CHAPTER 10

A/N: Thank you to Berrylucky5, kelenhermitha, the Guest and DarkSouls3777 for their reviews! I will react to a few things at the end of this chapter. For now I give the floor to Santana... it's a longer chapter, she has a lot of thoughts.


I have been sitting at the bar for some time now... sad, alone and in silence. I'm contemplating my second Martini when I suddenly catch the shadow of someone taking the stool next to me.

As I turn my head and notice who that is, I roll my eyes: "What the fuck are you doing here, Fabray? Oh goodie, you even brought Puckerman with you!" I add, sarcastically.

"I have a better question for you, San." Quinn replies. "Why on earth did I get a phone call from your wife, crying her eyes out?" She asks in a serious tone mixed with anger and disappointment.

Every time Quinn is mad at me, I feel like I'm a kid in trouble that is about to be grounded… I don't even know why. She is like this maternal figure or…. maybe it has to do with the fact that she was our head cheerleader in high school.

But when I hear that Brittany has been crying, I feel bad… I don't want to be the reason my wife is sad but right now, I'm also deeply hurt and frankly, I feel betrayed.

"I don't want to talk about it, Q. I don't even want to talk at all for that matter! All I want to do right now is drink! It's been more than a year since I got myself some alcohol and tonight, I really need some! So now that I have brought a human being into this world and that I'm finally done breastfeeding her… I am going to get drunk! OK?"

As I finish saying those words, I down my glass and wave at the bartender to get another one.

"Fine." She replies. "You don't have to talk, you can drink your sorrow or… whatever this is…" She says, waving her hand dismissively. "I am going to do to the talking."

I sigh very loudly to make her understand that she's working on my fucking nerves right now. Can't a girl catch a break, is that too much to ask?

As Puck orders himself a whisky, Quinn says: "Brittany couldn't even align three words without sobbing! She said that you two got into a big fight and she told me about this… James what's-his-name…"

"I don't want to talk about this guy, Quinn." I say.

Of course she completely ignores me and continues: "But Santana… even if this guy was interested in Brittany, it-"

"There is no "if", Fabray. He is interested in Brittany! Why nobody fucking believes me?" I cut her off. "I caught him looking at her ass when we were living in New York and he has been trying to get in her pants ever since!" I angrily comment.

"Well… You've got to admit that she has a nice ass." Puck says out of nowhere. "It's normal that guys look at it. I look at it too."

I frown at him and open my mouth in disbelief. He sure knows how to make me even more enraged.

"You're so not helping, Puck." Quinn sighs. "Don't you remember the plan? You're just here to drink along with her…" She says, pointing at me. "Leave the talking up to me, OK?"

"Why, what did I do?" He asks as Quinn rolls her eyes. "Listen, Lopez…" He says, ignoring the fact that Quinn just told him not to speak. "Guys also look at Quinn, and there is nothing I can do about it. That's just the way it is. If they look at your wife, you should take it as a compliment, at least that's what I do… It doesn't matter who looks, I'm the one to tap that!" He adds, nodding towards Quinn.

"I'm right here!" Quinn says, pretending to be offended. But I'm pretty sure that deep down she is actually pleased with what he just said.

"Why do you think that this guy is a threat to your marriage?" Quinn asks me.

"I don't know, Fabray! How many reasons do you want? Because I actually have a neverending list! Maybe it's because every time this jerk is around, he uses any occasion he can find to get Brittany alone, whether it's to rehearse sexy dance moves at his place, invite her at the restaurant or visit her at the school out of nowhere… Or maybe it's because he didn't deny his attraction for her when I confronted him!" I say.

She opens her eyes big in surprise.

