AN: Thank you for all of your reviews. I love them!
Some comments on some of them:
martianmari: I agree. There was a lot we didn't learn about Logan in AYITL - definitely want to explore this further.
guest reviewr: It was both Logan and Jess that she was having a sex dream about, not just one of them.
december jeffries2: I don't think Seth was a close friend, they were just both part of the LDB. I wouldn't think of it being an issue, Rory and Logan have had no contact for five years. But I just wanted to use someone we'd seen on screen at least once.
Chapter 14
October 7th, 2021
The week had passed in dark, almost hopeless, shades. One might think that the loss of a dog couldn't possibly affect a family that much, but it did. It didn't help much that the dog was old, frail and sick, his monthly medical bills being more than those of an average retired person. But that dog with all of his quirks had been a source of light, comfort and love.
While publicly Lorelai was keeping up a brave front, Rory could tell she spent a lot of time crying. It showed in her red and puffy eyes, no matter how much she tried to hide it with her cooling pads and make up. It was like losing a child, and Luke really didn't know what to do about it except just be there.
Rory had taken a half a day off work and picked up Em from school on that Thursday, driving them to the Dragonfly for the memorial service. It was the only unbooked day they had that week, and while surely they could've done it at the house or Luke's, it just hadn't seemed grand enough for Lorelai, and nobody dared to argue with her when she was like this.
Em had also taken the news pretty hard, though she kept asking strange questions every now and again which made Rory doubt if she really got it.
"Will Paul Anka still play with me in the summer under the sprinklers?" Em would ask, or "When will he be back?" leaving Rory simply sighing, trying desperately to think of ways to explain things objectively enough without inflicting even more pain. It was the first death in the family since Emily, and Em had just been born months after that.
Rory did what she knew best and ordered Em several books on the topic of loss - 'The Rabbit Listened' and 'The Invisible Leach'.
The memorial service was full-on Lorelai. She'd decided to make the room full of Paul Anka's quirkiness - carpets on the stairs because he was afraid of them, there were no peas, no popcorn, no tissue holders, no watches or framed pictures. She played the real Paul Anka's repertuar and gave everyone a chance to say goodbye to the dog. And as both Lorelai and the dog were loved in this community, there was no shortage of people paying their respects.
Jess had attended the event too, though he'd never been much of a dog person. But he'd done it for Em, holding her in his lap the entire time. He'd left some minutes ago, saying he needed to make it the post office before it closed for something concerning his store, hugging Em, Lorelai and Rory goodbye. It had been an innocent and welcome hug, leaving Rory hopeful that this was what things between them could be. Friendly, supportive and caring - without hoping for more.
"So what happens now?" Rory asked her mother, as the final guest had left. She'd just hugged her mother supportively, and essentially she just wished she could help her more somehow
Em was playing with Michel in the back room for the time being, Michel being surprisingly good at cheering her up. Besides, Michel knew well what the loss of a dog was like, and he'd brought his Paw-paw, which was providing the girl some comfort at least. It was also for the first time that Rory actually considered maybe getting a dog for themselves, though she wasn't sure she'd be up for it the same way mom had been, and besides Lorelai had Luke.
Luke was sad too, but he was handling it fairly well.
"Now we go and scatter the ashes," Lorelai said, as if it was obvious. But on Rory's defence she'd never really had a family pet before that needed a memorial service either. They were both dressed in black knee-length dresses, almost matching by accident - she was her mother's daughter after all, their tastes being fairly similar.
"Where were you thinking?" Rory asked, pulling on her coat, getting ready to get going, following Lorelai's lead who was packing up her purse.
"You'll see…," Lorelai suggested, and picked up her coat and the urn from the pedestal in the front of the room.
"Em!? Let's get your jacket on, do you need the bathroom before we go?" Rory asked her daughter, as she peeked into the back room.
Em shook her head.
Swiftly Em pulled on her jacket too and off they went, Luke having already brought around his truck for him and Lorelai. Lorelai spoke to Michel in the meanwhile, telling him that he could start clearing the room, not that she really needed to tell him anything these days.
