Chapter Three
It was early. The day was just breaking. The thick fog that covered the ground at night had already cleared to occasional remnants of thin mist. The sun's warm shafts of light had driven out the night and were bringing in another beautiful day.
Yet none of the glory that spring days in Lóthlorien possessed seemed able to lift Legolas' spirits. Not the scents nor the blossoming flowers nor the new life that was being created had his attention, for it was fixed on one thing only. Nadine.
He was sitting at her bedside, watching her sleep; the slow, rhythmic rise and fall of her chest; the silent, almost inaudible, breaths she expelled; the way small strands of hair kept falling on her forehead whenever a small breeze picked up strong enough.
Legolas could not keep his eyes off of her. Nor could he keep the guilt that was gnawing at him at bay. After all, this was his fault. Everything was. That she was injured, that she felt so miserable now. Of course, the reasonable part of his mind argued that had he not made the decision, she would be feeling nothing right now. She would have been lost forever, and he would have never seen her again for she wouldn't have been allowed entrance to the Halls of Mandos. But was that really justified? For she did not know him, technically, thus would not miss him either. He would have been the only one to suffer the loss of love's presence.
Had he not chosen for himself, then, instead of for her?
Legolas shook his head to clear his mind from the destructive path it had turned to. He looked at her again; so still, so small, and in his eyes so beautiful. "Forgive me, melamin," he whispered to her sleeping form. "Forgive me for my grave mistakes," he said just as another strand fell across her brow. Automatically, he reached out to brush it from her forehead like he had done so many times before.
It was the slight change in her breathing that had his hand freezing in mid-air. He knew she was awake. But by god he had not thought of what to do, or say. The events of last night were still fresh in his mind, and he did not think she would appreciate his uncalled presence.
He watched her face wrinkle up slightly in confusion, then, just as fast as it had come, it disappeared. "Legolas?" she spoke quietly, and Legolas wasn't sure whether to be pleased she'd recognised him that easily, or to be apprehensive about her uncertainty.
"Yes," he replied, retracting his hand.
"What are you doing here?"
"I am sorry for intruding, I just thought…" Legolas hesitated then decided to be open with her. "I wanted to see you. I did not think you would appreciate my presence after last night."
The reminder worked on her still foggy brain like a bucket of ice-water. "I… Yeah. It's all right."
"If you wish for me to leave –"
"No, that's okay," the words were out of her mouth before she realised it and both Legolas and Nadine were surprised by them.
"My mind here's not working on full capacity yet, so you'll have to bear with me, I'm afraid." She gave a rueful smile as she pulled herself to a straighter position in bed. She had dreamed something. She couldn't remember what it was, but she knew there had been something that had somehow cleared her doubts. It was strange, suspicious, yet at the same time the lightening of her burdens was greatly welcomed. It felt good, she decided. She felt good. "Is it late? Have I slept through another morning again?"
"No," Legolas answered, surprised at her positive change of mind. "Dawn is just arriving."
"And you're already up?" Nadine raised an eyebrow good-naturedly. "Don't you sleep?"
"When I need to, yes," he was careful to say. Legolas was still unsure of how to take her actions. He had learned the hard way that things never were what they seemed to be when it came to Nadine.
"When you need to? And when is that?" This time both her eyebrows shot up, as a teasing grin was spreading contagiously over her face.
This was certainly a new side Legolas hadn't seen yet. The more he got to know Nadine, the more different and many-sided she appeared to be. "We doze regularly, but we do not require sleep unless under extreme circumstances. Elves do not have the same needs as Humans."
"Really?" Again that sly grin. He had already grown wary of it. "What about sex?"
At his silence, she clarified, "Sex; have intercourse, sleep with, get laid, screw, fuck, be intimate, bang… you catch my drift."
It took Legolas a moment to gather his bearings. The remark had thrown him completely off balance. Yesterday she had screamed at him and now she was – he couldn't get his head around it – flirting with him? He would have been glad, if the change in her behaviour wasn't so unnaturally radical and abrupt. Perhaps she was hysterical. He understood that Humans reacted differently to certain circumstances than Elves.
"You've explained it quite thoroughly," he replied, caught between amusement and disapproval. Then he answered carefully, "We do enjoy lying with others."
"What about casual sex?"
This was the first time he had heard the term 'casual sex', but it wasn't difficult to deduce the meaning. "That depends on the Elf."
"Do tell," she smiled that sly smile again. "What other interesting differences are there between Humans and Elves?"
Legolas opened his mouth to answer, then thought better of it. She was obviously not behaving normally, he decided. "I'll answer your questions after you've had a decent breakfast. There are some other things I need to see to right now."
It took less than a minute before Legolas was gone. With a few polite apologies that sounded more like well-trained escape routes he'd disappeared. Nadine hadn't even stood a chance.
A sigh escaped her lips. Pure exasperation, she told herself, not pining.
"Is it true about Elves… that they're all stunning and beautiful?"