"Yes, Q, that's right!" I confirm. "And like that was not enough, I have just found out that now he calls my wife's phone! He keeps coming back like a fucking cockroach! But perhaps I see him as a threat because he actually applied for a job at Brittany's school, even though it's just a short-term contract and it's on the fucking other side of the country! Who even does that, Quinn?! Who?! I know it's all part of his plan, that guy just won't stop until he gets my wife! You should see the way he looks at her, I fucking can't stand it! And despite being gay, I'm not blind, okay? I can see that he's hot! And I know that he has a lot in common with her, being a dancer and all…"

Quinn sighs and replies: "Ok look, I admit that that guy is fishy. Maybe he's after Brittany, I don't know… But he won't get her anyway! You know that, right? And who cares how good looking he is, have you seen yourself? You are hot too, Santana. Everyone with eyes knows that."

"Preach!" Puck comments, before taking another sip.

"I used to, but that was before…" I just mumble.

"Before what?" She asks.

"Before… you know… the extra pregnancy weight and the saggy belly?" I say, pointing at my stomach. "Yeah, I'm so hot right now!" I comment in a sarcastic way.

She looks at me before saying: "I know better than anyone what pregnancy can do to a woman's body. But it's just temporary, you'll get your flat belly back eventually! And Britt doesn't care about that kind of things anyway. God knows that it beats me why but that girl is completely in love with you!"

"That's true!" Puck confirms. "How did you even get that woman to fall this hard for you? I have always wondered how such a nice girl puts up with a pain in the ass like you."

"Yeah because you're such a catch, Puckerman! I don't know what Q sees in you either!" I angrily reply.

"Guys! Enough!" Quinn says, before turning to me: "Why are you suddenly doubting yourself like this? You have always been confident about your body. And don't you see that you have more in common with Britt than this guy? You also dance! And you girls come from the same town and have been best friends forever. You even have the same name now, without mentioning the obvious: you raise a child together! What more do you want? A kidney?"

I sigh and just look at the glass in my hands.

"Very honestly Santana, I can sense that this whole crisis is not just about James. He is just the drop of water that broke the camel's back. So what is this about exactly?" Quinn asks.

I just down my glass without replying. I fucking warned her that I didn't want to talk.

"Brittany said that you feel under tremendous pressure these days. So you want to know what I think?" She asks.

"No thanks, I'll pass." I just reply, even though I know that she's going to tell me either way.

"I think that the great fierce Santana Lopez suddenly suffers from a huge lack of self-confidence and she doesn't know how to handle it. And your comment about your body just confirmed my suspicion…"

I swallow hard but do not comment. Instead, I wave at the bartender to get another drink.

"I think you're scared of failing..." She adds. "The Glee show or your album but... I think that above it all, you're scared of failing your family."

Tears start to fall down my cheeks but I remain silent.

"San…" Quinn says, in a sweeter voice this time. "I'm your friend, just let it out your chest, all of it. I promise that you will feel better."

I turn my head away so she can't see me cry. She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze to encourage me.

"You don't want to do that, Quinn. If I start, I won't stop talking, because everything is wrong…" I whisper.

"It doesn't matter, Santana. We'll take the time you need."

"Fine…" I say before inhaling deeply.

"You're right, about everything…" I tell her. "Glee is… it just has to work out, Quinn. I don't know how to get over it if that show doesn't make it. And I dragged you all into this project: you, Artie, the cast, the crew... If it flops, you will all be out of a job and it will be my fault! It's like I'm carrying everyone's future on my shoulders and that's just too much pressure for what I can take! It's not even just about the pilot! Even if the show continues, we'll never have any guarantee on how long it lasts or how successful it gets. And now… I even have dragged Brittany into it! You know why I asked her to be part of it? Because I'm fucking terrified and knowing that she would manage the dancing on the show was reassuring. But by doing this I… I actually ruined everything! I didn't think this through...

I put Britt in an impossible position and I hate myself for it. I know that she only accepted to work on Glee because she puts her wife first! That's just the kind of person she is… And now she's forced to find a replacement when I am very well aware that she's the best teacher they have at her school. A school that is her big dream and I'm creating issues she doesn't need. And that's not fair to Mike either because he took care of everything by himself for four months so we could focus on our baby and now that Britt finally went back to work, I'm stealing her away, for my own gain…

And Britt was right: the school is the only stable income we have right now! I'm risking our finances when we have a child to take care of! So yeah, I'm the wife and mother of the year!" I say sarcastically.

