Author's Note: The second chapter dealing with 2x4 "Fool Me Once," in which I decided to fix a scene that's always bothered me a little.
Then Came Love
Chapter 11
Later, Kate thought she was almost sorry to have been proven right about Steven Fletcher not having been a spy. Not because she liked the spy theory but because it no longer seemed fair for Castle to be disappointed in that just before suffering another, much more personal, blow.
As it was, Kate's own triumph was short-lived, immediately forgotten when Alexis showed up and propelled Castle into the interrogation room.
For once ignored by both Castles and now alone, Kate hesitated, aware of the curious gazes of the bullpen. Alexis's arrival—and her tone—had garnered quite a bit of attention and as Kate well knew, for cops, the nature of their jobs tended to erode any respect for privacy they might have otherwise felt. It wasn't impossible that some more brazen of her colleagues might go into the observation room to satisfy their curiosity about what had brought Castle's daughter storming into the precinct. The sight of Hunter, one of the unis—and known to be one of the biggest gossips in the precinct—actually looking to the observation room door with something like intent, propelled Kate to move. She went into the observation room herself, deliberately planting her back against the door.
She squirmed inwardly as she heard Alexis's voice, saw the two Castles through the mirror. She shouldn't be here but standing guard, as it were, outside the observation room would only attract more attention and curiosity so there she was. But still, she didn't feel comfortable. This was a private conversation between Castle and his daughter and should not be witnessed by anyone, no matter what her motives were.
Kate found herself wincing as she watched, a rush of sympathy for Castle softening her emotions for Castle almost dangerously. However annoying Castle could be, he didn't deserve this.
She looked down at her stomach. Was it too absurd to be worrying over how she would cope when this baby became a teenager? Especially because she didn't exactly have an overabundance of patience as it was. Ugh, oh lord, what had she signed herself up for in thinking she could actually do the parenting thing?
She tried to tell herself it was way too many years in the future to be worrying over now but it was harder to convince herself of that with the current teenager—and a well-behaved teen at that—tearing a strip off her dad in the next room.
Alexis finished her peroration with a rather devastating acknowledgment of love and the declaration that she wasn't a little girl anymore before storming out. Kate was aware of a detached corner of her mind having to take her figurative hat off to Alexis for how effective she'd been, certainly better than a typical teen at making her point.
The sight of Castle's dejected face—and he looked worse than she'd ever seen him—tugged at her, propelled her into the interrogation room.
"She's good," she observed. "Took you apart like a pro." She meant it as praise for his daughter which had always pleased him before, but too late realized for once, such praise wasn't likely to comfort him. Shit, why was she so bad at this?
"You saw that?" he murmured abstractedly.
She inwardly winced. "Through the glass." She wondered if he'd react to this intrusion on his privacy but he didn't, although she supposed he was likely too upset over Alexis to spare a thought for his privacy.
She hesitated, feeling entirely out of her depth and floundering for what to do or say. It bothered her more than she'd ever realized it would to see Castle like this, his expression so subdued and wounded. It seemed like something against nature to have Castle, the exuberant, the irrepressible boy, so down.
In desperation, she went for the first thing that came to mind: work, a distraction. It had helped before. "You ready to go talk to Elise again?"
His look was answer enough and she could have kicked herself again. Instead of helping, she'd just sounded callous. She didn't know what to do. After all, what did she know about parenting and parenting a teenager at that? So finally she settled for "Would you rather be alone?" She knew she would in a similar situation but then she and Castle were different and she didn't know what Castle would want.
He didn't answer in words but made a small motion with his hands and, after a moment in which she wondered if she was interpreting it right, she closed the door and stepped further inside to take the seat beside him.
She couldn't really think of anything to say but maybe, she hoped at least the silent sympathy would help. His hands were resting on the table and she fought the absurd impulse to grasp his hand with hers, out of comfort but still. Holding hands wasn't something they did.
After a long few minutes, he sighed. "Was what I did so very wrong? I was trying to look out for her."
She hesitated, unsure of her ground in giving him advice in something like this, but he had asked. "You always talk about how smart and sensible Alexis is and how much you trust her. Do you really think she would pick a violin teacher at random without looking into him?"
He made a rueful face. "Well, nooo," he dragged the word out a little reluctantly. "But he's too… handsome. I don't trust him," he grumbled with a touch of petulance.
