Author's Note: Apologies for not being able to post last week but the demands of RL got in the way. Things have eased up so I should be able to stick to a regular posting schedule from now on. I hope everyone in the path of Hurricane Ida made it through unscathed. Now, without further ado, the next chapter.
Then Came Love
Chapter 9
Kate took a deep breath, trying to fortify herself for the coming conversation, as she went to open her apartment door on her dad's familiar knock.
"Hi, Dad. You're right on time. Come in."
"Hi, Katie." She accepted her dad's hug, briefly shutting her eyes. Even after all these years of her dad's being sober, she still couldn't take it for granted, having her real dad back, the man she remembered from when she'd been growing up.
Oh god, what was he going to think of her now?
She tried to quell the burgeoning nerves, pasting on a smile as she drew back.
"Something smells delicious. You didn't have to go to all this trouble cooking just for me, you know. I know how busy you are. I would have been fine with takeout, even if you didn't want to meet at our usual place."
"Oh, it wasn't much trouble, Dad, and I had the day off anyway. Sit down and I'll get you some water."
She duly poured a glass of water for her dad and inquired how his week had been, although she had to admit she only listened with half her mind as she busied herself in the kitchen, finishing up the dinner. She was trying to cook more, in order to eat healthier, but that wasn't really the reason for this evening. For this conversation she needed to have with her dad, she'd thought a private place would be best rather than meeting at any one of the restaurants at which she and her dad usually met. Less awkward, all things considered. But now that he was actually here, she couldn't help but second-guess herself. Maybe a public place would have been better, to temper his reaction, whatever it was. Not that her dad was the type to raise his voice much so it might not make a difference. Ugh, she really was just thinking in circles now.
"That sounds like it'll be interesting. Good luck with this new case," she commented as she set a plate down in front of her dad.
"Goodness, Katie, you are spoiling me tonight." Her dad blinked at the dinner she'd made, pork chops with rice and broccoli, along with a spinach salad to start. She hoped, assumed, it had been enough years that her dad wouldn't recognize that the foods were ones that were recommended for pregnancy. And with her dad's history, she never drank alcohol in front of her dad so there was nothing he could have guessed from that. Then again, her dad would never guess something like this situation would happen to her. Her nervousness was making her paranoid.
Although his words did remind her of one other, easier conversation she needed to have with him. "Not really, especially since I'm not sure dads who conspire to embarrass their daughters in front of her coworkers should be spoiled." She had not been pleased to be presented with the evidence of her brief modeling stint when she'd returned to her desk after Castle had left the precinct yesterday, although it had provided a distraction from any concern of the boys suspecting anything about her condition.
"Conspire!" Her dad gave her a look of wide-eyed innocence, even though he clearly knew exactly what she was referring to. "I didn't conspire with Javier and Kevin."
"Uh huh," she drawled skeptically. "So it was another dad of mine that gave them some old pictures?"
Her dad lifted his hands in a gesture of innocence. "I didn't really tell Javier and Kevin anything. They had already guessed that you had some modeling experience when they called me. All I did was confirm what they already knew."
"You could have tried not answering, refusing to confirm or deny," she suggested only half-seriously.
Her dad's lips quirked faintly. "I know you don't love lawyers thanks to your job but are you really suggesting I should have acted like some stereotypical sketchy lawyer and weaseled out of a question that way?"
"I wouldn't call it weaseling. I'd have called it discretion."
Her dad smirked a little. "Clever, Katie, very clever. And really, I just thought Javier and Kevin wanted to know more about you since you all work so closely together. I didn't know they were planning to use it to tease you."
"Well, now you know, when those two are calling you behind my back, just assume they're up to no good," she advised him dryly, sternly suppressing her smirk.
"I didn't know they were calling behind your back."
"You can pretty much assume that too when they call you. Otherwise, they'd just leave me to call you myself."
Her dad nodded, making a rueful face. "Fair enough. Although really, Katie, I think those old modeling pictures of yours are adorable, nothing to be embarrassed about at all."
"Adorable. Why, yes, of course that's exactly the word I want coming to mind when my co-workers who are police officers, like I am, think about me," she drawled.
"I know how good you are at your job. I don't think you have anything to worry about on that score. Besides, it was only Javier and Kevin and they, of all people, would never think of you as anything less than capable."
