DISCLAIMER: The character's and the universe of the Battlestar Galactica do not belong to me.
NOTE: Set during "Lay Down Your Burdens"
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I DIDN'T WANT TO BE BACK ALIVE by -yannik-
Chapter Fourteen- OKAY. FOREVER.
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He could only blame himself now, couldn't he? He helped her get there. He supported her in front of the President and the Admiral. His battlestar provided the mission with supplies and equipment. Most of the raptors were launching from Pegasus' pods, and even the briefing was held here, under his supervision.
He sent her away.
It was the hardest thing he'd ever done.
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Forty percent of the pilots left. The Fleet was defenseless. Well, maybe not completely, after all it was calculated, forecasted, pros and cons analyzed till the point of exhaustion. But still they needed pilots.
"What is it?" the Comander asked Major Balder, his XO, who called him to the CIC. Forty years old, tall, a little to thin, short hair. Riana Balder was as reliable as they get. And much stronger than she appeared. She was respected.
With a slight move of her chin she indicated Major Tayler, who stood a little to the side.
"Commander" Stinger spat. He still thought about his CO as a "daddy's boy". Lee doubted the man would ever get over his first – obviously wrong – impression.
"Can I help you Major?"
"Actually yes. I wanted to ask you to join the Air Group for the time when SAR is on Caprica. We need anyone who knows what to do in a cockpit. We need to man CAPs."
Lee blinked couple of times before he answered. Did Stinger just ask him to fly a viper?
"I'm sorry" he said, confused. "My flight status is revoked."
"I believe it's a matter of two tests" the CAG hesitated. Lee realized the man had no idea how long exactly it was since his Commander flew. But he wasn't going to admit that. Not to Stinger. "I asigned Case to evaluate your physicals" the pilot continued, unasked for, "but she's due on CAP in three hours, so if you could fit in before that…"
Lee just gave his CAG a glare. And Stinger shut his mouth.
"I'll do it when and if I have time" Lee said coldly. "If Case is not available, you'll assign someone else. Is that all? Dismissed."
As Stinger strode away, Lee looked into the amused eyes of Major Balder. She seemed to enjoy those little clashes between the Commander, and the CAG. Surprisingly it didn't annoy Lee. Maybe part of the reason she wasn't making him mad, was the fact that she was always siding with him in front of the crew. No exceptions. She was a perfect XO.
"Are you going to do this?" she asked in a low voice.
The Commander frowned. He honestly didn't know. Part of him felt excitement at the prospect of launching into the air once more. He did miss it. But then there was this unfamiliar odd uneasiness too. The image of countless stars, lack of any weight, emptiness... vacuum... He remembered.
And he feared.
"I don't know" he replied in a whisper, gazing around the CIC. It didn't seem to need his attention. And he wanted to escape from here, before his XO would notice his weird behavior. She may have been a good first officer, but she was no friend of his. And she could never be. "I have reports to file for the Admiral" he said. "You have the deck".
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Lee tried to focus on the papers but the thought planted by Stinger kept edging in his head. He had to make a decision. And he had to make the right one.
It could be easy. He'd go to the Life Station for a medical evaluation – he still needed one. He was sure he'd get it, his doc – the medic trained by Cottle – was much more easy going than her teacher. She didn't even make it a problem to give him pain killers, the argument that his wounded shoulder was troubling him from time to time being enough. That was something Cottle would never settle for, but then – Pegasus' stocks were indeed larger than Galactica's.
Lee realized his thoughts were drifting away from the problem.
So he'd get the med evaluation, then he would pass the physicals… What if he didn't? That alone wouldn't put him in a good position in front of the crew that still didn't trust him. So he had to pass them. What if he did? He'd have to go out there…
And as he imagined once more, in the calmness of a solitary Commander's office, what it would be like to fly again – the loneliness, emptiness and fear – he realized that this part of him was indeed killed it that Blackbird crash. He no longer was a viper pilot.
His father really made a gesture, offering him the Commander position, and making it seem as though he deserved it. But then, Admiral Adama was a military for long many years, lots of that time in the command structure one way or the other. He knew people who served under him inside out. He knew his CAG wouldn't be flying anymore much sooner, than the said officer understood that simple truth.
Stinger was angry when his Commander said he could not consent to the CAG's request. He tried to aruge, but Lee had a few things inherited from his father – the Adama glare among all. One look was enough to shut Major Tayler's mouth. Commander was a Commander. And his thing was to maintain the whole ship. He didn't have time to play CAP.
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The news about SAR's return was brought by Major Balder herself.
The shuttle was prepared and launched an hour later.
By the time Commander Adama arrived at Galactica, the hangar bay was nearly deserted, but for the deck-crew repairing the damaged raptors.
The only pilot left behind was Helo. Slouched against the construction pillar, the man stared ahead with a non seeing gaze.
"Lieutenant?" Lee approached him, his legs trembling, and his heart beating like crazy.
Helo's gaze slowly let go of the emptiness it was consuming, and rested on young Adama's face. The pilot blinked, and rubbed his face. "Sir." He straightened his pose, with a visible effort.
Thousands of questions galloped through Lee's head, before he choose one. "Where's everyone else?" his tone all business as always.
"The Admiral gave them some downtime before they would be debriefed. Starbuck is..." How did he know whom Lee was first asking about? "I believe she's in her bunkroom, showing Sam her home."
"She found him" Lee whispered, uncertain what the sudden burning in his stomach meant.
"The mission was successful" Helo commented.
That made Lee angry. Did this pilot think that all that mattered for the Commander was happiness of his personal friend? He was wrong, obviously!
"How many casualties? How many rescued?" Lee asked those more important questions. Upon receiving answers he asked one more. "Why are you sitting here, instead of hitting the showers and getting some downtime as everybody else?"
Helo gazed at him a long while before he responded sadly. "We brought a cylon with us. A cylon recognized by Sharon. But not mentioned. She let us get him here, and she didn't say a word. Somehow I know you were always right not willing to trust her. But on the other hand I'd like to strangle you for feeling that way about the woman I love. That's the worst part of it – I still love her."
Lee didn't think Helo expected an answer to that, so he decided to ignore the comment. "Go hit the shower, Lieutenant. That's an order" he said instead. And then he added softly to himself "And I'll go to meet Starbuck's new flame," semi aware that he actually said it.
That's why Helo's voice startled him. "I wouldn't do that if I were you" Helo said, and Lee turned abruptly. "I wouldn't do that" the pilot repeated. "They wanted to vent off some steam. Give them time, they missed each other."
Lee gave Helo a small smile. He missed Kara too.
He needed to see her.
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The End.
NOTE: Thanks everyone for reading. Great thanks for all the reviews – I hope to get a few more for this chapter! as it's the final one.
If you liked this story, I'm about to start the continuation of it in a few days. The Missing Year the way I imagine it happened.
-yannik-