"I wanted James out of our lives and ironically, I just provided him with a golden ticket to my wife! If Britt hires him, he's going to move to L.A. and he will be around her every day, trying to get her in bed. None of that would have happened if I had not asked Brittany to give up on her classes. And now… look where we are" I say, raising my hands. "I'm sitting in a bar like a fucking alcoholic and my wife is crying at home!"

Quinn throws me a sympathetic look as I take a sip of alcohol to give myself the strength to continue.

"And yes… I'm also scared about the album because I completely exposed myself in those songs. If that doesn't sell or interest anyone, how do I even continue making music after that? I only peak when I write something personal! I don't have a fall back option!"

I stop talking for a few seconds but none of them is saying anything, they know that I'm not done. So I inhale deeply before whispering: "The worst part is how I constantly worry about Sofia, Quinn… My mom says that that's what being a parent is like, that you worry every minute about your child being healthy, being safe, being happy… I want her to grow up in a loving home, in a better world than the shitty one we live in right now… I want to have an answer to every problem she might face but the thing is that right now I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing! She's barely 6 months old and her moms just had their biggest fight!"

"San…" Quinn says. "Look at me… I don't know what the public response to Glee will be. I want it to succeed just as much as you do, but if it doesn't, then it's just not meant to be! You will find another project, maybe even a better one… Or you will make adjustments and pitch Glee again another time! And that's the same for your album. How many artists experience rejection and make a successful come back? You are talented, no one can take this away from you. So you will make it, one way or another! And you have to stop worrying about Sofia. She's a happy healthy little girl, surrounded by so much love! She's always smiling or laughing… And I have seen you with her, you're a great mom!"

I rest my forehead on my hand before sobbing: "I don't know, Quinn... Everything just feels wrong right now. And.. I don't want to lose my wife... I know that none of you gets it, you all think I'm being silly but... I have had the worst feeling in my guts about James since the first day I met him. He's coming after her, I just know it. And he might rip my family apart in the process."

"Come on...You're not going to lose your wife, or your family..." Quinn replies.

"But you can't know that, Q! People always see me and Brittany like this perfect couple and just because we are married, you all think that we have reached some kind of magical safe place where nothing bad can happen. But so many people are genuinely in love and eventually get a divorce! Just last week, my mom announced me that her friends are separating. And that couple has always been my role model when it comes to love. I always thought that they were acting more in love than my own parents! They have been together for 30 years, Quinn. Thirty years! They have kids, and… grandkids even! And yet, they are getting a divorce! So really you guys have to stop acting like I cannot lose Britt. I can lose her."

"OK… You're right, no one can know for sure what will happen in the future." She says. "But you can't act or... react out of fear. James is not a threat, honey. Because no matter how hard he's going to try, Brittany is going to choose you, I know it. And you should know it too!"

I'm trying to control my tears but I miserably fail.

"How can I know anything? She's been hiding things from me!" I say.

"Look…" Quinn adds. "You drinking in a pub is not going to fix this... Before we got here, we dropped Sofia at Mike's for the night, at Brittany's request. So… you should just go talk to your wife, she's waiting for you to come home."

"I can't…" I whisper before falling back into silence. I finish my drink and order yet another one.

I'm too overwhelmed to deal with any of this. I have barely slept in weeks and I'm so stressed about everything... Usually Brittany is the one keeping me sane but now I have to worry about my marriage on top of everything else? I can't get over the fact that she's been talking to this guy behind my back! She was even considering hiring him, even though she knows how I feel about him...

I feel like my life is falling apart right before my eyes. Even though it won't fix anything as Quinn says, the only thing I can handle right now is sitting on this damn stool and drink.


MUCH LATER...

