"Well if this isn't cozy." Sadie said ironically as I looked first into her face and then into the eyes of Portia and Giselle. You'd think I would have at least noticed the almost six foot goddess standing in the corner when I walked in. Nope, not this oblivious, I need therapy chick. And, as for Portia, she didn't even have to open her mouth to annoy me lately. I leaned as casually as I could against the back of the elevator as I sighed in acquiescence.
"So, what brings all of you to this demented world of Pop History?" I asked cynically as Sadie raised a brow warily and Portia and Giselle shrugged. Holding up several clothing bags, Sadie flashed me their labels before leaning back against the wall beside me.
"We were shopping. Looks like it's about time to start throwing things together for the tour again. I came with Portia so that I could buy some new things, and Giselle over there came as a consultant. She's just been hired on as G Majors public 'face' while we're here in Europe." Sadie finished with a pointed look as I gasped before I had time to control myself.
"Hell!" I said quickly covering my mouth as I realized that I had let the word slip without meaning to. Giselle smiled viciously.
"It could be just that." Giselle said with a shrug as I glanced sullenly at Jamie who I discovered was saying a prayer in the corner. I think I made out something like 'God, if you'll just let this elevator move, I'll give up my first unborn child' as I rolled my eyes at him and glanced once again at the girls. It was taking every ounce of my being to control my anger as I stared back at Giselle cattily.
"I guess I missed Darius's need for a 'testosterone raising' poster girl. Looks like he wanted us to have lessons in bitchiness 101." I said with a shrug as Sadie and Portia gasped while Giselle laughed wickedly.
"Afraid much?" She asked as she looked over her perfectly manicured nails. I was lucky if mine ever had cuticles. She was seriously twisted if she thought I was intimidated even if I was just a little. She looked up at me then with narrowed eyes.
"Better hope you're enough woman for Tom Quincy, Jude Harrison. He has quite a ravenous appetite." She said stealthily as my eyes widened in shock. There was no way she had just compared my sex life with hers. Inclining my head as best I could, I tightened my fists into balls until my knuckles turned white.
"He's well fed, I assure you." I said evenly as Jamie groaned from behind me. I tried not to grin at his predicament as I glared at Giselle harshly. She just shrugged.
"He's been well trained, you now. I bet there's not a thing you two have done together, we all haven't already experienced." Giselle remarked haughtily as I felt my cheeks drain of color. I didn't want her to be right. It was already hard enough for me to admit that I hated that part of Tommy's past. My inner struggles must have been visible because I saw Giselle smile knowingly.
"Tell me, does he still shower and shave when he's finished as if he needs to be clean afterwards?" She asked with a quirked brow as Portia 'hrrruuumphhed' beside her.
"He did that to you too. I always hated that. God, was it annoying!" Portia exclaimed as color began to leak slowly back into my face. Sadie sighed sullenly from behind me. I glanced at her irritably.
"What? You're not going to put in your two cents?" I asked sardonically as she shrugged nonchalantly.
"He always drank a shot of bourbon right before we did anything." Sadie said casually as I felt my mouth drop open in astonishment. Jamie kicked my shin lightly.
"Watch it, Harrison. You're drooling." He said peevishly as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and shook my head slowly. Giselle laughed.
"Does he still gargle with listerine three times a day?" Giselle asked as Portia put out her hand dramatically.
"Oh Oh, and does he still only use that damn fine tooth black comb of his to brush his hair with. I ran it around in a toilet once without telling him, you know." Portia said excitedly as Sadie laughed hysterically.
"And the old 'Dukes of Hazzard' reruns, does he still watch those?" Sadie asked as I just sat down next to Jamie dazedly. We both glanced at each other with quirked brows before turning back to the three girls in front of us.
"This is seriously twisted. You know that right?" Jamie asked as I shrugged and let my shoulders sag wearily. Seriously, what curse did I have placed on my head that would allow me to be sitting here catching glimpses of my boyfriend's (although we've never officially announced it out loud even to ourselves) past intimate relationships? This was girlfriend hell.
"Well?" The girls asked suddenly as I looked at them dazedly, shaking my head slightly to rid myself of the fluff before I realized they actually expected me to answer all of those questions. I really really hated to disappoint them. Okay, yeah right! To hell with that. I was seriously going to enjoy seeing their faces when I told them the truth about our relationship. Lifting up slowly and with precision, I placed my hands firmly on each hip before raising a brow drolly
"To set the record straight. Tommy never showers when we're finished. He mostly plays with my hair and we talk. As for drinking bourbon, obviously he doesn't feel the need to muddle his brain before any action occurs between us. As a matter of fact he told me once and I quote and yes it's cheesy that 'he gets drunk enough off of passion.' He uses Crest mouthwash now, and I bought him a wooden horsehair brush that he replaced that 'damn' fine tooth comb with so if you have any further questions or complaints, call Dr. Phil." I said haughtily as the elevator suddenly jerked and began moving downward again.
"Oh, thank God!" Jamie exclaimed from behind me as he jumped up and pulled me desperately out of the lift as soon as the doors managed to open.
"I seriously know way too much about Tom Quincy now." He stated with a shudder as I glanced over my shoulder to see the three girls gaping at me. From Sadie's smile, I think she was just highly amused. The other two, on the other hand, were going to be a handful on this tour. Jamie sighed as we walked out of the mall.
"I think I need a shot of whiskey." He said sternly as I looked up into his face and laughed.
Author's footnote: Okay, this chapter reallytickled my funny bone. Hope it does the same for yours. Smiles and laughter to you all. Please R&R.