She suppressed a faint smile. Castle, the man who was constantly crowing about being ruggedly handsome, was distrustful of this boy for being good-looking—although she supposed where his teenage daughter was concerned, Castle had some justification. "Sometimes, there's a fine line between being protective and being paranoid."
He was silent for a moment and she was starting to think she might have offended him by implying he was being paranoid but then, he responded, with a wry look, "It's a little irritating, how often you're right."
She sternly bit back a smile but all she said was, "She'll forgive you. It'll be okay." The reassurance sounded a little lame to her own ears since after all, she didn't even know Alexis that well. The thought gave her another idea. She might not know Alexis but she herself had been a teenage girl once too. "I had worse arguments with my parents when I was Alexis's age and we always made up afterwards." She suddenly wanted to apologize to her dad for her own teenage years—and not for the first time hated herself a little at the thought of some things her teenage self had said to her mom.
As usual, a mention of her past elicited a spark of interest in Castle, albeit a faint one, but for once, he didn't follow up with more questions. It was a few minutes before he finally said, "I hate having Alexis mad at me."
"I know. She didn't look any happier about it than you do." Which was true enough.
He made a small face. "I guess I've had it too easy until now. I knew it'd be different when she became a teenager; I just didn't realize how different."
"Knowing Alexis, I'm pretty sure I was harder to manage than Alexis ever could be and my parents survived so you will too. It'll just be an adjustment."
The inadvertent echo of their earlier conversation about his other coming child—oh god, their child—drew him out of his despondence further. Some life and light crept back into his eyes, the set of his lips easing.
She felt her own tension—oh fine, concern—easing and thought of one more thing she could tell him. "I'm enjoying Heat Wave," she admitted. She had already finished it but that part she could not quite bring herself to admit. "Although it's definitely a product of your over-active imagination."
Now the corners of his lips lifted ever so slightly. "I'll take that as a compliment. We still have a case to solve, don't we?"
She smiled. Castle was himself again, at least mostly, and that was a good thing, seemed to restore order to her world. "Yes, we do," and as she stood up, added on impulse, "Come on, partner." Because somehow, at some point, a partner was what he had sort of become, not just her shadow, not just a sidekick, and for the first time, she was able to admit it to herself and to him. He was her partner at work―at least for as long as he chose to stick around but she buried the lingering doubt. He was there now and that was what mattered.
Castle squared his shoulders as he opened the door to his home later that evening. He would have been more nervous but he found the lingering lift of his spirits from the rush of solving the case, more accurately, solving the case with Beckett, working together, as the partner she had called him—and he was not getting over the wonder of that anytime soon—appeared to have strengthened him.
He was greeted, confusingly, by the somewhat discordant sound of a novice violinist and the sight of Alexis sitting on the couch reading a book. And knew she was still upset with him because she didn't turn to greet him as she normally would have.
He let out a breath, inwardly steeling himself for the conversation, or rather two conversations, he needed to have with Alexis. First, to make up with her and then, the more awkward news that he was about to make her a big sister. Now that Beckett had told her dad the news of her condition, he couldn't really justify keeping such a thing from Alexis for much longer. Damn.
"Who's getting a lesson?" He started with an easy one.
"Gram."
He glanced into his office to see that his mother was there, holding a violin, with Dylan—poor boy—standing next to her. Although he supposed, knowing his mother, Dylan would probably not need to suffer through her lessons for long. His mother didn't tend to stick with activities at which she didn't exhibit immediate skill and from what he remembered from observing Alexis's earliest violin lessons, learning the violin, like most musical instruments, took a lot of patience, especially at first, which was not one of his mother's strong suits.
He glanced at Alexis, then suppressed a sigh, and moved to join her on the couch, moving her feet onto his lap to allow him to do so. He was marginally comforted by the fact that she allowed it and set her book down too. "I'm sorry for how I acted. There is no one in the world I trust more than I trust you. And I'm going to try to be more respectful. Just promise me one thing?"
She gave him an inquiring look.
"Be patient with me. I've never had a teenage daughter before."
That statement of the obvious made her soften into a half-reluctant smile. "Deal."
"Thanks."
He wrapped his arms around his daughter, feeling the surge of emotion he always felt on hugging Alexis, mingled in with relief. He really hated being at odds with Alexis; it might be the worst feeling in the world, as far as he was concerned.
She drew back. "Aren't you worried about Dylan's intentions towards Gram?"
"I'm hoping they involve running away together but I'm not that lucky," he quipped only to realize too late that the joke had his mind picturing things he really did not want to picture and he made a face that was mirrored by Alexis. Ugh, never mind. "Speaking of running away, how about we have dinner out?"
