The Heart of the Bounty

A fanfiction

Chapter 12: Another Paralysis

I've been sitting on my bed, stunned. I can't think of anything else; I can't think of what to do with myself, who to go to, who to talk to, whatever. There's only one thing on my mind. Well, maybe two. I can only think of Spike, and the sweetest, most passionate sex I've ever had … and it was with him.

When he finally finished, he pressed his forehead against mine and looked into my eyes, beaming. His arms were weak and he let go of me, and I unwrapped my legs too. As my feet fell to the ground, we just continued to stare. I was too stunned to know what to do after that point. He reached back to shut off the water, without turning his eyes away from me. "I guess we're both cleaned out now, huh?" he said, boyishly. He placed his hand on my waist to nudge me out with him, and he handed me my towel. My next move after that was stupid. I smiled, blushed feverishly, and rushed out of the bathroom, without even taking my underwear with me. I can only assume he took it with him. I don't even want to know what he's doing with it now.

That was this afternoon. It's now almost midnight, and I still haven't left my room. Jet came to see me, just to check if I was alright. I've seen his expression as he'd watch me and Spike sometimes. I'm sure the sight of me staring blankly at my wall wrapped in a towel with unkempt hair was the topping for the cake of confusion he's built in his head. I said, almost zombie-like when he came in, "I'm fine. It's okay." I am, but I'm just hypnotized by that moment. And by his face.

And it's not that the sex ached me; that's not what's preventing my motion. I feel like, moving on will obliterate the moment. That any slight motion can erase the pleasure of the memory, maybe even the memory itself. I don't know why I'm thinking that way; whatever it is, I've fallen deep now. It can't be stopped. I figured that act would just remove the infatuation, but now it's progressed. This isn't a silly crush. This isn't a silly infatuation. This isn't even immature lust. Because I felt something when we made love. It wasn't just sex to me; there was this passionate air floating between us, within us.

Suddenly, my door opens. Spike, fully dressed in his usual garb, knocks as he pushes open my door. He does a double take, because he notices I'm still in the towel, undressed. "Uh, am I disrupting something?" he asks shyly.

I shake my head out of the hypnosis. I still feel unable to move my body, so I only turn my head to him. "What? Oh, no," I reply. "I, uh, I just…"

"You don't have to explain," he says, still only peering through the door. He drops a small burlap bag into my room. "You forgot this in the bathroom."

At least he's not a pervert. That was sweet of him. I don't even give this act a second thought. So what if it's an unusual way for him to approach me?

"I, uh, was gonna hand it over in the common room, and I got worried when you never came back. Ed had to walk me around," he continues, chuckling a little.

I laugh too, mostly out of nervousness. "That must've been an interesting experience."

"Ha, yeah," he says. He looks down, and there's an awkward silence that fills the room. After a minute, he steps completely into my room and shuts the door.

"Faye, um, thanks, for this afternoon," he finally says, breaking the silence. I notice him biting his lip; he's probably unsure of the appropriateness of his comment. I'm not even sure either; I'm not offended, but it also feels unnatural to say that. If anything, he's referring to his clever ruse of asking for help to shower.

I almost blurt out, "Anytime!" But that would just demean the whole thing. It would really make me seem easy. And I'm sure he and Jet must've thought I was easy when they first met me. After a moment's pause, I say, "No. Thank you." Now it's clear we're talking about what really happened.

"Yeah…" Spike stammers. He twists the doorknob to leave. "I'll, uh, leave you to sleep. Good night, Faye."

There was a tenderness in his voice as he left. Even with the blaring awkwardness of the whole moment, he knows how to make things right. When he shuts the door, my senses finally awaken and I slouch my shoulders. I sigh, in relief, and in longing. I really don't want to mess this up. What I said about Spike before the accident still holds a little bit of water. We can't lose our best bounty hunter. I can't lose Spike.