Author's Note: The second of the two chapters revolving around "Love Me Dead."
Then Came Love
Chapter 31
The next day brought the revelation that Jack Buckley, star prosecutor, had also been a pimp and Kate did not envy Captain Montgomery the job of telling that bit of news to the city officials. More directly relevant was the fact that it increased the pressure on them to close the case as quickly and cleanly as possible so the city could move on, hopefully with as little scandal as possible.
Kate listened as Espo gave her a curt summary of how John Knox had blithely refused to talk to the boys–predictably–and then ended the call with a huff of frustration.
"Knox isn't talking?" Castle ventured.
"He won't give the boys the time of day and with nothing to tie him to Buckley's death beyond Scarlett's word, we can't make him talk either."
Castle grimaced. "So I guess that's it for today then and we'll have to come up with something else tomorrow."
She sighed a little. "Yeah. Have a good ni–"
"Why don't you come over to the loft for dinner?" Castle suggested, speaking across her. "We both have to eat and there's plenty of food at my place."
She hesitated. "Oh, no, thanks, Castle, but I wouldn't want to impose on your family with no notice."
"You wouldn't be imposing. As I think my mother told you, you're welcome anytime. Besides, my mother and Alexis aren't even home this evening. My mother got some free tickets to her show tonight for Alexis and a group of her friends so they're both going to be out." He gave her a pleading look. "Please, Beckett, save me from having to eat a solitary meal all alone in an empty, lonely house."
She bit back a smile at his exaggerated emphasis on his solitary state. "Well, if you put it like that, I suppose I can take pity on you," she drawled with a little show of reluctance.
"Thank you," Castle said with histrionic fervor. "You're a life-saver."
She bit back a laugh as they left the precinct. She half-expected Castle to spend the time again trying to wheedle her into telling him what Alexis had talked to her about but he didn't. Instead, Castle proceeded to keep her entertained on the short drive over to the loft by recounting Martha's recent experiences with MySpace–or MyFace as Martha apparently called it. Kate was laughing at Castle's description of Martha's going "on the prowl" the other evening when they stepped out of the elevator onto Castle's floor.
Only for her laugh to abruptly break off as Kate caught sight of the woman sitting on the floor by Castle's door.
Kate gaped. "Scarlett? What are you doing here?"
Scarlett turned a tear-stained and bruised face up to them and Kate wondered if she was imagining the swift flicker of some other expression across the call-girl's face before Scarlett tried to push herself upright. "Detective Beckett, I didn't know that you were–I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here but I couldn't think of anywhere else to go–"
"You're hurt," Castle blurted out, interrupting her, and stepped forward to help Scarlett to her feet, watching Scarlett with concerned eyes as Scarlett straightened her clothes.
Castle threw Kate a look of helplessness and she had to respond, to Castle's look, if not to Scarlett's predicament. "Let's get you inside, Scarlett, so we can get a better look at you," she offered. And question Scarlett more, but Kate didn't say that.
Maybe she was being overly suspicious, an occupational hazard of being a cop, but Kate was a little skeptical of Scarlett's statement that she couldn't think of anywhere else to go. Her first thought when she'd been injured was to show up on the doorstep of a man she'd only just met? Castle had been kind to Scarlett and more to the point, had not judged her harshly either, as was his way, but still, it seemed a little much to go from simple kindness from an essential stranger to showing up on his doorstep when she'd been injured. Especially considering that Castle was a famously single and rich man. And it would have taken some effort to find out Castle's home address since Kate knew it wasn't publicly available.
It was perfectly reasonable to doubt Scarlett's veracity–she'd proven herself capable of lying, certainly–but Kate was also honest enough to wonder how much of her instinctive skepticism had to do with that than it was the shock of seeing a call-girl sitting outside the door of her–partner. Not that she was jealous–she wasn't, really–because she and Castle weren't even together but Kate found it hard to imagine that any woman would be thrilled to find a call-girl on the doorstep of a friend of hers either.
Castle eagerly accepted the task and moved to unlock his door while Kate led Scarlett inside. "How did you find us?" Kate questioned, keeping her tone mildly curious.
"A client in the publishing industry," Scarlett sniffed, wiping at her damp cheeks.
Castle flicked on the lights. "Sit down, Scarlett. Beckett, will you stay with her while I go get the first aid kid?"
