Author's Note: In which Castle and Beckett have a necessary conversation…

Then Came Love

Chapter 35

Kate probably should have expected it but Castle didn't allow her to dwell on the boys' little display of idiocy–okay, well-meaning idiocy–for long. Instead, he smoothly switched to describing his own foray into protectiveness–or as he put it, the age-old tradition of a father terrifying his daughter's prospective boyfriends, his plan to greet Owen by holding a (fake) severed head when that poor boy came to pick Alexis up for prom this past May.

Kate bit back a laugh and tried to pin Castle with a severe look that she suspected came out looking more… indulgent than scolding. "Poor Owen. And poor Alexis–she must have been mortified."

He affected offense. "Excuse me, poor Owen?! I think you mean, poor me. Alexis stopped me before I even made it to the door and made me get rid of the head and take off the lab coat with fake blood on it too. I mean, can you believe that, she completely deprived me of my God-given right as a father to terrify her prom date?"

She clicked her tongue against her cheek in mock sympathy. "No, did she? You're right, that was mean of her. Want me to arrest her?"

He stared at her. "You want to arrest my daughter for being mean?"

Crap. She knew she was dry but surely he knew by now when she was joking. Note to self, don't joke about arresting Alexis. "I–"

"I'm touched. No one's ever been willing to do such a thing for me."

Her rush of relief escaped her in a huff that was halfway to a laugh. "You really are ridiculous."

He gave her one of his smirks. "You should be used to that by now."

She rolled her eyes a little. "I am. And yet, I put up with you anyway."

"And a grateful Mayor thanks you."

"Well, you know, anything for His Honor," she drawled but she couldn't quite keep up the tease as her hand slipped into his. Their hands just kept brushing against each other as they kept in stride so really, it was only natural and more comfortable to hold his hand rather than keep on letting their arms knock against each other. Not that even she could believe that for a second. They were in a relationship now–oh god, that made her Richard Castle's girlfriend, didn't it?—she was allowed to like holding his hand.

They stopped perforce as they had reached a crosswalk.

"Hey, Beckett?"

"Hmm?" She turned to look at him.

She just glimpsed the faint smirk tugging on his lips before he kissed her, a quick brush of his lips over hers.

He drew back. "Because I haven't yet kissed you today and I missed it."

She tried to narrow her eyes at him but damn, it really was hard because he was just so… cute. "What is it with you and the sneak-attack kissing?"

"I like surprising you. And speaking of surprises, where are you planning on going for lunch?"

"Why don't you guess?" She gestured with her free hand to the cross-streets as they continued walking.

He glanced around. "Remy's? Please tell me it's Remy's. Because I could really go for a milkshake right about now and I always enjoy a good burger."

She hid a smile. This being New York, there were a number of other restaurants around but Remy's was little more than a block away and after all, it wasn't as if they hadn't been there before. "Nice deducing, Castle."

He preened. "Thank you. I've been spending a lot of time with this smart detective recently so I must have picked up a few things."

"Nice flattery there," she quipped.

"I was talking about Esposito," he returned without missing a beat. "Or maybe Ryan."

She snorted. "You think you're so funny."

"I am funny, Beckett. I'm famous for my humor and charm," he declared.

"Certainly not your modesty."

He made a face at her and she smirked at him, feeling an absurd swell of emotion inside her chest. She was just happy, happy to be with him, happy to be spending time with him and teasing him.

"What?" He raised his eyebrows at her a little.

She hesitated and then obeyed a quick impulse, changing direction and tugging him with her as she slipped into the small alley a couple doors down from Remy's. It was rather dingy, as alleys were, and hardly conducive to romance but it provided some privacy.

"Beckett, what–"

She cut him off with her mouth, kissing him, and he stiffened in surprise for a split second but then he responded, quick study that he was, his arms tugging her closer into him as he deepened the kiss, his tongue sweeping into her mouth.

He released her slowly, quirking an eyebrow at her. "Not that I'm complaining but what was that for?"

She affected casualness as she lifted one shoulder into a half-shrug. "I thought I'd surprise you this time."

