CHAPTER 9

A/N: Thank you to May1217, kelenhermitha and the Guest for the reviews and especially for your kind words!This is a longer chapter and the timeline accelerates a bit.


THREE WEEKS LATER – MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT - HOME

One more night with insomnia… I just can't seem to sleep anymore. I have been really nervous lately, ever since we finished shooting the pilot, and my anxiety always peaks at night. I don't know if it's because the pilot is now completely out of my hands or if it's just because we are getting close to finding out the fate of the show. The first episode is going to air in a few months and then… I will know if it's picked up or… if it is a flop.

I just can't bare the thought that maybe Glee will end before it even begins and it will be all forgotten, like nothing happened. What do I do if it doesn't work out, how do you get over failure when you have put your heart and soul on the line?

I sigh at these dark thoughts and look at the alarm clock for the hundredth time tonight. 5:10 AM. I have not even slept one fucking minute yet. Brittany, on the other hand, is peacefully asleep… and I can't even move because she's basically laying all over me. At least, she keeps me warm…

Not being able to sleep just really pisses me off. I have tried everything lately to keep my mind busy and not think of the pilot. I have been working on my new song and I used the occasion to restart the talks with my label on the release of my album. They think that it would be good to wait for the pilot to air because I could build up on the momentum and use that public exposure to promote my album… I think they have a point but at the same time, linking the show and the album together is increasing my anxiety even more… If one fails, will it lead the other to failure too? And then what?

At least we will go to Lima in a couple of days, for the holiday season. That should help me relax. And it will be the first time ever in Ohio for my Sofia.


A FEW DAYS LATER - CHRISTMAS DAY – LIMA

We are all reunited in my parents' living room: my mom and dad, Abuela, Brittany's parents… My mom just served a glass of champagne to everyone, except me, because I'm still breastfeeding the little sucker. Brittany politely declined her glass – to support me I guess - but I encouraged her to drink it. It's Christmas, she should be able to celebrate! And after all, it was my decision to breastfeed Sofia for 6 months…

My dad has been telling lame jokes for a few minutes but apparently everyone is captivated, even Britt. I'm not really listening because I'm busy watching my Abuela telling the story of Jesus' birth to Sofia, in Spanish. My baby seems totally fascinated and I can't help but smirk. You don't know what you're in for, kid, Abuela is going to tell you that story every single Christmas… And if you dare to complain, you will get additional biblical stories as punishment. At least now Abuela will torture Sofia instead of me.

I get distracted by Brittany's hand grabbing mine. As I turn towards her, I see her smiling before giving me a kiss. I can taste the champagne on her lips. Is that normal to miss alcohol this bad? She intertwines her hand with mine as we keep watching Abuela and Sofia. It's our little girl's first Christmas and it's just amazing to have the whole family around her. They are all so excited, they are basically fighting every 5 minutes to hold her. Sofia is like the Queen of the house now.


LATER THAT DAY – LIMA

We just started eating dinner and God… I missed Abuela and my mom's cooking, it's so fucking good!

"So Brittany, you will get back to work after the holiday then?" My mom asks.

"Yes, I will. Mike has done a fantastic job in my absence but it's just too much for one person so I promised him to come back in January…"

"Have you figured out how to get organized… for Sofia?" Abuela asks.

"I will take care of her, Abuelita" I reply. "I have to wait a few more months to know what will happen with the show and with my album so… It's not like I have to go anywhere. And I can write from home. Maybe I will record a few back vocals here and there though, to earn some money… A baby isn't exactly cheap."

"You should write a song in Spanish." My dad adds. "And speak to your daughter more often in Spanish, Santana. She needs to know where she comes from."

"Dad, we have already talked about this! I do it regularly but I can't speak Spanish to her all the time, you forget that Brittany doesn't understand it. The main language in our home is English, so that will be Sofia's mother tongue, you'll just have to accept it."

"But then how will your little girl learn Spanish?" He asks.

