Chapter 9: Beef
Another Friday afternoon, another therapy session. Today the group was informed about an upcoming medical check-up and updated on the process of finding a cure. According to Mr. Harris, the potioneers were close to a breakthrough, only needing to find a way to stabilise the potion. Whilst most rejoiced at these news, some students didn't want to keep their hopes up. They had been at this point one time before and had been sorely disappointed in the end.
"Well, if this turns out to be another complete failure, I suppose some of us could still get something positive out of the situation. Think about it Weasel: if you're lucky, you could finally be able to escape poverty and marry an old rich man," Draco called over to taunt Ron before he burst into a fit of giggles, mentally congratulating himself for what he thought was a clever insult. Ron, much to Hermione's surprise, seemed entirely unbothered by the comment.
"Why yes Malfoy, that sounds like an idea! Your father sure looked interested earlier," he answered snottily whilst flipping his hair for more effect. The smug expression immediately slipped off Draco's face.
Hermione couldn't have been more proud of Ron at that moment. Mandy Brocklehurst even started slow-clapping for him in awe whilst Michael Corner's cackling echoed throughout the room. Hermione supposed that his loyalty to Malfoy only went so far.
"You fucking weasel! I'm going to kill you!" Draco threatened and a shouting match between him and Ron began. Whilst it had been amusing at first, Hermione soon had enough.
"God! Would you two just shut up already?! What is it with you and always picking fights? I've had a very stressful day and now just want to relax, but can't, since you two twits are making it impossible! I swear that if you don't stop pissing me off, I'll punch the fucking daylights out of you two!"
Fortunately after Hermione's outburst, the situation calmed (their therapist had strongly disapproved of Hermione's method, leading to a long discussion about Hermione's 'aggression') and both Ron and Draco stayed clear of each other. However, that didn't stop her best friend from being cross at her for the rest of the day.
"You threatened me. You said you'd beat me up," her friend said accusingly at dinner.
"I didn't mean it, Ron," Hermione tried to assure him, but apparently wasn't doing a very good job. Ron still looked at her warily.
"I think we both know that's a lie," he answered tersely, crossing his arms over his chest. Hermione sighed heavily and ran a hand through her hair.
"Okay, you're right. I had meant it when I said it, but deeply regret it now. You are my friend and I shouldn't have threatened you or Malfoy with violence. I'm sorry I lashed out and took my bad mood out on you."
"Well, that's more like it."
"We're good now?"
"Yes, but you should consider some sort of activity to work off that stress and build-up testosterone. It makes you act like a brute.
"And just for the record: I wasn't lying about Malfoy's father. Lucius Malfoy did give me a look earlier. Not exactly a "come hither"-look, but close. You know the look predators give their prey before they pounce? Only instead of pouncing on me because I'm hot, it was more of a pouncing on me because I turned his son into a girl. Red hair unfortunately gives you away as a Weasley quickly."
"Of course, how can anyone not see how similar those things are?!"
"Well, let's not be too pedantic with the semantics, mate."
"Okay, I won't be. Listen, I'm going to head upstairs to take a shower and catch up with you, Harry and Ginny in the Gryffindor common room later, all right?"
"Okay."
What Hermione didn't anticipate when she entered the bathroom to take a nice, relaxing shower, was the high-pitched scream that greeted her. She couldn't remember the last time she had been startled so badly.
"Get the fuck out, Granger! How dare you come here to perv on me?" the same voice barked at her. With her heart still beating against her chest like a disco drum, Hermione took in the sight in front of her conciously: Draco Malfoy as starkers as on the day he was born. Well, not born exactly.
Hermione's eyes widened comically before she then realized what she was doing.
"Shit, I'm sorry!" she yelped, quickly covering her eyes and stumbling backwards against the wall. This was bad! How could she have forgotten that she was no longer allowed to enter here?
"Out!"
"I didn't see anything, Malfoy! … Actually that's a lie. I saw everything, but am going to pretend that I didn't-" she tried to apologise, but Draco just kept screaming at her and accusing her of things.
