Hey-o! Thesis passed with required revisions, which is apparently the past you can really hope for. Anyway to celebrate I decided to do the last of the Extra chapters by doing a Mary Jane x Noir chapter. As stated before it's going to be far more angsty than the previous romance Extras so hopefully people are cool with it.
The first time Mary Jane kissed him she tasted coffee and nicotine.
It was hardly romantic. There they were at the Dollar Dog, her clothes old and reeking of blood with her face stuffed full of fast food. It wasn't out of some deep, never before seen love that she'd been hiding. She was desperate Desperate for any kind of contact that she wasn't scared she'd kill if she stopped paying attention.
Every second that passed it felt like that damn monster was clawing its way through her mind before eventually there'd be nothing left. Just that monster. The voice in her head that never stopped screaming about how it wanted to kill Gwen and continue its killing spree. Even the drugs felt like they weren't working anymore, just dampening its shouts instead of stopping them altogether.
The kiss could barely even be called that. He didn't react, just sat there like an angsty, leathery statue, and she didn't push it deeper. Suddenly she felt sick again. Crimson's words rang tauntingly at the back of her mind. She'd always been jealous of Gwen. Gwen, who got the dad while she had William. Gwen, who was popular even when she hung out with the nerds while Mary Jane was lucky if she didn't drive people away. Gwen, who got the powers even though they were on the same line and it could've been her who was swinging through the air instead.
And now Mary Jane was kissing her boyfriend without her knowing. She was pathetic.
She pulled back after a few more seconds of frigid contact. She wanted to apologize but all that came out were a few mumbled words that eventually faded into quiet. For his part Peter just looked down at the table and his half-empty cup of black coffee. Neither of them said anything and the emptiness of the barren diner only made the beating of her heart against her ears all the more deafening.
It was almost a relief when those assholes wearing the pumpkin masks came and tried to rob the place. She just watched Peter take them down and ignored the sudden heat in her gut (and between her legs...) when one of the pathetic bastards squealed like a stuck pig. She was fucked up now but that didn't mean she was going to let that monster have an easy ride playing go karts with her head.
They left the store soon after. She expected him to take her back to his apartment but instead they just wandered around the city, losing themselves in the crowd. A part of her almost expected to see Gwen swinging above them without a care. She probably wouldn't have even seen her if she did. The way she looked now she belonged in the crowds of Hell's Kitchen.
Peter stopped eventually and halfway looked back at her, "...Wanna go back?" To her home? To his apartment? Either way the answer was the same. She shook her head, "Fine." And that was all he said before he started walking again.
She was only half surprised when he ended up leading her to the docks. She'd only been here once or twice. There were a few concerts around and, like any teenager with hormones, her first thought about her mom forbidding her from going out was of course to find a place that'd give her a heart attack if she ever got caught. Which she didn't because she didn't suck at it like Gayle.
The loud blare of the docking horns made her wince before she felt the monster's grumblings retreat and finally stop, 'Did he...' She looked at Peter's back and reached a hand out to touch him. Her hand stopped just inches from making contact and she pulled back like she'd been burned. Even now she still saw claws where her fingers were, felt blood long after she'd scrubbed the skin so much it would've turned raw if it wasn't for her new powers.
'Fuck...'
They walked for another few minutes till they stopped near a pier. Peter took out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it while Mary Jane stood close to the edge, letting the sea breeze wash over her. Seeing the ships docking at port made her mind wander. She'd never actually left New York. Sure she went on school trips or vacations but those were just for a few days. The farthest she went about leaving this place was thinking about where she and the rest of the band would go on tour once they made it big.
Not like she could do that now. Last she checked people with monsters couldn't become rockstars. It was above the usual drug addiction and crazy groupies.
Peter took a long drag of his cigarette and stood beside her without a word. The two of them just stood there in under the dark, New York night with nothing but the sounds of ships for company. Even with the loud, blaring horns it felt all too quiet and Mary Jane suddenly felt the urge to scream or cry, if only to break the silence that hung between them. Why did Peter take her here? Was this the part where he put a gun to the back of her head like the end of Mice and Men?