"I don't know! She will learn it with you guys when she visits. And at school I guess? Or TV?" I reply.

He doesn't seem very happy but I don't care. It's so hard to make him understand that I'm not necessarily going to raise my daughter in the same way as he raised me.


LATER THAT NIGHT – LIMA

After a long day and eating way too much food, we are back in my old bedroom where we have been staying since we arrived in Lima. Sofia is sleeping in the next room. Brittany can't stop kissing me in bed and I am guessing it's the effect of the champagne that my mom kept serving.

"Britt…" I whisper, pulling away from the kiss. "Let's slow down a little, we're at my parents'…"

"So?" she asks, kissing my neck. "We had sex in this bed before, many many times..."

"I know but… now there is also a baby in the house, and the wall between my bedroom and the guest room is pretty thin. I don't want to wake up Sofia…"

"Well we'll just have to be quiet… So for once… don't be loud…" She teases.

"Excuse me?" I say, offended. "Like you're quiet in bed?"

"Well… I can be when needed." She replies.

"So can I" I add.

"Sure, baby…" She says in a sarcastic tone.

I am about to protest but she kisses my lips again and I suddenly don't care to argue further.


NEW YEARS EVE – LIMA

I'm happy to be all dressed up again, ready for tonight. Although I don't really look my best. Not only I look awfully tired due to my recurrent insomnia but I can't dress like I used to as I still have some pregnancy weight to lose. It's quite frustrating, especially because Brittany looks like her usual sexy self and I would like to look nice for her too.

We are invited for dinner at Mr Schue's tonight, together with Rachel, Jesse, Sam and Mercedes who all came back home for the holidays. I'm really excited to be around these people, I miss them. And the good news is that we won't even have to rush back to my parents' early because Abuela has offered to babysit Sofia until tomorrow.


LATER THAT NIGHT – AT MR SCHUE'S, LIMA

After eating a nice dinner, we are reminiscing about the glory days of Glee, telling our funniest anecdotes. I'm belly laughing with my girl Mercedes. And as we are mocking Mr Schue for his "Ice ice baby" rapping session, he suddenly gets up and starts the same damn song again! We are of course completely unable to resist and find ourselves singing along and dancing those old moves from another life. That song actually kicks off a one hour long jamming session, and I'm having a blast singing and dancing with them all!

Later, as we are sitting on the couch and chatting like there is no tomorrow, Mercedes tells me that she and Sam are considering moving to Los Angeles.

"Seriously? Girl, that'd be really awesome!" I say, excited.

"I know, right? Sam and I are both tired of New York… L.A. is a cool place. Besides, I would be a lot closer to you, and to my goddaughter!" She adds with a smile.


ONE MONTH LATER – LOS ANGELES – HOME

Brittany and I just finished watching the first edit of the pilot episode that Artie sent me.

"What do you think?" I ask.

"I think it's good!" She says with enthusiasm. "I know I can't exactly be impartial since it's about our lives and all those people that I love, but… even if I put that aside, I find it interesting! I would totally watch a show like this! What about you babe, are you satisfied with it?"

"Well… Honestly I think we got the best result we can have, given the means we had. The songs are great, the choreographies are amazing - which I never doubted about since they were created by my talented wife" I add with a wink. "It's good acting, it's well filmed, with a good pace… So yes, the editing seems good to me. I just hope that the network and the viewers like the plot… And that they want to watch more of it." I say.

Even though I'm pleased by the editing, I feel more anxious than ever. We have really reached a crossroad. Now the fate of the project - and possibly of my career - is going to be decided by a bunch of rich people in suits.

Brittany gives me an encouraging kiss and as she's about to get up to go to the kitchen, I grab her arm.

"Britt… wait… could we talk?" I ask.

"Of course, honey. What's on your mind?"

"I was thinking about all this and huh… Would you consider working as a choreographer on the show?"

I can tell that she didn't expect that question.

"Are you serious?" She asks.

