Aww, man. My computer shut down! That means I have to write the whole frickin' chapter over again! Not to mention a couple separate one-shots. Sorry the update was slow.

I can't get online on weekdays anymore. So chapters will be longer (hopefully a couple hundred words more), but updated once a week.

A good book to read (I have to say this) is The Schwa Was Here by Neal Shusterman. It's got a dark edge to it, and his humor almost matches Colfer's. And that's saying something.

Summary: Right after Holly gets a job in the LEP, she cuts her hair. Each auburn lock falling through the floor makes her think about choices, and especially their consequences. What will happen after?

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl.

Haircut

Chapter Eight

The badge was shiny.

It was big, heavy, and reflected enough light to blind. And if that wasn't enough, it has 'REPLACMENT OFFICER' written in big yellow letters. Why, Holly had no idea.

The halls were full, and she crept past, trying not to be seen. She was already feeling traumatized enough. That morning, she had cleaned up the pile of hair. It had started to stink. Badly.

And it was rather disconcerting. But, of course, this was for, er, sentimental reasons.

She had felt disturbed after cleaning the hair up because she was throwing away something that meant a lot to her. Yeah.

It had nothing at all to do with the nest of cockroaches that had made their home there. After all, she liked her room messy.

Some parts of her, she knew, would always be the same old girl. But a lot of her was changing. It was like being a wild card, doing things spontaneously and impulsively. She was witty and smart, and it was a lot of fun.

Honestly, she liked the new 'her' better. The old Holly was the girl-next-door type, only being classified as a friend of Lili. Now she was remembered, and it was enjoyable.

After knocking politely and being invited in, she sat down in front of Root's desk, awaiting instruction.

"Miss, uh," he checked her name tag quickly, "Short. The replacement officer, right."

So much for being remembered, she thought sourly. She was the only female, and he still had to check her name tag. He continued.

"Well, since there isn't really anything big right now, you'll be going around as police officers. Now, I have a meeting with a dwarf criminal, to squeeze a confession out of him. He's good, so if we don't get him to admit he did anything, we won't be able to get him thrown in jail.

"We barely have any proof, and he has a good lawyer. I won't be able to make it, so you're going to do it instead. Oh, and remember, this takes smarts." He glared at her. "You have to outsmart him to get him to confess."

Holly already knew this. "Yessir."

"The convict should be brought in soon, so you need to get over there."

"Over where, sir?"

But it was too late; the commander was busy looking for a piece of paper he seemed to have misplaced. When he found it, the first thing Holly noticed was that it was bright red.

She racked her brains as she left the room. There were special kinds of codes that were sent in color to commanders to signal emergency meetings. Blood red was, fittingly, murder. Neon red was something about Mud Men, and bright red was a major theft. There were many more, but that was all she could remember.

A major theft. The Commander was being called in for a meeting about some theft. This would be worth looking into later. She made a note about it.

But on to other things. Where would the convict be? She thought for a little bit. And then it hit her.

Oh, well duh.

The interviewing room. Holly didn't know the professional name for it, but when she passed by, there was always some dirty-looking guy in there that she took to be a criminal.

After a little bit of wandering, she was there.

Pushing the door open, she took a peek. There were a few guards around, mostly sprites.

And chained to a chair was the hairiest dwarf she had ever seen.

Well, it wasn't like she had seen many dwarves. So she couldn't really say anything. But this dwarf had hair all over his chin, and every individual one was sticking out and feeling all over the place.

He looked up, not realizing that she would be his interviewer. "Are you the snack lady?"

"No, actually. I'm your interviewer."

"Oh. A girl?"

"Do I look like a guy to you?"

"…No."

"Alright," she sighed, "Let's get this over with." Flipping through the dwarf's info, she discovered some interesting things.

They had recently discovered that this dwarf, Mulch Diggums, had been the dwarf behind many a crime. Not to mention lately he lost his magic. But the only witnesses they had were mind-wiped, and Mulch had a good lawyer that was in with many members of the Council. If they wanted to save themselves a lot of trouble, Holly needed to get this confession from him so Root could show it in court.

"Mr.… Diggums. You lost your magic?"

"Yup."

"How?"

"I, uh," he stopped, realizing that if he said he broke into a house, they had gotten him. He had to keep his innocent façade. After all, he hadn't been caught yet. "Not telling."

Well, he's smarter then he looks, certainly, Holly thought. "Why not?"

"It's very embarrassing."

"I won't tell."

Mulch inclined his head toward the guards. "They will."

She mentally growled in frustration. "Ever seen the inside of a Mud Man dwelling?"

He stroked his beard thoughtfully. "No."

"Then how'd you lose your magic?"

Improvise, Mulch thought. Always improvise.

"Well, honestly, I was imprisoned and blindfolded by a Mud Man a long time ago. A past mission for you guys. One mind-wipe, really small, you probably have no record of it."

Drat. Dratdratdrat.

"Heard of the Mona Lisa? Supposedly this really rich guy has it in his house."

The dwarf smiled. He remembered that house. "Yeah, it's—No. No, I've never heard of it."

Almost had him! She decided to try other tricks in that manner.

"Those Mud Men are such barbarians. You know they keep their toilets inside?"

"Oh, and you know what else they do? They--" He suddenly realized his slip-up and rushed to cover it up. "—freeze-dry their meat. I ordered some one time." He didn't know if it was possible for one to order Mud Man prepared meat, but judging by the look on the officer's face, it was.

Meat. He escaped her again. Not to mention he made her hungry, by reminding her that the last meal she had was meat for yesterday dinner.

Holly called the guard over. "I'd like a snack, please." She turned to Mulch. "What do you want? Something small."

Food. Now they were on a topic Mulch shouldn't have to be careful on.

"Great. I want some… hmm. I'm in the mood for some Mud Man food. Gimme some cashews. Cashews are good, especially the macadamia ones. Harrison Ford had the BEST cashews."

Then, of course, he realized what he practically admitted: that he had been in a Mud Man actor's home. "D'arvit." Mulch looked up.

Holly was grinning at him, disbelieving her luck.

END OF CHAPTER EIGHT

Well, that didn't take too long. And I like this version of the chapter better.