His eyes lit with so much happiness something inside her chest seemed to tighten but he played along. "You win; your surprise kiss was definitely better."

She had to laugh. "Thanks. Now come on, detour's over"

When they entered Remy's, they were greeted with familiarity and Susan, the waitress, hurried over to take them to a seat, almost clapping her hands with glee as she noted their clasped hands. Kate tried not to flush and resisted the impulse to drop Castle's hand, if only because it was too late for denial, even if she could deny anything.

"I thought you two made such a cute couple the last time you were here and I'm glad to see I was right," Susan grinned. "And Detective Kate, just look at you. I don't need to ask how you're doing; you look wonderful. Ricky, I hope you're treating Detective Kate right."

"I wouldn't dare treat her any other way," he quipped. "She carries a gun, after all."

Susan laughed as she handed them each a menu. "You are a smart one, Ricky. Now, I'll be right back with water and to take your orders."

Kate eyed him with some amusement. "Ricky, huh? You have come here often, haven't you?" And she felt something inside her chest warm, soften, at his manner with Susan, his easy familiarity with her. He might be a celebrity but he certainly didn't expect to be treated like one.

He demurred, as she'd rather known he would. "I can never resist a good burger and Susan's been great ever since the first time I brought Alexis here. Alexis was around 8 at the time and, well, she was hard to resist, won Susan over immediately."

If he'd been coming here since Alexis was 8, it was no wonder people recognized him so easily. And it occurred to her with a little sense of surprise that if things had worked out differently, she and Castle might have met here at Remy's, although she supposed that wasn't actually true either. She would only have recognized Castle but they would hardly have ended up actually getting to know each other under the circumstances since she wasn't the sort of person who would have simply approached him as a celebrity.

And now, he wasn't just a picture on a book jacket; he was… well, so much more than that. And not for the first time, she felt a little sense of unreality. How had her life become so surreal that she was not only dating Richard Castle but expecting his child?

"Beckett?"

She blinked, returning to the present to see Castle quirking an eyebrow at her. "What is it?"

"Nothing much," she hurriedly answered. "I was just wondering why I never saw you here before."

"I guess Fate was just waiting for the right time before setting her plans in motion."

"More like Jonathan Tisdale's plans made it happen," she drawled.

He made a face. "Well, sure, if you want to think of it the boring way."

"I think you mean 'accurate,'" she needled.

He stuck his tongue out at her–which, of course, was when Susan returned with their waters.

Castle straightened up, assuming an expression as sober as a judge's while Susan chuckled. "So, what would you like, Detective?"

"A cheeseburger, a chocolate milkshake, and an extra side order of fries."

"And a salad," Castle interjected and she acquiesced with a nod for Susan. Odd, for Castle to be acting as the responsible one, ensuring she ate her fair share of vegetables, but somehow nice too, knowing someone else was there to remind her to eat healthily and in general, look out for her. "While I'll have the Remy's bacon cheeseburger and a chocolate milkshake too."

"I'll put your orders in and your shakes will be out in a minute," Susan assured them before bustling away.

"Beckett, there is something I wanted to talk to you about," he began once Susan had left.

He looked and sounded serious and she felt a little lick of nervousness. "Sure, what is it?" was all she said, managing to sound only mildly curious.

"I–well, I wanted to ask if you'd be okay with me telling Gina about what's going on."

She blinked. He wanted to tell his ex-wife about their relationship? "You want to tell Gina about us?" she repeated carefully.

It was his turn to blink. "What, no, I didn't mean that. I mean, I suppose she'll assume as much but what I meant was I wanted to tell Gina about the baby."

"Oh." She was still confused. Why would he want to tell his ex-wife he was having a baby with another woman? Especially because Gina couldn't have expected to rekindle her relationship with Castle since, as far as Kate knew, Castle and Gina didn't exactly get along well these days.

He grimaced. "Sorry, let me explain. I think I did this in the wrong order. I told you that Black Pawn wants more Nikki Heat books, right? Well, the contract's been finalized and Gina sent me the deadlines for the next book and she wants the first draft to be done by May."

