched before her. Staring up into her eyes, she saw her exhausted reflection in the ruby quartz and sighed.

"It's not just those small details. It's not," he reinforced when Marie tried to move away from him. "There are things that I wish you'd talk to me about… Liberty Island for one. You never talk about that."

"That's 'cause there's nothin ta say. Ah was kidnapped, used, saved an' we all moved on," she droned, the words a mantra she'd forcibly told herself after that night.

"And Alkali?" The words choked in Scott's throat as he mentioned it, his own memories resurfacing.

"What about it?"

Reaching for her hands, he noticed they were still firmly in her pockets. He grabbed at them through her jeans and spoke with determination, never noticing the cringe on her face. "That's just it, I've told you everything about that night. My fears, my sorrows. And every time I came to you, you just listened and I never got to hear your thoughts. Those are the things I want to know. I want to know your good, your bad and even your ugly side cause I know that there's an even more beautiful side that you won't let me see."

There were no words, not a single one to even compare to that. So she sat there and stared at him, her eyes filling with tears. The night's accumulations were becoming too much. Her secrets were at risk and she'd killed herself trying to keep them from her men and now here they were asking for them. They didn't even know what it was they were asking for, the answers more then either one could chew. She knew that. So she kept her mouth shut and didn't even try.

"Nothing?" Scott spoke the word like a curse falling from his lips. "That's what I get. Not a damned thing even though I've given you everything I've got and more."

He sat back on his heels, his eyes trying see through her. She saw the hurt and another part of her died. Would this day never end? Would the pain be never-ending like a river? Was she heading towards an ocean?

"Do I even get a reason for last night or tonight?" He was swiftly becoming bitter, jaded.

Her glistening lips parted but there was no sound, apologies swelling in her eyes. Pushing back completely, Scott stared down at her, disappointment boring into her. She tried again but there was nothing there. Shaking his head, Scott turned to leave.

"Wait!" she cried, her legs springing her forward. Grabbing his arm she pulled him back.

There was no resistance when he swiveled and looked down at her. There was hope littering his features. All he wanted from her was her voice, her mind, her thoughts. Three things she didn't even know if she had anymore.

Reaching up, she brought the hand less bruised to his face, the silky fabric catching against the shadow on his cheekbones.

"Scott…" she sighed, simply holding his face. His demeanor was begging her to throw him a bone, something to make him feel like the relationship with its undefined borders wasn't just one-sided. She wanted to, wanted so desperately to give him something. "Yah're right," she admitted, brushing at the stubble gently. "Ah keep a lot to mahself. It's… easier that way. An Ah guess ya oughta know more. Yah more then deserve it. Both o' yah do," she added, looking to Logan with a sad smile on her face. Letting out a sad breath, she bowed away, turning her back and moving to stand before the vast window.

She watched their reflections and fiddled around her jumbled brain for an acceptable lie. "There are just some things Ah gotta keep ta mahself… it's the way Ah grew up… The truth is last night at the celebration… Ah panicked…" Bracing her slender frame against the window she breathed against the glass, fog forming on the cool surface.

"Everyone is leavin', headed off somewhere Ah can't go… Ah'm stuck here an' probably will be for life." Twisting around to gauge their reactions, she added softly. "Ah dunno… it got ta me more then Ah thought it would… an taday… Ah just needed ta think… figure things out."

Both men bared thoughtful looks on their faces, taking her words to heart, already having suspecting them but glad to hear them from the source. It killed her inside - it wasn't like these words weren't true but they didn't matter that much. Fact was she was lying to them, a thing she never wanted to do, ever.

"What'd you come up with?" Logan asked, taking the soapbox out from under Scott.

Shrugging, she spoke the conclusion she'd come up with long ago when it came to her mutation and this place. "Westchester may not be the center o' the universe but it's the center o' mine. Ah have everything Ah want here, friends, a chance at a future o' sorts an…" She struggled to say protection, because in that moment she had none, she was vulnerable and she couldn't even go to them for help. "Security."

"That's not all you'll have, Marie. Never count on things staying the same, trust me, I know from experience," Logan commented, his mind fleeting back to when he'd met her, how everything about him had changed in that moment.

Scott remained silent, content that she'd shared a piece of her soul, however small it was. Going to her, he pulled her into his arms, holding her tight. "Thank you," he whispered softly.

His voice ringing so close to her ear made her shiver and she whispered back in a quivering voice, "No problem."

When he pulled back her gave her a wistful smile. "See that I get, just don't run off like that without saying something to us first."

A promise she agreed to but knew she wouldn't be able to keep. Not until the nightmare she found herself in was resolved. "Can Ah sleep now?" she yawned for effect, not tired even in the slightest.

