The Burden of Love: The Painful Truth

by tarskeewee08

"John…" Evangeline said softly turning to face him. She knew what secrets had done to them in the past. She wasn't prepared to loose him over another one, especially one that could very well be a lie. She wouldn't risk it.

"I asked you a question. Are you hiding something from me?" he repeated looking directly in her eyes.

She saw his brow turn into a frown as his face darkened with anxiety. He'd carried his fathers death with him for years. He believed his dad to be a fallen hero, who was she to tell him different. God how could she tell him different? Besides what if it was all a lie? Of course it was all a lie….there's no way Barnaby should be trusted.

"Baby…he said some things about your father. Ugly things" she said softly
"What kind of ugly things?" he asked in a low voice. Evangeline ran her hands through her hair nervously. She walked toward him and touched his face tenderly. "Its probably lies John, the man can't be trusted."

John grabbed her hand stopping her from stroking him. "Don't do that…"
Evangeline frowned "What?"
"Don't down play it or sugar coat it for me. Tell me what he said verbatim, please"

She nodded and lowered her hand. Sucking in her breath she blew it out nervously and looked into his sad blue eyes when she spoke an ugly truth. She told him of Barnaby's claims and how ridiculous they were. John listened intently and she could see the pain and sorrow all through his face. He seemed as if he would fall to pieces in front of her eyes. Watching him she waited for an explosion or something but he just remained frozen.

"Did he say he had proof?" John croaked out
"Yes…"
He looked toward the door. "He's not lying"
"John the man's a consummate liar, you know he has ulterior motives." She said reaching from him. John side stepped her grasp and turned his back to her. "My father was a good man…."
"Of course he was. He died to protect you and his principles you know this"

Turning he glared at her "He died when I was nine Van, I don't know who or what he was!"

Evangeline shook her head "Your father loved you and his family. Now matter what happened you know this. Please baby listen to me…."

"I want to know what happened. I want to know who my father was" he said heading toward the door. Evangeline grabbed his arm but John shook her off throwing the door open.

"John stop this….please…."
Barnaby saw John glaring at him and knew instantly that she told him. He sucked his teeth. "You're a stupid woman!" he hissed angry that his leverage was gone.

"John no….stop this" she said pleadingly seeing the murderous rage on his face.
"What's this thing between you and my father!" he growled at Barnaby
Barnaby lay back on the pillows smirking "That's for me to know and for you to find out…"

John stormed over to the bed pulling his gun then using his thumb to release the safety aiming it at Barnaby. "I'll ask you one more time…"

Evangeline saw that his pain had him in an uncontrollable state of grief. She reacted just as quickly stepping between him and Barnaby causing the gun to be leveled at her chest. John looked at her confused "Move..."

"Stop this! You're not him. I won't loose you again"
"MOVE!" he shouted in her face, his eyes welling with tears.

"NO! not until you give me that gun. I won't let you kill him. It won't make a difference John and you won't be able to live with this."

John smiled angrily "Oh I can live with it."
"Then I can't! I can't live with seeing you kill a man! What about that!" she shouted at him.

Frowning as her words delivered the desired affect his face softened. A long moment passed between them and his hand shook from the decision he was to make, deciding on love he lowered the gun slowly.

Evangeline saw his love for her pulling him back from the edge and her heart bled for the pain he must be experiencing. "Listen to me baby, whatever it is no matter how bad it is we have each other. I thought my guilt and grief over Charlotte's death would destroy me but you saved me. Your love saved me. Now it's my turn, give me the gun." she said lovingly extending her hand to him.

John looked at the gun in his hand then at her. He was so angry and so hurt by the turn of the events he still wanted revenge. He wanted it so bad he shook with it. But more than that he wanted her love and respect, she was the most important thing in his life. He couldn't loose her over this. Handing her the gun he saw her nod encouragingly. Placing it in her hand he let his fingers glide off of it as he let go of it. She came to him wrapping her arms around his neck kissing his face while crying softly "Oh god…baby it will be okay…I swear it!" she said holding the gun firmly in her hand as she clung to him.

Barnaby laughed "I see you are a cowardly shit like your pops. You know this is the same thing that happened to him!"

Evangeline and John looked at him on the bed disgusted. "Shut up!" Evangeline hissed with the gun still in her hand.

"Eve found out about our Irishman Clan and forced your dad to choose. All of sudden he had an attack of conscious"

"My mother knew?" John asked shocked
"Yes, more secrets and lies, bet she told you that dear old daddy was a hero!" Barnaby said laughing cruelly.

