*EPOV*

106. It felt exactly the same as 105, the same as it will at 107. Observing birthdays when you were immortal was sort of like trying to count the stars. Futile to the point of absurdity.

I braced myself for a folly-filled day. I wondered what it would be this year.

106 sucker punches from my brothers. 106 dildoes from Rosalie. A 106-gun salute. A 106-piece marching band…

Alice always got me something that seemed completely random and nonsensical until I needed it weeks, months, or sometimes years later.

The can of WD-40 I used to lubricate Bella's squeaky bedroom window was one such gift. The zippo lighter I'd used to send Victoria to hell was another.

"Good morning!" Bella greeted me with a kiss as she returned from her morning ride. It had become the equivalent of her "human hour."

"What's on the agenda today?" she asked breezily as she unzipped her riding jacket and hung it in the coat closet by the front door.

"I have no idea. Did you, er, have anything planned?" I asked, plastering a wide smile on my face.

"No…should I have?" Bella asked, her face furrowed slightly in confusion.

"No, no. Just…making conversation," I finished lamely. I could hardly blame her for not remembering.

Last year, I insisted we skip the festivities because we had just recently returned from Italy. Bella and I were in a very fragile place. She was still so anxious about the (nonexistent) possibility of me leaving her again. She hadn't even wanted to leave her house for weeks at a time.

The idea of having her over for a Cullen family party after the last one had gone so catastrophically was out of the question. Which is exactly what I told Alice under no uncertain terms.

This year, I was sure I'd be getting no such reprieves. And now I worried that Bella would feel bad when all the others made a big deal of things.

I decided not to say anything about it because knowing Alice, she probably had some intervention planned that would spare Bella the embarrassment of forgetting my birthday. At least I hoped she did.

"Shall we head on up to breakfast?" Bella smiled.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her toward me. "In a minute. I'm not finished with you, yet," I smiled and kissed her softly on the lips, gently at first but building in intensity.

"We're going to be late," she giggled against my lips.

"I don't care," I growled back, "And neither will they." And before she could protest, I swung her up into my arms and took her back to bed with me, Bella laughing the whole way.

"Make it quick. You know I hate meeting up with your parents with sex hair," Bella conceded between feverish kisses, kicking her Toms off into a heap on the floor.

"I can do fast," I grinned victoriously as I set her down on the bed and peeled her skinny jeans and panties down over her hips in one lightning-fast motion that left her breathless. "I usually try to ease into these things, but since you're in a hurry…"

I dove between her legs and clamped my lips over the glistening bud that was responsible for all of my favorite squeaks and squeals. I was rewarded with one such squeal.

"Ed...Oh my God..ward" Bella's exclamations slurred together as my tongue slashed over her in vampire speed. I smiled into her softest skin, humming encouragingly. The vibrations of her motorcycle had nothing on me.

I slipped first one, then a second finger into her, making Bella keen and whine. One of her hands gripped almost painfully at the hair on the top of my head, the other clawed into the sheets, holding on for dear life.

Nearly ten whole seconds had elapsed since I had buried my face between her thighs. In five more and she'd come completely undone. I mentally counted the seconds with perfectly timed lashes of my tongue and pumps of my fingers.

Five. Bella's breath came in spurts tearing raggedly out of her chest.

Four. Bella groaned in the lowest register of her voice making me absolutely ravenous for her. I moaned in abject pleasure and sucked even harder against the sensitive skin.

Three. I curled my fingers inside her, scratching lightly against the rougher patch of silk along her interior wall. Bella holds her breath and every muscle in her body coils as tight as a spring. She goes completely quiet; the silence before the squall.

Two. Bella's muscles clamped down on my fingers like a vise.

One. "Oh..oh..fuck, I'm going to.." And that was the last intelligible thing Bella said before she erupted, bucking and thrashing under my relentless tongue, lips, and fingers.

I withdrew my fingers while her muscles were still spasming around them and replaced them with my achingly hard erection.

I slid the swollen tip of it up and down the slick length of her core a couple of times to lubricate myself and then drove it home in one smooth motion, making both of us gasp in sudden satisfaction.

Then three things happened in rapid succession. Bella wrapped her newborn-strong legs around my waist and used them to pull me even deeper and harder inside of her. Then she clamped down on me spasmodically, still feeling the aftershocks of her own orgasm.

And when Bella sank her teeth into the juncture of my neck and shoulder, I growled in pleasure and pain and slammed my hips into hers with bone-shattering force, emptying myself as I watched the stars explode behind my eyelids.