Oh, she understood now; it was about his publishing schedule and Gina's role as his editor and publisher, not as his ex-wife. (She briefly wondered how Castle managed that, to keep up a working relationship with his ex-wife, especially if their relationship had been, as he himself had put it the other evening, a disaster.) And May would be the month after the baby would be born, if all went well.

"You see my concern, right? I mean, the baby will be here by then and take it from me that taking care of a baby is a 24-hour thing, especially at first." He paused, making a small face. "I know it'll be a little different this time because you'll be here and last time, with Alexis, I basically had to do it all myself but still, I can't imagine I'll have any brain space left over to even think about Nikki Heat, let alone write about her."

Meredith hadn't helped with baby Alexis even then? Kate supposed it shouldn't surprise her that much; a woman who walked away from her two-year-old daughter and couldn't even be bothered to remember her daughter's birthday was not the sort to have been a devoted caregiver to a baby but still. (How had Castle managed it? And how did he manage to preserve an amicable relationship with Meredith? She tucked the questions away in her mind for another time.)

"So you want to tell Gina about the baby to have the deadlines pushed back."

"Exactly." His lips twisted a little. "Gina doesn't have a lot of patience for my dislike of deadlines, to say the least, so the only way she'll agree to push back the deadline is if I give her a good reason. So what do you say, are you okay with me telling Gina about the baby?"

He really was keeping his promise from the beginning, that he would follow her lead where the baby was concerned. This was about his writing, his publishing schedule; it wasn't a part of his life in which she would normally have any say and he was still asking. "Yes, of course you can tell Gina."

"Thanks," was all he said but his tone and his smile were eloquent.

She returned his smile and it belatedly occurred to her, too, that Alexis's birth explained the almost two-year gap between Death of a Prom Queen and A Skull in Springtime. She hadn't thought about it before but the timing fit, with Death of a Prom Queen being released 16 years ago, a matter of months before Alexis would have been born. And although she might not say as much to him, it also explained the fact that A Skull in Springtime was possibly his worst book–no wonder if he'd written it while also juggling taking care of a newborn baby.

He made another small face. "Oh, and while we're talking about it, will you be okay with me telling Paula about the baby soon too?"

She straightened up, one hand automatically falling to rest on her stomach. "Not–you're not planning any sort of public announcement, are you?"

His eyes flared wide with convincing dismay. "What, no! Of course not. No, I only meant I'll need to tell Paula because once the publication schedule for the next Nikki Heat book is set, she's going to have to start working on the publicity for the book release and that means interviews, book signings, that sort of thing. And obviously, I'm not going to be available to travel anywhere next spring or summer so Paula will need to know that so she can focus on local events."

It occurred to her, belatedly, that this baby would overturn Castle's whole life too. She had been so focused on how this baby would change her own life, so preoccupied with how she would adjust to becoming a parent, she hadn't really considered just how much this baby would turn Castle's life upside down too. And because he was already a dad, had been through this with Alexis, she had mostly assumed he would have less adjustments to make. It might be true to a point, since it did mean he was more knowledgeable about the day-to-day work of caring for a baby, but she hadn't stopped to think that being a dad to a teenaged Alexis was less demanding than being a dad to a completely helpless baby.

What was clear too was Castle's commitment to being there for her and for the baby because he had thought about all this, treated it as a given that his writing, his publicity events–all of which were required for his actual job–would all give way to the baby.

She might technically be a single mom, in that she was not married, but she was not alone.

And she wasn't single anymore either. She had Castle now.

She felt a surge of emotion and gave in to impulse, reaching out across the table to grasp his hand.

He immediately turned his hand up to curl his fingers around hers, his expression softening, but he didn't comment in words.

"Will Paula be okay with all that?" she thought to ask. From her brief glimpse of Paula at the Heat Wave launch party, the woman seemed driven to making sure Castle's fame spread far and wide. She had a hard time imagining Paula willingly going along with Castle limiting his publicity campaign in such a way.

"She won't be thrilled about the no-travel thing but she'll do what I tell her to. And if she tries to give me any pushback about making some sort of announcement about our relationship–"

"Wait, would she do that?" she interrupted him.

He grimaced a little. "Uh, well, she might. The whole thing of you being my muse–"

"I told you not to call me that," she grumbled without any real annoyance.

