*BPOV*
Edward, Emmett, Jasper, and I were milling around outside the house waiting for Carlisle to give Edward the all-clear. He had gone to survey the town of Angoon to find the safest approach for my introduction to the scent of humans.
"I remember my first whiff of human," Emmett shook his head as if trying to forget. "If you lose your mind, try not to worry about it, kid. It's never worse than that first time."
I smiled at Emmett's attempt to comfort me. It was sweet...if not entirely effective.
"Agree to disagree," Edward muttered to Emmett but winked at me, and I knew he was remembering the same thing I was: our nearly fatal first encounter in Mr. Banner's biology class.
An oscillating pedestal fan had blown my scent in Edward's direction and his face had transformed from bored to murderous before I could even put my bookbag down.
What innocent person would cause that same murderous glare in my own eyes? Whose mother, father, or child would narrowly escape with their life today, assuming everything went right?
I remembered the glowing red eyes of Bree, the young surrendering newborn I'd encountered after the threat of the newborn army had been vanquished.
The shrill, tormented sound of her wail rang in my ears. I had been the innocent person to narrowly escape with my life that day.
She couldn't have been more than a couple of weeks old, not nearly old enough to learn to control her urges. And yet, she sat unrestrained, with only the threat of Jasper's looming, menacing form keeping her from attacking me.
That should have given me some solace, but I couldn't help but note the difference that if Bree had so much as twitched in my direction, she would've been destroyed, and she knew it, too.
I wouldn't have the same life or death motivation to keep myself under control.
Edward and Jasper exchanged a meaningful glance and then a wave of calm settled over me.
Edward, trying to distract me, tugged me closer to him by the belt loops of my jeans and kissed me, softly at first, but with building intensity.
It would seem that Edward's "memory tampering" abilities still worked on me as a vampire because lost in the warmth of his mouth, I totally forgot what I was supposed to be anxious about.
Edward pulled away first at the sound of Jasper awkwardly clearing his throat.
"Mmm, what was that for?" I smiled, kissing him one last time.
"It just occurred to me that we forgot to kiss at midnight last night," Edward explained.
"No, we didn't. We just forgot to stop kissing long enough to acknowledge the time," I giggled.
"So, Jasper, what was your first human encounter like?" Emmett asked, conspicuously trying to change the subject.
"Delicious," Jasper grinned unashamedly.
Edward touched two fingers to his temple, listening for something I couldn't hear. "That's Carlisle. He says to follow his scent until we catch up with him and then he'll lead us the rest of the way."
I stiffened, nervous beyond belief.
"I know you can do this," Edward said confidently.
"Don't say that," I moaned anxiously.
"Why not? It's true," Edward's sincere golden eyes were filled with conviction.
"Because if I can't, I'm going to feel like even more of a monster than I already will for letting you down."
"Hey, at least you'd be in good company," Jasper muttered with a half-smile.
Crap. "Jasper, you know I didn't mean that about-"
Jasper waved me off. "I know," he insisted.
Edward took my face in his hands, reclaiming my attention.
"Bella, no. Never." He said firmly. He almost sounded mad. "Being let down by you acting on your natural instincts would be as ridiculous as me…" he paused, searching for the right analogy, "being affronted when you used to salivate walking past a Cinnabon at the mall.
"It's only natural! What we're asking you to do now, resisting that instinct, is what is unnatural. Please try to grasp that," Edward pleaded.
"Women do love them some Cinnabon, don't they?" Emmett said to no one in particular, staring off into the distance like he was pondering one of life's great mysteries.
"Sure, sure. I'm a monster. I shouldn't be surprised when I do monstrous things. Got it. Can we get this over with already? Carlisle is waiting for us." My anxiety was starting to spiral out of control at this point and it was making me impossible. I felt Jasper's influence start to uncoil my tensed muscles.
"Might as well," Edward muttered, getting out of my way. "I can't seem to say anything right, anyway," he sighed.
"Spoken like a true husband," Jasper snickered, clapping him on the shoulder as we set off into the dense, pristine forest separating us from the small tribe of humans living on the other side.
"I was starting to wonder if you'd gotten lost," teased Carlisle when we found him at the rendezvous point.
"Lover's quarrel," Emmett guffawed as he entered the clearing first.
Carlisle's face turned stern. "I hope you haven't been scrapping with Jasper again! You know how it upsets your mother…"
"For the last time, I am not in love with Jasper! It's a bromance. It's different! Jasper, would you tell him it's different."
Jasper's grin was devilish. "You can't lie about your feelings to me, Em."
Emmett's outrage made him swell up to twice his normal size. "Feel this," Emmett taunted, flipping Jasper the bird, causing Jasper to giggle and dive out of the way before getting tackled.
"Children," Carlisle chided, and that one sharply-spoken word was enough to make them remember themselves.
"Let's not lose focus, alright? Now follow me. Oh, and Bella, you're going to need to hold your breath until we are safely in position," Carlisle instructed and took off straight through the trees.