"OUT!"
This time Hermione didn't need to be told twice.
They were working together on prefect/head duties in their common room, when Draco started nagging everyone again. He kept on complaining about why he had to help since he wasn't supposed to have prefect duties today. To emphasise this 'injustice', he then went on to point out that Ron, who was present in the common room and hung out with Harry, didn't have to help.
"Because you've been skipping your duties a lot lately. I may not be a girl, but even I know that you only get your periods once a month and that for about a week. So your bloody excuse - pun intended here - isn't going to fly anymore. I know you can't have period cramps over the span of three weeks," Zacharias Smith explained slowly, casting an annoyed look at Draco.
"However if you really have problems… with your… you know," Zacharias unnecessarily added as an afterthought, "You might want to consult Madam Pomfrey."
Draco's reply was to raise his hand and give Smith the finger-salute. He then went back to his task without saying another word. That is, until he found another thing he could complain about - namely Astoria Greengrass, who had volunteered to help them with their work (no doubt, so she could spend more time with Hermione).
"Astoria, how about you go and play with your dolls and stop annoying the adults," Draco huffed, making a shooing gesture with his hands at said girl. But being a Slytherin herself, Astoria wasn't having any of Draco's patronizing behaviour.
"You are calling yourself an adult? Someone acting as immature as you? You're far from adult as anyone can be! Also, a little piece of advice: You might want to cut down stuffing your bra because it just makes you look plain ridiculous!" Astoria sneered. Draco stared disbelievingly at her.
"Stuffing my bra?"
"Don't even bother denying it. Everyone can see that they're not real," Astoria accused, pointing Malfoy's bust. She then sat straighter, pushing her chest forward as if to say: 'This is the real thing, bitch.'
Draco's eyes narrowed for a split second before he crossed his arms under his own chest to boost it whilst throwing a condescending look her way.
"Oh, is that so? Well, I'll have you know that Granger here can confirm that they're very real. Right, Granger?" he said casually whilst nudging her in the rips suggestively.
Everyone's eyes grew as wide as saucers at Draco's comment and their gazes flickered back and forth between the Head girl and the Slytherin prefect. Hermione just wanted the ground to swallow her up already.
"Malfoy, don't say it like that! People might get the wrong idea!" she scolded, hoping that the others wouldn't believe anything Draco was spouting.
"What wrong idea?" Malfoy asked innocently, pretending not to understand. "What's there to misunderstand?"
"I accidentally walked-"
"Pish-posh, Granger. No explanation needed. We don't have to justify ourselves to anyone," Draco cut her off and cast a smug look at Astoria when stressing the word 'anyone'. This was the straw that broke the camel's back for the 5th year Slytherin.
Everyone was startled by the sudden war cry that came from Astoria as she tried to lunge herself at Draco. Had it not been for Harry's quick Seeker reflexes and him dragging the enraged girl out of the room, this whole encounter would have ended badly.
Hermione stared down furiously at her classmate when she had managed to corner him later.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Malfoy? Did your parents drop you on your head as a baby or what made you such a dysfunctional individual?"
"Calm down, Granger. It was just a joke."
"A joke? I don't see anyone laughing!"
"Granger, you've got to admit that that chit was annoying! I thought my head was going to fucking explode with all the prattling she did. Does that girl ever shut up?"
"Do you ever shut up?"
"She insulted me."
"You insulted her first. Astoria is a perfectly nice girl and you were just being rude."
"Oh yes, of course you'd think that, Granger. I thought I was going to hurl any moment from her little pathetic attempts to flirt with you."
"What are you talking about? Astoria did not flirt with me." At least that was what she hoped, although signs pointed to a different story. At one point she had even changed seats, because the body contact had been a little too much for her.
"No, you're absolutely right. Her behaviour didn't qualify as flirting - it was a right up mating dance! But judging by your defensive reaction, you seem to have enjoyed the attention little Miss Tartoria Greengrass was giving you. I never knew you swung that way, Granger," Draco drawled.
