Moving On Chapter 7

By Gimpy


Rogue was beyond confused. That one word wasn't large enough to wrap around what she was feeling. It was conflict, disbelief, uncertainty and loss all wrapped together. The past was her Achilles, the one thing that could destroy her. It was dark, depressing, maddening and horrific. Everything about it demanded she had to keep it secret, that she shove it into a small little box and lock it away. That's what she'd done. That box, Pandora's box, that had been hers. All the clippings were her reminders of what she'd done, they were her guilt and her penance. Whenever she'd felt pity for the life she led, she used to pull out the clippings and remind herself why she deserved that life. She knew she did, she deserved the nights spent curled up in alleys, the days she went without food, the poverty, the pain, the struggle—all of it she deserved. Never once did she question that because she had the box, the memories and the skeletons in her closet that kept her grounded.

The day she lost the box was the same day she found resurrection—a new life. That day was the day she met Logan and the X-men. The trucker she'd hitched a ride with had been nice, not overtly, but he wasn't crude and didn't expect anything from her. It was a welcome change from every other man she'd ever hitched with. She'd grown comfortable in his cramped 18-wheeler and had even regretted having to get out when they reached Laughlin. The relaxed mood his presence had given her had also blinded her. By the time she realized she'd lost her portable closet of horrors, she was already warming her hands before Logan's heater.

She supposed it served her right, having it dangled before her, ruining her life. It was her fault for ignoring who and what she was, for allowing herself to become comfortable. That right wasn't hers, especially after the torment she had caused. Which made her present easier to swallow.

Her present… she didn't know what to make of it. That was where most of the conflict, disbelief and loss resided. Conflict between her heart and her head, the unfair and completely reasonable—Logan and Scott. The love she held for them was a conflict in and of itself. What kind of love did she feel, the romantic and endeared, or the familial and friendly? To which man did each type belong? Valid question but the answers didn't matter anymore because she'd ruined everything. And once again she deserved it.

The disbelief that pertained to her men also applied to her situation. It was hard for her to imagine that someone would go to such great lengths as to find her box. There was the question of how and why they'd found it. The suspect list was as long as her arm, derived from the many lives she'd ruined. It was even more difficult to believe that it had only been three days because it felt like an eternity of one hell after another. Which brought her straight to loss… What she'd lost was self-explanatory because she had lost everything. The life she'd fallen in love with, her makeshift family, the amazing friends and her home. Worse than all the things she'd lost in those unending three days had to be her own identity. She honestly didn't know who she was anymore. She wasn't Rogue, the hard-edged and brutal streetwise girl and she definitely wasn't Marie, the innocent wallflower that needed to be protected. Those were the only sides to herself she knew, what else outside of them was there?

Though uncertainty lined every linear aspect of time that surrounded the slight woman, it lay more heavily with her future. Did she even have one? She had destroyed her only chance at secondary schooling and a career. What else was there for her?

Only one word came to her and that was revenge. It would be sweet and it would satisfy the anger thriving in her, but was it hers to have? Another question with no definite answer except that she wanted it, needed it.

Sighing softly, she realized she'd been sitting in the cab of Logan's truck for a few hours now inventing more questions then she had answers for. Peering over the dash, she took note of the heavy clouds hiding the stars from view, shivering when an angered flash scoured the overcast sky. The world seemed inspired by her dourness, taking it on as if it were its own. She took a small amount of comfort from that fact.

She rested her arms over the steering wheel, her head lying on top of them. Her emerald green eyes traveled the crumbling concrete sidewalk that she'd parked next to, taking in the street she now found herself on. It was dirty and not exactly the suburbs she just came from, if anything, she could safely say she was in the boonies. Familiar ground. The building that towered next to Logan's beat up truck was her destination, the one place she could hide from the professor. There was nothing immaculate about it, a far cry from the ornate mansion, but for now it would be home, at least until she could thoroughly digest her present.

This was the last place she wanted to be and the person she was about to impose upon was one of the last people she ever wanted to see again. If the X-men knew what she was about to do, any hope she still harbored at getting back into their good graces would be completely lost. Sighing again, she grabbed at the door handle, hesitating because once the door opened it couldn't be closed again.

