whatever happened to "asking permission"? eh, never mind. if there was any of that going on, well, this just wouldn't be the same.
anyway, where were we?
This wasn't anything like the last time. Nothing was familiar to him anymore. Nothing was right.
Nobody wanted him. Nobody loved him. Nobody would ever love him.
So how could it be that Syrus now found himself back on the floor, being kissed by Jaden? Kissing him back?
Jaden didn't ask him. He just did it. But the similarity between this and the incident with Zane ended there. Syrus hadn't wanted Zane to kiss him. He couldn't have stopped him if he tried. He'd wanted to stop him.
But he wanted this. That beautiful, peaceful feeling was coming over him again, just like it always did when he was with Jaden, but stronger.
It just didn't add up. People certainly didn't kiss anybody who was just their sidekick. He had always thought Jaden saw him as a younger brother. Somebody he just sort of ended up with, through no fault of his own, who followed at his heels and was just there for him.
With the exception of Zane, nobody kissed their younger brother.
Jaden was nothing like Zane. He was kind and gentle. He cared about Syrus, and even if he had it in him to be ashamed or disappointed in him, he never let on. Jaden would never turn his back on him when Syrus needed him.
Finally, Jaden stopped kissing him. He simply sat back, still keeping his arms around the other boy. Grinning, he asked, "Feel better?"
Syrus nodded. Actually, he really was feeling stronger now. The realization that he had even failed his own suicide attempt bothered him a little, before he realized that if he'd died, he would have missed... well... that. He was still a little weak from losing so much blood, but he knew he wasn't going to die.
And since he was going to live to have to face everything that had happened, he may as well start here.
"Um... Jaden?" Syrus replied hesitantly.
"Yeah?"
Amazing. He seemed completely un-fazed at the fact that he'd just been kidding his best friend. You'd think that didn't happen at all. Who knew? Maybe Syrus had completely cracked up, and he'd just imagined the whole thing.
"Jaden... " What in the world was he supposed to say? 'I thought you just kissed me, but maybe I'm just losing my mind. Did it really happen?' "Well... I said that Zane kissed me. I didn't mean.. I mean, you didn't have to--"
"It's okay." Jaden shrugged. "I just wanted a good excuse."
It's like deja vu all over again. That's what he'd said when he threw paper all over him.
He'd cut the paper with the scissors so he had a reason to hug him. Zane had kissed him because he hated him. Syrus rapidly started making the connections. He'd used the scissors to cut himself because he thought Jaden didn't want him, either. But Jaden did want him. He used the fact that Syrus cut himself as an excuse to kiss him, because he wanted him...
Because he loved him.
It had come full-circle. It started and ended with Jaden loving him.
And with Syrus loving him back.
okay, that's enough for now. why spoil a nice chapter with a lot of conflict? i'll just save that for next time...
till then.