"Yes… I am… I don't know if the show will continue beyond the pilot but if it does, I would like you to be in charge of the choreographies and be on set to teach the actors."

"That would be a lot of work…" She comments.

"I know…"

"And I would have to give up on classes at the dance school…" She adds.

I nod because indeed if she accepts to work for Glee, she won't have much time left to teach.

"Just think about it?" I say. "It is completely up to you, honey, I don't want to pressure you. And whatever decision you make… it has to be for you, not for me. I just wanted to offer you the possibility because…well, you are the obvious choice when it comes to choreographies."

She nods and I leave her alone with her thoughts.


A FEW DAYS LATER – HOME – EVENING TIME

We are in our bathroom, getting ready for bed. I'm busy taking off my make-up while Britt is standing next to me, brushing her hair. All of a sudden, she says: "OK."

"OK what?" I ask, confused.

"OK… I'll be your choreographer."

"Are you sure? That's really what you want?" I ask.

"Well… I love creating choreographies. And by doing that for Glee, I will also support my wife's big project so...yeah."

"But you also like teaching at the dance school, are you OK with the whole idea of… giving up on classes?" I ask.

"I do love teaching there but it's not like I would completely lose it. I will still run the school…" She replies. "I thought about it long and hard and I will just keep the classes for the 4 years old, because that's my favourite group. And I will give up on the rest… But that also means that I have to hire another dance teacher to take over my hours. And that's not just my call, I have to speak to Mike and also check our budget…"

"Of course" I say. "Talk to Mike first and... we will go from there…"

I suddenly feel the urge to hug her: "Thank you, honey. It means a lot" I say.

She hugs me back before replying: "You're welcome."


ONE MONTH LATER – HOME

We have internet connection issues at home once again and I'm so fucking tired of it. It's the third day in a row that I lose the connection every 10 minutes or so. I have to send my latest scripts to Quinn and I need a stable connection for that! But now it's too late to call the stupid helpdesk so I will just have to call first thing in the morning. For now, I'm trying to find the copy of our contract because the support agents always ask for some reference that I never know by heart but I know that it's indicated on that paper. Of course, I can't find it in the drawer where I usually keep it. Like I have time for this, dammit! Desperate, I check on the desk to see if it's there but Brittany has CVs all over the place and I just hate not finding what I'm looking for!

She published an advertisement to find a new dance teacher that would take over her hours. Originally I told her that she should wait a little as we don't even know what will happen with the show. But the truth is that if Glee is picked up, we will have to move forward very quickly and shoot the other episodes. So she's going to hire someone on a renewable short term contract, just in case. If the show is not picked up, she will simply resume her normal schedule at the end of her replacement's contract. As I quickly go through her pile of documents, I finally find the contract paper, randomly stuck between two CVs. As I grab the document, something else catches my eye.

I run into the living room and find Brittany, sitting on the couch.

"Would you care to explain why I just found this on the desk?" I say in an angry tone, showing her James' CV.

She sighs and opens her mouth but doesn't speak right away. Finally, she just says: "It was in the pile of CVs that the school secretary gave me… He applied for the position."

"I don't give a damn that he applied. The question is why you circled his name, Brittany? Because I know what your circles mean: you are considering his application!" I add.

I want to yell so bad because I feel furious! But Sofia is in her bedroom and no matter how little she is, I don't want my kid to hear her parents fighting. When I was a child, I heard my parents arguing a few times and even though they never got up to the point of divorcing each other, their yelling was always stressful for me. So despite my anger, I'm forcing myself not to raise my voice.

Brittany doesn't reply and just looks down at her feet.

"Brittany!" I repeat, to get her attention.

"He's... the best CV I got…" she whispers.

"The best CV you got? Are you telling me that there are no other good dance teachers in all of Los Angeles? And that you have to hire James?" I say sarcastically. "Seriously? What about that girl who was replacing you when you were on maternity leave?"