"—right, the whole thing about you being the real-life Nikki Heat–there is the potential for a story in it."

It was her turn to make a face. Put that way, she knew he was being tactful. There wasn't just the potential for a story; the publicity value of it was obvious even to her. What with the article in Cosmo highlighting her role as the inspiration for Nikki Heat and talking about Castle's shadowing her… And Kate had heard enough of the gossip going around afterwards, the speculation as to how far his shadowing her extended to. It was even part of why everyone at the precinct had been so easily convinced that she and Castle had to be dating if they were having a baby together. The real-life Nikki Heat pregnant with her author's baby–oh god.

And after all, she was Richard Castle's girlfriend now, wasn't she? This part of being with him wasn't something she'd thought about at all but now, she did with a flare of something like panic. She hated even the precinct gossip about her; she absolutely didn't want anything about her private life showing up on Page Six.

She felt her stomach turn over just at the thought of it. She abruptly remembered all the mentions of him in Page Six, the occasional tabloid gossip she'd heard over the years before they'd ever met. She felt vaguely nauseous just at the thought of her own name and face appearing in a tabloid.

At that inopportune moment–because of course it would happen like this–Susan returned with their orders, her smile widening just a little as she noticed their joined hands although, to her credit, she didn't comment.

Castle released her hand immediately and Kate tried not to feel an absurd sense of loss. She could hardly keep holding his hand while she ate.

She waited until Susan had bustled away again before sighing, "This could be messy, couldn't it?"

He didn't pretend not to understand what she meant. "I won't let Paula make a big deal about our relationship or anything, I promise. She'll keep it quiet because after all, I pay her to do what I tell her to." He paused, hesitating a little. "I can control Paula but I can't exactly guarantee anything where the media is concerned. I mean, someone like Susan knowing is one thing but sooner or later, we are going to be seen together and–"

"And you are kind of famous," she finished for him rather resignedly. Castle's face wasn't that widely recognized, not the way an actor's would be for example, but his name certainly was known and as she well knew, he wasn't exactly a stranger to tabloids like Page Six. "At least, tell me you're not planning for our date to be at some celebrity hang-out spot." The kind of place that would guarantee Castle being recognized and would be the equivalent of a public announcement of their relationship.

"No, of course not!" he hurriedly assured. His lips twisted rather ruefully. "Besides, trust me when I say that celebrity hang-outs where people go to see and be seen are really overrated. I'd rather eat at a place like Remy's any day."

She managed a small smile at that. "Good to know." She started to eat the salad as she considered and then belatedly realized that he wasn't eating. She made a gesture with her hand. "Eat, Castle. And don't look like that. I don't blame you for any of the publicity," she added after a moment.

He visibly relaxed and he did start to eat, reaching for a fry. Oh, he'd been worried about that, she realized, something inside her softening, feared that she might somehow blame him for the publicity that would inevitably accompany a real relationship with him. She might not be happy at the thought of the publicity–understatement–but she couldn't imagine blaming him for it either. As he'd said, he couldn't exactly control the media. And she was realistic enough to know that a certain amount of publicity was a necessity of his job, almost as much a part of his life as the presence of his daughter and his mother.

They ate in silence for a little while, a silence which she eventually broke by asking, "So what's your plan to try to control the publicity?"

It occurred to her that she still wasn't used to this, asking someone else for help or advice like this, but she had become more accustomed to turning to Castle in the last couple months and, rather like becoming a parent, dealing with publicity was something which Castle had more experience with than she did.

His expression softened and she knew he recognized the question as the gesture of trust that it was. He put his burger down, meeting her eyes. "For one thing, luckily, now is sort of a quiet time, publicity-wise since the initial publicity about Heat Wave being released is basically over now. As far as being recognized, we can try to avoid it for a while just by going to quieter places, like here. I'll have a word with Paula and have her keep an ear to the ground for any gossip so she can nip it in the bud."

She blinked and frowned a little. "Can she really do that, keep something like gossip about us quiet?"

"It's like I said, there are no guarantees but Paula is pretty good at her job and you'd be surprised how much PR people can cover up when they set out to do so."

