Shane awoke at 7AM when the nurse came to check her vitals. She was stiff. She closed her eyes again, wishing for sleep. Everything seemed to hurt worse in the morning after not moving for most of the night. She was getting very tired of only sleeping in one position, but had to wait until her ribs healed to try her side.
"You excited to be going home today?" one of the nurses asked.
She was going home today? She was going home today! Shane's eyes snapped open as she began moving the little she could to get her circulation going. "Yes, yes I am!" she smiled.
Heather walked in with breakfast. "Good morning, sweetie! Today's the day! You slept like a rock last night...again."
"Yeah, a rock that didn't move." winced Shane as she moved her head back and forth, stretching her neck.
"Well, everything is packed. We just need to get you dressed in some comfy clothes and then we wait for the doctor to come by." Heather noticed Shane glance at the time. "You told Oliver not to come until 9:00."
Shane sighed, remembering. "Right. Hey Mom, do you think you could help me do something with my hair and maybe a bit of makeup? I'm feeling a little...disheveled."
Heather nodded, "Let's get you ready!"
Oliver walked in right at 9:00 on the dot. He had arrived 5 minutes prior, but had stood outside the door listening to Shane laugh.
He saw her and smiled. Her head wrap had been replaced with a small gauze square and her hair looked freshly washed. The bruises on the side of her head and face were already changing color-a sign of healing. She was wearing black comfy pants, a white t-shirt, and a large pink zip up hoodie that slid easily over her cast. She was smiling at him.
"You look beautiful." he said sincerely.
She chuckled, "It's the natural bruise coloring…"
"I mean it, Shane." Oliver said quietly.
"I know." she replied with a smile. "You don't say it unless you mean it."
"Did you sleep well?" inquired Heather, handing him a muffin.
"I did, thank you." said Oliver.
The next hour was a bustle of activity. Shane's home health nurse arrived and a therapist from Dr. Noom's office came to instruct them on how to transfer Shane safely. Finally, it was time to go.
"Oliver, would you help lift me?" Shane asked as the nurse wheeled her chair over.
Oliver just assumed the nurses would move Shane. He worried about how to transfer her without causing pain. But he could also tell that Shane was nervous.
Shane's home nurse, Lila, observed all these emotions at once. She looked at Oliver, "How about we do this together?"
He nodded.
"I'll help with my good arm!" announced Shane, waving her left arm through the air. Everyone chuckled.
Lila instructed Oliver on where to place his hands to give her the support she needed. They carefully lifted Shane up, and she did indeed help by throwing her arm around Oliver's neck. If she'd had her way, she would have stayed in his arms until they got to the car. As they lowered her into the chair, Shane winced and inhaled sharply.
Oliver looked almost panicked, "I'm so sorry. Are you alright?"
Shane nodded while trying to breathe deeply. "It's going to hurt to be moved for a while, Oliver. I'm okay." She tried to give him a reassuring smile, but it looked more like a grimace with her furrowed brow. What she didn't tell them was that the pain had started in her back and shot through her right leg. She had felt it.
Heather didn't say anything, but was clearly concerned as well and placed her hand instinctively on Shane's shoulder.
Lila helped position her and they were on their way.
Oliver pushed Shane's chair. Through the windows they could see that the sun was shining. As they exited the last set of doors and were welcomed by the crisp winter air, Shane tilted her head back and looked up at Oliver. "Freedom!" She smiled into the sunshine. He smiled too.
"I see Oliver's car!" said Norman.
Rita gasped. "Everybody ready?!"
Norman, Rita, Joe, and Bill all lined up next to the ramp, waiting to cheer for Shane.
Shane looked at Oliver as he stopped the car, clearly surprised. "They did that for me?" she asked, referring to the ramp.
"Mmmhmm...I didn't even put them up to it. They just wanted to help somehow." said Oliver.
There was a sign above the porch that said, "Welcome Home, Shane." It had been signed by everyone from the post office.
They were all quiet as Shane was carefully moved to her chair. They all looked concerned. She was home, but she was not in great shape, and they couldn't help but notice. She made a huge effort not to gasp this time, but Oliver noticed her face crumple slightly.