True enough and thankfully, she had enough faith in both the boys' loyalty to trust they wouldn't share the pictures with anyone else in the precinct. When they made fun of her, it was a private thing among their team. And occasionally Lanie, since the boys knew how close she and Lanie were. And now, sometimes, Castle. "That's not the point, Dad." She gave her dad a look of only half-exaggerated scolding. "In future, just know you are banned from sharing old pictures of me with the boys, all right?"
"Fine fine, mea culpa." Her dad held his hands up in surrender, although being her dad, he did add, "Although those old pictures of you are adorable. And I say this as someone who wasn't thrilled about you deciding to model in the first place."
She shared a look of wry amusement with her dad. "Oh, I remember how you reacted when I told you what I was planning on doing that summer. But it turned out pretty well, didn't it? After all, I made enough money to pay for my textbooks and my spending money for freshman year."
"Yes, yes, you were right, Katie-bug, is that what you want to hear?"
She grinned at her dad, relaxing a little in spite of herself, even as her heart twinged a little at the fond approval mingled in with the amusement in his expression. How would he look at her at the end of this evening? "Yes, it is, thanks. I was right that it'd be easier and more profitable than waitressing." She sobered, making a small face. "Although after our last case, you had a point to be worried about my modeling too. We certainly saw the ugly underbelly of the modeling industry this week."
Her dad sobered too. "It sounded like a tough case, from what I read in the newspapers."
She sighed a little. "Yeah, it was a pretty bad case. The victim was so young and so alone and it was all just such an unnecessary tragedy." She gave her dad a brief summary of all Jenna McBoyd had gone through, including how she'd been victimized by Will James on through Wyatt Monroe and her so-called friend Sierra, and finally ending with the last betrayal by her husband.
Her dad sighed in turn and shook his head a little when she'd finished the story. "That is terrible. I wish I could say I was surprised but I think we both know how commonplace it is for a lot of men to view young women, especially young, pretty women, solely as prey and unfortunately, competitive environments like modeling can tend to bring out the worst in people."
"Yeah. Certainly, it brought out the worst in Sierra Goodwin, although I think she must have been pretty ruthless and selfish to begin with."
"I'd imagine you're right about that. Competition doesn't change people; it just tends to show up what they are."
"This case seemed to really get to Castle too, maybe because Jenna was so young and he has a daughter who's not actually that much younger than Jenna was." She paused and then went on with a touch more cheer, "Actually, I should mention what Castle did because it's pretty nice. It turns out that he knows one of Teddy Farrow's younger models, one still trying to be noticed. Apparently she used to babysit for Alexis."
Her dad's lips quirked slightly. "From babysitter to model, that's an interesting career progression."
"I'm guessing she went through a pretty big makeover when she got out of the gawky adolescent phase because Castle didn't recognize her at first. But anyway, once he realized who she was, he arranged for her and Alexis to have a little reunion of sorts, cultivate their friendship again. He said it would let Rina know that if she ever needed a friend, she would have one."
"That is nice of him. I imagine your Castle would be a pretty useful friend for an aspiring model to have too since he has name recognition and contacts in similar industries to give him some actual influence."
"He's not my Castle, Dad!" she protested.
Her dad blinked at her innocently. "I only meant that he's your friend, that's all."
Damn, she belatedly realized she'd reacted too forcefully, her own awareness of what she had to tell her dad niggling at her. She smoothed out her expression. "Okay, dad, and you're right he'd be a more useful friend to Rina than your average Joe off the sidewalk." More, she couldn't imagine Castle was unaware of that so it said something about him that he was apparently willing to use his influence to help others. She'd already seen that when he wanted to, he could and would use his influence to get his own way—witness the way he'd had the Mayor lean on Captain Montgomery to allow him to shadow her in the first place—but she couldn't fault him for his motives now. He really was kinder than she'd known.
"So, Katie, it sounds like you've gotten used to having Castle around again. It's been a couple weeks now, right, since he started working with you again?"
"Yeah, and in some ways, it seems as if he never left. The boys were certainly happy enough to welcome him back," she added rather wryly.
"And how do you feel about it?"
"He can be useful to have around," she admitted, not entirely freely. She hesitated. The mention of Castle was a useful introduction to what she needed to tell her dad, about the new role Castle was going to play in her life—in her dad's life too, actually, at least once the baby arrived. She just wasn't sure how to broach the subject.
Her dad's lips tipped upwards. "I can't help but notice that you seem to find him less irritating than you used to."