Laughing softly, Scott nodded, gave her arm a squeeze and started to leave. As he passed Logan he asked under his breath, "You coming?"

Tearing his gaze away from Rogue, he looked at Scott and nodded. "In a bit."

Something tugged at Scott's insides, just the thought of Logan alone in her room with her irking him. He ignored it like he did every other time he started to believe his shades should be made of green and not red. Giving his approval with a nod, though he knew Logan would have stayed no matter what, he left.

Rogue had watched the interaction with confusion, noticing a macho clash that only lasted for a moment. A moment she let slide not really understanding its meaning. When Scott left, Logan closed the door and a landslide of curses coursed through her mind. Had he seen past her completely? She watched him intently, apprehensive beyond reason, something he seemed to sense.

The whole time Scott had talked, Logan had sat back, just watching her move, catching every change in her scent. The one scent that bothered him the most was blood. He'd smelled it before she'd even mindlessly passed her room but it wasn't strong enough to worry Scott with. The man almost always had a stick up his ass. The scent that was radiating from her now was a slightly nervous fear.

"Sit," he ordered, motioning to the bed with his head.

She did as he asked, too drained to argue. With Logan, the ease she felt was greater than with Scott, he didn't talk like Scott, didn't confide in her or demand she do the same. Rogue understood Logan far more and enjoyed the fact that he was as secretive as she was. But right now all she felt was unease, she could tell just by looking at the man that he knew something she didn't want him to.

Arms lining his chest, the blank look still on his face, he looked at her, his eyes conveying what his words wouldn't. Another trait she admired and despised at the same time.

"What?" Again she used the innocent act, unintentionally.

"Hand, now," he demanded in a soft voice.

Her gaze fell to her gloved hand, the blood standing stark against the white fabric even in the darkened room. Chewing her bottom lip, she lifted the limb, presenting it to him without thought.

A light curse sounded when he finally saw what he'd smelled the entire time. He dropped to his knees before her and reached for the wound, barely holding it in his hand. Looking into her shadowed eyes he questioned her with his own.

"Me an your dash don't seem ta get along," she joked softly.

Shaking his head he moved to pull the sticky glove from her arm but she quickly jerked away.

"Yah're not wearing gloves," she pointed out.

Taking a deep breath, he motioned for her to do it herself. She did, gingerly pulling at the confining glove. As the mess she'd made was finally revealed, both Logan and Rogue cringed. It was bloody, still seeping in places and crusted over in others. The colors alone were sickly, yellows, greens, blacks, purples and slight touches of blue soaked her skin as if they'd been painted on. It was unnatural.

"Damn Marie," Logan cursed again, his large palm hovering over hers. "I'm afraid to see my dash."

A light giggle shook through her. "No worries, Ah think it faired better then mah hands."

"Hands?" he quickly jumped on the slip, motioning for the other glove to come off. Though it wasn't as bad it still looked angry and painful. Shaking his head in disbelief, he droned, "What am I going to do with you?"

A blush warmed her cheeks when she thought about the comment. Unbeknown to her, the same thoughts were traveling through Logan's. Thoughts he quickly dispelled, berating himself for simply entertaining them. But when their eyes locked, there was no denying it. The emerald hue in her eyes had darkened, burned by her adulterated thoughts. They entranced him, guiding him into a world where he didn't belong. The temptation proved too much and everything rational he held dear was tossed aside. Her scent changed drastically, transgressing from unnerved and fearful to undeniable desire, the fear still lingering. His eyes bore into hers, the heat he radiated drawing struggled breaths from her lungs. He could practically see her pulse beating faster at the apex of her neck, increasing as he drew nearer.

If you asked him what was traveling through his mind in that moment, he wouldn't have been able to tell you. It was wrong, a fact he knew all too well. She was so young but from the moment he'd connected eyes with her in that dirty bar up north, he'd seen glimmers of something beyond her physical years. There was a grace no teenager should hold, a sultry appeal that demanded you take notice, an all-encompassing innocence that forced you back when you got too close. Yet in this moment that innocence was nowhere to be seen, the roadblocks were missing and he couldn't stop himself.

Grasping her jean-clad knee in a firm but soothing hold, he searched for uncertainty, something to detour him. Instead she leaned into him, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck where his checkered shirt covered. Her hot breath washed over him, causing him to growl so softly it was more of a whimper than anything. The primal part of him, the wolverine, wanted her, wanted to ravish her until the only thing she could do was breathe his name. The human side wanted the same but was able to realize the restrictions.