"I'm sorry..." she mumbled. He gave her a sideways glance, his expression still neutral, "I shouldn't have dragged you into this." Not just her. There was Norah and even Felicia, too.
He let out a smoky breath, "Don't worry about it." He looked back out to the ocean for a moment before continuing, "It's not your fault that thing's on you. Me and Gwen were there, we should've made sure there wasn't any trace of it left."
"I just...I don't know what to to do." She sat down at the edge of pier. Even through her bloody jeans she felt how cold it was, "A part of me just wants to run, pretend that if I ignore it long enough this is all just a bad dream of some kind."
"And the other?"
She smiled wryly and gestured cutting through her neck. His brows furrowed but he didn't say a word, "I'm not saying I want to die or I'm not scared of it, but...I dunno, I guess I'm just being an idiot." She sighed and looked down at her clenched hands, "I keep going back to that day. Maybe if I didn't argue with Glory, maybe if I didn't make an ass of myself with Norah and run away because of it...I'd still be me. Just Mary Jane, not...not some kind of monster."
"You're not a mons-"
"I've killed people."
"So have I." He might have meant for it to be comforting but the frank way he said, like it was a statement of fact and nothing else, didn't do much to help her, "Just because that thing's a monster doesn't mean you are, Mary. Kasady and that thing were responsible for what happened, not you."
"But how long do I have, huh?" She turned to the right and almost jumped when she found him sitting next to her. Now she got why Gwen was frustrated with him sometimes, "I can...feel this thing in my head all the time. Always whispering, clawing through my brain and...and I don't know how long I can keep going. Those drugs...they aren't going work forever."
"Then we'll find another way."
"With what? You got a miracle cure in that back pocket of yours?" She looked back down at the murky water and gritted her teeth, "I...I think we both know that we're just buying time, Tiger. Eventually this thing's going to go through my brain and then..." And then she'd be just like Kasady. A mass murderer who didn't care about anything except killing as many people as he could, "...I want you to promise me something."
"...What?"
"If things...if it feels like this thing's going to win then..." She didn't - couldn't - finish, but the solemn look they shared was enough for him to understand. Kill her. Make sure she died before she became another Carnage Killer, "I...I don't want to die. Fuck, even thinking about that scares me. But you know what scares me more? Becoming like that thing and going down as another monster."
"..." He looked down at the burning tip of the cigarette and said nothing.
"That doesn't mean I'm giving up, though. Maybe you don't have the cure but...someone else must have."
"You wanna go see Gwen, then?"
"Yeah...I think I've had enough time." She was through being scared of her best friend. So what if she killed Kasady? Peter was right, she wasn't Kasady. Gwen would help her. It was who she was.
"Hmm." He finished off the last of his cigarette and tossed it down at the water. She was tempted to make a joke about pollution when he suddenly said, "If that's what you want then...fine. Dying as yourself...it's something anyone would want."
"Did you ever think about it...?" God, what the hell was she asking? She should've just kept her mouth shut. Instead she kept going, "Just...ending it all, I mean."
"Sometimes." He said it just like the way he told her he was also a killer. Just another fact, "Never told Gwen this but after Cindy's reflection here told me who I was...part of me just wanted to put a gun to my head. Nearly did. Still remember being in my bathroom and staring at my reflection, gun under my jaw and finger on the trigger. I had two memories in my head and I felt like neither."
"Why didn't you?"
"Lana came in and interrupted." His smile was razor sharp, "She didn't see me, thank God. Door was closed so I put the gun away before I went out. Good thing, too. She saw it she would've hogtied me and made sure I wasn't anywhere close to a gun for the next year."
"God." She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. But why did she expect any different? The vigilante thing wasn't as glamorous as the comics made it look. Before Gwen got with the Avengers she had it just as bad. She'd even 'joked' a couple of times that she'd cried herself to sleep during particularly bad days and Mary Jane knew for a fact her habit of sneaking into bars to find someone came after particularly bad days when Jameson trashed her.
She stopped when Peter came back. Mary Jane wondered what Gwen would've done if he went through with it and pulled the trigger.
