DISCLAIMER: The character's and the universe of the Battlestar Galactica do not belong to me.

NOTE: set after "Black Market".

BETA by Tracyj23. Thank you again!

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I DIDN'T WANT TO BE BACK ALIVE by -yannik-

Chapter Eight – WOMEN

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Yeah, right. I should have told you about the woman. I should have told you about many things, but I never did. What would it change? And what would I tell you? Should I have brought her to dinner and introduced her to you? Absurd. She wasn't that kind of woman. But then – I don't really know what she was.

"You know, I should probably get going," Lee sighed.

"Already? You haven't finished your drink."

Lee rubbed his eyes. "Too much has happened today," he said softly. "I need to get some sleep, but first I have to take a look at the flight schedule, and some of the reports. I let it go because of that black market thing."

"Starbuck has been taking care of that."

"That's why I need to check it," Lee stated, getting up. He knew his father wanted to stop him, but Lee also knew exactly how far the Old Man would go in this matter. "See you tomorrow."

"Good night, son."

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Duck told him Kara was most likely in the rec room. And yes, that's were she was. But there was no one else there beside her. Lee thought she'd be playing triad, or chatting and maybe pumping some booze with other pilots, but the rec room was deserted.

She occupied a table near the center, a chair facing the left wall. He could see her profile, but she didn't move to acknowledge his presence. Maybe she didn't notice him in fact.

There was an almost empty bottle on the table before her, and a glass. A glass she had apparently just emptied. Her finger wandered absently on it's rim. Lee wondered what she was thinking about. "A cubit for your thought", he could say, and she'd smile, and say, "A game of triad, and if you win, I'll tell you." And he would go along with it. And they would play, and laugh, because she would win of course, despite the lack of a single pair. And she wouldn't tell him, but then – did he really want to know?

They would simply spend time together, and that would be good somehow. That would be enough.

Then why was he standing in the hatch, not moving, not wanting to disturb her stillness? Was it something in her pose, something unfamiliar, that he'd never seen before? Something disturbing...

Kara lifted a bottle and poured herself another glass. After setting the bottle on the table she hesitated. Lee could see that very clearly – she wasn't sure if she wanted to dawn that one. But then she just nodded, swallowed contents in one gulp and slammed it back on the table, exhaling deeply.

And Lee knew he didn't want to get into that. He didn't feel strong enough to mess with Kara Thrace's problems – he was barely able to acknowledge his own. So he turned around and left.

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"Captain." Dee's courteous greeting welcomed him in CIC a couple of days later. It was odd – Dualla was usually so much more chatty. Especially lately; Lee thought they hadn't spent as much time talking during the whole journey, as they did this last month. But then he thought that if he applied "lately" to the last couple of days – Dee was avoiding him.

Is this going somewhere? she had asked, and he hadn't given her an answer. There was too much on his plate already, without her having false hopes. Was he really so good at pretending, that it led her to believe there was something between them? Some emotional commitment? Because if he looked at it from her perspective, he could understand she was investing. While all he did was trying not to burden her with his nihilism.

That was a lie. He didn't behave like he did, out of sheer altruism. Quite on the contrary in fact – he realized he was incredibly selfish with her. And he wasn't ready to change that. Truth be told, he was glad Dee took her cue and stopped bothering him. That was what he wanted from the very start – to be left alone. Too bad Dee had apparently suffered from that, but there was nothing Lee Adama could do about it in his current state of mind.

"Captain, are you listening?" the President's soft voice woke him up. Yes, he was at a meeting with the President, concerning some mining operation they were about to commence. And Laura Roslin was still quite cold towards the Adamas after the way they dealt with the black market. He shouldn't add to her resentments

Focusing on the conversation about the planned military operation with regard to protecting the mining ship, Lee couldn't help but think, that Ma'am President was still remembering how late he came to her deathbed. And that it meant more for her than he'd initially assumed. She seemed indifferent then, but had she been in better shape, she would have let him know how deeply betrayed she felt. And understandably so

But Lee was happy she had been that frail, because what would he tell her? How would he explain himself? And now they hardly ever talked. That was good too.

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t.b.c.

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