"I don't!" Hermione immediately protested. She thought that Astoria was nice, but she in no way was interested in her like that. She wasn't interested in any female like that.
"Well, then what is your problem? You ought to be thankful that I got the tartelette off your back. Yet here you are, yelling at me."
"Malfoy, this isn't about that. This is about your inability to act like a decent human being!"
"You perv on me and accuse me of being an indecent human being?"
"For God's sakes, Malfoy. I already explained to you that it was an accident! I used to be a girl too, you know? Old habits die hard and in that moment I just forgot! Why do you insist on making a big deal out of this? I already apologized countless times. What else do you want me to do? Are you demanding of me to make an honest woman of you now? I really don't want to step on Goyle's toes." Hermione joked, but Malfoy didn't see the humour in her comment. His only answer was to punch her left arm hard.
"Ow!" Hermione cried in pain whilst squishing her attacker into a corner as defence mechanism, so he couldn't hit her again.
"Granger, you wish you could ever land someone like me. But let me tell you that that is never ever going to happen! I'd rather snog a giant slug!"
"Or Goyle. Just imagine how your little Goyle-foys would look like!" Hermione guffawed as she tried to picture sneering, pale-arse baby trolls. Not a pretty picture.
*Smack, smack, smack.* Gods, what was it with Malfoy and not being able to take a joke? That hurt!
Being a man sure had its perks. You were taller and stronger, but goddamn it! For some reason people suddenly believed that they could be rough with you. Even Harry and Ron were giving her claps on the back which was something they had never done in the past.
"Fucking cut it out with the Goyle jokes already!" Draco bit out in between his smacks. Since it didn't seem very likely that he'd calm down and stop on his own any time soon (to be fair, Hermione had been asking for it by the way she kept on provoking him), Hermione decided to squish him against the wall a little more to restrict his mobility.
"Get off of me!" Draco immediately cried as he tried to push Hermione away, but Hermione only shifted her weight onto Draco.
"Oh, I think I'm good here. Very cosy," the Head girl said back sweetly before leering down at him. An expression of panic immediately flit over Draco's face and he started wiggling harder to free himself.
"What's wrong, Malfoy? Earlier you sure seemed very comfortable and were seeking my presence. Suggesting things even," Hermione taunted.
"We both know why I did it. So now back off of me!" he hissed, his panic forgotten. (That or he finally realized that she wasn't a rapist who wanted to have her wicked way with him.)
"Hm, I don't think so," Hermione replied in a sing-song voice and this time squished him flat against the wall, making him squeak in process. His squeak sounded so funny that Hermione decided she needed to hear it one more time.
"Stop it! I can't fucking breathe! And why'd you care anyway? It's just the annoying little Greengrass tartelette that I provoked. Who cares?"
"I care when people spread false rumours that involve me. Especially when they also involve you."
"Now Granger, no need to sound so condescending."
"I'll be as condescending as I want, Malfoy. My reputation is at risk here."
"Your reputation at risk? Hah! What about my reputation that you stomped on when you called me a whore?!"
"About that… I realize I overstepped a line there-"
"Overstepped a line? Are you fucking kidding me? You completely humiliated me in public! And that is why I'm making you pay! You will grin and bear it," Draco ordered before he pushed her harshly, making her stumble back a few steps. Then, in very Malfoy-esque fashion, he stalked off with his nose high up in the air.
Hermione groaned. This situation between them was supposed better and not worse. Now she had really done it. Apparently Malfoy had decided to use her as his little pawn in his beef with Astoria Greengrass.
Harry dragged a heavily breathing Astoria Greengrass down the corridor to the courtyard.
"How about we sit down on this bench right here, so you can calm down a bit," Harry suggested to the girl who was clutching his arm tightly. When she gave him a weak nod, Harry guided her to the bench. It wasn't until five minutes had passed in silence that Astoria finally decided to say something.