Kate perforce had to agree and sat down beside Scarlett on the couch, handing Scarlett a tissue for lack of anything better. "Are you sure you don't want to go to a hospital?"
Scarlett sniffed again as she accepted the tissue to wipe her unbruised eye. "It doesn't matter, it's fine–"
"It's not fine," Castle interrupted as he returned to the front room. "Who did this to you?"
He set a first-aid kit on the coffee table and sat in the armchair at an angle to Scarlett.
"Here, let me," Kate offered and told herself she was only being nice and her offering to help didn't have anything to do with any irrational reluctance to watch Castle ministering to another woman.
She opened the kit and took out some antiseptic wipes and bandages. "This will sting," she warned as she reached up to dab some of the blood off Scarlett's face.
Scarlett flinched back and then looked abashed. "No, I can do it. You don't have to help."
Scarlett dabbed at her own face, letting out a hiss of pain at the sting of the antiseptic, making Castle wince in sympathy.
"Did Knox do this to you?" he asked gently when Scarlett's face was at least clear of blood.
"It doesn't matter," Scarlett said dully.
"Of course it does," Castle insisted, although his tone was still gentle, and he threw Beckett another helpless look.
"You don't have to protect him at your own expense, Scarlett," Kate tried.
"And if you don't get out from under his thumb now, you never will," Castle added.
Scarlett sniffed and looked over at Castle with wet eyes. "Why are you being so nice to me?"
Castle shrugged it off, predictably. "I'm just a nice guy, I guess. But seriously, Scarlett, who did this to you?"
Scarlett looked down and didn't answer and Kate stepped in. "Scarlett, we already told you that we can't help you if you don't tell us the truth, the full truth this time."
Scarlett's breath hitched on something that might have been a sob and then she looked up, towards Castle, again. "Knox killed Buckley," she said in a shaky whisper.
Castle met Kate's eyes, frowning. "But he has an alibi."
Scarlett shook her head and reached down into the little purse she had with her and pulled out a picture, handing it to Castle.
Kate was starting to wonder if she'd suddenly become invisible (she might have spent too much time with Castle)—or if not that, she was becoming more wary of Scarlett's motives in seeking Castle out with the way Scarlett was all but ignoring Kate. It could be innocent, because Castle was the one who showed more sympathy for Scarlett to begin with, but Kate was a little too cynical to believe it was uncalculated. Especially because Scarlett appeared to have expected Castle to be alone, had certainly not expected Kate to be here.
Castle glanced at the photo, his eyes flaring in surprise, and then he caught Kate's eyes and handed the picture to her while Scarlett went on, "The Reverend Daniel is a client. Knox made me take it. Knox is blackmailing him into saying that they were together when Buckley was killed."
Kate met Castle's eyes in one of their occasional moments of silent communication. Well, that changed the complexion of the case.
"Thank you," Castle told Scarlett.
"Yes, thank you," Kate chimed in. "Now, I think we should take you to the hospital."
Castle stood up. "Agreed." He held out a hand each to Scarlett and to Kate.
Kate accepted his help in standing, sternly not questioning her motivation in doing so even though in normal circumstances, she usually didn't accept help in standing up. She wasn't so pregnant yet that she needed help in getting up but at that moment, well, she wanted to. And that was all.
"Dinner afterwards?" Castle murmured in a quiet aside to Kate while Scarlett gathered her things.
Kate nodded and then she and Castle left the loft again, along with Scarlett, and took her to the nearest hospital. And fortunately, with the help of Kate's badge, they were able to get immediate attention at the ER so leaving Scarlett in the safe hands of the ER staff didn't take long so they were back at the loft within the hour.
"Sorry about that little detour," Castle offered as they re-entered the loft.
"Don't apologize, Castle. It wasn't like you planned it. Anyway, it was useful since we can have the boys go after Knox in the morning."
"True. Well, make yourself comfortable and I'll come up with something fast for dinner."
"Let me help."
Castle refused the offer with enough firmness that Kate didn't attempt to argue and retreated to sit at the table with a glass of water as she watched Castle putter around in the kitchen.
"I think Scarlett was disappointed that you weren't alone tonight," Kate observed mildly.
Castle glanced at her. "What, why would it matter?"