"The voice of experience?" she raised her eyebrows at him in teasing curiosity. "What deep, dark secrets of yours has Paula covered up?"

He shifted, looking a little self-conscious and something darker than that.

She'd been teasing but now, she wondered, a little niggle of something, not quite suspicion, slithering through her. She was a cop, after all, and as she'd told him, suspicion was kind of in the job description. But she trusted Castle–she did–and she couldn't imagine he really had deep, dark secrets that needed to be covered up. Did he?

"Castle?"

He looked up and met her eyes, grimacing. "It's not–don't look like that, Beckett. It's just–the police horse incident. You didn't hear anything about it in the papers, did you."

It wasn't a question and now that he said it, she realized belatedly that he was right. She hadn't heard anything about the police horse incident before, not until she'd pulled up Castle's police record. And while she didn't follow tabloid gossip, she had been aware in general terms of the publicity around Castle in the years before they'd met because she'd liked his books.

"You're right, I hadn't heard about that. Paula covered it up?"

He lifted a shoulder into a half-shrug. "It wasn't my finest moment, to put it mildly, so yeah, Paula ensured it was kept quiet."

She found herself remembering Castle's insouciance in the interrogation room that first night they'd met, the way he'd made flippant comments about his rap sheet, the cocky jackass he had acted like that night. But she knew him better now–and he wasn't acting like that cocky jackass anymore–and looking at him now, she could see that something about the whole incident really did bother him. She could have asked–the cop in her wanted to ask what else troubled him–but she pushed the questions aside. She didn't need to know, not now.

"Well, I've seen your rap sheet," she told him with a show of lightness. "I have to say, Castle, if that's your deep, dark secret, I'm a little disappointed. I was expecting something like having killed Jimmy Hoffa or framing Roger Rabbit, at the very least."

He laughed out loud and she felt an absurd thrill of triumph at having been able to make him laugh. "Sorry to disappoint. I guess I'll need to up my criminal game."

"And here you thought I'd make you behave," she quipped.

He grinned. "Yes, clearly, you're a bad influence," he joked. "Don't worry, I won't tell Alexis."

"Thanks for that."

They exchanged a long, smiling look and she felt the now-familiar tug of attraction and this time, didn't try to deny it.

There was a clatter as someone dropped a piece of silverware and the moment was broken as she became belatedly conscious that they weren't exactly alone. (She had never been like this before, had never been so attracted and engrossed by a date that she forgot her surroundings, even for a minute. This kind of thing was new to her–and she wasn't entirely sure she liked it either, the awareness of it making her feel rather as if she'd been stripped bare.)

Castle blinked and cleared his throat a little. "I can't promise that word about us and our relationship will never get out. All I can do is have Paula try to limit it as much as possible. And if it's any help, even if some scuttlebutt about us does get out, it shouldn't last long because tabloids aren't known for having long attention spans so as long as we don't respond or do anything to feed the flames, any interest will probably die down pretty quickly." He grimaced. "I know, that doesn't help much."

She made a face too. "No, it doesn't," she agreed. "I hate the thought of any publicity like that."

He winced a little. "I'm sorry, I–"

"No," she interrupted and reached out to briefly squeeze his hand again. "I told you that I don't blame you and I meant it." She paused, trying to formulate words, and finally went on, not very fluently, "I can't say I'm happy about it but I do understand that publicity is part of your job and well, I can accept that a certain amount of publicity is part of the bargain in being with you." Rather like a certain amount of danger was a part of her job and one that Castle, too, had accepted.

He lifted her hand to kiss her fingers. "Thank you for that."

She flushed, her heart fluttering, more from the look in his eyes than from his tone or the gesture. "I'm just being realistic."

"No, what you are is amazing."

"Finish your burger, Castle," was all she could say, taking refuge behind triviality.

He squeezed her fingers before releasing her hand and proceeded to take her advice.

They both resumed their meals and after a few minutes of silence, he changed the subject, moving on to regale her with a funny story from one of the publicity interviews he had given years ago for one of the early Derrick Storm books.

"It is really hard to be you, isn't it?" she said in mock commiseration.