I collapsed on top of her, resting my head on top of her heaving chest. I purred at the spine-tingling sensation of Bella raking her fingernails over my scalp as she combed her fingers through my hair.

I let myself luxuriate in the warmth of her embrace for another moment before reluctantly pulling myself from her arms.

Keeping my arms taut on either side of Bella's head, I hovered over her and kissed her one last time. "Fast enough for you, Mrs. Cullen?" I smirked.

The entire interaction, from the time I had said "But since you're in a hurry," had taken, at most, ninety seconds.

"Well you did say 'in a minute,' and that lasted maybe two, but who's counting?" Bella grinned back.

And with a light shove, she pushed me off the bed where I swiftly corrected and landed lightly on my feet. "But now we have to shower because we can't go up there smelling like sex. I'd rather be late than be roasted by Emmett."

"I think it's a little late for that," I replied with a guilty expression.

"What do you mean?" Bella demanded.

I fought a smile. "I mean… you might've said 'Oh my Godward' in the throes of passion and there's no way he didn't hear that."

Bella groaned and threw herself back in the sheets, covering her face with a pillow.

"Chin up, love. He can smell your fear," I chuckled.

*BPOV*

While it was never fun to have my sex life mocked in front of Carlisle and Esme, at least my little slip of the tongue gave my absent-minded older brother something to think about that wasn't the Ferrari that he wasn't supposed to be thinking about.

I supposed I could endure the humiliation if it helped keep Edward's surprise a surprise.

Alternatively, I could've shielded Emmett's mind, but then Edward would've known something was up as the only thoughts I routinely shielded were Rosalie's.

Emmett poked his head out of the front door upon our arrival. He grinned wickedly upon seeing us coming up the front walk.

"Good morning, Bella. Godward," he tipped his head toward Edward.

I groaned and rolled my eyes. "Get it out of your system, Emmett."

"Like you two, did?" he shot back, waggling his eyebrows at me.

As I shouldered past him, I serenely replied, "Emmett, vampire hearing works both ways. Maybe you should pay more attention to what is and isn't happening in your own bedroom." A chorus of snickers coming from the kitchen echoed out from behind him.

Emmett blustered. "You were a lot more fun to make fun of when you blushed and fell down a lot," he muttered and swung the door shut behind us.

In the kitchen, the entire family was convened, sans Carlisle, who had an early shift at the hospital.

"Good one, Bella! Emmett should learn to pick on someone his own size," Rosalie gave her mate a withering glare.

"Andre the Giant is dead, Rose. I'm sort of out of options," guffawed Emmett.

"Good morning, Esme. Sorry, we're, um, late," I awkwardly apologized as Edward and I pulled up chairs at the table.

Emmett's snickering laughter rumbled out of his barrel chest. Then there was a muffled thud as if someone had kicked him under the table. Then Emmett cursed under his breath, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Edward's self-satisfied smirk.

Esme smiled at me pleasantly as if she'd had decades of practice ignoring the squabbling of eternally adolescent siblings.

"So what are you up to today, dearies?" Esme looked from me to Edward. Edward looked at her with disbelief.

"Trying to improve his personal best time of two minutes," cracked Emmett.

Emmett's chair screeched and fell over backward as he stood up in a flash of movement and disappeared from the table with Edward in hot pursuit.

"No running in the—," Esme lectured but was cut off by the front door slamming shut behind them. "House," she finished unnecessarily with a sheepish smile to the remaining four of us left at the table.

"Quick, now!" hissed Alice under her breath, and the rest of us enacted phase two of The Plan.

*EPOV*

When we had made it up to the house that morning, I was fully expecting Emmett to greet me with 'Happy Birthday, Godward," or the equivalent.

I was a little puzzled when he didn't. And then when Esme didn't seem to remember my birthday either, I was really thrown. There was no way I could've been wrong about the date but I glanced at the digital display on the refrigerator for good measure. June 20th.

How strange. Had no one remembered? No balloons, no marching band. Not even a single dildo. Was I being punked?

But I didn't have time to give it much consideration. Emmett popped off and I had no choice but to retaliate. Two-pump-chump jokes in front of Bella and worse, Esme, were wildly over the line.

Emmett used his powerful legs to jump explosively off the ground in a move that shook the earth, leading me into the woods behind the estate. Inexplicably, his thoughts as well as the drone of thoughts of my entire family went totally silent.

Bella, I thought accusingly. What was she up to? It didn't matter. I followed Emmett's distinct scent as easily as I would've followed his thoughts. I just couldn't beat him to where he was going since I couldn't get in his head to cheat.