She felt a swell of protectiveness in her chest. Which was ridiculous because Castle was a grown man and not really in need of protection but she couldn't quite help it either because he was so generous, so willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. And Kate was cynical enough to think that many people would be inclined to take advantage of Castle's kindness. "She's a call-girl; she's not exactly an innocent where men are concerned. I think she was hoping to get to you and she did comment on how nice you were to her." It might have been true but it was also the sort of flattery women often used as flirtation. Kate left unsaid the way Scarlett had addressed most of her remarks to Castle, focused mostly on him.
He scoffed. "That says more about how badly she's usually treated. And anyway, call me crazy but black eyes are not a turn-on."
Kate unaccountably felt abruptly more charitably inclined towards Scarlett since whatever her motives, it appeared Castle, at least, hadn't been beguiled. Not that she'd been jealous or thought Castle would actually get involved with a call-girl. He wasn't that kind of man.
And she had no reason to be jealous of Castle since they weren't together, she reminded herself belatedly.
"Gee, Castle, you're so picky," she quipped. "If someone wants to bite you, they need to buy you dinner first and now, getting a black eye isn't good enough. What's a girl got to do to get your attention?"
He shot her a look of wide-eyed innocence. "How much of a barbarian do you think I am? Obviously the first thing I appreciate in a woman is her brains," he intoned piously.
She snorted, even as she felt a ridiculous little flutter inside her chest, reminded of how Alexis had told her that Castle said she was the smartest person he'd ever met. "Right, I must have forgotten that women come up to you at parties asking you to read their dissertations."
He gave a crack of laughter. "I'll have to make that suggestion for my next book launch party. Talk about a party favor."
She had to laugh. That was one way of putting it.
"About dinner, I'm thinking a stir-fry of chicken and vegetables. It shouldn't take long," Castle changed the subject.
"Sounds good. And you're sure I can't help?"
"If you must, you can set the table."
Kate readily agreed and found herself thinking how… domestic… it all was. With her and Castle moving around each other in the kitchen and then sitting down to eat a home-cooked meal together. It should have felt strange since after all, they'd never done such a thing before but surprisingly, it didn't feel strange at all somehow, just… comfortable.
Castle was, as she'd already known, a good cook and even though the stir-fry had been rushed and thrown together from whatever he had in the fridge, it tasted good and she became abruptly aware of how hungry she really was. It had been a long afternoon and the snacks she'd consumed had not filled her up.
"This is good, thanks. Say, do you have any peanut butter?"
He looked up at her, his eyebrows lifting. "You want to put peanut butter on the stir-fry?"
"No, I just feel like having peanut butter. I was also going to ask if you have crackers or bread that I can eat it with."
Amusement sparked in his eyes, tipped his lips upwards, and she narrowed her eyes at him. To his credit, he didn't laugh out loud or otherwise comment as he stood up. "Sure thing, Beckett. Peanut butter and bread, coming right up." He suited action to the words, providing her with both a jar of peanut butter, bread, another plate, a knife, and then offered her some jelly too.
Ooh, jelly, that was a good idea too. Kate thanked him with a quick smile and made herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to eat along with the stir-fry.
They ate in silence for a few minutes but perhaps predictably, Castle finished first and broke the silence with what she'd been expecting him to mention earlier. "Since I'm feeding you, now will you tell me what Alexis wanted to talk to you about?" He pasted on one of his wide-eyed pleading puppy dog looks.
She sternly hid a smirk. "I already told you that I promised Alexis I wouldn't tell. She'll tell you herself when she's ready."
"Please, Beckett," he cajoled.
"You want me to break a promise I made to your daughter?"
He made a face. "Well, put like that, I can hardly say yes, can I? At least, tell me if it's something I need to worry about."
Now, she did smirk. "Where would be the fun in that?"
"You're mean, Beckett," he huffed. "See how you like it if I encourage the Sprout to keep secrets from you."
She felt her heart seem to flip over in her chest at how naturally he referred to the Sprout growing up, how easily he just accepted being a parent, which, yes, he already was but still. "Just try it and see how long you live," she managed to rally, even as she felt a little twinge of something like panic. Oh god, she really didn't know how she was going to do this, be a mom. What did she really know about taking care of babies? And she didn't even want to think about how she would cope when the Sprout became a teenager. (She might owe her parents an apology for her own teenage years.)
"What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander," he returned primly.