"He can still be annoying," she assured her dad a little dryly. "But I guess I know him a little better now." Oh, hell. She just needed to do this. "Dad?"
"Yes, Katie?" Her dad's eyes took in her expression, a faint frown gathering. "You're looking very serious all of a sudden. Is something wrong?"
"No, nothing's wrong," she quickly answered. "But there is something I wanted to tell you." Crap, her breathing was already a little shallow, her stomach turning over, and for a moment, she regretted eating dinner at all. Although she knew, intellectually at least, that this wasn't nausea so much as it was nervousness.
There was no reason to be so nervous, she scolded herself. It wasn't like her dad was some sort of rigidly conservative father from Victorian times who would disown her for having a child out of wedlock or something like that. Her dad was an open-minded, understanding man and no naif either.
Then again, she couldn't imagine any father, no matter how enlightened, wanted to know his daughter had one-night stands and then as if that wasn't bad enough, had been irresponsible about protection, even if it had been inadvertent. Shit, not a helpful thought.
"Katie," her dad prompted and for a moment, she could almost imagine she was a teenager again, about to confess some peccadillo.
Just say it, Kate! You're a grown woman and a cop, not some wayward kid! Except, she wondered, did anyone ever truly outgrow the wish not to disappoint their parents, at least those with reasonably close relationships with their parents?
"I'm pregnant," she blurted out in a rush and then inwardly winced. Why was there no subtler way to say such a thing? She supposed she could use some silly old-fashioned euphemism— being with child, in the family way, in a delicate condition—ugh, worse and worse.
Her dad's eyes flared as his expression went momentarily blank. "I take it you're not pulling some sort of belated April Fool's joke on your old man to try to give him a heart attack," he managed weakly.
Her lips twisted ruefully. "Of course not, Dad. I've seen my doctor and I'm, um, almost three months along."
Her dad coughed. "I, uh, didn't know you were seeing anyone, Katie."
Now, there was the faintest tinge of something like reproach or even hurt in her dad's voice at the thought that she might have kept a relationship a secret. Crap, this confession thing just didn't get any easier. "I'm not! I wasn't," she hurriedly assured him and then had to lower her gaze to her plate, not quite able to meet her dad's eyes as she finished, "It was, um, basically a one-night stand." And then she found herself blurting out before she'd consciously realized she was going to, "And, well, I wasn't as protected as I thought." She shut her mouth, feeling her cheeks flame. She could not believe she was now talking to her dad about safe sex. Ugh.
There was a pause that to her over-sensitized consciousness might as well have lasted a few hours but was in reality probably just a matter of seconds.
"I see," her dad said slowly.
She tried not to cringe and then had to look up. "I'm sorry, Dad. How upset are you?" Shit, she hadn't wanted to sound so… young.
An odd expression she couldn't read crossed her dad's face but what he said was, "Have you told, um, the father?"
Oh, right, that. "Yes. And, well, that's the other thing, Dad. It's Castle."
Her dad choked on air before turning it into a cough. "I guess I always suspected that you got along rather better with your Castle than you were willing to admit."
It was her turn to feel shocked. "What? No," she blurted out forcefully. "No," she said again for good measure, "It's not—that's not—Castle and I—it's not like that!" she finally managed to finish a sentence. "It was just a one-time thing back when he was, um, saying goodbye." For the first time, it occurred to her to be thankful that she'd never told her dad why she'd kicked Castle out or even that she had kicked Castle out in the first place. She had only told her dad briefly that Castle had agreed to stop shadowing her, without even a hint of what he'd done. At the time, she'd wanted to avoid bringing up the painful subject of her mom's case but now, she was glad because her dad didn't need to know or have reason to think badly of Castle. (Wait, since when did she even care what her dad thought of Castle, let alone feel protective of her dad's opinion of Castle?)
"But he is back and working with you again." Her dad's gaze sharpened a little. "How did Castle react?"
She didn't know why but apparently, being protective of her dad's opinion of Castle wasn't some temporary blip of insanity. "Castle's been—it's not his fault, Dad. He's been helpful and, well, really nice about all this."
Her dad's expression relaxed. "Good. From what you've said about him, I was inclined to think he was a decent man. It's nice to be proven right."
She blinked. What she'd said about Castle? From her recollection, she'd mostly grumbled to her dad about Castle's irritating qualities and only lately admitted he could be helpful. Well, she had mentioned that Castle appeared to be good to both his daughter and his mother—although she thought she'd said it was probably his main redeeming characteristic.