"What makes you think that?" Legolas asked, caught between surprise and the sudden hope that she might have remembered something from their past.
"It's…" Nadine shrugged, gestured with her hands, "just this feeling… It's probably nothing."
Hope blossomed in Legolas' heart. "Are you remembering?"
Her brows knit together. "I… I'm not sure." She shook her head, a pensive expression passing over her features.
"Legolas, could –" she stopped, embarrassment getting the better of her, but Legolas' subtle squeeze encouraged her to go on. "Could I touch your face? To see, I mean. Because, well –"
Nadine faltered when Legolas' slender fingers closed around hers and guided her hands up to his face. His hands lingered just a tad longer than necessary then dropped to his sides.
Nadine shook herself mentally at the sudden turmoil inside her. She brushed it aside as a result of not being able to see for several days, which had her other senses sharpened. Her fingers started moving out of their own volition; slow, careful; afraid to stumble. The first thought that ran through her mind was how incredibly soft and smooth his skin was, almost like that of a baby. Her hands tangled in his hair, then ran down the length of it. It was long and so soft. She found a pair of small braids at the sides of his head, probably keeping strands of hair from falling into his face, she mused. Still… a guy with long hair? Maybe in the nineties, but now?
Her hands trailed the long length down his back, tracing his form along the way. She made another path up along his arms and shoulders to his face. It was smooth, flawless, yet something was missing. Something that should have been there…
"No stubble," she said, her hands pausing as she turned her face in his direction.
She felt him smile under her fingertips. "We do not grow beards."
"Oh." Despite the fact that there was no way she could have known this, she still felt stupid for asking. She moved her hands to his cheekbones, temples, then his ears. She had picked up rumours about how Elvish ears were different from Human ears, and she wanted to see for herself. Her fingers skimmed their shells, the upper lines, until they found a tip. Her fingers froze, and then tried again. Carefully, she fingered the tips. They were pointed!
It was the complete silence and Legolas' lack of movement that had her hesitating, and then finally stop. When she removed her hands, she could feel him shudder slightly, suck in a sharp breath.
Had she hurt him? The thought ran through her mind, already swamped with guilt, and she lowered her head, fumbling with her hands to keep herself occupied. "I'm sorry. If I hurt you –" the words died on her lips when she felt a gentle hand cup her cheek. The other reached for her hands and brought them back to his face.
"You did not hurt me." He reached up his other hand and gently trailed it down her cheek, his fingers barely touching her as if he were afraid he would break her.
Nadine was unsure of what to do, and she couldn't see his expression so she wasn't sure what was happening. But his reaction only moments ago, the one she was responsible for, had obviously been uncomfortable, so she awkwardly placed one hand on his shoulder, offering a soft squeeze. She heard him take in a shaky breath as he placed his hands at the small of her back, his thumbs caressing her cheeks.
She turned her head up towards him, waiting for the explanation he hadn't given yet, and she could feel his face coming closer to hers, his lips coming closer to hers. She lifted her hand back to his face, but couldn't quite find it, and so he enclosed a hand around hers and led it to his cheek.
The feel of her fingers on his skin was magic. His lips touched hers, hesitantly at first, then moving sweetly and gently over hers. The soft, searching kiss quickly changed to something deeper.
Her eyes slipped closed as Legolas buried both his hands in her hair and pulled her body into his. Wandering hands searched his form first uncertainly, then with an urgency that matched his.
Nadine's head buzzed at the intimacy as Legolas drank of her innocence. That he wanted more was obvious, and she was helpless to stop him. She didn't want to stop him. She panicked at the thought.
She disentangled herself from him and took a few steps back to put distance between them. "I can't do this, Legolas," she said, turning away from him so he wouldn't see the hurt in her expression. But he already had. How could he not notice everything about her? "We can't do this."
"Why not?" he asked, taking a few steps towards her in an attempt to close the emotional gap that had suddenly developed between them.
She heard him moving closer and took a few more steps away from him, almost as if she was afraid of him, and he froze.
He looked away, wondering as he felt his heart breaking a little bit further what he had done to make her fear him. Had he pushed her too hard, too fast?
Truth was, here was the man standing before her who claimed to be her husband, claimed to have loved her and still love her, and who was gossiped about to be one of the most beautiful Elves in Middle-Earth. A man she didn't know. A stranger to Nadine, yet the stranger seemed to know exactly which button to push to open her up like a willing flower towards the sun. And she did, she offered everything freely for him to take. She didn't like feeling so out of control, especially not with a man that she didn't know, couldn't trust yet.
Nadine realised that if he asked her for something, she would give it without a second thought. And that scared her. She needed to get things sorted out; then she would know what to do, know what choice to make when her heart and head were in disagreement again.
"Nadine, why can we not do this?"
"I don't know you, Legolas. I don't love you. That's why we can't do this." Right now she was glad she had the bandages on; she didn't want to see the look on his face.