When Quinn finally drops me off at home, it's almost morning. I drank too much tonight and after a year of forced soberness, I can't handle alcohol like I used to. I'm struggling to keep my balance. I take off my shoes and find myself in the middle of the living room, unable to move. Maybe I should just sleep on the couch. If I go to our bedroom, it will be awkward and I will most certainly be caught into a conversation that I really don't want to have right now. I have never spent a night away from Brittany though… unless we were not in the same city.

I hesitate for a while but I finally decide to sleep on the couch.

I wake up a while later, with a massive headache. God… I feel like a truck ran over me. I guess that it was a bad idea to get wasted the very first time I drink after so long. As I slowly open my eyes, the first thing I see is the coffee table and the TV on the wall. Right… I forgot: I actually slept on the fucking couch.

I sigh and rub my eyes…

That's when I notice Brittany's arm draped over me. I slowly turn around and see her asleep, laying uncomfortably in the tiny space between me and the back of the couch. How did she even manage to fit in there?

Despite my best effort to discretely get up, she wakes up.

"Hi…" She says, locking eyes with mine. Her eyes are red, she must have cried a lot.

I can feel the unusual tension between us.

"Hi…" I reply. "What... are you doing here…?" I ask, with a raspy morning voice.

"I… I heard you coming back home and I waited but… you never came to bed so… I got up and saw you here, asleep on the couch..." She says, with a sad tone. "I didn't want to sleep without you…" She whispers.

I can't stand seeing her this sad but at the same time, I don't know what to say so I just swallow hard, my mouth feels so fucking dry.

We are stuck in an awkward silence and I just can't hold her gaze. I get up from the couch without saying a word but she catches my hand before I can walk away.

"Can we talk?" She asks with pleading eyes.

I sigh and reply: "Brittany… I'm hungover and exhausted. I really don't want to talk right now. I just need to sleep… So… I'm going to go to bed now."

She nods before saying: "Just… at least tell me… Are we going to be OK?" She asks, in a desperate tone.

I wish I could tell her that it's all going to be fine but the fact that I slept on the couch is not exactly my definition of "being OK".

"I don't know…" I reply honestly, yanking my hand out of hers. I walk towards the bedroom without looking back at her. At least she doesn't follow me, which I'm grateful for, because I really need some time alone. After a while, I hear the front door closing. She must have left to pick up Sofia at Mike's. Exhaustion quickly takes over me, making me drift into sleep.


A a couple of hours later, I'm woken up by a text.

FROM "WIFEY": Sofia and I will spend the whole day at Mike and Tina's. She's having a lot of fun with her godfather and they also keep insisting for us to stay longer. I figured that you might want some space anyway… I miss you.

I have barely read the text that my phone beeps again, she sent me a picture this time. I open it and see Mike and Tina sitting on a blanket in their garden, with a laughing Sofia on Mike's lap. I smile briefly, looking at my happy baby and text Brittany back.

TO "WIFEY": OK, thanks for warning me. Have fun.

I know that my reply is awfully short and cold but it's the best I can do right now.


A/N: Any reaction on this chapter? Thanks in advance! And to the Guest who commented on chapter 9, I understand your point about Brittany. She definitely should not have hidden things from Santana because that's how problems start. There will be more on that in the next chapter. But in my view, Britt actually believes that James is harmless. He only showed his true intentions to Santana (for those who don't know, I refer you to my first story, "What is your dream?". If you want to know what happened with Dani, it's also covered in the first story). Brittany has always been a bit the innocent one who only sees the best in people. That was even obvious on Glee. Maybe some of you remember Santana's quote: "Somebody's gotta look out for Brittany, that special place where she lives yeah it's beautiful but someone's gotta help her cross the street". So it makes sense to me that she doesn't see the real James, she thinks he's her friend. But it's a fact that James is an ass. And unlike Brittany, Santana sees right through him. The problem is that this fight happened at a moment where Santana is freaking about everything and doubting herself, as you understood. To be continued and thanks to all of you who are reading.