She couldn't quite believe she was going to ask this but somehow she found the words escaping her lips. "So you're not disappointed?"
"Do you think I should be disappointed?" he parried. Damn it, having a lawyer parent could be annoying.
"I didn't think you'd be thrilled," she temporized awkwardly.
"From my view, you're taking responsibility for your actions," her dad answered slowly, thoughtfully, "you and Castle both. That's what adults do and it's certainly not a reason to be disappointed. And from what I know of you, Katie-bug, you're going to do your best by this baby." He paused and looked down and then back up and she was shocked to see sudden tears glistening in his eyes, her breath catching in her throat. "I only wish your mom could be here to meet our grandchild."
She swallowed and blinked hard but the mention of her mom cut through her emotions as it always did and her vision abruptly blurred with hot tears. "Oh, Dad," she managed, her voice a little wobbly.
Her dad blinked. "You're going to have a baby, Katie," he repeated, sounding a little shaky in turn, before his voice and expression firmed. "How have you been feeling, Katie? You're sure you're okay?"
She felt some of her lingering knot of tension dissolve. "I'm fine, Dad, really. I've just been feeling tired a lot but other than that, I've mostly been okay."
"You haven't been feeling sick a lot? I remember your mom was throwing up pretty much every day for about three months when she was carrying you."
"Oh." Kate's lips lifted into a tremulous half-smile. She hadn't known that and there was something so precious and poignant to be learning more about her mom even now, years after her mom's death, and even more than that, to realize all over again that pregnancy was an experience her mom had gone through as well. Another level of connection between her and her mom. "I haven't had it that bad. I've become sensitive to smells and it's a little unpredictable what will make me feel queasy. The smell of coffee is one thing that bothers me, of all things, but so far, I haven't really thrown up much at all." She had actually thrown up a little that morning when she'd been making eggs—although her stomach had been mostly empty at the time and really, it wasn't fair of her body to rebel like that at the smell of the food she herself had been trying to make—but she decided not to mention it to her dad. She didn't want to worry him and anyway, this morning had only been the second time she'd thrown up since she'd realized she was pregnant.
"That's something. You will take care of yourself, though, right, Katie? No more living on takeout the way you usually do and try to get plenty of rest."
"Yes, Dad, I know." She gestured to the table with the remains of their dinner. "It's partly why I cooked today."
Her dad affected an injured expression. "I suppose it was too much to hope that you would have gone to so much trouble just for me."
"Dad!"
Her dad chuckled while she tried to make a face at him for his teasing before giving in and returning his smile, feeling the last of her tension dissipating. Her dad was teasing her as usual; he really was okay with her news, wasn't disappointed or angry at her. Thank goodness.
The remainder of her dad's visit passed much more easily, with her big news out of the way. She told her dad about how her first doctor's appointment confirming the pregnancy had gone and reassured her dad that she would take care of herself. Her dad asked a little about how Castle had reacted but did his best to tactfully skirt around any reference to the circumstances of conception and then shared some more stories about her mom's experience of pregnancy.
Kate felt her throat tighten—oh, how she wished her mom was still here so she could have heard first-hand from her mom about all this—but at least, she had her dad. And from the sounds of it, her dad had been closely involved every step of the way along with her mom—but then again, that wasn't very surprising considering how close her parents had been and, as Kate knew, how involved a parent her dad had always been from her earliest memories. She supposed it was just one way in which the experience would be different in the context of a happy marriage, one way in which her mom's experience would be very different from her own.
It wasn't a big deal; women had been dealing with the experience of pregnancy alone without support from men for thousands of years and had managed. It was only in recent decades that men had started to be more involved in the process anyway and even now, as Kate knew all too well, it was hardly guaranteed that a man would be all that involved even in actively caring for a baby, let alone during pregnancy and childbirth. Deadbeat dads had become cliché for a reason.
Perhaps because these thoughts were lingering in Kate's mind later that evening, she startled and felt a spurt of real surprise when her phone rang and Castle's name appeared on the caller ID. Anyway, even lately, it was a little out of the ordinary for Castle to call when they didn't have an active case. "Hi, Castle, what's up?"
"Hey, Beckett. I'm not disturbing you or anything? Are you busy?"
"No, it's fine. My dad just left a little while ago so I'm free."
"Oh." His tone shifted. "So you told him?"
"Yeah, I did."