Legolas looked down, unable to comprehend what she had just said. He had known it might be too soon for her, that he needed to win her trust first, but it hurt to hear her say it. It hurt more than anything else in the world. It hurt more than any of the wounds he'd acquired during battle, it hurt more than his mother passing over the sea, it hurt more than both combined.
He closed his eyes, backed away.
Before he left, he said, "Then my last hope is that in time you'll learn to love me, like you once did."
His footsteps were light as he walked down the hall. The thornless rose he held in his hand was lavender, its bud tightly closed. It was a beautiful flower, but the memories that went with it were far more precious. Perhaps this would in some way trigger her memory. Oh, how Legolas hoped it would. Yet the fear that her memory would not return gnawed constantly at his mind despite the assurances from Edrahil.
At the door, he paused before knocking softly. It was late and he didn't want to disturb her if she was already sleeping. He hoped she wasn't still upset with him about the kiss.
He opened the door and the sight he came across told him she wasn't. Or at least not right now. Nadine's face was lit by a bright smile that got even brighter when she heard the maid greet Legolas. She seemed ecstatic about something and Legolas felt a warm feeling spread through him.
"Nadine." He took her hand. "I brought you something," he said and gave her the rose. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the maid inconspicuously making herself scarce. "It is a rose."
"Thornless…" Nadine looked up at him. "What colour is it?"
"Lavender."
She smiled. "A lavender rose," she mused. "I've never seen one."
His hopes were crushed. "You seem quite excited. Is there any particular reason?"
He hadn't thought it possible, but her smile grew even larger. "Oh! Yes, the bandages are finally coming off tonight. The maid came in especially, but she seems to have left…" Nadine frowned momentarily. "You are going to stay?"
"Of course I will," Legolas replied with a smile.
The maid returned just as discreetly as she had left before.
"Great." Nadine turned and made her way over to the bed where she sat down and waited. "Come sit next to me."
He did as she bade and together they waited for the maid to take off the material.
The woman untucked a piece of the bandage and then started to slowly unwrap it. It took a bit of time, but the material could be sticking to an unhealed wound. When it was finally all taken off, Nadine opened her eyes, and saw nothing.
She blinked.
Nothing.
She reached up to rub her eyes then realised she couldn't see. The same darkness she'd been locked up with for the past three days. A rush of adrenaline shot through her at lightning speed and she felt the panic start to rise within her throat.
"Nadine?"
But Nadine wasn't listening. She shot up from the bed, muttering, "I need to go to the bathroom," and stumbled away.
In an instant, Legolas was beside her. "Nadine –"
She slammed the door in his face.
A sickening dread settled in his stomach. Although he wouldn't let himself believe it yet, he had seen it. It was unmistakable; the way her eyes had darted around the room, unfocused. She was blind.
Not heeding the maid, who was leaving the room clearly startled, Legolas tapped on the door. "Nadine…" he faltered, realising she wouldn't answer, and opened the door.
There she was, pressed into a taut little ball, arms tightly wrapped around her. He didn't think she could squeeze into the corner any tighter without becoming a part of the wall.
"Nadine?" he whispered, cautiously, not wanting to startle her. He knelt beside her and tried to pull her into his arms.
She flinched away from his touch, staring wide-eyed into space, seeing something only she could see. Her eyes were almost too large for her face. She was cold as ice and as white as a sheet.
Legolas quickly pulled the quilt off of the bed and wrapped her up in it. He cradled his arms around her and started gently rocking her back and forth. "Melamin, tis all right. It is me, Legolas," he repeated over and over. "You are safe. I am here."
After a few minutes, his words sank in. "Legolas?" she asked in confusion. She buried her head in his shoulder as he continued rocking her back and forth.
"I am here, Nadine, melamin," he whispered reassuringly. "Everything will be fine. I am here for you."
"Why is all this happening to me?" The last word was barely a croak. "What did I do wrong?"
Legolas frowned. "You have done nothing wrong. You know that."
"Then why is this happening to me?" She began to cry as she hugged her knees to her chest and began to rock. "First I get dropped into some kind of place where Elves exist, and now I'm blind!" She laughed hysterically and hugged her knees to her chest. "Someone must have a sick sense of humour."
Legolas felt his stomach lurch as he pressed a kiss to her forehead and continued stroking her hair.
"I hate this place," she spoke vehemently, holding onto him tightly as another wave of fresh tears streamed down her cheeks.
They stayed that way for a while; Legolas stroking and rocking her like a child until she had calmed down and the crying had subsided to occasional sniffles. Half an hour later he could feel her breathing becoming deeper and more regular.
She had fallen asleep.
He lifted her gently up into his arms and carried her over to the bed where he carefully laid her down. He covered her with the sheets and placed a kiss on her brow. When he rose and turned to leave, she caught his hand.
Legolas turned back to find her still half asleep, eyes closed, hand holding his own.
"Don't leave me alone," she murmured as quiet as a breath. "Please."
His heart melted.
Quietly, he slipped into bed beside her and watched her sleep.