Evangeline let go of John and walked over to the edge of the bed. "You actually think that you've won something. It makes you more than pathetic. In fact it makes you sad. When your wife and kids find out that you murdered your best friend and countless others how will you feel then?"

Barnaby's grin slowly faded from his face "Don't speak of my family"

Evangeline grinned at him. "I won't only speak of them, I will speak to them, before you get a chance to tell any side of your story I'm going to give them a play by play of what your selfish greed has cost us all!"

"You bitch!" he hissed.

Evangeline turned and looked back over her shoulder to John but saw she was in the room alone. Frowning she went to the door.

"This isn't over! Not by a long shot!" Barnaby called after her.

Ignoring him she walked out of the room to see him putting on his coat. "Where are you going?" she asked softly

"To get some air, if I stay in here I'll kill him"
"John….its a blizzard outside"
"I'm colder in here" he snipped walking out of the door.

Evangeline held he gun watching him go. She wished the damn storm would let up so she could get them out of here. Hearing Cletus moan she turned and looked at him. He was coming too. Walking over to the sofa she sat down on the coffee table across from him lowering the gun "Cletus…."

Turning his head slightly he looked at her through his swollen shut eyes. "Ms. Williamson.." he said softly in a voice racked with pain.

Trying to rise up he gasped at the pain. "No…don't move Cletus" she said putting her hand gently on his chest.

"We have to get out of here…" Cletus moaned
"You're safe"
"No….you don't under…stand…we have…to…"
"I do, I know all about it. Barnaby can't hurt you"

Cletus looked at her surprised "You know that he was involved?"
Evangeline nodded sadly "Why didn't you tell me Cletus?"
"I couldn't…..he'd already killed Ms. Pryce, I couldn't let you be hurt too"

Evangeline smiled and touched his face "Why did you call me then…you said it was urgent that we speak."

Cletus moaned through the pain in his chest and back from the beating he took, wincing as tears rolled down his face he tried to shift to a better position. Evangeline helped him get more comfortable concerned that he may have hidden injuries. He grabbed her hand and looked into her face "When O'Reilly was arrested I went to his place to get the things he told me to get if he ever got pinched. Ms. Williamson, there's money and a lot of other stuff, stuff that will put a lot of people behind bars."

Evangeline looked back at the closed door. She understood why Barnaby was so desperate, why he wanted Cletus kept alive.

Looking back at Cletus it dawned on her that part of this evidence could be this so called proof on John's father. Either way she would need to get to it. Cletus told her where he hid the things including the key to the large lock box that held all of the money. Before she could discuss it further John came barreling inside with officers in tow. They converged on both rooms holding the men as the paramedics came for Cletus.

Rising she stepped back to give them room to work on him. Cletus looked up at her and smiled gratefully and she smiled back.

From across the room her man stood leaning against the wall still in shock and pain. She sighed sadly walking over to him. He didn't notice her approach and barely hugged her back when she wrapped her arms around his waist and placed her head on his chest. "I love you..."

John hugged her back and kissed the top of her head "I love you too" he said sadly.
They remained in each other arms as Barnaby and Matt were dragged out. The paramedics lifted Cletus to the stretcher and took him out into the storm. They actually were able to land a medical helicopter to lift him out of the storm.

"Lt." the responding officer approaching them said.
John looked at him exhausted "Yes…"
"We need to talk about everything that happened. You up to it?"

He nodded and Evangeline let him go as they walked over to the dining room table to discuss Barnaby and what they found. She thought about Cletus and what he told her of the evidence O'Reilly kept to use against Barnaby. She would tell John separately. If there was some information on his father she would let him review it first before it all became public.

Walking into her apartment the events of the day had them both exhausted. They barely spoke on the drive back in the squad car. They had to leave theirs behind because of the blizzard. The drive home was a treacherous one and she spent most of it asleep in his arms in the back of the squad car.

Evangeline watched him peal off his jacket and head toward her room. Locking the door she followed him silently. Right now he needed comforting and that's all she would focus on. In her place and in her arms he could force out the pain and disappointment he would need to face in the upcoming days.

Watching him undress from the door way she smiled sadly "Are you hungry?"
"No…" he said softly climbing under the covers. He looked back at her and extended his hand for her. Evangeline took off her coat and clothes quickly joining him under the thick blankets. "I love you" she said sliding her arm across his chest.

