The Burden of Love: Worth fighting for

by tarskeewee08

Evangeline turned over smiling. After John spoke to his mother his dark mood lightened some. He was relieved that although she knew his father was involved with shady practices she had no idea that Jacob Barnaby was the coconspirator. She told John of how she found stashes of cash and freaked out. How his father tried to explain and she threatened to leave him and take the boys. He begged her forgiveness and set to correct the wrongs he did. She never knew what he faced and he was dead weeks later. John explained it all to her filling in the missing pieces comforting her on the phone and promising to visit soon.

Evangeline didn't know what provoked what unfolded next but didn't shy away from it. He came to her needier than she had ever seen him. Taking her on the couch and then moving to her room, he ravaged her body making her weak from his lustful pursuit of her. She allowed him to make love to her over and over again, climaxing under his passionate assault, then collapsing form the sheer exhaustion of it all.

Finally when spent they fell asleep in each others arms whispering of their love for one another. Opening her eyes she saw him next to her staring up at the ceiling. The lamp next to the bed was on and she could see his face clearly. His blue eyes shimmered as the remnants of tears glistened from them. Pulling herself up she looked at him for a moment before speaking. "John"

He then noticed she was awake and smiled at her. "Sorry couldn't sleep" he said pulling her into his arms.

"Your dad?" she asked snuggling his chest
"No, not really….just us and everything we've been through." He said softly and she could hear his deep voice crack with emotion.

"I don't understand….we're fine"
"I came so close to loosing you….to close. If it wasn't for…"
"Don't John please…why dwell on all of that?"
"I can't help it Van, you mean everything to me. I can't bare the thought of being without you"

"Well, good baby…you mean the world to me as well. I love you so very much and for so long I still can't believe that I treated you…"

"All roads lead here baby, that's our lesson. Every moment of pain we both suffered. Every loss we experienced and every disappointment we heaped on each other led us to this moment here. To go back and alter it any way would take us somewhere else. Some place else….would you really want that?"

John thought about what she said. To change the past could change their future. Would he be able to appreciate the precious jewel she was. Would he have the commitment they now share? Maybe they would but he wasn't foolish enough to risk it. The love he had with her now was more than enough.

"I guess you're right." he said softly
"I'm always right" she said confidently.
"Really?" he laughed tickling her. Evangeline laughed and wiggled from his grip as he began his tickle fest.

"Okay..okay…I give!" she giggled
John held her tightly "So who's always right?"

"You are…"she said laughing still.
"Good girl" he said releasing her. She moved over and cut her eyes. "We both know who the queen in here…is!"
"That's right baby and we know who the king is!" he said chuckling.

"Whatever!" she said getting out of bed. He watched her sashay nude to the bathroom. As the door closed he smiled looking back up at the ceiling. She was right there was no need to dwell on the past as long as he learned from it. Now was a time to discuss their future.

Evangeline came out of the bathroom and raced back to the bed jumping on it grinning her black hair hung loosely in her face. John smiled and pulled her back to him kissing her again.

"There are some things we need to discuss" he said as she rolled from his arms and climbed back under the covers with him.

"What things?" she asked happily snuggling him closely again.
"Our future…"
Evangeline opened her eyes listening to his heart beat. "I love talking about the future with you…"

"Marriage…..I want to talk about marriage" he said rubbing her back.
Evangeline sighed, "John…"
"I want you to be my wife Van, after all we've been through I know you want the same thing."

"It's not that I don't love you. Its not that I don't want to be with you because I do and I will but…"

"Evangeline, I need you to be my wife. I need the whole world to know of my commitment to you. We've spent too much time separated from each other. We deserve a life filled with happiness and babies. Everything our love can bring."

Evangeline looked away dreading this conversation and searching for the words to explain her heart. "I can't baby….I just can't."
"Why Van?"
"It's complicated and painful…I just can't give you a solid one sentence reason. I don't believe in it and I don't want it for us." she said sadly.

"I love you I really do Evangeline, but that's not going to work. I need more and so do you whether you believe it or not. I'm willing to go as slow as necessary as long as the end road leads to you being my wife"

"Why dammit! Why do you insist on this? What we have is greater than marriage!"
John looked up at her hovering over him her face contorted with anger "If our love is greater than marriage, your marrying me won't destroy it."

"Marriage changes people!"
"Not us…"
"Its makes you loose sight of what's important!"
"Won't happen to us…"
"You don't know that!"
"I do….because I know you….I know me!"
"Well I won't risk loosing you when you wake up one day feeling trapped or suffocated by our union! I won't let you loose sight of us…"
"That won't happen….and if its part of our destiny then it could happen with or without marriage….don't you see that?"

"John please…"
"This is it Evangeline…it's our final quest. After this baby its smooth sailing. Open yourself to it all. We don't have to do it tomorrow….I haven't officially proposed yet. I need you to think on this and consider my feelings as well as yours." he said running his hand over her thigh.

Evangeline fought back her own tears of regret and distrust. His words made perfect sense and she knew her fears were unfounded. She was basing them on countless divorce cases she'd worked and years of watching the emptiness in her parent's marriage. She didn't want to loose him and the idea of him one day looking at her the way her father looked at her mother terrified her.

"Fine John…I'll think about it" she said weakly looking away.
"Thank you baby" he said pulling her down to him.
"Why do things have to be so hard…" she said letting him hold her.
"Things that are worth having are always harder to obtain." He said smiling.

Evangeline nodded listening again to his heart beat. "I do love you…"
"I know sweetie, it's your love for me that will help you see that being my wife isn't the kiss of death. It's just another chapter in our love story"

She smiled "I like the way that sounds….our love story!"
"Me too.."