Eddie led her back up to her bedroom. It was still the middle of the night, and clearly she was going to be spending the foreseeable future in bed. But for once, Rachel did not feel quite as exhausted as usual. She headed into the en-suite bathroom, explaining, "I probably ought to get my pyjamas on."
Eddie stood awkwardly in Rachel's bedroom. They had not even discussed sleeping arrangements. He had been so fixated on getting her out of the hospital that he had not even considered it. "Shall I sleep in the spare room?" he asked.
Rachel remembered how it felt to have him beside her bed when she lay in the hospital. How it felt that night she first woke up from the coma and he had lain beside her. She immediately found herself saying, "no, stay."
When Rachel came back out of the bathroom, she found Eddie sitting awkwardly on the edge of her bed in his T-shirt and pants. He must have seen her gaze as she noticed his trousers and shirt dropped on the floor. "Sorry," he said, picking them up and folding them neatly and laying them on a chair.
As Rachel stepped out of the bathroom doorway, Eddie walked over to her and rested his hands on her shoulders. As much as she wanted him here, she was unused to having a man in her bedroom, or in her home at all. She had been alone for so many years now and was not quite sure what to do next. I mean, she knew the drill, but this was not just anyone, this was Eddie. Having kept him at arm's length for so long, it now felt strange having him this close, in her bedroom, in so few clothes, even though she wanted him there, preferably in even fewer clothes. Slowly, she looked upwards, her gaze moving from his eyes to his lips. She was not sure why she felt so nervous. This would not be their first kiss, nor even their first night spent in the same bed together. She felt his hands slide over her back as he moved closer to her and pulled her into a hug. She let her nerves get the better of her, and dipped her head, leaning her face against his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist. For a while, they just stood, hugging in her bedroom.
Whilst one arm held her tight, she felt him run his hand over her hair, slowly, over and over again. With each stroke, he began to move his hand forward, brushing against her ear, until it finally came to rest on her cheek. She felt him move his head and kiss her forehead in that familiar, warm way he had done so many times now.
"I remember you doing that in the hospital every day," she said, quietly.
"You remember that?" he asked, surprised.
She nodded gently, remembering how safe she had felt while he was there. "I couldn't do anything but lay there, thinking. You came every day. It was good to hear your voice. I missed you when you weren't there."
"You remember all that?" he asked.
"Yeah, I heard them tell you that I might be able to hear you. I could. It really helped."
Eddie felt embarrassed for a moment, wondering how many of his thoughts had been silent, and how much he had said out loud. But whatever he had said, it did seem to have been be the right thing, given his current situation.
He stroked her cheek with his thumb now, and kissed her forehead again. This time it was not a goodbye, it was just another way to connect with her. Rachel found herself looking up at him, seeing his face moving closer, feeling his warm breath on her cheek. All of her fears seemed to have floated away now. She could tell that he wanted her as much as she wanted him. Finally, she felt his lips land on hers in a kiss. She felt herself melting into him as she stood holding him, kissing him, while he stroked her back, her hair, the bare skin of the back of her neck. There was only one way of getting even closer to him, and now she felt irritated by his T-shirt getting in the way between them.
She moved her hands until she found her way inside his T-shirt, resting against the warm skin of his back. He followed suit, sliding his hands up the back of her top, warm and gentle against her skin. She began to lift his top, and he stopped kissing her only briefly while he pulled it off over his head. She pulled her body away slightly, allowing her to run her hands up his stomach until she reached his shoulders, taking in all the sensations of the way his body felt to her. She felt his hands undoing the top button of her top, and then she felt herself flinch. Eddie felt it too. He pulled away instantly, not wanting to hurt her, or push her too fast, he could not be sure which, but he did not want to do either.
"Sorry," she said, looking away, embarrassed, ashamed.
"It's OK," he smiled gently back at her. "I shouldn't have rushed you. You're still recovering."
"You haven't rushed me," she replied, "you've waited a very long time for this."
"And I'll wait as long as it takes," he said, "until you're well, until you're ready."
Rachel closed her eyes and sighed, "it's not just you that I've kept waiting. It's myself as well. I do want this. I am ready."
"Are you sure?" he checked, needing to know that he was not pressuring her into anything.
"Yes," she replied.
"I don't want to hurt you," he added.
"You won't hurt me," she tried to reassure him.
"Are you sure?" he asked, still concerned.
"I'm not fragile," she said, "I'm out of the hospital now. I just need a lot of sleep. You won't hurt me."
Reassured, Eddie moved his hand toward her top button again. But again, she hesitated. She looked away and asked, "can we get under the covers?"
Eddie smiled. If this was the only barrier now, it was one that was easily resolved. "Of course we can," he replied, taking her hand and pulling her toward the bed and lifting the covers.
She laughed as he pulled her into bed with him. All the feelings she had buried for so long, everything she had wanted from him, was finally happening. She reached out to turn off the light, and then, finally, she was ready for Eddie to remove her clothes.
As Eddie massaged Rachel's back, he felt her relax. But then he realised that she seemed too relaxed. "Rachel?" he said quietly.
She lay still and he asked again, "Rachel? Are you awake?"
There came no answer. Frustrated, he sighed. He would wait as long as she needed him to, but a few minutes ago he thought his wait was over, and now there was going to be more waiting. He slumped down onto the bed beside her, pulled the covers back over them both and fell asleep.