She snorted. "Such a cliché, Castle. You can't come up with anything better?"
He made a face at her. "I'm a little distracted worrying about my daughter so I'm not at my best right now."
"I don't see why you're so worried, Castle. You're always talking about how sensible Alexis is and you did tell my dad that she's 15 going on 30. Don't you trust her?"
He grimaced. "Must you cast my words back at me? Of course I trust her but she's still young and the secrecy is what's bothering me. Alexis doesn't keep secrets from me so it has to be a bad thing, right? I mean, if it was good, why wouldn't she just tell me?"
There was something to that. She of all people saw every day that most secrets were bad. And found herself softening, almost in spite of herself. "If it helps, one thing Alexis and I talked about yesterday was college." That part, she could tell Castle. It was about the exchange program that Alexis had bound her to secrecy.
"I assume you told her that she should go to NYU or Columbia to stay as close to home as possible," he offered hopefully.
"Actually," she deadpanned, "I told her she didn't have to go to college at all, could just drop out of school, try doing drugs, maybe become a groupie to a band or something."
He fell back in his chair with a dramatic gasp, clutching his chest. "Beckett! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
She had to laugh at his histrionics. "Come on, Castle, you know me. Do you really think I'd tell Alexis something like that? And even if I did, do you think Alexis would listen?"
He made a small face. "Must you be so logical about my suffering?"
"You really can relax, Castle. Alexis is a smart kid. And," she hesitated but found herself admitting, "I think if the Sprout turns out to be anything like Alexis, we'll be very lucky." It might have been the first time she'd talked about the Sprout as anything other than a baby, referred to the Sprout's growing up.
Castle's eyes went wide and very soft. "Yeah, that would be lucky," he breathed, his voice filled with something like amazement and wonder and hope.
Oh lord, they were going to be parents to a child, would be parenting together. She didn't know why the thought struck her with so much force it seemed to push the breath from her lungs–it wasn't as if she hadn't already known that, intellectually–but she felt another wave of muted astonishment, incredulity even. Along with a wave of nervousness as it occurred to her all over again that she and Castle really were bound together because of this baby. Would still be seeing each other and talking to each other constantly even 10, 20 years from now.
And what would that do to her if she and Castle tried for a romantic relationship only for it to fall apart after a while? Her whole chest seemed to flinch at the thought, the fear. She couldn't really imagine being in a romantic relationship that lasted years. Her relationship with Will had been the longest, most serious relationship of her life and that had only been six months–and okay, it had been cut short because of Will's moving to Boston but even if he hadn't, looking back at their relationship, Kate didn't think she and Will would have stayed together for that much longer, not for years. It was why even after Will had moved back to the City this past year, she hadn't even considered trying to rekindle their relationship.
The flare of panic had her deflecting, not to say hiding. "So what do you think about Knox?" she blurted out abruptly. Work was a safe subject.
He blinked but then responded, "Well, we have what we need to bust his alibi so the boys can arrest him tomorrow."
"And about Scarlett, you don't have to worry about her. Knox has been under surveillance since right after he walked away from the boys earlier."
"You put him under surveillance?"
"Of course. He's a suspect," she told him as if informing him what day of the week it was.
He gave a wry twist of his lips. "Well, yes, but you said we couldn't make him talk with only Scarlett's word to go on."
"We couldn't but he's also a known criminal implicated in a murder so ordering surveillance is practically police work 101."
"Put like that, you're right."
She shot him a teasing smirk. "Gee, Castle, I guess you don't know everything about being a cop yet."
He only smiled. "Apparently I don't. Oh well, I'll just have to keep hanging around you at the precinct."
"I guess so," she drawled. "You can't write about shoddy police procedure in the Nikki Heat books. The NYPD has a reputation to uphold."
"True and the Mayor might never forgive me if I make the NYPD look bad."
"It's tough to be you, isn't it," she pretended to commiserate.
He affected a sigh. "It really is."
The silliness of this exchange had her relaxing as she deliberately kept all thoughts of a relationship or becoming a family from her mind, helped by the fact that Castle was willing to go along with the change in subject. The remainder of the evening as they finished their late dinner and had dessert was spent with him regaling her (in tones of affected suffering) with stories of angry fan letters he received over things in his books, from criticizing Derrick Storm for being unrealistic to pointing out inconsistencies and mistakes in describing places and people in the books.
