All rights to these characters belong to JKR. I'm just borrowing them.


The following article, taken from Issue 638, Volume 4 of House Elves Day, was used as evidence in the court case, Ministry of Magic vs. Lucius Malfoy:

One Elf's Secrets to Success

by Lippy

Malfoy family House Elf

Does your Master or Missus constantly punish you because their favorite black robes have faded? Do they expect delicious five course meals while only leaving you half an hour to prepare them? Do they want the best that money can buy, without giving you enough money to buy it? The solutions to all of these products and more may surprise you.

Lippy used to be sad all the time because Master and Missus' black robes wouldn't stay black. I'm sure that the nice wizards who make cleaning potions didn't mean to take the dye out of the fabric, but Missus punished Lippy so often, that Lippy didn't have time to sweep the kitchen floor everyday. Lippy had to find something to do. That was when Dobby, Lippy's son who now works for Professor Dumbledore and is friends with the great wizard Harry Potter, suggested a muggle detergent. Lippy said, "No Dobby, Lippy can't use a Muggle product! What would Master and Missus say? No, Dobby, no!" But then Dobby told Lippy that Professor Dumbledore liked some Muggle candies, and that maybe Master and Missus would like the Muggle potions better than the Wizard Potions. Lippy was very afraid, but Dobby wouldn't take no for an answer, and he scooped some of Missus black robes into a wash tub and pulled out a bottle of Woolite Dark. He poured in the Muggle potion, and washed the robes. Lippy was so afraid, Lippy put her head on the butcher block, but Dobby dragged Lippy over to see the freshly cleaned robes. Lippy was so surprised when Lippy saw the robes were still black!

Then Dobby told Lippy about Woolite Dye Magnets. Lippy fainted dead away. After Dobby poured a bucket of water over Lippy's head, Lippy asked, "How can the Muggles do magic that powerful?" Dobby just shrugged his shoulder, and showed Lippy that Dye Magnet sheet could be put in with each washing. Then if any of the fabrics were leaking dye, the Dye Magnet would soak up all the dye in the water. When Lippy saw that, she fainted again! Now Lippy never washes clothes without her amazing Woolite Dye Magnets.

Dobby helped Lippy another time. Master and Missus wanted a five course meal starting with pate, but Lippy had spent all day cleaning Master's Death Eater Robes after the graveyard he was visiting made the robes all muddy. That was when Dobby told Lippy about a wonderful Muggle product called Spam. When Master asked Lippy why the pate that night was different, Lippy had to tell a small fib, "It is from the best chacuterie in Paris." Lippy had put her feet in the fire for two minutes, but ever since Master and Missus have refused to eat any other kind of pate, so they must like it.

One time when Master and Missus had the entertainments for the Dark Lord, the Missus pretty white carpet became stained with the Muggle's blood. Master told Lippy that if she didn't get the carpet cleaned from the blood that Master would feed Lippy to the Dementors. Lippy when straight to Dobby to ask for help! Lippy told Dobby about a wonderful Muggle Cleaner called Clorox Bleach. Dobby explained to Lippy that the bleach was too strong and Lippy would have to add water or the carpet would turn yellow. Lippy tried the bleach, and the bleach worked so well that Lippy has used it for all of the other blood stains from the Dark Lord's entertainments.

So next time that you don't know how to clean something, find out what the Muggles use. Muggles have surprising magic.


A/N: My writing group suggested that I write a series of articles by Lippy. Before their suggestion, I never even considered the possiblity. Let me know what you think, would you like to read more Lippy?