The Heart of the Bounty

A fanfiction

Chapter 5: Weighing the Differences

Strength. I've finally regained some strength. It's really helped my brain process my thoughts more easily, more sensibly. Jet and sometimes Ed (ugh) help me eat the little we have; they give me the soup to give my jaws a rest, and they are sore to no end. They've helped me recuperate elsewhere, too; my legs are still achy, but I can, with Jet's help, sit upright and support myself with my arms. Ah, it feels good to move a little more. And removing some of those bandages is the most liberating experience I've had of late. I can't wait to be on my feet again.

I wonder what will happen then. When I start functioning by myself more normally. I know Julia is out there, but more and more I've begun to care less. Julia's infectious femininity … her flowing blonde hair, her soft, creamy eyes and skin … it's suddenly being replaced by nothingness. Vicious, Gren, everyone I've met in my years as a bounty hunter have all implied that Julia has most definitely moved on. Her elusive nature, our enigmatic affair confuse me still. I've felt for her, passionately, and so easily I'm thrown away. Am I? Sometimes, I think, What's the use of wondering that now? Clearly she's moved on. I've ostensibly moved on, but I have nothing to finish off cutting my ties…

Except for her. On top of the nothingness about Julia, I am barraged with thoughts of that sleek, short hair, the skimpy yellow outfit, the nude thigh-highs, those bold, gorgeous blues … Even though I haven't seen her at all since I awoke first from the accident, I can only envision her. It's crazy, too. I feel her presence around me sometimes, especially at night, as though she were watching me…

I immediately conclude that I'm still delirious. I must still be sick. After all, a healing man should be eating more than mere broth. Even so, I feel perfectly fine; living the way we do on the Bebop, I've grown accustomed to meager rations. Jet says my health is skyrocketing to normal, yet my head still feels unscrewed. I do wake up a little nauseous, but rational thought reassures me of my wellness.

However, Faye creeps into my rational thought. I try to remember those beautiful times with Julia, to fantasize about her, and Faye's slender body replaces Julia's in my memories. The filmstrips of these pictures rip apart and reassemble as my brain processes thoughts of Faye to take Julia's place. I'd shake my head on occasion, hoping some physical motion can help wean her away. Ein has already ridiculed me for it, with his confused but mocking stare. I don't want to lose Julia, even though I know I have.

Why does Faye matter all that much, anyway? She's just caused more trouble on the Bebop. She's another mouth to feed. Another person to account for. Another blabbering mouth to listen to. Her mouth, her lips, pressed in that small smile…

Agh! I slap my forehead, hoping once again to use a physical motion to clear my head, and to no avail. Julia was a radiant beauty, with eyes that stole into your soul, a breath that can toss my stomach about, a body that aroused me. She knew exactly how to soothe me, with her actions, her traveling, all-knowing hands. Then Vicious betrayed me, and in a way, so did she. She never sought me out again. But why? How?

My doubts about Julia open the doors for Faye. I've always noticed her face, her body. It's undeniable that she's attractive. Even Jet can attest to that. I've familiarized myself with her, yet thinking on her now makes everything about her body brand new. Her shiny hair, though short, seems so silky and just as feminine, if not more so, as Julia's. I wonder what it'd be like to run my fingers through her hair, down the curves of her body. She really is quite a tease with that tight yellow vest, zipped down just enough to expose the crevice of her breasts. The low cut shorts, exposing her elegant thighs. As I recall point by point every feature of her body, I wonder with longing what it must feel like, what it all must feel like. I haven't been with a woman since Julia, and I'd have this arousal once in a while. But never like this. Never with this new fire. Never with this uprising passion.

I feel lightheaded as this rush of Faye drowns me. I have to see her…

"Jet!" I yell. Thank God I finally have the strength to yell, let alone talk.

That worried ol' boy. His loyalty amazes me. He runs right down, probably thinking I'm ready to walk. That's probably what he hopes, too. I know he's getting cabin fever.

"What's up, Spike? You feelin alright?" Jet asks eagerly.

"Where's Faye? I feel like I haven't seen her at all. She hasn't taken off, has she?"

"She's just locked herself in her room. Women, you never know with them," Jet replies, lighthearted and laughing. He doesn't even question why it matters to me that I see Faye. Maybe he's seen this dormant attraction all along?

"Ha-ha. Um, okay. I guess if she didn't take off, her being locked up is the next best thing, eh?" I reply, weakly and unconvincingly. Man, this is pathetic.

As Jet leaves, I grind my teeth in anger. Why the hell does Faye plague my mind? She IS the plague! Faye and her bubbly eyes, longing for … something. She was longing for something when we were trapped in one another's stare. Maybe it was for me to return to my old self. As much as I want to fight the thought, I give in and start wondering, "Maybe this longing is mutual."