"Rogue," A soft and firm voice resonated in her mind, filling her completely. "We need to speak…"

Hiding the string of tears behind her eyelids, she burrowed deeper into her arms. "Charles," she drawled, irritated by his unannounced visit and his patronizing words.

A saddened exhale flowed into her, whirling around her over active thoughts. "I wish you would have allowed us to deal with this rationally."

Her guilt multiplied, swamping her down. "Ah couldn't, Ah have ta deal with it on mah own. It's mah problem not yours, or Logan's or Scott's. It's mine an Ah'm sorry for burdenin' y'all with it…" A question formed within her heart, one she was too afraid to ask the aged man.

"Both Logan and Scott are fine, just upset by the way that you left," he answered for her.

Sniffling back the onslaught of tears attempting to drown her, she muttered softly. "Ah'm sorry for any damage, Ah'll send yah money for it all… tell 'em Ah'm sorry for everthang an that… Ah won't bother none o' yah again."

Charles wanted to respond, tried to let her know coming back was an option but he felt her walls come up, forcing him from her mind and her life. He cringed at what he felt before she shut him out, the unsettling emotions rolling off her in waves. It was the utter loss that stung him, deep down in the pit of his stomach. It came with the distinct feeling that he might never see her again.


Scott's vision fogged as he tried to concentrate again on the words before him. For a couple of hours now he'd been reading the clippings, finding it difficult to get through them. It was hard because they were affirmations of what Rogue had done, plus his thoughts kept slipping back to the kiss. Nothing in his life had ever been so satisfying and heart wrenching at the same time. There was no doubt in his mind that he felt something for the young woman, perhaps even running deeper then what he'd felt for his late wife. It hurt him to think about it for so many reasons. Guilt for wanting it more then having Jean back, thinking it was greater than anything he'd ever experienced with her. He felt even more guilt because he'd let his want to kiss Marie cloud the fact that she was using him so she could run. His need had outweighed hers, and instead of being safe in the mansion with him, she was out in the world alone and scared.

What kind of man places sexual gratification before the well-being of someone he could potentially love? A coward does and that was something he wasn't. Scott had started to really like the man Rogue had turned him into, the man he was when she was around. But if his earlier actions meant anything, he no longer wanted to be that man. All he wanted was for her to come back, whether it was to be with him or not, he just wanted her back.

He'd hoped reading the clippings before him would bring him closer to her, give him some insight into who she really was. All it had done was confuse him more, his heart sinking even further into his belly. Groaning, he slammed the slip of paper onto the table, unable to read any more about the suspected serial rapist she had killed. A patronizing chuckle echoed from behind him and his groan deepened.

"Don't worry Cyke, I'm sure you'll learn to read someday," Logan quipped halfheartedly, the will to put everything he had into the ribbing completely lacking. Having just come from the professor and his failed attempt at reasoning with Rogue, he was feeling pretty damn infuriated.

"Hi, how am I? Well, a little worse for wear and envious of your healing factor but aside from that, I'm fine, thanks for asking. You?" There was no denying the bitter sarcasm lacing Scott's words. He was disdained and just as infuriated as Logan was, his attitude only amplifying it. When Logan raised his customary eyebrow at him, Scott sighed heavily and leaned on the table. "I'm sorry, this whole thing has me on edge."

"You and me both One-eye."

"You know this is partly our fault right?" Scott muttered, eyeing Logan hotly.

Logan knew but was unwilling to admit that he'd failed in his promise to protect, especially not to his competition. "Our? I'm not the one that let her kiss me."

"Please! You let your guard down, how else can you explain the 'Wolverine' not noticing her gloveless hand?" Scott snapped back, lacking any real form of anger. The banter the two men shared was second nature to him and just seemed like the thing to do.

The retort Logan had on the tip of his tongue wouldn't fall. It was too cavalier, reverting to their quick jabs after all that was happening. It made it seem like they didn't care, like he didn't care but he did. Slumping into a chair next to the other man Logan grumbled, "You're right… I let my anger get the better of me."

"We both let our emotions have the first say but she wanted to run, she's strong willed, I don't doubt she would have found a way no matter what," Scott reasoned, regret surging through him.

