---Chapter 3: The Road to Starting Anew---
It's lunchtime and I was sitting on my chair, gazing out the window. My eyes are focused on a sakura tree near the school gymnasium where a handsome guy is patiently waiting for someone to arrive.
I decided not to show up. Why? I guess I'm being a coward. I don't want confrontations and I don't want to indulge myself further into this stress. I just want to go back to the way things are before, peaceful, monotonous, uneventful and boring.
I know what I'm giving up by not showing in this meeting, a chance to be Kenshin's friend once again. A chance to talk, straighten things out and start anew. But I can't… I can't be friends with Kenshin.
Why?
Because I'm angry with him.
Why?
Because I don't want to get hurt.
Why?
Because I like him.
Maybe that's it, that's the major reason. I can't be friends with Kenshin because I like him for the longest time. I don't want to get too attached and indulge myself further to a deeper hurt. If we become friends again, we would get closer, and I might fall deeper despite the fact that he has someone he loves now. I don't want change to happen. I'm just contented with looking at him from a distance, just like this.
"Kaoru-chan, have you studied for finals already?" Misao asked as she indulged herself in some of my food inside my bento box. She loves my mother's cooking that is why I let her indulge herself on my lunch.
I shook my head. "Iie(No). But I'm planning on starting tonight. Finals is just two weeks away…" That's right, school would end in just three weeks, including the finals week, and summer is here once again. Only one more year to go before high school ends. "What about you? Have you started already?"
"Hai(Yes). I've been reviewing some of our English notes already. It's my least favorite subject of all," she replied. She really is aiming for a very high grade so that the school board would continue to give her the scholarship to continue in this school. "Have you decided which university you want to go in to?"
"Not really, but I think I'll just go for Kyoto University or any school here," I said. Honestly, I haven't actually thought about my future yet. All I know is I want to go out of high school as soon as possible but after that, what would happen next?
"What? You're not planning on going away for school?" Misao asked as she packed up her lunch box and rubbed her stomach, satisfied with what she ate.
Going away? Away from here? "I don't know. I have yet to discuss with my parents…" Knowing their over protectiveness, they would probably insist that I go to school here.
"Come on Kaoru-chan. You have to go for Toudai, that's where I want to go."
"Of course that's where you want to go. You want to become a doctor," I pointed out to Misao. Ever since she was young, she has already sketched out what she wants to do in life. She wants to graduate from high school here then go to Tokyo to finish her pre-med and med proper degree there. I have always been impressed by the way Misao handles her life, she seems so determined, so ready to face the big world… so unlike me.
"What do you want to become anyway?" She asked looking at me intently.
Ever since I was a child, I only had one dream. It started when my parents took me to a huge restaurant where every food seems delicious. After that, I have always been amazed by how foods and cakes are made. For the first time on my life, I said it out loud to someone. "I want to become a chef someday."
"Honto ni(Really)? Sugoi(Great)!" My genki friend went near me and gave me a huge hug. "You know, I can actually imagine you wearing the white chef suit and large white hat. You should go to a cooking school, or better yet, why don't you go to Europe where all the great cooks are?"
Europe? That's farther away than Tokyo. "I still don't know. I haven't thought about it yet."
"Well you really have to give it a thought. I think it's a good idea," Misao said standing up and went to the window. "Ara? Isn't that Himura-san on our usual spot?"
I looked down at my notebook and pretended to scan through my notes. 'I can't believe he's still there. Lunchtime is almost over.' "Anou… sou ka (Is that so)?
She nodded as she continued looking outside to watch the person who is waiting for me. "He's all alone. I wonder why he's not with Tomoe or his friends. They usually hung out at the cafeteria during lunch. Maybe Tomoe and him had a fight. What do you think?"
"I don't know, I shouldn't concern myself with their lives," I replied in an unconcerned tone but my eyes staring at the note he has written on my notebook. 'I'll be waiting there the entire lunch period…'
"I guess you're right," my best friend said and turned away from the window. "By the way, can we study together for the finals? I'm really having trouble with my English. Since you're such a genius in your languages, maybe you can help me out. What do you think? It would be a very fun study session!"
Maybe I shouldn't have stood him up. He just wanted to talk; maybe the two of us can work things out and become friends… He must be angry with me already by not showing up. I looked at the note again and read it for the nth time.
"Kaoru-chan?"