"...I hate this." She shut her eyes in a pathetic attempt to stop the tears, "Why me, huh? I know I've been a bitch sometimes but what the hell did I do to deserve this, huh? Why couldn't it have been someone else."
She raised both hands to her face to try and wipe away the tears before a pair of arms suddenly wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her into a tight embrace, "Shit..." She didn't question it and just leaned into him. Peter wasn't...affectionate. He was quick to help anyone who needed it, sure, but trying to get a hug from the guy was like asking a snake not to bite.
Her hands crawled up his back and she just relished in the warmth. The smell of coffee and nicotine hung in the air and she breathed it in deep. It washed away the smell of copper that clung to her.
After a few minutes her sobs finally stopped and her breathing slowed to something more level. Mary Jane let out a deep, choked breath and finally opened her eyes. She gripped the back of his jacket and looked him in the eyes. Their faces were just inches apart and looking into his eyes made her forget. Forget that she was still reeking with blood and that they were in the docks at the ass end of nighttime.
So she kissed him. It wasn't like before, all hesitation and guilt. Well, there was still guilt, but more than that there was hunger. She didn't love him. Hell, before all this she barely had two conversations with the guy, but after everything he might as well have been prince charming riding across on his white steed. Or Jimi Hendrix on a limo. So screw her, she had preferences.
The kiss lasted for almost a minute. It was all tongue and teeth and she could almost hear Betty joking about her trying to eat his face. And this time he reciprocated, pushing back just as much as she did and clashing his tongue against hers so hard that she almost felt faint. This was wrong, the little part of her that still felt guild said. He was with Gwen and here she was tongue wrestling with the guy. The guy who Gwen saw as her second chance to make up for her mistake.
Eventually guilt won out and forced herself to pull back. A bridge of saliva connected the two for just a moment and she pulled back farther to cut it off, "I'm..." What was she supposed to say? Another apology? An explanation? That was twice now that she kissed him.
"You don't have to-"
"Yeah, I do." She clenched her hands and let out a frustrated breath, "I know it's wrong for me to do this. I already feel like shit and betraying Gwen isn't helping. I mean what the fuck am I doing, huh?"
"I don't know. I can't read minds, Mary."
"Hey, I wasn't the only one into it." God, what the hell was this? Was she trying to pass the ball around now? "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I'm just...fuck, being with you...it felt like I wasn't turning into some kind of monster. Made me forget." She was pathetic.
"We all have our ways to cope..."
"...Are you going to tell Gwen?"
"I think that'll be the last straw for both of us."
"What do you mean? I thought you and her were...you know."
"We're trying, but...you can imagine that the Avengers thing complicates it by just a bit." Oh yeah. The friendly neighborhood Spider-Woman dating a killer vigilante. She could see the headlines now, "It was never easy. Captain Stacy hates me and now her new teammates think we should keep our distance. Better that one of New York's premier heroes isn't caught with someone like me."
"And what does Gwen think?"
"How she always does: she wants to find a way where everyone can be happy." Yeah, classic Gwen. Mary Jane had no idea how she went through day to day the way she did, "She's probably going to suggest we just continue in secret but honestly? Not a fan of being the secret mistress, especially if I'm just going to drag her down if we get caught."
"You could always rebrand yourself. Be more like a superhero." She almost laughed at that. As much as she trusted him he was as straightlaced as the Punisher.
"Somehow I doubt that'll work." He laughed under his breath, "Honestly I'm not sure how long we can keep the cat and mouse going. And we have more important things to worry about, too. Murdock's still out there and tomorrow we have to find a cure for you. Feels like we're up a creek without a paddle. Then again that's how it's felt like ever since I've been trapped in this Madhouse."
"So...let's go back?"
"Might as well."
It's a couple of weeks after they reunited with Gwen that she heard about them breaking up. Well, 'break up' is maybe too strong a word. He and Gwen never officially dated and their break up, if it could even be called, that was more like a 'break'. Like Rachel and Ross in that old episode of Buds. Like always Gwen was convinced that she could find some way to make everyone happy and Peter, for all his complaining, was too nice to actually tell her no.