He assumed an expression of exaggerated martyrdom. "Thank you for acknowledging my suffering."

"Clearly, you've suffered terribly," she drawled. "What's become of journalistic ethics when a reporter can be mean to you?"

"I know, right?" he huffed. "I really think that reporter–"

He broke off abruptly and she looked up at him to see that he had stilled, his gaze becoming absent.

Oh, she knew that look. He must have just had An Idea. She thought of it in capital letters because when he actually stopped mid-sentence, it was usually something more than his usual digressions.

When had she become so familiar with his expressions? She felt another little flicker of unreality. This was Richard Castle she was so familiar with. Was watching Richard Castle as his fertile brain and active imagination came up with the story, the words, that she would read one day, a story that would engross her, words that would move her.

It was maybe a minute before he blinked, his gaze focusing on her again. "Oh, sorry about that. Where was I?"

"Don't worry about it. Did you have an idea for the next Nikki Heat?"

"Actually, yes, just the vague outline of a plot but it's one that might actually end up being going into the book."

"How often does that happen, that you get ideas that don't end up turning into a book?" she blurted out, feeling a silly fangirl thrill she couldn't entirely suppress, even now, even knowing Castle so well.

He made a rueful face. "More often than I'd like, that's for sure. I have whole notebooks of ideas that never went anywhere. Scenes that never fit into any larger plot, plot ideas that petered out."

"That sounds frustrating," she offered, rather fascinated at this glimpse into the actual work that went into Castle's writing. She didn't think he had ever revealed so much of the process that went into his writing.

One of his familiar, cocky smirks appeared. "I might be brilliant but not even I can be that brilliant 100% of the time, just most of the time."

She knew him well enough by now to recognize when he was putting on an act, deflecting. For all that Castle seemed to–and in fact, did–talk about himself often, it occurred to her that what Castle talked about was very much the surface aspects of his life, the glossy picture-perfect parts, as it were, the publicity events, the bestseller lists. He was good at meaningless patter, the frivolous, cocky celebrity act, but it was an act. The things that went deeper, the important things that made up the real Castle, he didn't talk about very freely at all.

She had focused mostly on their differences but it occurred to her with an odd sense of revelation that maybe, she and Castle weren't that different in some ways after all. He might not share his real self that much more easily than she herself did.

"You don't talk about your writing much, do you?" she observed.

His eyes widened. "I talk about my writing all the time."

"No, you mention your writing," she contradicted mildly. "But you don't really talk about it, the process of it, the work you put into it."

He sobered. "I suppose I don't," he agreed rather slowly. "But honestly, most people don't really want to know. Most people are interested in the glamorous part of what I do, the fame, the publicity events. The fact that my writing means I spend a lot of time staring at a computer screen–well, that sounds boring even to me."

She supposed he had a point but she was curious about his writing. Partly because she was a fan but also because it was about him, the way his mind worked. Being a writer was a fundamental part of him and she wanted to know him. "I'm not 'most people.' You can talk to me."

He blinked, his expression softening. "I really can, can't I?"

"If you want to," she added, rather lamely. "I don't want to pry."

A faint smile tugged on his lips. "You wouldn't." He sobered. "I guess I'm just… not used to having someone who'd really listen."

Oh. Something squeezed in her chest at the admission, the vulnerability of it–the loneliness.

"What else are friends for?" she asked with makeshift lightness that didn't sound light at all.

"Friends," he agreed but his tone, his look, made the word a caress, a declaration, and her heart seemed to flip in her chest. It might have been a little odd to be reacting to this–when they were much more than just friends–but somehow, it felt significant. They were still friends, as well as as a couple, and friendship–well, friendship was something that lasted, endured, more than most romantic relationships. Maybe it was the example of her own parents, who had been friends first, but somehow, the thought that she and Castle were also still friends made her feel hopeful, as if their friendship would help their romantic relationship last.

~To be continued…~

A/N 2: I know this is a chapter in which not much happens but I thought this conversation touched on some important subjects for Castle and Beckett to talk about. I will leave it to you to decide if you agree. In the meantime, thank you, as always, to everyone who's read and reviewed this story.