"Should I be expecting your dad to show up on my doorstep with a shotgun?" he joked, although there was a thread of nervousness in his voice that rendered the question not entirely facetious.
"No," she hurriedly assured him. "It went fine, really. My dad wasn't upset or anything, seemed to take the news in stride." She thought back but she really did believe she knew her dad well enough to read his reactions and she also knew her dad wouldn't have lied or otherwise hidden his reaction. Her relationship with her dad had been through its ups and downs, certainly, but if there was any silver lining to the challenges her relationship with her dad had faced, it was that it had made them more candid with each other. "And he doesn't blame you. I told you he wouldn't."
"Oh, good. I'm glad."
There was a brief pause which she broke. "But you didn't call to find out how my dad reacted to the news, did you?"
"Oh, no, I wanted to ask you something. It occurred to me that it's almost the end of the first trimester. Do you have the 12-week appointment with your doctor scheduled?"
It was a little odd, she thought, knowing the date of conception so exactly. "Yes, my appointment's already been set up. Don't worry about that. I have it under control."
"I don't doubt that. I was asking because I want to be there for it."
She blinked. "You want to be at my doctor's appointment?" She wasn't comfortable with that. She would probably have to undress or take her pants off or something, and she couldn't like the idea of Castle being there for that. It was too… personal, too private. She hadn't had anyone go with her to a doctor's appointment since she'd turned 18 and couldn't imagine it now. "You really don't have to do that, Castle. I can manage on my own and I'll tell you what the doctor says afterwards."
"What?" He sounded almost incredulous. "It's got nothing to do with whether or not you can manage, of course you can, but that's not the point. It's about the baby, our baby, so of course, I want to be there."
"But… you weren't at the last appointment, were okay with me just telling you about it."
"That was just the first appointment to confirm your pregnancy. This 12-week appointment is different; it's the real thing. They'll do an ultrasound and let you listen to the baby's heartbeat and everything."
Oh, the ultrasound. Her free hand lowered to cover her stomach in what was becoming a more common gesture for her.
She hadn't thought of the ultrasound but that didn't change her instinctive, automatic discomfort with the idea of Castle in the room with her partially undressed. Irrational and ridiculous, she supposed, considering the circumstances but still. "I'll make sure you get a copy of the ultrasound," she offered.
"Beckett, that's not the point!" His voice betrayed the beginnings of the first sign of temper she'd heard in him since… That Night. She stiffened a little. "It's my baby too and I want to be there, want to be involved as much as I can."
"And I'm saying that I don't expect that of you. I appreciate the offer but I can manage."
"Will you stop making it sound like my only reason for being there is because I don't trust you. It's about the baby; it'll be the first chance to really see the baby. Of course I want to be there."
She stiffened further. "Be reasonable, Castle," she tried placatingly. "If it's about seeing the ultrasound, I promise I'll get you a copy of it."
"Just seeing a printout isn't the same as being there in person. I'll be there, just tell me when and where."
His words, his flat tone, abraded her temper. "Castle, no, I've told you I don't expect you to come. It's not like we're married or even dating. I can't take you to my doctor's appointments with me."
"You mean, you don't want to," he corrected sharply. "Yeah, well, this is about the baby and I'm its dad. You can't just keep me out."
"Since I'm the one actually carrying the baby, I think I can decide who I do or do not want to have at my own doctor's appointment," she retorted.
"Fine, have it your way. You always do anyway. Let me know if you're ever ready to start treating me as something other than a glorified sperm donor."
And then she heard the tone that indicated he'd ended the call. He'd hung up on her. Castle had actually hung up on her. He'd never done that before, she thought stupidly.
He had hung up on her! And for what, because she didn't want to let him go with her to a doctor's appointment? So much for his following her lead the way he'd said he would. And he just couldn't keep from trying to push and pry into her private life, could he?
She glowered at her unoffending phone, in lieu of glowering at Castle, the actual target of her ire. She shouldn't have allowed herself to forget how annoying he could be. Damn it and damn him anyway, she thought, and told herself the prick of what felt like tears at the back of her eyes was from anger. It had to be anger or just hormones or something. Castle had always been infuriating and there was nothing to cry about in that. Not that she was actually going to cry or wanting to cry anyway. She was just fine, in fact!
~To be continued…~
A/N 2: You knew things couldn't continue to go that smoothly between Castle and Beckett, right?
As always, thank you to all readers and reviewers.
