The Heart of the Bounty

A fanfiction

Chapter 16: Releasing the Tension

As much as I want to stay isolated to contain my fears and my worries, it's just driving me nuts! That's the thing that sucks about being the only woman on the ship. No real social network. Ed is just a kid, Ein is, well, just Ein, and Jet and Spike have their own chemistry. I can't tamper with that. Goddammit, I'm gonna have to submit and find some way to talk to someone. Anyone.

I always choose the quiet times to look for someone or something to do. I'm also coming at a great loss of what to do. Since Spike's healing accelerated, I've stopped my night time vigils. I really miss that. My only other way of killing boredom is drawing up a bath, but I can only do that so much in one day. I could play with Ein, but that would require tolerating Ed. And right now, that's too much distraction for me to handle.

I sigh as I exit the door, and my body leads me to the common room. It's vacancy is welcoming; I go toward the computer screen and try to find something to watch. As I'm flicking through, I hear footsteps behind me. Oh God… is it…

"Bored there, Faye? Don't worry, we can start on that bountyhead tomorrow," Spike says, almost cooing.

Can I avoid this? Do I want to? I'm so shaken up with fear and confusion that I can't even turn and acknowledge him. Then, I feel his body next to mine. He's sitting next to me. It feels amazing, but scary at the same time.

"Hey, loosen up. It's just me, you know," Spike says, smiling that handsome, cool smile of his. It hits me at this moment that it's a dangerous thing to fall for Spike Spiegel.

"Sorry," is all I manage to respond. I become very jittery, shaking from both being cold and just being so goddamn nervous. He shimmies his jacket off and places it atop my shoulders.

"That better?" he asks, kindly. He takes my right hand in both of his, first just feeling it. Then he squeezes my hand gently, as if he's trying to warm me up, and calm me down.

I shake my head. Why must girls lose their composure so easily in situations like this? Now this is going to drive me mad.

"I know you're probably thinking this is a little, well, out of the norm for us. But I just want to show you that I am glad you've joined the Bebop," he says. The hand directly on top of mine rises to brush some hair away from my face, specifically my eyes. "I know you've heard me grumble about women, but you're different. You're great. Sometimes crazy, but in a good way."

I chuckle a little, absorbing all the warmth he's transferring to me. I'm becoming more empowered to return to my normal self. "When you've got nothing and no one else to live for, and nowhere to go, anything goes."

"Hey, what are you talking about? Nothing to live for? If that were true, you would've left the ship and gotten picked up somewhere, somewhere rotten," Spike chimes in, coating his cool, deep voice with concern.

I look at him, with emptiness in my face and eyes, "Then what do I live for?" The moment the words escape my lips, I immediately answer the question in my head. Him. I live for Spike.

He comes up with a better answer, though. "To be loved." There's a glimmer in his eye as he utters the word "loved." There's a strong air of acknowledgement in those words. He longs to regain love. I long to even feel it again. And maybe, we acknowledge that this love can exist between the two of us.

My tension instantly goes away when the hope of returned love fills me again. The tension loosens me up so much that I just fall onto his shoulder, my hair brushing against his neck. Everything feels natural again, even though this is a highly unnatural scene. I close my eyes in contentment, taking in everything of the moment, of Spike. He lowers his head to kiss my forehead, sweetly, tenderly. I don't know how long we stayed there, in each other's arms, but this moment enlivened my passion to a new level. I want Spike Spiegel to show me what it is to be loved.