Alexis gave him a grateful smile. "Yes, please."
"Thank you." He grinned, his spirits soaring. His daughter was back to her usual self and that meant all was right with his world again.
His smile faded a little as he remembered what else he needed to tell Alexis. And he really had no idea how she would react to his news. Some nervousness made his stomach seem to cramp but he ignored it as he and Alexis left the loft. "What do you think about going to Mirabelli's? I was there a couple weeks ago and Gianni and Maria were saying it's been too long since they last saw you." Mirabelli's was also a generally quiet place where he and Alexis could be guaranteed some privacy. And the fact that Alexis liked it and so would be in a good mood didn't hurt.
Alexis's face lit up and his heart squeezed a little in the way it always did when she looked so happy. "Oh, yes, of course, it's been ages since I was there."
"Sounds good."
He and Alexis waved goodbye at the doorman, Frank, and then caught a cab to go to Mirabelli's. "Tell me more about Dylan. How did you find out about him?" he asked as the taxi pulled away from the curb.
"Dad…" Alexis began, a renewed edge entering her tone.
He hurriedly added, "I'm just curious. I know I wasn't fair to him and so now I'm just trying to know him better, for real."
Alexis studied him and then, apparently satisfied, brightened up. "Because Olga retired, I started looking for a new violin teacher and Juilliard has a website that lists its students who offer private lessons along with brief profiles and I found Dylan on that list."
"And you decided to go with the best-looking one because it would make lesson times more pleasant?" he asked wryly.
"Is this your idea of trying to be more respectful of my judgment?"
"I was kidding!" he defended himself. He had been. Mostly. He knew his daughter too well to think she would have really chosen a violin teacher so irresponsibly but at the same time, he found it a little hard to credit that out of all the violin students at Juilliard his daughter had somehow ended up with one as good-looking as Dylan.
"It wasn't funny," Alexis told him rather irritably. "I contacted one of his teachers at Juilliard to find out more about him and he said that Dylan is almost as good a teacher as he is a violinist and Dylan's a genius at the violin. It's hard to even get lessons with Dylan; he doesn't take everyone who asks. I had to send him a recording of myself playing the violin and write a paragraph about what I liked about playing the violin and everything."
"So Dylan wanted to vet you, rather than the other way around?" he huffed, irrationally annoyed on his daughter's behalf. Anyone would be lucky to have a student like Alexis; as far as he was concerned, teachers should be lining up and competing for the opportunity to teach Alexis.
"I told you I was lucky to be able to get lessons with him."
"Yes, but I didn't realize he was that exclusive about it. And he is teaching your grandmother as we speak."
"That's as a favor to us and because Grams pleaded and offered to pay more than his usual rate."
"You mean she offered to have me pay Dylan more than his usual rate," Castle corrected, pretending to be disgruntled. That sounded like his mother but he and his mother both knew he was actually quite willing to pay for her expenses, at least most of them. His grumbling was just part of the dynamic between him and his mother.
Alexis elbowed him. "Be nice, Dad. You know you don't mind. Anyway, my point is that Dylan is a nice guy and a good teacher. He says my bow technique is really good and for our next lesson, he's going to look up some more challenging pieces to see how I do with them."
Alexis all but glowed as she enthused about her violin practice and as much as he liked seeing his daughter so happy, he could have done without the cause of it being a good-looking young man. "Just be sure you don't get swept off your feet by his compliments and get some sort of crush on him."
"Dad!"
He held up his hands in apology. "It slipped out, I'm sorry."
Alexis didn't look entirely appeased but fortunately for him, they had arrived at Mirabelli's and that provided a distraction, making Alexis brighten up immediately as both Gianni and Maria came bustling out of the kitchen, having been informed by a server of their arrival.
"Ricky and little Alexis!" Maria's plump face was wreathed with smiles as she bustled towards them, enfolding Alexis into an almost grandmotherly hug and kissing her cheek while Castle shook Gianni's hand. And then they switched places and Castle easily bent to accept Maria's usual buss on each cheek, smiling as he did so.
"Always great to see you, Maria."
"It's good you brought little Alexis back to visit." Maria turned back to Alexis, lifting a hand to run it lightly down Alexis's hair. "Although I see that Alexis is not so little anymore. And I remember Ricky said you have a boyfriend now? What is his name?"