"Probably," Logan consented, not fully wanting to believe what he knew to be true. "I just came from Wheel's office. He tried to talk to her using his teleke-whatever but she shut him out. He's gonna try Cerebro next."

All Scott could do was nod, picking at a loose-leaf sheet silently. Turning to Logan, he voiced a question that had been bothering him since Rogue had left. "Does it always feel like that?"

There went the brow again. "Does what always feel like what?"

"Marie's mutation… does it always feel like a piece of yourself is literally being seared from your brain?" A shudder coursed through him when he remembered the sensations that had coursed through him. Gazing at Logan, he watched the other man shift uncomfortably at his question.

He paused, truly having to think about his answer. Logan was a three-time veteran now and it had always been something sacred between Rogue and himself. Now that sacredness was lost, he wasn't special, in fact he felt pretty common when he looked at all the others who had experienced her power. And now Scott was a part of the group. His place in her life was getting harder to define. Staring at his hands, he nodded softly, "Yeah, it is."

"Wow," Scott muttered, holding the same clipping in his hand a little tighter. "I wonder if it's the same for her."

"It is…" Logan's voice barely sounded in the silence.

"How do you know?"

Shrugging, Logan picked at his nails. "She asked me once what it was like for me. When I told her she said it was that way for her… except that when that piece is seared from her, the piece of us she absorbs is welded on in the empty spot. Essentially she slowly looses herself."

That information hit Scott a little below the belt. When he turned and saw just how many parts she had lost and how many unfamiliar and strange parts had been added, he frowned deeply. "It's a wonder there's anything left of herself."

"Yeah…"

Both men fell silent, their thoughts taking identical paths down the road of uncertainty. It was becoming increasingly difficult for either of them to function properly. There was so much to deal with and not knowing where or how she was, it was driving them nuts. All they could do was wait for the professor to come back with her location. And that only solved half of the problem; there was still someone blackmailing Rogue.

"There's still something that bothers me about this," Scott mumbled, waving at the damning pile of papers.

"Aside from its existence in general?" Logan quipped, a little more at ease than before.

Scott ignored his mocking words, continuing his thought before he lost it. "She's being blackmailed but for what? Money? A favor? Sending this box… this is what they were trying to use against her. Why send it to us? They tipped their hand and now they can't get anything out of it. All they succeeded in doing is driving a wedge between Marie and us."

"Maybe that was their intention?"

Scott's face went blank, trying to wrap his mind around that one. He was pretty sure Logan had meant it as a rhetorical question but maybe… "Holy… you're right, by sending this box they got to her and now she's gone. She's alone and vulnerable… This was never about money, it was never even about blackmail. It's about hurting her. Getting to where she lives, where her heart lives. And we let it happen." Scott was getting edgier, the guilt in him festering and growing. To his amazement Logan was calm, eerily silent. "Doesn't that bother you?"

"No Scott," Logan snapped, rising from his chair. "I love the idea of being manipulated like that. It's always been a dream of mine… Of course I bloody well mind! But bitching about it is not gonna change anything. There's only one thing we can do and that's wait for the professor."

"And you can do that? Just sit back and wait?"

"I don't have a choice and neither do you!"

"What about this?" Scott bit back, shoving the box across the table. "We could follow up on that. Check with the company, find out who sent the damned thing." The suggestion had been shot out in anger but slowly both men simmered down. Shocked, Scott pulled back, wanting to hit himself for not having thought of it before.

Sharing a quick glance with Logan, the other man started out of the room, calling over his shoulder, "I'll get the phone book!"

For the first time since that morning Scott smiled an actual full-fledged smile. They might not be able to help find Rogue but they could help find the people trying to hurt her.


Thunder started to roll in, crashing above her in warning of the torrential rains that were headed her way. Resigning herself to actually going inside, Rogue pulled her thin cotton coat over her head and shot out of the truck. She made sure to lock it, not trusting the street even though she knew it well enough. Racing up the small flight of stairs, she stopped at the buzzer. Dancing in the cold, trying to keep warm, she instinctively knew which button to press and then waited. A booming crash rippled in the air, the lightening that came before it almost blinding her. She prayed for the clouds to hold their bounty until she got inside. As if hearing her prayer they spitefully opened and an assault of raindrops beat down on her shivering form.