I followed his scent in a convoluted trail that went east, then north, then circled back toward the house. I laughed darkly as I gained on him. I may not have been able to "hear" him, but I was still faster.

I ran him down just outside of the garage, jumping onto his back. Squeezing his thick neck into a headlock between my bulging bicep and forearm, I took him down to the ground in a scrabbling of limbs.

Emmett laughed, then choked as I tightened my hold. Then he laughed some more, making no sound at all that time, however, the shaking of his shoulders gave him away.

"How many times do I have to tell you that bedroom humor is off-limits, you overgrown child?" I scrubbed my knuckles into the dark curls on the top of his head as we wrestled around on the freshly bricked driveway.

With me clinging to his back, Emmett inched toward the garage.

"Nooo, not a wedgie," Emmett protested, thrashing wildly, trying to throw me off his back as I reached for the waistband of his boxer briefs and pulled mercilessly.

As Emmett wriggled his way just inside the garage door, I didn't stop pulling until I ripped the elastic waistband clean away from the fabric.

Emmett let out a high-pitched scream as the fabric strangled his groin and gathered painfully between the muscled cheeks of his ass.

The fluorescent lights overhead suddenly flooded the room with bright light as the shrill sound of Emmett's screech bounced off the walls.

"SURPRISE!" shouted five other voices as the two of us literally tumbled over the threshold in a tangle of limbs and were blasted with tissue paper confetti.

From underneath Emmett's body, I looked up to see the amused faces of my family standing around a brand new Ferrari Scaglietti with an oversized bright red bow stuck to the hood.

Above me, 106 balloons dotted the white paneled ceiling with every different color in the spectrum.

I jumped to my feet, completely stunned. In all our years together, my family had never been able to pull off a true surprise. And now, with the clever use of Bella's shield, they had. And boy was I surprised!

"Ha! Got him!" Jasper pumped his fist in celebration. "No cake, but I'll stick 107 birthday candles in the mountain lion we hunt down tonight," he offered with a wink and a smile.

"Happy birthday, fuckface," Emmett glowered and punched me on the arm. Then he went about trying to subtly fish the remnants of his underwear out of his crevasse.

"You really thought I forgot, didn't you? Admit it!" accused a jubilant Bella.

"He did," confirmed Alice with a sure nod of her head.

I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly, "Well...your plan definitely worked because I thought you all forgot…"

Esme scowled at me, looking quite offended. I smiled at her apologetically.

"Well, don't you want to take it for a spin?" Rosalie tapped the hood of the car as Bella dangled the key fob invitingly. Rosalie's voice was just a bit too expectant. I was immediately suspicious.

I glanced at my sister warily, looking for the punchline in her head but found nothing, because Bella was blocking her. Then I grabbed Bella in a huge hug, spinning her around in a circle, and kissed her hard on the mouth.

"You bought me a Ferrari? Who are you and what have you done with my wife?" I teased goodnaturedly. I took the keys from her and pressed the button disarming the alarm.

"You seemed so let down when you didn't get to buy one for me. And just because I don't care for expensive flashy things doesn't mean that you shouldn't have them. You should have everything." Bella reached up on her tiptoes to kiss me, so I bent my head down to make it easier for her. "Happy birthday, my love" she beamed as our lips eventually parted.

"Thank you! It's even more gorgeous than I remembered!" I exclaimed, circling around the car to the passenger side so that I could let Bella inside.

I hadn't noticed it at first through the opaque tint of the windows, but when I opened the door to my new car, my first Ferrari, it was jam-packed full of dildoes that spilled out of the car in every shape, color, and size. 106 of them, I guessed.

Flesh-toned, erect, flaccid, multi-colored, veiny, uncircumcised, glow-in-the-dark, and there even sparkly silver phalluses with glitter suspended in the jiggly silicone.

"Happy birthday, Godward." Rosalie's grin was ear to ear.

"Oh my! How did those get in there?" Esme asked. I laughed at her scandalized expression. It would seem she wasn't privy to that particular detail of my surprise. Emmett and Rose wordlessly pointed at each other.

"This is from me," Alice placed a tiny wrapped parcel in my hand. "Save it for a rainy day," she cryptically suggested in my ear as I bent down to hug her. I always looked forward to her gifts and the riddles they contained.

I thanked her and slipped the package into my pocket knowing Alice would see my reaction whether I opened it in front of her or not. Either way, I wouldn't understand what it was for until I eventually needed it.