Castle hid a grimace as Alexis talked about Owen, satisfying Gianni's and Maria's curiosity, wondering if he was imagining some constraint in Alexis's tone when she mentioned Owen. They talked for a few minutes before Maria urged them to sit down while she retreated into the kitchen to get breadsticks for them.
Gianni turned to Castle. "And Ricky, how is your friend, Detective Kate?"
Castle saw Alexis's startled look at him at the mention of Beckett but managed an easy smile for Gianni. "She's doing well. I'll tell her you said hello."
"Yes, do, and tell her she is always welcome to come back," Gianni urged.
Maria returned with their breadsticks, accompanied by a server who poured them glasses of water.
Castle wasn't surprised when Alexis waited until after they had placed their orders and both Gianni and Maria had left before she gave him a curious look. "When did Gianni meet Detective Beckett?"
He supposed he should have expected Gianni would mention Beckett, thus providing him with an easy transition into telling Alexis his news, but now that the moment was here, he found himself hesitating, nervous all over again. "Ah, a couple weeks ago. Beckett and I had dinner here."
Alexis's expression went blank and she didn't quite meet his eyes as she asked, "Like on a date? I didn't know—"
"No!" he blurted out quickly. "It wasn't like that, Alexis, not at all. We just needed to talk about something." He paused and then found himself adding, "The Cosmo photo shoot plans and stuff."
"Oh. Is that when Beckett forgave you?"
He inwardly winced. Geez, teens could be so blunt sometimes. And of course, Alexis knew that Beckett had been mad at him and that was why he'd been kicked out of the precinct for the summer. "Sort of," he temporized. He didn't like lying to Alexis, tried never to do so, but getting into all that had passed between him and Beckett was out of the question. But he did have to tell her at least some. He inwardly squirmed. God, he couldn't remember the last time he'd been so nervous about talking to Alexis about anything—actually, no, he could, the answer was never. Because he'd never had to tell Alexis that he'd had what amounted to a one night stand and that one night had resulted in a younger sibling for her. Ugh, that hadn't helped at all. He never talked to Alexis about his sex life—he tried not to shudder—while Alexis knew he went out on dates, he and Alexis had an unspoken agreement to continue acting as if Alexis were still too young to know about sex, at least where his private life was concerned. And of course, he never brought any women back to the loft.
He supposed the only thing making this whole confession any easier was that Alexis knew Beckett so he wasn't confessing to a one night stand with some anonymous, random woman who was now pregnant. Not that he would ever have risked having sex without a condom with any random woman.
And not that he ever wanted to have sex with any other woman besides Beckett again—but that was another subject entirely.
"Actually, Alexis, I do have to talk to you about something," he finally began, trying and not succeeding to sound casual, composed.
A flicker of concern crossed her face at his tone. "What is it, Dad? Is something wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," he assured her quickly. That at least was true. "It's just, the dinner Beckett and I had was to talk about something and, well, it's something you need to know too."
"Okay. What—"
Castle was granted a momentary reprieve when their food arrived at that moment, providing a little distraction, and Alexis waited until they were alone again before she pinned him with a curious look. "What is it, Dad?"
He let out a breath and forced himself to meet her gaze as he answered. Just do it, Rick, spit it out. "Beckett told me that she's pregnant and I'm the father."
Alexis's eyes flared wide with shock, her jaw dropping a little. "She's what?!"
Her voice came out louder than usual and he couldn't help but wince a little, glancing hurriedly around to note that the exclamation had drawn a few gazes. Mirabelli's was only about half-full tonight and there was no one seated immediately next to them, thankfully. (Another reason to be glad to have come here for this talk; Gianni and Maria almost always gave them the best seats in the house, at the back, with more privacy than most of the other tables.)
She made a small face and lowered her voice. "You—she—but you said that you and Beckett aren't dating and I know you didn't see her all summer," she managed. "How—"
He couldn't help another slight wince and knew his face was getting hot. "We're not dating," he confirmed, hesitating before he forced himself to continue, not entirely evenly and not able to meet her eyes. "It only happened once, just before she kicked me out of the precinct, and now, well…"
He risked a quick glance at her face to see that she was blushing almost as red as her hair and was staring at her food rather than looking at him. "Haven't either of you heard of protection?" she muttered more to herself than to him.
He grimaced since she wasn't looking at him. He knew he'd set himself up for this but being scolded about safe sex by his teenage daughter was not an experience he'd ever wanted to have. "No form of protection is absolutely 100 percent effective. Except abstinence so you should keep that in mind for at least the next decade," he added automatically.