I stood up suddenly without any warning causing my friend to jump a little. "Misao-chan. I'll be going out for awhile." I ran out and headed towards the door when the bell suddenly rang signaling the end of lunch period. 'Wait. I need to go and see him.' A lot of my classmates are already entering the classroom and sitting at their respective seats.
"Move over loser," Yumi demanded suddenly appearing in front of me with some of her friends behind her.
I realized that I'm blocking the doorway so I stepped away and let them pass through. I was about to go out, intending to wait for him outside the hall when our teacher came in.
"You're going somewhere Kamiya-san? You're going to have a quiz right now," Hatsumoto-sensei, our English teacher said.
The whole class groaned as soon as they heard that we're going to have a pop quiz.
I shook my head going back to my seat. I shifted my gaze outside and saw Kenshin still standing there, looking up at the sakura petals his hand held out to catch the falling petals. Then he glanced at his watch and looked around the place as if he's looking for someone. I suddenly felt guilty. Because of me not showing up, he will miss the exam. "Kenshin-kun, gomen ne (I'm sorry)'
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Kenshin refused to look at me as soon as he stepped inside the classroom five minutes after the quiz. Hatsumoto was a little bit irritated but didn't give him punishment for being late because missing the quiz was bad enough. I tried to catch his eye as he passed by my desk because he is sitting 2 rows behind me, but he completely ignored me and sat on his chair. I felt really guilty. Kenshin, unlike his buddies cared a lot for his studies so he must be sorry that he missed our pop quiz.
"Stop thinking about it Kaoru! It's not your fault. You did not ask him to wait for you the whole lunch," I said to myself straightening on my bed. I started studying for our finals already and decided to take a break when the incident a while ago suddenly popped into my mind.
I was still trying to convince myself that I am not at fault when someone knocked at my door. "Kaoru-chan, dinner's ready."
"Hai(Yes), Okaasan." I responded getting up from my bed and went out of my room to join my parents for dinner.
As always, dinner passed by with my parents sharing what happened to their day and sharing whatever interesting situation that happened on their day. I just listened and ate quietly, not really wanting to say anything.
"Minako said that the place was really great and the beach is really beautiful," Mother said, telling what her friend, who recently went to Okinawa, related to her.
"Sou ka? Maybe we should go there sometime during the summer. Let's plan a trip with Seijiro and Okon, it's been a while since all of us had a vacation together," Father suggested.
"Yes that's a great idea! Don't you think so Kaoru-chan?"
"Huh? Yeah," I answered in a not-so-enthusiastic voice, not really caring if we go to a vacation or not.
"So, how was school?" My father finally asked me. Dinner never passes by without this question being brought up by either of my parents.
I suddenly thought of my conversation with Misao earlier about college. Maybe it's time to finally talk about this. School will end in less than 3 weeks. "Ano… Misao-chan and I were talking about going to college this lunch. She really wants to go to Toudai to take her pre-med and hopefully finishes her med school there."
"Misao is quite ambitious. But I'm sure she'll succeed," Father said before taking a sip of his tea.
"Yes, I know that too," I placed down my chopsticks and took a deep breath. "She was asking me if we would try for Toudai together."
"Tokyo? That's far from here Kaoru-chan. You don't really need to go away for college you know. Kyoto University is not a bad university," Father immediately replied.
"Your father is right. We don't really think it's a great idea if you go away for college," Mother was quick to back up.
Just as I thought, they'd immediately rejected the idea. If they can't let me study in Tokyo which is just 2 hours away by train, what more Europe which is more than 10 hours away by plane. I guess I'll never get away from here. "Of course, I didn't say I would go away. We were just thinking, what if…"
"Besides it's more fun to stay here. I'm sure most of your classmates would go to Kyoto University. You'll get settled there immediately," Mother added giving me a smile. "I talked to Kamatari Kimiko the other day and said her daughter Kamatari Honjou is planning to go there with some of her friends. Aren't they your classmates?"
'That's what I'm afraid of.' Just when I thought high school is enough…
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"Kamiya-san, I was wondering if you are free on Friday afternoon. Maybe we can eat outside a have a chat. What do you say?"
I looked up surpised at Tomoe, who is standing beside my chair. It is Wednesday, one week after the day I stood Kenshin up during lunchtime and ever since then, he did not go to school with my father and me any longer. Otousan was quite disappointed but Kenshin told him that he needed to go to school earlier because of kendo practice, which I know is a complete lie because practices are usually after school. He just doesn't to ride to school with me.
