i appreciate all the awesome reviews. i hope you're all enjoying reading my story as much as i'm enjoying writing it.

okay... that's about it. read, review, and... yeah, everything you do after that is entirely up to you. i own you about as much as i own yu-gi-oh gx. so... not at all. Oo

The click that signaled the door being closed behind him also signaled that there was no way out. He was trapped.

Zane brushed past him, sending another cold chill through him, and sat on the edge of his bed.

"Ae you going to sit down?" he asked.

Syrus nodded, and reluctantly walked over and sat beside him. He clutched the edge of the mattress, the sheets folding under his fingers. He gazed back over to the door, and for one fleeting instant wanted to just walk out now.

But still he sat there, knowing that it was the coward's way out. This was his idea, and now he was going to follow through with it.

Zane, meanwhile, sat unmoving, not even bothering to look at his brother. If what Jaden had said was true, then Syrus suffered under his very gaze. Syrus was never going to learn if people kept sticking up for him. But what was the point of hurting him if it wasn't going to help him in the end?

Zane was a patient person. He had to be, to keep from breaking down. He couldn't show affection for his younger brother. Unconditional love, something you didn't have to work for? What would that teach him, besides to stop trying?

Maybe it had been a failure. If somebody accepted Syrus for what he was already, then he wouldn't need approval from anyone else. He might still want it, but the necessity wouldn't be there anymore. He'd give up on trying to be the best.

He had so much potential, and Zane had worked for so long to bring it out. And nobody even knew it. How it tore him up inside to walk away from Syrus, to turn his back to him when all he wanted was to take him in his arms and tell him how much he loved him.

But that wasn't the kind of person Zane was. Openly affectionate. Caring. Supportive. That wasn't how he got where he was.

That was how he got to this personal hell. Having to turn him away so many times, he knew the expression that his brother always wore when it happened. Hurt, abandoned, unloved. Like he wanted to die.

His feeling that way made Zane wish for himself the same fate.

Kissing him had been a mistake. What had happened? Seeing his brother looking more helpless than he ever had before, that was what. He was immune to feeling sorry for Syrus, but only to a certain point. This had been a new low, for both of them.

But what was done was done now, and all he could do was try and fix it.

"Zane."

He turned to his brother. It was about time he said something.

"Can I ask you something?"

Ask him something? All the questions he had asked himself, and couldn't answer, and now Syrus wanted to add something new?

"All right."

"Zane. Do you... you know... " He mumbled something else, under his breath.

"Do I what?"

"You know... um... do y-you... hate me?"

Zane, for a moment, was shocked. How could Syrus think that he hated him? But it soon turned to grief and remorse. How could he not think he did? As far as Syrus knew, he didn't love him. So hate was a logical explanation.

"No." He clenched his teeth. He already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear Syrus say it himself. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, I... um.. I mean, you know--" the blunette stammered. He thought that because Zane seemed to hate him. He acted hatefully. But how could he tell that to his own brother? How could he put into words all the suffering being dis-owned caused him? What was more, even if he did know how to put it into words, how could he bring himself to say them?

"Well?"

Syrus took a deep breath, and replied, "You... well, you kinda act like you do." He lifted his head and quickly added, "Look, I know you don't. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I didn't mean you--"

"Syrus, stop." Zane saw him stop talking and snap to attention, out of breath. His eyes widened, and his puils dilated with fear, shocked by his brother's sudden interruption.

"It's all right," he said softly. "I know you probably think I do."

"No! I... I mean, why would you? You're not like that. I'm sorry. I never should have even brought it up."

"It's all right," he repeated. "Jaden was right. I'm not the brother I should be to you. But you have to understand, I was only trying to help you."

"I know. You just wanted me to do my best."

Zane shook his head. "No, you don't know. You're my brother. I always felt horrible whenever I ignored you, but I only did it because..." He bit his lip, and continued, "Because I love you."

"Y-you... do?" Syrus asked breathlessly.

Zane gritted his teeth. It was a painful confirmation, the way he sounded so surprised. After all, what reason did he have to believe that Zane loved him?