Once she was in and heading towards them Rita yelled out, "Welcome home!" That broke the ice. Everyone started talking and laughing at all stayed for a light lunch. It felt so normal and Shane felt so grateful for them all.
After everyone went inside, Oliver moved towards the kitchen to get a plate of food for Shane. Joe and Bill followed him in.
"Well, she looks happy to be home." Joe said as he glanced through the open door at Shane. "Amazing that they released her already."
Oliver nodded, "There was nothing left to do at the hospital. She just needs rest and time." Oliver sighed. "There will be a nurse for several weeks, so that should help with the transition."
"You'll let us know if she needs anything else done?" asked Bill. "Anything from widening a doorway to lowering a handrail, I can do it."
"Thanks, Bill. I appreciate it. I know Shane does too. So, Norman was saying you've been building a crib for the baby? How is that coming along?" asked Oliver.
As the men were chatting, Heather came in and quietly took the plate from Oliver to deliver to Shane. She walked into the living room and smiled at the scene before her. Rita was sitting across from Shane talking animatedly and Norman was signing her cast.
"...and then Hazel said maybe the name on the envelope said 'Doris' and not 'Dora.' And Norman finally made the connection." Rita smiled up at Norman.
"Oh, it was quite simple…" said Norman modestly. "My cousin Thelma worked for a dog breeder in highschool and he had a neighbor who collected bird feeders...so."
Shane laughed. And then winced slightly.
"Oh no, are you okay?" asked Rita with a worried expression.
"Yes, of course." said Shane. "It just hurts a bit to laugh. Finish the story, please."
Norman finished the story and Heather found herself laughing as well. She was beginning to truly love these people that had become family to Shane. The men joined them from the kitchen and the entire story had to be told over again.
"How are you feeling, Rita?" asked Shane as she glanced down at Rita's belly.
For just a moment a look of sadness crossed Shane's face. No one noticed it but Oliver. No one else knew, besides Shane's mom, the news she had received. He quietly moved to sit beside her and took her hand.
"Oh, I'm great! Due date was moved up a week to August 7th. And we find out the baby's gender in March!" exclaimed Rita.
"Well, my guess is definitely a girl." said Shane. "I have an instinct about these things."
Heather laughed. "It's true, she does. I guess girl as well."
"Hmm, definitely a boy," said Oliver.
Shane glanced at him with raised eyebrows which caused everybody to laugh. "Are you saying you don't trust my instincts, Mr O'toole?"
"Of course not, Ms. McInerney." he said as he kissed her on the cheek. "The male votes were simply underrepresented."
There was much more talking and laughter and encouraging words shared.
Finally, they all headed back to work and other responsibilities. Shane's nurse dove right in discussing Shane's schedule and setting up things around the house. Oliver and Heather observed and asked questions. Shane was very quiet. She was glad to be home, but she was also exhausted.
"Shane, it's really important for you to voice your opinion. I've been doing this for many years. You are going to need a lot of help, especially at first, and that can be stifling. Things will go much more smoothly if we can keep the lines of communication open." said Lila as she smiled.
Shane liked her already. "I know it's only 1:00 o'clock, but I'm very tired and it's starting to get a little hard to sit."
Lila nodded and glanced at her clipboard. "Looks like you are due for pain meds. And a nap would be a great idea." Lila looked at Oliver and Heather. "I'll need one of you to help me transfer Shane to her bed."
Oliver stepped forward, "Oh, of course."
They moved Shane in and gently set her down. Lila grabbed the foam and started positioning Shane's legs. It took at least 10 minutes just to get her situated. Lila handed her the pain meds and a glass of water. She then excused herself to do some charting and make a phone call. Heather's cell phone rang and she excused herself as well.
Oliver sat in the chair next to Shane. She looked a little sad to him. "I love that picture of us." he said, looking at the one Rita had taken.
Shane smiled, "Me too. It's like we felt alone in that moment, even though Rita must have been standing right there. She captured our love in a photograph."
Oliver observed Shane carefully, "Are you doing alright?"
Shane knew it was no use hiding her emotions from him, he was hyper aware of any inconsistencies between her words and her expressions. He seemed to get better at it each day.
