"Beauty of Deceit"

A One Piece Gaiden - Kalifa Side Story

by Aoikami Sarah

.Chapter Two.

A year later, four of the seven newest CP9 members gathered in Spandam's office. The director was seated at his desk and his companion sword was in its elephant form at his side. "I have called you here to give you all a very important mission," he began and handed Funk Freed a peanut. "You will be assigned to investigate the whereabouts of something so incredibly top-secret that the power and discretion of CP9 is required to retrieve it."

Blueno, Kaku, Rob Lucci and Kalifa looked unimpressed. Spandam cleared his throat and brushed peanut shells off of the desk. "For many years now the World Government has been trying to get a hold of something very important, but the vastness of the pirate problem on the Grand Line among other problems has put this project on the back burner. You will be assigned to the ship-building capital of Water Seven. We believe that its new mayor, a man called Iceberg is in possession of a forbidden document that you are to obtain by becoming his trusted friends."

Blueno raised a brow. "Come again?"

"Such a task must surely take some time to execute," Kaku pointed out. "Are you certain that we're best suited for the job?"

"You're more than capable of this task," Spandam growled. "And should the need arise you can smash-and-grab better than any other force employed by the government." He brushed Funk Freed's wandering trunk away from his shoulders. "I know Iceberg. He won't give the document to us even if we storm into his house and threaten him with death." He pushed the trunk away again and gave the elephant a stern look. "Rob, you and Kaku will apply for work at the Galley-La shipbuilding company that Iceberg owns. Blueno, you will discover where Iceberg spends most of his time socially, a tavern or whatever, and find work there. Kalifa," he said and waved a newspaper at the woman. "You will apply to be his personal secretary." Sure enough, the paper was folded to reveal the want-ad section and said job listing that had been posted just that day.

She raised a brow. "This salary is less than I'm paid now," she noted. "This is completely sexist. And I do not think that CP9 is best suited for a spy job."

"Excellent!" Spandam shouted, ignoring her. "Your mission starts now. Change into civilian clothes and meet at the Sea Train platform in one hour." Just as they turned to leave, Funk Freed clamped his trunk down onto Spandam's head.

.x.

Kaku and Blueno were already waiting on the platform when Kalifa arrived. Even though she had been working with them for over a year, the only female member of CP9 hadn't exchanged more than a few words with either of these men. Blueno always had an air of superiority to him, so she decided that he wasn't worth talking to anyway. Kaku had an odd way of speaking that reminded her of her grandfather and put her right off. The fourth member of their team strolled toward the platform. Rob Lucci was tall and handsome which was all well and good, but men like that usually knew it and his saunter oozed confidence and machismo, even with the well-dressed pigeon on his shoulder. Kalifa frowned gripped her suitcase tighter.

"Afternoon, Lucci," Kaku greeted him. "You aimin' to take the bird with ya, are ya?"

Rather than the man, the bird answered. "Of course he's taking the bird! Dumbass!"

Kaku was stunned speechless. Blueno raised a brow. Kalifa covered her mouth to suppress a giggle. The bird stared at her. "What's your problem, eh?" it squawked.

She pushed her glasses up a little. "I don't have a problem with you at all. I was simply surprised. I think it's a good idea to disguise yourself in such a manner."

"Ah! That what it is, then? A disguise?" Kaku asked.

"Correct! Dumbass! The best way to blend in is to stand out!"

"You can lose the 'dumbass'," he suggested.

"Lucci," Blueno ignored the oddness of the situation. "What do you think of this mission?"

The bird puffed out his chest as if thinking about the question. Lucci's face was expressionless. "My name is Hattori! That's Lucci!" The bird pointed to himself and to the human he sat on. "And I don't know what you're talking about!"

The others were stunned. "Amazing," Kalifa said quietly. 'Is he a genius or a retard?' she thought.

Blueno rolled his eyes. "Ok, what about you, Kaku?"

He pouted and contemplated the answer himself. "I don't know. I think we are capable of spy work but that this seems a long mission by the way the Director puts it. I'm still tendin' to think that this really isn't suited for our talents."

"It is an order," Kalifa noted. "Regardless of what we think of it. Hopefully we can complete our mission quickly and this will all be nothing but an irritating memory."

More to come…