Cursing, she hit the buzzer three more times until someone finally answered.

"What?" A harsh and almost cruel voice greeted her.

"Is that how yah always greet guests?" Rogue snapped back, a sneer lingering under her chattering teeth. "Buzz me up! It's rainin' buckets out here!"

A heavy pause followed before the sound of the buzzer filtered through the thunderous claps. Instead of feeling grateful that she was getting out of the bitter cold, all she felt was loathing. This was not where she wanted to be; Hell held more pleasure for her. 'Probably has a better view too,' she mused sourly. Running a clammy hand through her damp hair, she shook out the drops as she took the stairs, not quite trusting the freight elevator she knew was at the end of the hall.

With every creak in the steps, she second-guessed herself. But she knew that if she went anywhere else Charles would have no trouble finding her. Her only option lay at the stop of the steps near the end of the hall in the 'penthouse', though you'd only ever use the term loosely. Ringing out her shirt, she slowly inched her way to the last door. When she reached it, she couldn't bring herself to knock. It just seemed too absurd. She couldn't count the number of times that she'd just walked in. It was natural to her then but wasn't anymore. Loosely running her hand through her soaked hair, she gathered enough courage and tapped her knuckles against the door.

The moment her hand hit the door, it swung open as the same gruff voice barked out, "Were you followed?"

She should have been surprised but she wasn't. It wasn't like she'd been expecting a hug but a hello would have been nice. Scoffing bitterly, she muttered, "Nice to see you too Mystique."

To be continued…


Author's Notes: Took me long enough! I know, I know… : shakes head sadly: but what can I say aside from I'm sick. I sound like a heartbroken car whose muffler ran away for a truck. Anyway it made writing hard - picture me sitting in front of the computer mid sentence and staring off into space for what is now 18 minutes. That was me every time I tried, I zoned out hehe it's been sad but not in the sniff, sniff, wipes away a fresh tear kind of away :) Anyway here you go, enjoy and that you all for the reviews to come.

Roguechere: I missed you last time too - I really love the reviews you leave me and not getting one - my broken muffler :cough: I mean my heart lol. I can forgive you of course - as for your ch. 6 review … powerful… I like that and I agree - it's a really great thing that you could picture it. That's something I strive for - for everyone to see it as if it was real. Ch. 7 … I think my favorite part about writing that chapter was the kiss! It was soo much fun! That you for saying that, you make me blush sometimes you now that? Love it!

April: You can get off your knees now, at least for a good ten minutes while you read this chapter, after that you may end up on them again… hehe… I think you're right though, Marie would never do anything mean unless she absolutely had to, which is the case. Word I love having attached to my name: Vivid. So thanks for that!

The Mishinator: You're gone! So you won't be able to read this till you get back so hurry! As if you can read that and actually hurry your butt back here lol. You're really on a man are evil trip, its cute! Thank you for the review and I'll see you when you get back, miss you!

The Mishinator Again: LOL! You are too adorable! Get your butt home!

Aquarius Angel: They'll try to go after her I promise you that, the truth will be slow to come out(sorry), her blackmailer will be revealed nearer to the end and her last name is a tie to something she doesn't want them to know about, a clue to a life she hates almost more the herself for what she did. I think it scares her thinking they could just go and look her up somewhere and find out about her family, her father namely. I may or may not touch on that but we'll see. I might just do it for you! Thanks…

jupiterhime: I'm glad you weren't too stunned not to leave me this review, thank you for getting past it :)

Tara: You're pour heart! It won't catch a break, tell your heart I'm sorry okay? I promise everything will get better its just gonna have to get a little worse first… sorry!

Vyktorya07: Thank you for this, it came long after I posted and with me being sick it was extra incentive to get this finished. I love my Scott/Rouge/Logan triangle too! Enjoy this, okay?

Author's Notes(continued…): I'm still sick, and I'm still coughing like a mufflerless car but I'm working hard to get this typed up, I promise you that…