Back to the present, am I hearing her correctly? "Tomorrow?"
Tomoe nodded with a smile. "Yes, it would be fun. Shinpai shinai de kudasai (Don't worry) I won't be bringing my friends along."
"Sure" I suddenly agreed without thinking at all. It is hard to say no to Hitomi when she is trying to be so nice to you. Then I remembered my parents don't usually allow me to go out. "Demo (But), I need to ask permission first. My parents are kind of strict."
"Tell them that Kenshin will tag along with us. Your parents trust him ne?"
"Himura-san? You mean he is coming along?" I asked in a very surprised tone. As far as I'm concerned, Kenshin is not speaking to me.
"Not yet but I will ask him," she answered as if she is very sure that Kenshin will say yes. "Let's meet at the front door at around 5pm then? I still need to go to the council office first because we have a meeting and Kenshin still has his kendo practice. Is it okay if you wait for us for awhile?"
For a while I was trying to fight the urge to say no. I really didn't want to face Kenshin right now. Even though he comes tomorrow, he would just probably ignore me the whole time. However, Tomoe seems so persistent so it's really hard to decline. "Sure, that'll be fine."
"That's great then. Arigatou Kamiya-san." She gave me a small wave then went back to her desk, which is just beside her boyfriend's.
What does Tomoe want? First Kenshin, now her. Why are they approaching me all of a sudden?
My thoughts were interrupted when our adviser and homeroom teacher stepped inside the classroom signaling the beginning of classes. Everyone settled on his or her respective seats as Ichijo-san went in front and looked at all of us. "Ohayou gozaimasu minna. (Good morning everyone)
"Ohayou gozaimasu sensei!" The whole class greeted back as everyone stood up and gave the usual bow of respect.
As I sat down once again, I stole a brief glance at Kenshin who is quietly talking to Tomoe.
"Well, I have an announcement to make. As you all know, graduation is fast approaching for the upper batch and the usual graduation program would be given for them the day before." She paced in front, looking at the paper she is holding. "It seems like our class has to have a representative." She held the paper she is holding. "The principal wants us to have a musical presentation. Now, who wants to volunteer? Someone who can play an instrument or who can sing well."
The class suddenly burst into murmurs as to who should perform at that event. Every year, a program prepared by the first year and third year students, together with the faculty, is held the day before the seniors' graduation where the whole school and the parents of the seniors would watch the show so the show is quite important.
Misao suddenly stood up. "Kaoru can play the piano very well and she has a beautiful voice, I'm sure she can perform brilliantly."
Horrified, I stared at Misao who just gave me a wink. Yes, it's true that I play the piano well because I've been playing since I was a child but perform at the pre-grad show? My heart beat faster than usual as I thought of the crowd.
However, this can also be my chance to show everyone that I can be truly good at something… Playing the piano is one of my passions… Actually the idea doesn't sound so bad at all now that I think about it.
Ichijo-sensei turned to my direction. "Hontou ni? Do you want to try Kamiya-san?"
Before I had the chance to open my mouth and give her an answer, Kamatari interrupted me. "I don't think so Ichijo-sensei. Tomoe would be more qualified to perform because as we all know, Tomoe plays the violin very well and she is the lead violinist of the school band."
"Besides, Tomoe is much more confident, Kaoru would probably get scared of the crowd. You know how shy she is," Yumi added giving me a sneer.
Tomoe stood up. "No, why don't we try Kamiya-san. She might do a better job than me."
Then the class disrupted into a discussion on who would they want to play at the show.
Now more than ever, I want to play. I want to prove to everyone that I can do it. Why do they think so low of me and so incapable? I was about to speak out and tell sensei that I'm willing to do it when she asked everyone to keep quiet. "Let's just settle this via vote."
There and then, I knew that I lose.
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I looked at my watch as I sat on the stairs of our school main entrance. 'It's already 5:10, they should have been here ten minutes ago.'
My parents immediately said yes when I asked them if I could eat out with Tomoe and Kenshin, they did not even hesitate one bit and they are saying that it is very nice that I will go out with Kenshin. It's funny because I'm not really going out with him, it was Tomoe that asked me and her boyfriend is just tagging along.
I can say that Kenshin really has my parents' trust, I just wonder why they really want me to be friends with him. Probably they want to see the same friendship that formed between them and his' parents. Sometimes I really find my parents weird.