"Yes. I do." Now he really felt ashamed. Why was it so difficult to say that to his own brother? He should have been glad to say it, and relieve Syrus of the deep grief of abandonment. He should have been saying it the whole time.

"I... " Syrus paused. "I wish..."

"What is it?" Zane tried to sound encouraging. He wasn't used to it, but he supposed he'd have to be.

Syrus sighed deeply, and shut his eyes. "I wish I'd known that before."

"I wish I'd told you before." He placed his hand lightly over his brother's. "I always have loved you. You're my brother. I was trying to help you to try harder. Get better at dueling. Be more--"

"Like you."

"Yes."

"That's what I was trying to do. That's why I was always so hurt. I didn't think I was good enough. Like I didn't deserve a brother as good as you."

Zane shook his head. "You're right. You deserve someone better. You don't have to be like me. Trust me- you don't want to. I might be a good duelist, but that doesn't make me a good person. Jaden was right. I was hurting you, and I knew it, but I kept doing it. Eventually, it stopped being about making you stronger. At some point I was just doing it because I didn't know how to let you know I loved you.

"I was wrong. It didn't make you stronger. If anything, it just left you worse off than you would have already been. I made you feel as though you had to earn my love, and eventually I knew you couldn't. I should have told you a long time ago."

Syrus sniffed. "Really?" His eyes began to water.

"Really."

Zane was stunned to find Syrus suddenly wrapped around his waist, sobbing into his blazer. He silently hoped that this new extroverted attitude wasn't just a phase. It had gotten them to finally have this conversation, which was so long overdue.

"Zane, I'm sorry! I thought you hated me, and I thought nobody cared about me, and I never would have done it if I knew! But I didn't know!"

"Wait- you never would have done what?"

Syrus took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. Loosening his grip on his brother, he let one hand slide down his back and onto Zane's, and held up his other arm.

"Syrus," Zane said, his voice steady but threaded through with dread. "What's wrong with your blazer? What are those marks on it?"

"It's blood," the younger boy stated, sounding calm but deeply ashamed. "My arm must still have been bleeding--"

Zane seized his hand and pulled down the sleeve to reveal the slashes in Syrus' wrists. Dried blood was smeared all over his forearm, and some cuts were still beaded with drops of blood not yet large enough to fall.

"When did you do this?" he demanded. He couldn't decide whether he was more afraid, furious, or guilty.

Syrus said nothing, but panted heavily, completely rigid with terror.

"Answer me!" Zane snarled. "What happened?" He tightened his grip on his brother's arm.

Syrus heard his wrist snap before he felt it. His breath hitched, but he couldn't speak, not even to cry out in pain.

"Zane," he groaned. "Please stop. Please. I'm sorry! I-I didn't-- I mean, I w-wasn't--"

"When did this happen?"

Syrus knew that if he tried to talk, he'd probably burst into tears. He felt his throat closing up. His heart beat so rapidly in his chest that he thought he was going to die. Only a few minutes ago, Zane had told him he'd loved him. Assured him that he always had. And now that same person was screaming at him, trying to break his arm, for heaven's sake.

"Say something." It reminded him of when Jaden had spoken that way. So full of rage that he couldn't speak above a hoarse whisper. But it was that much more terrifying when that rage was directed at him.

Syrus shut his eyes and turned his head. His arm still trapped in Zane's vice-like hold, he could only turn so far. His brother had hurt him so many times, but he'd never tried to physically harm him before.

Zane let go of the smaller boy's arm, letting it fall limply to his side. Syrus used his good arm to cradle it to him, and try to determine how much damage had been done to it. He couldn't feel anything, but his wrist was bruised and swollen, the cuts appearing even deeper.

"Leave."

It wasn't a suggestion. It was a command. Syrus rose slowly to his feet and trudged slowly to the door. He could feel Zane's hawk-like gaze burning into his back as he went.

As he closed his hand around the cold knob, he turned back, looking once again into his brother's dark eyes, silently pleading his forgiveness. But Zane simply glared back at him.

He drew another painful breath. "Good-bye, Zane."

And, hearing no answer, he walked out the door, and pulled it shut behind him.