I immediately cut off my air supply and followed behind Carlisle. Edward and Emmett ran on either side of me, and Jasper brought up the rear.
Carlisle led us to the light that filtered through the trees at the very edge of the forest. It was just after sunset now, the twilight hours, and the sky was cloudy and overcast.
Just beyond the treeline was a small, white church with a tall, narrow steeple. The church sat atop a hillside overlooking the tiny coastal town, which was really just one big loop and two side streets carved into a peninsula extending off the southwest corner of the island.
From where we stood, only a couple dozen feet above sea level, water could be seen to the east and the west lapping at the rocky shores of the narrow peninsula, with a long dock off to my right where we'd landed in a seaplane when we first arrived on the island.
A patchwork of multicolored roofs lined the snow-dusted landscape with thin columns of gray smoke billowing out of each of their chimneys. Everybody was inside, probably eating supper given the time, and sheltering from the blustery ocean winds that tore through the trees.
While the homes that lined the handful of narrow roads were modest and badly weather-beaten from the salty sea air, I admired how colorful and unique each house was. In a diverse array of colors and built in a variety of architectural styles, no two homes were the same.
Totem poles marked the clans that lived there. Raven. Eagle. Bear. Shark. Whale. Salmon. My silent heart ached to realize that it reminded me of La Push and my wolf friends who would no longer consider me a friend, but an enemy.
Through the whipping of the wind and the rhythmic breaking of the waves, I could hear the hundreds of heartbeats all thrumming together asynchronously through the brick and mortar of the dwellings. Could hear them, but not smell them. Not yet.
Edward nodded at something Carlisle didn't say out loud. Edward stepped behind me, encircling his arms around my middle as if to embrace, or restrain. Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper spaced out, putting themselves in between me and the town.
"Go ahead, Bella. Take a breath," Carlisle instructed as the four men surrounding me held theirs in nervous anticipation.
I cautiously smelled the air. I was first met with the acrid scent of chimney smoke cut by a sweeter, brinier scent-melted glacial water mixed with the salty Pacific that made a unique ocean/mountain scent all its own.
Then the wind changed direction and I felt my muscles tense, along with Edward's behind me and the three other men whose eyes were locked on me.
I could smell it now, the warm, delicious scent of human life wafting up over the hill. Alluring, inviting, compelling. It promised relief from the ever-present burn in the back of my throat.
I felt the strong impulse to follow my nose toward the scent. To not just quench my thirst on the origin of that scent, but to get drunk off of it. Edward's arms tightening around me served as a reminder to remember myself, remember the goal. Resist.
I locked my muscles into place and swallowed hard against the burn. "I'm ok. I wasn't for a second, but I'm ok now. It's difficult to control myself but not impossible," I nodded stiffly, humbled by the mind-corrupting power of the scent.
Edward's hold on me loosened, and the others relaxed their tense stances as well.
"Good, Bella, that's very good." Carlisle praised. "Obviously, it's harder the closer you are to them and the denser the concentration. But this is a great first step. You should be proud of yourself."
I tried to imagine walking through a crowded, stuffy, school hallway bombarded by that scent as a wolf in sheep's clothing. Or in a hospital filled with people that were broken and bleeding.
I looked at the Cullens with a whole new respect and admiration for what they put themselves through every single day in order to rise above the hand they'd been dealt.
The Cinnabon analogy had been funny to me at first but now I saw what he meant. Living among humans would be like being a diabetic with a wicked sweet tooth and working at a chocolate factory. Except when a vampire's blood sugar got too low, someone else died. Type 3 diabetes.
Emmett and Jasper had already started filing back toward the woods, satisfied that I'd passed this first test. Edward was distracted by the silent conversation he was having with Carlisle that he tried to hide behind my back.
Meanwhile, some 100 yards away, I heard a door slam and a young boy, maybe twelve or thirteen, stomped outside carrying a trash bag that he walked out to the street.
Chore completed, he stomped back up his driveway to go back inside. He slipped on some ice and as if in slow motion, he staggered and fell, cracking his chin on the slick driveway. Warm blood oozed from his split lip and dribbled down his chin as the boy cursed and wiped it away.
"BELLA, NO!" Edward roared from behind me, but I couldn't hear him over the wet, appealing sound of the boy's pulse thundering in my ears.
I was already running without even having the conscious thought to do so, driven forward by the mouthwatering scent of the boy's blood being wasted on the pavement.
I was aware of Edward behind me. I knew that he'd stop me if he caught me, so I just ran faster.
The oblivious boy had his back turned, just seconds away from my grasp, less, when a wrecking ball struck me from behind, driving me face-first into the snow, hissing and snarling.
I lost sight of the boy behind the retaining wall I'd fallen in front of, but the smell of him was still fresh in my nostrils.
"Bella, stop! You have to stop," Edward pleaded urgently in my ear as I savagely tried to fight him off.
The words kept coming as he tried to reason with the thrashing, gnashing monster that had overtaken my body.
"His name is Jalen. He's 13. He has a little sister and a cat. He likes to ride bikes with his friends and play basketball with his dad.