Castle was her friend and her partner at work, that was all and that was enough, she told herself for about the millionth time. And any day now, she was going to believe her own words. Really.
The next day, they learned the truth about Scarlett–after she murdered John Knox and almost got away with it by playing the victim yet again.
Kate glanced at Castle as they watched the boys lead the handcuffed Scarlett back to their car to be taken back to the precinct. Montgomery had relented to Castle's request to be allowed to go along for this final arrest and reluctantly permitted her to go with Castle after promising she and Castle would stay well away and leave the actual arrest to the boys (and Kate was aware it was only because Scarlett was unlikely to post a physical threat since she would be unarmed, being so smugly sure she had gotten away with her murderous scheme to end up as the new head of the call-girl ring.)
Castle's expression was shadowed as he watched the boys put Scarlett into the back of the car but he didn't look away, even as Scarlett looked up, directly at him, and something that might have been the closest cousin to shame that Scarlett was capable of feeling briefly flickered across her expression before she turned away.
Kate felt a little chill touch her chest. Castle looked more troubled at Scarlett's betrayal than seemed to be warranted considering he'd only talked to her a couple times. Surely Castle hadn't really thought–she cut the thought off. It was nonsense, anyway. He wouldn't. He couldn't.
"You can say it, you know."
His voice startled her a little since she hadn't been expecting him to say anything. What was there to say, knowing that he had been fooled by a manipulative killer?
"Say what?"
He glanced at her. "That you told me so. You were skeptical of Scarlett from the beginning."
Something inside her eased just a little. He couldn't be feeling too personally affected if he was giving her permission to say 'I told you so.' As it was, she didn't want to say 'I told you so,' felt no triumph over being right for once. Couldn't, not seeing Castle's expression now. And she was rather guiltily conscious of the fact that some of her skepticism of Scarlett had been due to something like jealousy at knowing Scarlett had deliberately sought Castle out at his home, setting out to arouse his compassion to enlist his help. "I might not have trusted her but I didn't think Scarlett was a killer either," she demurred.
"She fooled a lot of people, including Buckley himself, but not you."
I'm professionally suspicious; it's an occupational hazard," she returned with an attempt at glibness.
The set of his lips eased a little. "That could be your motto."
"I'm thinking of putting it on my card," she joked mildly. "Come on, Castle, I'll buy you an ice cream on the way back to the precinct," she offered, not entirely altruistically since she wanted ice cream herself.
The corners of his lips tipped upwards into the faint beginnings of a smile. "I accept. And now you know, ice cream is always a good way to get my attention."
"I'll keep that in mind."
She bought him ice cream, complete with toppings, and set herself to trying to tease him out of his funk, making a few light quips to which he responded half-absently and then upped her game by relating a funny story from back when she'd been a uniform, distracting him with a glimpse into her past. It worked. He laughed out loud, his eyes once more the bright blue she knew so well. She felt an absurd thrill of pleasure at the sight, at knowing that she had been the one to make him laugh, to cheer him up. He was usually the one to lift her spirits and it was… precious somehow to be able to return the favor.
"That's a great story."
"A little lowering for me that one of my first real arrests only happened because the guy was an idiot," she quipped.
"Dumb criminals are a gift to law enforcement everywhere."
They exchanged companionable grins and she was conscious of a silly urge to play with her hair which she sternly resisted, focusing on needing to drive.
Oh shit. She really was in trouble, wasn't she? Because he really was so hard not to like, the tug of attraction from his personality and, yes, his looks (and his body, a voice in her mind unhelpfully inserted) seemed to become stronger with every day.
She was just going to have to try harder to resist, that was all. So she told herself resolutely but all her resolution couldn't stamp out the little spurt of pleasure in her chest that evening when she saw his name on her caller ID. He was calling her, again, and she couldn't remember when or how it had somehow become so… normal for him to call her in the evenings even when they weren't in the middle of a case. Because it had. He called her and sometimes she found herself calling him so that even on the days when she wasn't on duty and didn't see him in the precinct, they still ended up talking almost every day.
"Hey, Castle."
"Hi, Beckett."
She blinked and frowned a little. He sounded off. "Is something wrong?"
"My baby girl is all grown up," he said in a tone befitting a funeral.