Later that night, the package would spill out of my pocket as I undressed. I'd open the black velvet ring box to find two shiny quarters which would serve to keep me up at night (figuratively speaking) wondering what circumstances could possibly arise that would leave me direly needing fifty cents. I tucked them carefully away in my wallet which I carried with me at all times.

Carefully stepping around a stray dildo as if it were animal droppings, Esme sidled up next to me holding a slim box in her hands. She slid one hand around my waist and pulled me in for a side hug. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and hugged her back.

"Happy birthday, sweet boy! Carlisle wishes he could be here. He was on-call and got paged in…Anyway, this is from us," she said, handing me the rectangular lidded box the approximate dimensions of a ream of paper.

I untied the bow and carefully unlidded the box to read the cover page on a stack of paper. Typed in a plain font in the center of the page read, "The Unknown Debussy. Rare Piano Music."

I thumbed through the loose-leaf pages of sheet music. In my hands were dozens of unfinished compositions by Claude Debussy. His handwritten notes were penciled in the margins.

My eyes widened as I looked up at Esme in complete astonishment. "Esme, this is incredible!"

"I'm so glad you like it, sweetheart. Carlisle will be pleased. We thought you might like to try finishing them in your spare time," she suggested with a small shrug of her shoulders.

"What a thoughtful gift! Thank you! I can't wait to dig into these. I'll be sure to find Carlisle when he gets home so I can thank him, too," I said graciously and kissed her cheek.

"You're welcome, honey. And before I let you go speeding off in that thing...are you really going to try to tell me that this year was the same as every other year? Look around, Edward. Does it feel like every other year?" Esme asked with a knowing smile.

I did as she asked. I looked around. I looked at the extravagant car my wife bought me even though she was probably ticking off all of the more practical or humanitarian ways the money could've been spent the entire time she was purchasing it.

But far more important than any car was the family that was standing around it. Everybody was laughing and enjoying themselves. They were taking turns jumping twenty-five feet in the air to the ceiling, inhaling the helium balloons and chattering like chipmunks as they descended back down to the ground.

Then Emmett picked up two of the floppy dicks and held them on top of his head like they were devil horns and started chasing Bella around. Bella giggled like a schoolgirl and darted behind Rosalie to hide.

Rosalie karate chopped the air above Emmett's head decapitating his dick horns, leaving him holding two sad little floppy brown stumps on top of his head.

"You're right, mom. Far and away the best year yet," I announced trying really hard not to laugh but earning a light smack on the arm anyway.

Esme's sigh was exasperated. "Would someone please clean up all of these penises before Carlisle gets home? They're in his parking spot."

*BPOV*

After all the sex toys were cleared from the car, Edward and I finally got to take his new wheels for a ride. When we rolled up to a red light on our way to the freeway, the passengers in the car next to us were pointing at the car, which wouldn't have been that unusual, because it was a Ferrari. Except that they were pointing and laughing.

"Hilarious, Emmett," Edward muttered under his breath. I looked at him quizzically and watched with interest as he pressed the button that lowered his window, stuck his arm outside, and with an audible pop, detached a large sparkly phallus that had been stuck to the roof of the car with a large suction cup at the base. He tossed it disgustedly to the floor by my feet.

Emmett must've stuck it on there when he crouched down to the driver's side window as Edward was reversing the car out of the garage.

"It looks good on you, man! Try not to get it towed," he'd chuckled. "And when the parts come in next week, Rosie and I are going to add a few mods to optimize the power and exhaust. Really get this baby purring. Happy birthday, Eddo! You deserve it, my brother!"

"Thank you both! I really appreciate that!." And with a thwack of Emmett's hand on the roof, he waved us off. In hindsight, he was really just sticking the sparkle dick to the roof like a unicorn horn.

I grimaced. "That's my fault. He told me to shield him there at the end but wouldn't say why."

Edward gave me a put-on look of betrayal. "With great power comes great responsibility, Bella," he lectured in a stern tone but didn't bother to restrain his smile.

Was he really quoting Spiderman at me? I crossed my arms against my chest and shot back, "Now who's stealing from the comic books?"

*A/N* As much fun as I had writing this chapter, I gotta say, I really dislike writing birthday chapters because it's such a big family and I have to figure out meaningful gifts to get for billionaires who want for nothing. Easy peasy, right? 😳😅

Thank you for reading this piece of pure fluff. May we all be blessed with the confidence of an immortal man with a hot wife driving a Ferrari around and rocking a sparkle dick unicorn horn. I'll see myself out.