Things Snape Would Say if He Read Fanfic
A lighthearted look at what might go through the mind of our beloved snarky git if he came upon Fanfiction Dot Net.
Why are all these people Obsessing over me? I'm repulsive!"
Why are all these women throwing themselves at me? I'm gay.
Why are all these men throwing themselves at me? I'm repulsive
Why the hell would I throw myself at ANYONE? Who needs love when I have my potions?
When did I have time to learn to Waltz? Do they think Voldemort gave us finishing lessons?
I'm pregnant? Oooooooookay... Can anyone say mental"
Why do these folks think I'm lonely, or just afraid to let anyone get close to me? Don't they get it? I'm a prick , a heartless bastered. That's it. It doesn't go any deeper than that. It doesn't take a fucking rocket scientist to figure that one out.
WHY THE FUCK would I have had a schoolboy fling with Black , Lupin, OR Potter? Merlin forbid, ALL THREE AT ONCE? I loath them.
HOW IN MERLIN'S BEARD DID I BECOME A WOMAN? Boggles the mind.
I'm pregnant AGAIN? Did nobody take Health 101 in school or are you all just a bunch of feeble-minded retards with nothing better to do with there time than destroy my reputation?
Why is it always ME who gets kidnaped and tortured to within an inch of my life? Can't they give Black a turn?
And why is it always POTTER who saves me? That boy's had an Avada Kedavra with my name on it for years, now.
WHY AM I IN BED WITH POTTER?
Me...and...Granger...TWINGE-TWITCH/CRINGE- Someone has missed their daily sckizo potion. ALL
RIGHT ALREADY... I AM A MAN, I CANNOT GET GOD DAMN FUCKING PREGNANT!