"I take it Alexis talked to you."
"Yes. She was talking about colleges, schools like Oxford and Stanford, and they're all so far away! I swear it seems like only yesterday that I was checking under her bed for monsters and helping her tie her shoelaces."
She sternly tried to keep her smile at the adorable image of Castle solemnly assuring Alexis she was safe from imaginary monsters from bleeding into her voice as she responded mildly, "I think it's been at least a few years since you've had to tie Alexis's shoelaces for her."
"That's not what it feels like to me," he huffed and then declared, "This baby will have to stay a little kid forever, that's all there is to it."
Now she did laugh, couldn't help it. "I don't think you can just decree something like that or are you planning on taking the baby to Neverland?"
"Ooh, that's a thought, I like that idea!"
Trust Castle to perk up at such an absurd suggestion. "Didn't you ever watch the movie, Hook? Even Peter Pan grew up, remember?" she quipped. Although it occurred to her that Castle himself with his man-child tendencies might be the closest thing to a real-life Peter Pan that she'd ever met.
"Nice one, Beckett." She could hear his smile in his voice.
"Anyway, cheer up, Castle. It's not like Alexis is leaving for college tomorrow. It'll be two whole years before she goes to college and you never know, she might decide to stay close to home."
"Always the voice of reason, aren't you, Beckett? Which reminds me, thank you for talking to Alexis. She mentioned the foreign exchange program and said talking to you helped. Oh and she's decided not to go, in case you were wondering."
"Oh, okay, so she's made her decision. It did sound like she was leaning towards not going so I'm not surprised."
"If what you said to her made her decide not to go, thanks. Alexis didn't tell me exactly what you two talked about and I've decided I'm actually okay with that. I'm glad Alexis feels like she can talk to you and I do trust you."
She flushed, her heart suddenly fluttering wildly in her chest. He trusted her with Alexis and she didn't know why the words, the sentiment, felt like a declaration of… something, something more than simple trust. Although trusting her with his daughter wasn't that simple at all because Alexis was the dearest person in the world to Castle, Kate had no doubt, and she had seen how protective he was of Alexis. He was, after all, the man who had wanted her to run a background check on Owen as Alexis's prom date, who had called up Juiliard to look into Alexis's violin teacher, and had spent the last two days fretting over Alexis keeping a secret from him.
Unbidden, she found herself thinking about what Alexis had said about never having met most of Castle's, ahem, dates in the past. Of course her relationship with Castle was necessarily very different from that of any of his dates but it still meant something–meant a lot–to know just how much he trusted her.
And there was something in his tone, his voice, so warm, so filled with a feeling she didn't dare try to name, that made her remember the way he'd looked at her the other night at the loft when he'd hugged her and…
It was all too much. A flare of fear had her blurting out an unthinking demurral. "It was nothing, really. You help me with my kid and I can help you with yours."
Her words seemed to drop like a boulder, disturbing whatever emotion had been between them.
Shit. She'd wanted a distraction from the dangerous emotions seeming to hum in the air and she'd gotten one with a vengeance.
"It's not the same thing at all. The baby's not just yours; it's mine too. I'm the baby's dad, so of course I'm going to be involved," he contradicted flatly, an edge in his voice that she didn't think she'd heard before. And worse than that, a tinge of hurt too.
She winced. Oh damn it all. She was just so bad at this kind of thing, talking about emotions and anything important; anything that touched too close to home seemed to set off alarms and she fled, tripping over her own tongue in the process. She and Castle weren't even in a romantic relationship and she managed to hurt him. She just didn't know how to deal with emotions or families or anything. "I didn't mean it like that; it was a dumb thing to say," she hurriedly said. "I was just–I only meant you don't have to thank me for talking to Alexis. I'm happy to talk to her because she's your daughter and you're… my partner." It was true and yet, why oh why did the words sound so… lame?
"Yeah, okay, I get it."
His words were accepting but his tone was less so, sounded rather stiff, unlike him.
She inwardly cringed a little. She didn't really say this kind of thing and even now, she couldn't say she was comfortable with it but she had to say something, had to fix this. She could not hear the tinge of hurt in his voice, hurt that she had caused, and not want to comfort him. Or considering how she'd felt earlier when he'd realized Scarlett had deceived him–she simply could not know that Castle was upset in any way and not want to comfort him.