John held her tightly enjoying the warmth of her body next to his. Sighing he relaxed and closed his eyes. His mom knew all these years and never told him the truth. She actually remained friends with Barnaby? How was that even possible? Forcing it from his mind he swallowed his disappointments and focused on his one true accomplishment. His love for Evangeline. Feeling her kiss the inside of his neck he sighed and rubbed her bare back. She was all he needed.

John woke to the familiar smell of her fixing his breakfast. Rolling over he looked at the clock on her dresser and saw it was barely after seven. He fell back over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. Why was this happening? How could his dad have been anything other than the great man he remembered…


The paramedics wheeled Thomas McBain through the swinging doors as John barely nine years old ran after them crying. His dad looked up and extended his hand to him his chest riddled with bullets still and his face turning pale from exhaustion.

"Johnny….see after your momma and brother….I need you to be strong…" Thomas whimpered.

"Dad…no, please don't die!" John screamed. The paramedics had allowed him to ride in the ambulance with them, and regretted stating in front of him how grave the situation was.

"Son, please step back" One of the paramedics said trying to keep John at bay as he pushed the gurney. The doctors raced out into the corridor immediately checking for vitals. John screamed that he couldn't die and an orderly scooped him up from the ground bringing him back. Thomas looked at his son for the last time and smiled weakly "It'll be okay son….it'll be okay"

John closed his eyes to that memory, forcing it away. That memory and the one of him running out the front door to see his father lying in the driveway bleeding to death haunted him always. To know that it was some retribution for some nefarious deeds his father enacted made him sick to his stomach.

"Morning sleepy head" Evangeline said coming into the room carrying a tray of food. John looked up at her in the pink robe he loved to see her in because of the way it clung to her curves. Her hair was somewhat disheveled from a nights sleep and she wore no makeup. It didn't matter though, she was still unbelievably beautiful to him.

"Morning…" he said softly sitting up. Evangeline placed the tray on his lap and looked into his face. "I fixed your favorite; I want you to eat up. There are some things we need to talk about."

John picked up the coffee and sipped it. Looking over the rim of the mug at her sitting on the bed staring at him seriously he frowned. "What things?"

"Eat first" she said scooping up the eggs and feeding them to him. John ate the food and smiled at her chewing. It had been ages since she fed him in bed. It was another thing on his list of favorite things with her.

Evangeline saw his willingness to comply and it made her feel better. She wanted him at his best today if they were to go and bury the remainder of his demons. John finished eating watching her get her things ready for the day. She headed to the bathroom to shower as he finished and he moved the tray from his lap falling back into the pillows. She came out to find him with his back to her and the covers pulled up.

This type of sleep was a form of depression and she was determined not to let him slip into it. "I need you to get up and get dressed baby, there's some place we need to be."

John didn't bother to turn over or look at her. He closed his eyes remaining rooted to the spot. "We can deal with Barnaby later. I just don't want to go out there today."

Evangeline walked around the bed and sat on the other side of him. "Cletus told me why Barnaby was so desperate to get to him and keep him alive."

Opening his eyes he looked at her saying nothing. Evangeline moved his hair from his face and then rubbed his shoulder affectionately. "Ryan O'Reilly kept records of their dealings, things to explain the origin and root of the Irishman Clan. Cletus told me where to find these things and I think we should go over them before turning them over to the police."

"Why?" John asked emotionless

Evangeline stared into his sad blue eyes. "Because he's your father, and before the world stands in judgment of him, you need to make your peace with him. It's the only way you will be totally free and I'm so tired of us living with the burdens of our love. I need you to come back to me baby, strong and confident. The man that held me up when my world fell apart. I need you to be that for yourself. I want my life with you dammit and I'm too close to give up hope now!"

She watched to see if her words had any affect. He cut his eyes and stared blankly in front of him for what Evangeline felt was an eternity. "John….you can do this. You have to do this…for you and us."

"I guess you're right" he said weakly "I just don't know if I can take much more of this Van."

Evangeline nodded "I know that feeling and the answer is yes. Yes you can take more of this because this is life. We have to accept the good and the bad. We have to love each other in spite of it. Please baby get up" she said pulling his hand from under the covers.

John rose letting of his anger and disappointment. It was time to deal with it all, this time he had her at his side and that was enough for now. Soon he would be called upon to stand on his own two feet, something he found extremely difficult to do when it came to his own pain. Sighing he drew on her strength, he needed her more now than ever.