"Dad!"
"Sorry, not the point. But it's true that sometimes protection fails." He tried not to squirm and he really could not bring himself to be more specific about forms of contraception and their respective efficacy rates.
She was still red and studying her plate but after another minute, she glanced up and met his eyes, frowning now. "But how can you be sure it's yours? If it only happened once… and you didn't see Beckett all summer. You said yourself that people lie. And she could have—"
"Alexis!" His surprise and dismay and some anger made his voice louder than he intended and he had to force himself to lower it as he went on. "I know you're surprised but you don't have the right to judge Beckett and she has done nothing to justify accusing her of lying about such a thing. What happened between me and Beckett is private and stays between her and me. All you need to know is that it happened and now Beckett's pregnant and I have no doubt the baby is mine." He shut his mouth firmly before he could say anything more, like betraying that he'd had more reason to doubt Alexis's paternity than this baby's. Alexis knew nothing about Meredith's infidelity, let alone the fact that after their divorce, he had run a paternity test on Alexis just to be sure, to ensure he could keep Alexis in case anyone ever tried to take her away. (She was his, thank God, and he had no intention of ever telling Alexis about either Meredith's infidelity or the paternity test. There were some things his daughter never needed to know.)
Alexis had the grace to look momentarily abashed. "Sorry," she mumbled, not entirely graciously. "I didn't mean it to sound like that."
"Then you should be more careful about what you say." He didn't often reinforce a scolding after Alexis apologized―then again, he didn't often need to scold Alexis, period—but he could not and would not allow Alexis to disrespect Beckett.
"I said I was sorry and I am." She paused. "Wait. You said you and Beckett had dinner here to talk about the Cosmo photoshoot, but that was weeks ago. You've known about this all that time and you didn't tell me?"
"I didn't tell you at first because Beckett hadn't yet been to her doctor to get the official confirmation so she wasn't sure," he hedged carefully, "and after that, I was waiting until Beckett had a chance to tell her own dad. I know this will affect you too but right now, it's Beckett's right to decide who she tells and when."
"I suppose that's fair," Alexis acknowledged rather grudgingly. There was another pause and then her expression clouded over. "Even if you couldn't tell me, you still knew all this time about what you and Beckett did and Beckett being pregnant and then you've been acting like I'm the one who needs to be more careful and responsible, being so suspicious of Dylan and everything. I can't believe you, Dad. How could you be such a hypocrite?"
He tried not to flinch. "Alexis…"
"No, Dad," she cut him off sharply. "You've told me your news and now I don't feel like talking about this anymore." To punctuate her statement, she stabbed a piece of ravioli with unnecessary violence and practically shoved it into her mouth, chewing with an uncharacteristic force that added to her general imitation of a stormcloud. Even her excessively punctilious manner of wiping her mouth somehow broadcast her displeasure.
He recognized the stubborn set of Alexis's chin too well to try to argue with her again and proceeded to eat his own chicken parmesan, although he could have been eating cardboard for all he was really aware of his meal. He tried to change the subject, asking Alexis about school and her friends, and Alexis answered as briefly as possible, so the conversation limped along stiffly. They might as well have been polite acquaintances forced into making awkward small talk, he thought unhappily.
Fortunately for his own sanity, as much as it pained him, their dinner did not take long as both he and Alexis ate quickly, neither wanting to prolong the meal. The atmosphere eased a little as Gianni and Maria came out to inquire about their meals and whether they wanted dessert and he felt a little kernel of pride in his chest because his daughter exerted herself to paste on a pleasant façade for their benefit, claiming she had homework to do to excuse their quick departure. She might be mad at him but she didn't forget her manners.
The cab ride back home passed in silence. The loft was quiet and appeared deserted, his mother having apparently gone out, and Castle felt a twinge of relief since he wasn't in the mood to want to deal with his mother's prying, well-meaning as it might be.
Alexis vanished upstairs without so much as a backward glance, leaving him to sigh. The sound of Alexis's door being closed very firmly made him decide against following her to her room. Better to give her some time and space to cool down.
He sighed a little. That conversation had not gone well at all. He had been so happy to make up with Alexis earlier but their rapprochement hadn't lasted long. Shit.
~To be continued…~
A/N 2: For what it's worth, for purposes of this story (and as far as I can guess from canon), Alexis is 15 right now. Thank you, as always, to all readers and reviewers, especially the guests whom I can't thank directly.