A lot happened in those fourteen days. Wasp was getting her treated, she helped stop that Jack-o-Lantern guy from destroying the city and she met up with her family again. She still didn't spend a lot of time with them, of course, but at least they knew she wasn't in a crate being shipped over to some third world country.
'You're brooding again.'
Oh, and the damn thing was talking to her again. And talking was all it could do now. Thanks to all the medication and Wasp's treatments her body was a 'cage', to use it's words. It couldn't leave her, not without both of them being fucked, but it couldn't take over her body anymore. Not since Wasp gave her that implant to keep it regulated. Wasn't perfect, but it was a hell of a lot better than where she was a couple of weeks ago.
'Your hormones are disgusting.'
Even if it was really fucking annoying.
She didn't hate herself as much as she did before but it was still there. The few fights she'd gotten into she'd killed without even realizing it. It was automatic now, as easy as breathing or blinking. Sometimes she'd snap someone's neck or claw their eyes out without even realizing it until everything was said and done.
The guilt was hard at first. The first time she'd killed someone - her, not the monster - she'd kept herself calm till she was alone. Then she threw up her lunch all over the toilet. The second time she just felt uncomfortable and managed to calm down after she washed the blood off her hands. If Gwen knew what she did then she didn't say anything. Mary Jane almost wished she did.
Now after...shit, she'd lost count at this point. And that was part of the problem, wasn't it? Normal people didn't lose track of how many people they killed, normal people didn't care if the people they fought ended up in a morgue or a hospital. Normal people didn't look down at someone gurgling after his throat got cut and realize they didn't feel anything at all.
'Maybe we'll get along after all.'
'Just shut up already...' She sighed and stuffed her hands into the pockets of her dark jean jacket. She could make clothes now but she still preferred real cloth. Helped her feel less like a freak.
Her feet crunched the snow underneath her heeled boots and she let out a foggy breath. She was on her way to Peter's apartment. It was selfish. She knew he had more than trouble of his own but she still sought him out because, despite everything, he was the only one who understood. Gwen hadn't killed anyone but Kasady and she was such a saint that she felt guilty even for that.
She knocked on the door twice and blinked when she saw Peter. He looked...different. Rougher. His skin was even paler than usual and his normally clean shave was replaced by the beginnings of a messy stubble that added a couple more years to him. It was nice...in her personal opinion.
"Mary..." The smell of smoke hit her enhanced senses. Of course he was smoking, "Need something?"
"No, just figured you were lonely." She smiled crookedly. She was joking again, or at least trying to. It was a mixed bag, "Can I come in?"
"Mmm. Fine." He stepped aside to let her pass. The place didn't look much different from before. Despite the dilapidated state of the apartment itself he always kept it clean and organized. She wasn't sure if it came from the 1930's Peter or who he was before that night prom.
She sat on the couch while he lit another cigarette. Judging by the filled ashtray he'd been pretty busy, "Something wrong? You look like you haven't slept in days."
"I barely ever sleep. Don't need to." He took a long drag and opened the window to let the smoke out. How considerate, "It's nothing. Matt's been quiet so we've been trying to track him down. Oh, and that green amazon decided she and I needed to have a 'chat'..."
"Oh...I can guess what it was about." Mary Jane winced sympathetically.
'This is a waste of time.'
"Yeah. She thinks that it'll be better if Gwen stays away from me 'for both our sakes'." He rolled his eyes and took another drag, "What she means is that it'll be better for Spider-Woman not to be associated with a dangerous vigilante."
"Hey, fuck her. She wasn't there when Gwen needed help proving herself innocent."
"Yeah. Told her to talk to someone who cared about the trash that comes out of her mouth." He smirked, "Looked like she was gonna punch my head off for a second there. Hindsight maybe it was a bad idea to piss off someone who can throw me across the city."
"Love to see her try. You're tougher than you look, and if she did anything Gwen and the rest of us'd kick her ass."
"How flattering." He tapped the cigarette outside the window, "...So, why'd you come here? It's not just a friendly visit, is it?"
"Not really." She sighed, ignoring the monster's grumbling, "Really fucked up subject but...when you first killed someone, what did you think? Like right after when you saw the body?"