"You are Isabella Marie Cullen. You are my beautiful, sweet wife who wouldn't hurt a soul if you had another choice. You are not a killer, Bella," his voice broke then. Barely speaking above a whisper now, he added, "You have another choice."
I heard the door click shut as the boy had gone safely back inside his house. It was easier to think clearly now that his pulse and the sweet scent of his flowing blood were muted behind closed doors.
Edward sighed as he felt the fight go out of my body; I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. I felt an unnatural calm settle over me, and could smell Jasper before I heard him.
"We've got her Edward. You can get up." Two sets of hands gripped me securely under my arms. I then felt Edward's weight disappear.
When Emmett and Jasper pulled me up from the ground, I left a deep impression in the ground beneath the snow, a perfect casting of my body in the earth, and a testament to how hard Edward had collided into me.
My face and my clothes were caked with mud, but I couldn't be bothered with how I looked when Edward was staring at me with agonized eyes.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he cried tearlessly from where he sat on the ground, his chin and voice trembling. "What have I done to you?" he whispered brokenly as Emmett and Jasper led me away.
Carlisle was crouched on the ground next to Edward, a comforting hand on his shoulder, consoling him with words only Edward could hear.
"Come on, Killer," Emmett said in his usual light-hearted tone, completely unaffected by the near-catastrophe as he tugged me toward the cover of the trees.
"Don't fucking call her that!" Edward growled viciously behind my retreating back.
*EPOV*
My god, what an unmitigated disaster that almost was, and entirely my fault.
It seemed that Bella's penchant for plain old bad luck hadn't left her even in the afterlife. I saw the boy fall and heard the skin of his lip tear against the blunt force of his teeth as he knocked his chin on the ground.
My reaction was instant after decades of practice. I stopped breathing, overriding my own instinctive impulse to hunt the boy. But the moment I'd taken to control myself had been all the time Bella had needed to wrench out of my arms and run at a full sprint intent on murdering the child.
I didn't have time to think, I launched myself at her with all my strength knowing that I only had one chance to catch her. If I missed, if she slipped away from me again, the boy was as good as dead, and that needless tragedy would haunt us both forever.
I dove into Bella with blinding speed, driving her into the ground, using all my weight and strength to keep her contained on the ground as she fought wildly against me to satisfy the burning, forbidden craving.
The thunderous crack of our bodies colliding played over and over again in my head as I watched and rewatched myself using crushing force on the love of my existence, driving elbows and knees, feet and fists into the back of her body.
A living nightmare straight out of my own personal hell: hurting Bella in order to save her from doing something she'd regret for eternity.
She'd tossed her head from side to side, enraged, spitting and snarling as I tried to force the monster back into its cage. The sight of her so unhinged, murderous, so devoid of the woman I knew and loved had rocked me to my very core.
I'd done this to her. I'd injected the monster into her veins with my own teeth and venom just so that I'd never have to lose her. And here she was, yet again, paying the price for my selfishness. For my soullessness.
If she'd killed that boy, if she ever killed anybody, that blood was on my hands, not hers. Not that she'd ever see it that way.
I'd sworn to Bella over and over again that I'd do everything I could to keep her out of temptation's way. And on her very first trial, I failed her…I failed her, I hurt her, and then my brothers had had to peel her out of the mud like roadkill I'd flattened with Emmett's Jeep.
And with Jasper escorting her home, I didn't even have to guess at how she was feeling. Horrified. Anxious. Scared. Extreme guilt. All the things I was already feeling amplified by a thousand because she was a newborn and because moments ago she was the one who had nearly murdered a child in cold blood.
I felt my father place a comforting hand on my shoulder. It was comfort I didn't deserve.
Son, I know you must be feeling responsible, but we have to move before we draw attention to ourselves. It was a close one, too close. But you did what was necessary to stop her. That's the important thing.
I just shook my head, disgusted with myself. Carlisle sighed.
Bella learned an important lesson today, how we are all just moments away from losing control if we aren't exceedingly careful. Carlisle graciously included himself in this assertion even though his perfect control was incorruptible.
She also learned how her husband can't be trusted to follow through with the single most critical objective, I thought acidly.
I lurched to my feet with a new determination. I couldn't change what happened, but brooding in a crumpled heap in the snow while Bella was in distress wouldn't solve anything.
I quickly distorted the Bella-shaped hole in the ground, thus destroying the evidence of what had happened here. And after issuing a quick apology to Carlisle for leaving him behind, I then sprinted for the trees. If I hurried, I could still beat them back to the house.
I had a hot bath to run, a groveling apology to rehearse, and a devastated wife to somehow console.
*A/N* Got this one up quick because just like the rest of you, I was dying to know how Bella would do with her first exposure to humans. Actually, I was more interested to see how Edward would do with it. About as well as I would've expected, I'd say. LOL. Oh, Edward.
Would love to hear your thoughts! Thanks, as always, for reading and reviewing! They absolutely make my day. Til next time, lovelies!