"The baby is so lucky to have you for a dad. And I'm really glad that you're the baby's dad, you know that, right? I–I want you to be involved with the baby, in every way, and I'm… glad to be going through this with you." She really, really was. More than that, she… couldn't imagine doing this, becoming a parent, with anyone else either. Couldn't imagine trusting anyone else to help her with this baby she already loved so much. Only Castle. Not only because of biology but just because of him, the kind of man he was, how much she trusted him.
She didn't trust easily, she knew, and thanks to her job, she had seen all too much about how little some people could be trusted with children–had come across the whole gamut of bad parenting from benign absenteeism and not-so-benign neglect to abuse to murder. Janice Freeman killing her own stepson was not the first such case she'd seen–nor, for that matter, was it even the worst of such cases.
And when it came to this baby, even as she had no idea how she would manage becoming a mom, she also found it hard to imagine letting anyone else take care of the baby either. (Espo teased her about being a control freak and in this, well, she had to admit he might be right.) But with Castle, well, she had never doubted that she could trust Castle with the baby. And it occurred to her how… precious that level of trust was, all the more so since she felt as if she wasn't sure of pretty much anything else having to do with the baby.
There was a silence that started to drag a little too long for comfort and she felt nerves fluttering inside her.
But then… "I–I'm not sure what to say," he finally managed and she relaxed a little. His voice was quiet, sounded more like himself.
"That's a first," she tried to tease gently. "Has that ever happened to you before?" She was the one with the hamstrung tongue, after all; Castle was the glib one, the one who always seemed to have the words.
He gave a little huff that was almost a laugh. "I can think of at least one time, when you first told me about the baby."
Oh, right, that day. The memory of it came flooding back as she remembered all the nervousness tying her stomach into knots and remembered, too, the way he'd reacted and set her at ease. The way he'd promised to be there for her, do whatever she needed him to do and in the two months since, he had kept his promise with every day that passed, in every way he could.
"I don't know, Castle," she finally managed. "From what I remember of that day, you knew exactly what to say."
"Thank you." And his tone made it clear that he was thanking her less for what she'd just said but for her earlier confession.
"Well, you are a writer after all so knowing the right words is kind of your job, isn't it?" she found herself babbling, deflecting from too much emotion, hiding behind banter. It was easier, safer, to keep things light.
"If I'm doing it right," he agreed, "but not even I can be brilliant with words all the time."
"Do my ears deceive me or are you, Mr. Bestselling Author, showing a hint of modesty?" she teased.
"Maybe but don't tell anyone; I have a reputation to uphold," he quipped.
She found herself smiling. "And here I was just about to call up the Ledger," she drawled.
He laughed. "The Inside Scoop on Richard Castle?"
The only real 'inside scoop' she had was that he was really great at sex, an imp in her brain helpfully interjected and she almost choked on air, feeling herself blushing hotly and was very thankful that he couldn't see her. She coughed, clearing her throat a little. "Any publicity is good publicity, as they say," she tried to joke.
"Why, Beckett, one turn on the red carpet at the Heat Wave launch party and already you're starting to sound like my publicist."
"I think I'll stick to being a cop, thanks."
"Good to know because after all, I'm relying on you to keep me inspired for the next Nikki Heat books."
"Well, that's certainly why I go to work every day," she managed to joke but it occurred to her to wonder what Castle planned to do once she started her maternity leave. Would he still try to go into the precinct, maybe start shadowing the boys or something? And what would that be like, not having the excuse–reason–to see him just about every day? Although she and Castle would still need to be in frequent communication because of the baby–and oh lord, that was another thing they would need to work out, how to somehow split time with the baby.
Oh god, the baby. She felt another surge of panic at the thought. She had no idea what she was doing, had no idea how she would handle any of the new challenges being a mom would entail.
"I knew it, you're glad there will be more Nikki Heat books," he declared smugly.
"I like the character, who is not me," she rallied almost unthinkingly. "As for the author, well…" she trailed off teasingly.
Castle gave a little yelp of offense, launching into voluble (and facetious) protest, and she tried to shove her worry over becoming a mom aside, allow the familiar rhythm of the teasing back and forth with Castle to relax her. Which it did. At least for the moment.
~To be continued…~
A/N 2: Thank you, as always, to all readers and reviewers.