"I'm not a good example, Mary. When my...brother first killed someone he was angry. Adrien Toomes, the guy who ate his uncle. His May Parker tried to make him feel guilty, and it worked for a bit, but then he remembered his uncle's body and all that guilt? Gone in a second. Guess that's how I felt too since I have his memories."
"Oh..."
"First person I killed was that electric dame. Didn't feel guilty if that's what you're asking, but then again I was halfway beating down death's door. Really couldn't feel much of anything after that."
"Mhm."
"What's this about?"
"I've been...killing people." He raised a brow and silently urged her to continue, "And that first time I felt sick. Second time it was still bad but not as much. Then I killed more and more and now I just...I don't even care."
"And that scares you."'
"Shouldn't it? I mean, fuck, that's not normal, right? People don't just not care after they kill someone unless they're a sociopath or something!"
"Then I guess I'm a sociopath." His smile was bitter, "Not everyone's wired the same. For some it never gets easier. Killing is killing no matter who it is and how many times they do it." Like Gwen. Again the monster growled, "Others it does get easier. First time's a struggle, then the second, the third...starts to blur together. Becomes about survival or trying to accomplish your goal. That sickening realization never comes."
"And you're fine with that?"
"What else can I be? I never had 'normal' to get back to, and I think a part of me always knew that. Even if we beat Matt then what? I'll still be a vigilante, I won't put my feet up and retire, smug smile on my face about a job well done. Maybe Gwen can have that happy ending, but not me."
And not her either.
The epiphany is a bitter pill. Cause that was how it'd all end, right? She couldn't just go back home and pretend she didn't have blood on her hands or that there was always a monster at the back of her head always waiting, always goading her to just shed a little more blood to keep it quiet.
"You should probably take a shower," she said suddenly.
"Huh?"
"A shower. You reek of smoke, Tiger. When was the last time you had a bath?"
"Really? You come into my place and tell me I stink?" He laughed and shook his head.
She watched him stub the last cigarette on the filled ashtray and trudge to the small bathroom, 'I know what you're doing,' the monster whispered. She ignored it, 'If you're going to do it then hurry up already. Your hormones feel like torture.'
She should've just sat there to piss it off. Instead she slowly walked and stopped only when she was right in front of the door. She gulped and placed her hand on the door. It wasn't locked, probably because he was so used to being alone. Her heart beat wildly and her grip on the knob became shaky. He knew she was there, he had to. That sixth sense of his warned him about everything.
She opened the door.
His shadow behind the shower curtain titled slightly to look at her. Before either of them could say anything she walked and pulled the shower curtain slightly. Not enough for her to see everything but just enough so she could see his face. His soaked, unsurprised face
"Hey, Tiger. Mind if I join you?"
"...You sure about this?"
"I am. Question is, are you?" she asked back. It wasn't love, or at least she didn't think it was, but she definitely wanted him. Was it shallow? Maybe. Did she really care at this point? No, there were other things to worry about and this wasn't one of them.
"...Sure."
She shucked off her shoes and stepped inside. The (surprisingly warm) water soaked her to the bone and made her clothes stick to her skin but she didn't care. She pressed her mouth against his and ran her hands down his body. Peter meanwhile slowly stripped all of her clothes off till, after a bit of struggling, they were both naked with him pressing her against the wall.
When it was all said and done they hadn't said a word to one another. They stepped out of the shower, put on some clothes (his clothes, in her case) and she left with a small smile on her face feeling better than she had in weeks. The churning guilt in her gut for betraying Gwen was still there, but maybe she shouldn't. As much as she loved Gwen she didn't see any way her relationship with him would ever work out. You couldn't be a hero and date a murderer. If she wanted to be Spider-Woman then it was something she had to deal with.
And in the end she was right. There was no break-up, no big drama like everyone was expecting. Instead she looked at the way Gwen and Peter acted with one another. There was still care there, but a different kind from before. And she understood. As much as Gwen might have loved him being Spider-Woman - being a hero - wasn't something that she couldn't ignore.
