Yay for ABC family and giving me random weird ideas! I was watching Chamber of Secrets and all I could see was this, and I had to write it. Because everyone has to write some Harry Potter slash...

I don't own this, JK Rowling and...that...movie production company does. Enjoy!

-The Author


Ron poked his fluffy red head around the corner. There were definitely footsteps coming. This was the way to Slytherin, no? He held his wand at ready, the Spellotape gleaming in the half-light.

"Ron," said Harry, "Maybe I should do it?"

Ron looked at the Spellotape and nodded. He took a step back. Harry raised his wand, and swished and flicked, and recited Ron's signature spell. "Wingardium Leviosa!"

The drugged cupcakes flew up in the air. The footsteps were closer now. Harry and Ron stepped back into the shadows from whence they had come. Crabbe and Goyle stepped around their corner, their arms filled with…cakes. Ron winced. Maybe they wouldn't take the bait?

But they did.


Flying cupcakes!

It was like magic or something!

Crabbe looked at Goyle, and Goyle looked at Crabbe. One cocked his head, the other smiled. They each took the cake, and bit in.

"Mmm," said one, and the other smiled back. They looked at each other again. In the back of their minds, there was the strangest, vaguest echo, a longing, perhaps, and a strange thing happened in the back of their minds. To most the experience is common, but Crabbe and Goyle had never been required to think and have ideas. The thought and idea came from the back of their minds, slowly, inching its way, clearing its muddy path, that perhaps this was right, that something could happen.

But before the Idea could get very far, they heard a small humming noise, and suddenly they were lying down in a broom closet, and they were naked except for their undies. Had the Idea not died of misuse some hours beforehand a new thought might have occurred, a very dirty thought indeed. But both, instead, rubbed their heads and knew that they ought to make their way to the Common Room before Malfoy got upset.

They were surprised to find it was darker than before, but maybe that had just been because they had just been in a broom closet. They stumbled around for a while until finally they found Malfoy walking around too.

"There you are," he said. "I've been looking for you everywhere! Stomachache or no stomachache, you can't just walk out in the middle of a conversation! Especially one as important as the Heir of Slytherin."

Crabbe and Goyle looked at each other. They weren't sure if Malfoy was the Heir of Slytherin or not, and what was the Heir of Slytherin again?

"Where the hell are your clothes?" Malfoy asked.

They didn't have anything to say to that, either.

"Merlin's Beard, men," said Malfoy, "We're only twelve!"

Again, it was a shame they had missed the Idea; they might have understood what he was talking about.

Malfoy rolled his eyes, and they followed him back to the dormitory.


Ron's feet were on the foot of Hermione's hospital bed. Hermione was covering her face with her pillow. Harry sat at her side, looking worried at her pillow. "This ought to cheer you up," said Ron.

"Nothing can cheer me up," Hermione moaned. One furry hand pulled the pillow tighter over her face.

"I was just thinking," Ron continued.

"Oh, great," said Hermione. "You thinking."

Ron pretended not to hear. "About the looks on Crabbe and Goyle's faces when they find themselves in a broom cupboard naked."

Harry laughed. "You have to admit, Hermione, that would be pretty peculiar."

"I mean," said Ron, "Think of the possibilities!"

"Gross, Ron!" Hermione sat up, her new yellow cat eyes flashing and her cat smile stretching farther than her ears. "That's just disgusting and wrong!"