Checking my wristwatch again, I sighed as I read. '5:15'.They are late and little voice in my head is starting to bug me, telling me that this is all probably a joke. I stood up as I looked back at the school doors and saw that there is no sign of Tomoe or Kenshin anywhere. The voice is getting louder and more convincing as I watched some students passed through the door and walked past me. I'm also feeling more and more conscious and embarrassed for I have been standing or sitting here for a very long time. I came early just in case Tomoe gets off her council meeting earlier than expected, it seems like I shouldn't have. 'Fine. If they are not yet here by 5:30, this is all a joke and I'm leaving!'
Fortunately, they arrived a few minutes later apologizing for their tardiness.
"Kamiya-san, gomen ne. The council meeting took longer than I thought. Kenshin stayed behind to wait for me. I hope you did not get angry with me because we made you wait," Tomoe apologized as she took my hand and gave it a small squeeze.
"Oh, don't worry, I did not wait long," I found myself saying even though earlier I was formulating the lashing I was about to give them both. I glanced at Kenshin who looks fresh from his shower, looking good as usual, and is standing behind Tomoe. I gave him a smile. "Himura-san, konnichiwa."
"Konnichiwa," he replied.
I looked at Tomoe. "So where are we going? Why did you ask me to meet you?"
To my utter surprise, she took Kenshin's hand and mine and linked them together. My eyes widened as I meet Kenshin's equally surprised violet eyes.
"You two should break whatever tension you have with each other and make up already, I know what happened last week. You two should not keep on avoiding each other," Tomoe explained withdrawing her hand from our linked hands.
On instinct, I tried to pull my hand away but Kenshin held onto it. "Tomoe is right." Kenshin's eyes remained fixed on mine and I saw the determination he had when he was trying to talk to me by the shoe lockers that first day. "I'm sorry for avoiding you; it's just that I don't know what to do with you anymore when I see that you are so sure that we can't be friends. When I asked you to meet me at the sakura tree, I really wanted to ask you why you are so angry with me."
I tried to pull my hand away again but he held onto it tighter. I stared at our linked hands contemplating whether I should stay or run away.
After a few moments, I looked at him finally wanting to ask him why was he bothering me since that first time he acted nice towards me in the shoe locker area. I wanted to get answers from him right now. I wanted to let him know how I felt. "Why are you suddenly acting friendly towards when you threw away our friendship and ignored me all throughout junior high until now? You can't just expect our relationship to go back to as they were, can you? You left me Kenshin." Without realizing it, I called him by is given name bare from all formalities...Kenshin.
Somehow it symbolizes how I'm making myself open and vulnerable to him right now.
We stared at each other for a long time, neither one of us saying anything. I looked deeply into his eyes and I was mesmerized and entranced, watching the play of emotions in his now expressive violet eyes. First confusion… then understanding… followed by guilt.
I felt my heart did a somersault as I realized I have never been this close to Kenshin for this long ever since we parted ways before junior high. Ever since I learned or admitted that I liked him, this is the first time for me to actually stare and drown myself into his eyes. 'He is so beautiful…'
Suddenly the moment was broken when he let go of my hand and bowed lowly before me. I gasped as I took a step backwards.
"Gomen nasai. I'm not going to defend myself. I'm sorry I took our friendship for granted. I'm sorry for whatever harm I have caused you," he apologized sounding very sorry and very sincere.
How can Kenshin affect me like this? He ignored me for almost five years but with a single sincere apology, he took all of my anger away. "I'm not angry with you anymore Kenshin. You've apologized, that is all I need. It's all in the past now."
He straightened up and gave me one of his beautiful smiles. "Arigatou Kaoru-chan." His smile can be so contagious because the next moment, I can fell my face broke into a huge smile.
"Sugoi! (Wonderful)" Tomoe, whom I have forgotten is still beside us, exclaimed cheerfully. She reached out her hand and held Kenshin's. "Making up is one of the best feelings, ne?"
Feeling a small pain in my heart as I watched that simple gesture of affection, I whisked it away and said. "Demo… you still haven't answered my question, why are you two suddenly acting so nice to me? Doesn't your friends hate me?"
"All I can say is I feel that you are a wonderful person," Tomoe answered simply leaning her head against Kenshin's shoulder. "I don't care about my friends, all I know is I want to be friends with a wonderful person like you."
Even though Kenshin cannot be mine, at least I'm happy that it is Tomoe that he is spending his life with because I can feel too that she is a wonderful person.
AN: Please leave a review! It could help me write faster!