It was a few months later after he and the Defenders killed Matt Murdock that when Peter told them he was leaving. Not permanently, maybe, but still leaving New York. She didn't know his reasons. Maybe he just wanted to try his hand at being a drifter or maybe he just hated New York after everything was said and done. It didn't matter in the end. He was leaving.
And she was going with him.
She tried to be normal, to pretend that the last few months didn't happen, but in the end was right. He wasn't going to have a happy ending and neither was she. Every time she saw Gayle smile, every time her friends tried to cheer her up, all she could think about was how shallow and fake it all was. She wasn't like Gwen. There was no taking off the mask at the end of the day and being Mary Jane Watson again.
She knew she needed to leave. And it was better to do it with company, right?
Mary Jane waited for him in front of the entrance to his old apartment. It only took a few minutes before he walked down with a duffle bag full of supplies over his right shoulder. She was the same. Pack only the necessities, that online guide told her. Not that she needed a lot nowadays. Her powers meant she didn't have much to risk when it came to that.
He stopped as soon as he saw her, "Thought we already said our goodbyes, Mary."
"Told you I'd come with you."
"Didn't know you were serious about that." Bullshit. He wouldn't have sounded so nonchalant if he really thought that, "...You sure about this? I told you before I might be coming back."
"I know. I already left messages with everyone." Handwritten too. Really felt like she was in some kind of drama, "...I can't stay here, not anymore. After everything I've been through...I think I need the same thing you do. Some time away from this damn city." She paused, "If you don't want me to come with you just say so. I'll find my own way."
"Heh, stubborn as always." He let out a slow breath, "Fine, guess I can fit one more."
They rode his bike all the way out of New York. Mary Jane sat behind him and turned around once they passed the city limits. She kept a silent watch as the buildings - her home - faded into the distance. This was selfish and she knew it. Her mom, Gayle, her friends...they'd all be devastated that she left without a proper goodbye. But she needed this. Maybe one day she could come back. Or maybe this really was her finally goodbye. Either way she needed to do this.
"You alright back there?" Peter asked.
"Yeah..." She smiled and held him tightly as he sped up, "Come on, Tiger, let's see what trouble we can get into."
I wanted to try something different with this one. Whereas the Lana and Cindy moments had some angst, the former more than the latter, they ultimately ended on a happy note. This one a lot less so. There's a theme of new beginnings at the end but also has a bittersweet feeling since Mary Jane is at least partially running away from her friends and family, possibly permanently.
Likewise her relationship with Peter is less overtly romantic and more a weird camaraderie mixed with lust. Unlike the previous ones with Lana and Cindy there's more emphasis on the physical relationship the two share and by the end it's ambiguous whether the two are together or if they even will be an item at all.
Anyway, next chapter should be the Comic-Con, but until then I hope these three Extras have been enjoyable for you guys :)
Questions:
1. Something that's come up. Since Noir is often fighting magic based baddies I've been considering the idea of him learning magic. Not Dr. Strange levels, more like Constantine. Something to help tip the edge in his favor and fit with his pragmatist nature. What do you guys think? The Spider Trigger is more a super mode so it might be nice to have something he can use actively.
2. Among the two leads who comes across more as an 'escapist' character? I've heard that Spider-Man is so popular for readers because people can self-insert or put themselves in his shoes due to him being an everyman. I wonder if either Noir or Gwen fit the mold. Gwen's the more conventionally powerful and popular but Noir's the one with the brooding aesthetic and being the only guy in a predominantly female cast. Just curious.
Review Answers:
rc48177 - Plots besides the main ones? There's Aracely and Sue for Lana; Cloak and Dagger and Nightcrawler for Cindy; non-vital supernatural stuff for Noir; the Black Cat and Daredevil stuff for Mary Jane; and the college school life stuff for Gwen. And that's just what's on the top of my head.
titan616 - Hey, been a while :) Regarding Mary Jane's dad, you don't think he deserves a final chance to ensure he's legit? And the cloning villains thing is at least well-intentioned. As for Murakami, yeah, I wanted to show that Noir really doesn't buy into that whole honor before reason bullshit. Pragmatism (provided it's not used for immoral reasons) wins out every day.