"Do you think he's telling the truth? That something is going on between them?" she asked in a desperate voice, willing Harry to tell her what she wanted to hear.
"What? No, of course not! Hermione would never start something with someone like Malfoy," he quickly assured her, not wanting her to revert back to her panic mode and start hyperventilating again. Her erratic breathing had worried him since he hardly had any knowledge about administering first aid should she start fainting on him.
"But you heard what Draco said! They saw each other naked! Why else would they've seen each other naked if they're not involved with each other?"
"I don't know, but Hermione scolded him for implying things. Didn't she say something about accidentally walking in on him or something?"
"I… I just don't understand what Hermione sees in Draco. What's there to like about Draco? There's nothing likeable!"
"You do realize that Hermione isn't really a boy right? She may look like one, but she's actually a girl," Harry asked slowly. Astoria looked him blankly.
"That's where I have to disagree, Potter."
"Disagree?" Harry repeated incredulously.
"Yes, disagree."
Harry shook his head in disbelief. This was going to be harder than he thought.
"Astoria, I know you like Hermione, but Hermione isn't going to always stay like this. She's going to turn back into a girl once a cure is found. You need to keep that in mind. Even though she has the looks and some new characterics of a boy, she's essentially a girl. A girl who is not romantically interested in other girls."
"Well, that's a point I strongly have to disagree with you again. I have reasonable suspicions that Hermione is actually turning into a real boy."
"A real boy? My, my, Pinocchio would be so jealous!" Harry deadpanned, but being a Pureblood and unfamiliar with muggle literature, Astoria just looked at him in plain confusion.
"What?"
Harry sighed. "Never mind. Back to our topic… You can't actually be serious."
"I am serious. Don't tell me that you honestly think that Hermione is still the same person. He's not."
"She is."
"You're in denial."
"I'm in denial? I think you're pointing the finger at the wrong person there. If there's anyone here who is in denial, it's you. How is it that you refer to Draco as he - his real gender - but with Hermione you're so blind?"
"Like I've already said, I have my reasonable suspicions that he reciprocates my feelings on some level."
"Humour me then."
"Well, let's just say that I've tested Hermione's physical reaction towards me on a few occasions. And I'm pleased to say that I certainly got some very... encouraging results," Astoria explained with a sly grin that served to let her Slytherin colours shine through. Harry laughed humourlessly.
"Yes, I've noticed your attempts to literally wiggle your way into Hermione's... heart. But let me tell you that you'll pretty much get that reaction from any guy when draped over them and wiggling around their crotch area," Harry replied crudely, referring to her little stunt in Hogsmeade and the way she had constantly found a reason to stand in front of Hermione and "accidentally" brushing against the Head girl's front today. This girl surely was anything but shy and boldly operated in order to get what she wanted.
"Hah! You said 'guy' see?! I was totally right to call Hermione that! But seriously, why are you being so uncooperative about this? Surely, I'm much more agreeable as partner for your best friend than Draco," Astoria huffed. His attitude was starting to annoy the hell out of her.
"Still doesn't mean that I'm going to butt into Hermione's love life. It's none of my business."
"But Harry, I mean, we are sort of friends, right?" Astoria asked carefully. Harry's reaction to her question was to raise a brow questioningly at her as if to ask: "Are we?"
"Yes, and friends help each other out!"
"Kid, I hardly know you."
"Don't call me that. I'm not a kid."
"Fifteen is plenty kid to me. Which brings me to another issue: the three years age difference. You want Hermione to go jail or something?"
"I'll have you know that I'm in fact sixteen as I was born in September - just like Hermione. So this is perfectly legal."
"I'm still not helping you, so give it up already."
"For pity's sake, what kind of Gryffindor are you? You're supposed to be kind and helpful!"
"I believe you confuse us with the Hufflepuffs - they're the nice ones," Harry answered casually, but Astoria had already shot up from her seat and stormed off in frustration.
Girls and their unnesscessary drama.