Lifting her head, bringing her lips inches from his ear, she murmured his name. It rolled off her tongue like an aphrodisiac and before he had time to think, the restrictions were lost and he had her pinned to the bed. A gasp flowed from her lips and she arched into him. His body brushed against her, drawing the same gasp. Drinking in the sight of her writhing beneath him, he moved to capture her lips.

The moment shattered, Rogue shoving him off of her. The smell of fear threatened to drown Logan and he rolled over and cursed under his breath. Closing his eyes tightly, hiding behind an arm, he mentally slaughtered himself for going as far as he had. Scott was right, he was an ass. Ears peaked, he listened to her ragged breaths and hitching sobs. God, he'd made her cry.

Pulling his arm away he allowed his eyes to fall on her quivering form sitting dangerously close to the edge of the bed. He watched as she tried to rest her face in her hands but the pain was too much and she simply hung her head in despair. Again Logan cursed himself, using every word he could think of.

"God… Marie," whispered harshly, pushing himself up and leaning heavily on his knees.

Sad eyes glanced his way but quickly fell away as she muttered, "Ah-Ah'm sorry."

That was not what he'd expected, not even close. Curses, angered words, accusations - those he could deal with because he knew he deserved them. But her despair and utter guilt was not what he'd expected at all.

"You are not the one who should be saying that," Logan amended, his voice deeply rooted in regret. "I'm the one who took advantage… god I am such an ass."

Spinning around to face him, her eyes gleamed with shock. "What? Logan yah did nothin Ah didn't want yah to. Trust me, Ah wanted it." She shied away from him again, trying as best she could to hold herself with her mangled hands. "Ah'm just sorry that, yah know… Ah can't… Ah'm so fricken useless…"

How could he not have realized? Was she seriously thinking she was inadequate? Sighing he slid himself closer and wrapped a cautious arm around her shoulders. She relaxed into the hold, leaning against his shoulder.

"Darlin' don't you ever say that again," he spoke sternly but with a gentle tone.

Rogue relished the feel of his arm around her, letting the feeling seep into her, forming a memory to look back on and enjoy. The silence became edgy and she quickly pulled away. Standing she turned to him and smiled a sad smile.

"Yah should go… Ah'm tired an…"

"Yeah, no, of course…" Logan started, feeling more like a nervous boy then the boorish man he was. Standing and running a hand through his hair, he started to leave. "I'll uh… send Hank up to take a look at those hands of yours," he stuttered out.

"Thanks," she whispered, unconsciously bringing her hands closer to her chest.

"Se-see you tomorrow."

Blushing, she nodded, barely smiling as she closed the door behind him. Leaning into it, she waited until the sound of his feet hitting the floor slipped into the background. Closing her eyes, she roamed over the events of today, wondering how it had gotten so messed up. She searched for the exact moment but couldn't find it. Whatever had just happened with Logan had managed to take her mind off her hands and the earlier events but now they were back. Every second was haunting her, taunting her. Ignoring the fact that she was still dressed, knowing full well getting undressed with her hands would be impossible, she climbed into bed and waited for the teddy-bear doctor. Within moments of her head hitting the pillow her eyes closed and she was lost to the world though it still seeped into her dreams, chasing her long into the night past the break of day and deep into the morning.

TBC


Author's Notes

Shelbecat: I love when you beta for me - I don't think I'll ever want anyone else to do it for me cause I respect your advise and wisdom. I actually wasn't sure about the memory but I think it added depth - or I hope it did and as for being elusive - you were visiting your sister so I didn't have you for a while. To me that's elusive lol

Sade: Well thank you for reading - means a lot to know I'm not doing this for nothing. I love Scott and Logan's relationship with Rogue too, it's fun but in the future tensions will be rising. I can't help it - I love tension lol. As for Rogue's past, that's something I'm saving - though you're right her reaction to all of this should be a slight tell as to what happened. As for who this guy is… sorry saving that too lol but don't worry I don't plan on sitting on his identity for too long. Thank you for the huge review - I get a lot of one liners - which I love don't get me wrong - but the longer the better.

April: Wow you were right on the money about the smelling part! As for interaction - well hopefully this was okay enough - I tried not to make Scott look like an ass - hopefully I succeeded.

Empathy Is Me: Aww thanks - hopefully the wait wasn't too much this time.

Mishy: A review for both chapters!! Loving it! lol! I didn't get my hair done that day but I should be on Tuesday which is tomorrow so you'll have to come over. That's quite the compliment for you to have zoned out the rest of the world while reading it - means a lot to me Mish so thanks. This stalker guy is definitely a little crazed but what mad man isn't? hehe…