"She's the first one I asked, San, but she has found a full-time job elsewhere. I don't know what to tell you… I looked at all the CVs I have received but they are just not good! The fact that it's a short-term contract is probably not appealing to people that have the right skills. And James is the one with the best experience, I know you don't like him but he has a great reputation. And you forget that we have a child to take care of and the only stable income we have for now is the one from the dance school! So I can't take any risk, I have to make sure that the quality of our classes is maintained."

"Were you planning on telling me?" I ask.

"I… I would have… eventually. But I was hoping to get more CVs and just find another good candidate. Besides I have not even discussed his application with Mike yet."

"How does James even know about this position?" I comment. "He lives in New York! Do you talk to him?"

She remains silent and I feel my rage building up.

"Do you talk to him, Brittany?" I ask again.

"No! Not really… He just contacted me a couple of times, that's all. I don't reach out to him myself."

I shake my head in disbelief. "When?"

"Some time after Sofia's birth. He called me to offer his congratulations. And then he called again more recently... to ask how things were going for us."

"How does this jerk even know that Sofia was born?"

"I don't know… I guess he heard it from Alice? She probably shared that news with all the other dance teachers in my former school. But anyway, he saw you pregnant, San! It's not like it was a secret. And last time he called, we talked about work and... I may have mentioned that I would have to find a teacher to replace me… It just slipped out… I guess that after that, he probably checked the advertisement on the school's website."

"You lied to me!" I say.

"I didn't lie about anything!" She replies.

"Well, you never told me that you were talking to him! How would you feel if I was talking to Dani and hiding it from you?" I ask.

"That's so not the same!" She replies. "Dani actually kissed you, when we were engaged! And she was my friend, or so I thought… Talk about betrayal! But nothing ever happened with James, I don't even know why you are jealous of him in the first place!"

"Because he wants to fuck my wife!" I reply.

"OK… You always say that but that assumption is based on… what exactly? He has never tried any move on me, San."

"Oh please, Britt! He flirted with you right in front of me! I don't know how you didn't notice because it was so obvious! And then, when I confronted him, he…"

"You confronted him?" She cuts me off, surprised. "When?"

"In New York, when you started working with him." I reply, without any shame.

"What? What did you tell him?" She asks, offended.

"I told him to stay the fuck away from you!"

"Santana, you can't do this! You went to my work place and threatened one of my colleagues? And why do I hear about this only now?"

"Yes Britt, I did. And I will do it again if needed! I'm not going to allow that creep anywhere near my wife. And I don't want him in our lives so he can't work for you!" I say, more firmly.

"Well, then… I don't know what to do. You are the one who asked me to be your choreographer and in order to do that, I first have to find a replacement at the dance school. Right now, he's the only option I have. And why we always have to fight about James anyway? Why are you so obsessed with this? Even if he tries anything, I will just reject him and that's it! Tell me what are you so afraid of, once for all!" She adds.

I don't reply so she continues: "I love our life together, Santana… I have everything I want. Why would I do anything with James?"

"I don't know! But it wouldn't be the first time you choose a guy over me!" I suddenly say out of anger.

There is a complete silence in the room as she looks at me in disbelief, clearly shocked by what I just said.

"Are you talking about… Artie?" She finally asks.

I don't reply and just look down at my feet. I didn't plan to say this, it's something I buried deep down long ago but tonight I'm just so pissed that it came out.

"Oh my God, San, this was YEARS ago, you and I were not even together yet!" She reacts as I walk away to take my jacket and my purse.

"Where are you going?" She asks.

"I just can't stay here right now, Brittany. I'm so angry that I'm going to end up yelling. And I'm not going to do this when my daughter is in the house." I reply, slamming the front door behind me.


A/N: May1217, you read my mind because I was planning to introduce some angst as you can see… Any reminder of James' existence always triggers Santana. Grateful for your comments and reviews, as always. And labout our dear dear Naya… The past few days were sad but it was also very comforting to feel the love and support among fans and I honestly also felt the joy of celebrating her life. If any of you needs to talk about her, you can always write to me in private! Much love to all of you!