"I'm okay. I'm happy to be home, truly I am. It's just...it still feels a lot like the hospital in many ways." said Shane, trying to find the words to express what she was feeling.
Oliver nodded. "Yes, it does. Except at the hospital I could stay the night, but here…" Oliver looked slightly distressed.
Shane almost told him just to stay anyways, but she knew that would make him uncomfortable. Instead she furrowed her brow and said,"I'll miss you."
He took her hand and kissed it and then held it to his cheek. "I will be here first thing in the morning, every morning."
"At some point you are going to have to go back to work without me, Oliver."
He shook his head. "Not this week. I've got plenty of vacation days available."
Shane dropped it for now. Her eyes started to droop and she was asleep within 5 minutes.
Oliver had done whatever he could to help as Shane slept. He did dishes and laundry and helped make dinner. Heather worked in her room, trying to meet a last minute deadline.
Shane didn't wake up until 5PM. She was still sleeping more than half of each day. Oliver brought her dinner to her room and they ate and read together as the nurse bustled about.
Before they knew it, it was time for Oliver to go. He stayed through the nurse shift change at 8 o'clock and even though Heather was there, he made sure she had everything she could possibly need for the night. And then at 9:30, he left.
Shane had smiled and reassured him that she would be fine, but no amount of smiling could remove the worried expression on his face. Her mom had said goodnight and the nurse had retired to the other spare room, committing to check in every hour.
Shane was staring up at the ceiling, fighting the tears that were already streaming down her cheeks. Her head hurt and her torso ached. All she wanted to do was stand up, walk the short distance to her bathroom, and take a long shower. But she couldn't. She needed help to simply shift position in bed. She sighed. The thought of needing this much help for the rest of her life filled her with dread.
Then the guilt came. She knew she should be grateful to simply be alive, but right then she just wanted to be well again. The future was cloudy and held too many unknowns.
Except for one. She smiled slightly as she thought of Oliver. She wanted to call him, but didn't trust her voice and didn't want anyone checking on her right away. Why did that man not have a cell phone? She could easily send him a short text or an email.
Feeling irritated by everything and more afraid than she would admit, she made an attempt to shift slightly onto her side by herself. She had no idea how heavy her legs actually were, but after a few minutes she accomplished her feat. Breathing heavily, she felt proud of herself. It was so small, but she had accomplished something she was told she wouldn't be able to do yet.
The victory was short-lived and dark thoughts seemed to surround her once again. She slid her hand under her pillow to hug it and felt paper instead of fabric. What is…?
She pulled it out and quickly pushed the button to turn on the lamp. Her name was written on the front in neat handwriting. It was from Oliver! But when did he…?
She opened it and began reading:
My Dearest Shane,
You are coming home from the hospital tomorrow. As much as that thrills me, I am struggling to fall asleep tonight.
I can only imagine what you will be feeling as you enter your home with so many things the same, but everything different as well, not knowing when or if things will improve. Not knowing if life will ever feel normal again.
It breaks my heart to think of you lying in bed your first night home, the realities of your situation pressing upon your mind, and me not there to put my arms around you in comfort. I have never wished more that we were already married than I do at this moment. Then I could stay, always.
Shane paused reading to wipe her eyes.
There was a time when each day filled me with dread. I would go through the motions of living and working, trying not to feel anything. Life was painful. I found myself praying one night for relief. I could not see how my circumstances could change or improve, but I prayed for a reason to hope again. The next morning, after that prayer, I met a woman at a coffee cart. Without being cognizant that my path had shifted ever so slightly, everything began to change. She helped me find faith and hope again. She taught me what it means to truly love another.
When things get hard and you cannot see any light ahead, remind yourself that change is the one constant in life. Today's difficulties will not always follow you into tomorrow. Around the next bend, you may be able to see the road ahead with more clarity. Have hope, my dear Shane. Have faith. It only takes a little.
I love you, sweetheart. See you in the morning.
-Oliver
PS: I would like to keep our wedding date, June 1st, if that is alright with you.
Shane hugged the letter as she smiled through her tears. Then she read it again, turned off her light, and fell asleep.