Rory was too busy talking to Em, trying to steer her to think about something more positive, as she'd been crying during the ceremony, while she simply followed Luke's truck in their own car, not really thinking more about the direction that they were going other than that it was back to Hartford. Who was she to question any of Lorelai's plans?
Rory was truly surprised when they eventually pulled up to the parking lot of Cedar Hill's Cemetery. Rory hadn't heard that this place has a pet cemetery as well, but what did she know, she didn't have a pet or any experience with things like this.
It was getting dark by the time they got there, but the place was lit up well enough so the place wasn't too scary, not even for the four-year-old. It was a nice looking cemetery, much more like a park than anything creepy.
"Lorelai, you realize this is not a pet cemetery, right?" Luke commented, taking the words out of Rory's mouth.
"Shh," Loreali hushed him, making it very clear that she was about to go rogue.
"You want him by grandma and grandpa, don't you?" Rory filled in the silence a few minutes later.
"Not just them, us too. Our plots will be right besides them," Lorelai explained, the plan becoming clearer.
"Mom!" Rory cautioned, glancing back and forth between Em and Lorelai. She didn't need her daughter to start thinking about everybody dying at one point, at least not right now.
"Did you at least ask if it was okay?" Luke inquired.
"I asked," Lorelai replied, briefly
"And they said 'yes', right?" Luke asked, knowing her well enough to ask.
"Not exactly," Lorelai said quickly, the urn tucked into a tote bag under her arm.
"You're going to get us fined, or worse. I don't know what was so wrong with the back yard," Luke grumbled. He was never much for breaking the rules.
"I want him with me forever. I won't be at the house forever, I'll be here," Lorelai insisted, biting her lip as she saw Rory's condemning look concerning Em again. "Sorry," she mouthed to Rory, when Em wasn't looking.
Rory cast a look towards Luke, telling him to just let her mother do what she had her mind set. The fine couldn't be that bad, there were worse things in the world. If there was ever a time to let Lorelai get what she wanted, this was it - they both knew it.
"Hey, they can fine me all they want, it's not like they're going to sweep his ashes up from the grass," Lorelai continued, adding that she had even offered to buy a plot.
"Is grandma going to stay here?" Em asked, worriedly, having gotten that from the earlier part of the conversation.
"No, sweetie, it's just a figure of speech," Rory tried to muddy the waters, not wanting to have the mortality discussion that night.
The place was secluded, not a soul in sight. Peaceful.
"Look, someone's brought mom and dad some flowers," Lorelai noted with some surprise, seeing the wilted buttercups Rory had brought over the other day. The graves were maintained once a week in this place.
Rory shrugged, not daring to admit it had been her.
Lorelaid said a few words before getting on with what she came to do, speaking very much in her own humorous ways, promising Paul Anka all the raw burgers and ice cream he liked and no more leashes. She scattered the ashes on the plot besides Emily's, knowing this was going to be hers. There was plenty of room on their family plot. After the Family crypt had gotten in the way of a road construction, they'd gotten this plot as a replacement, and there was room for both Luke and Lorelai, Rory, even Em and a possible significant other.. But nobody really liked to think about these things.
Lorelai shed a few more tears, while Rory simply hugged Em, trying to sooth her, crouching beside her. It was hard even just seeing Lorelai and Em grieve. But Rory knew it was her turn to be the strong one here, for the both of them.
As they made it back to the parking lot, Em suddenly tugged her mother's sleeve.
"I need to go to the bathroom," she whispered. It really was no wonder, the girl had drank a lot of juice after the memorial service which had also had a small appetizer buffet of dog-themed foods.
"I'll call you tomorrow, mom," Rory called after her mother.
Lorelai waved her goodbye, sniffling a little. But she had Luke, and there had been plenty of hugging before this.
"Do you think you can make it home?" Rory asked Em, but it was clear from the way the girl was standing that she needed to go badly already. Their home really wasn't far, just ten minutes or so, but there was no point making the girl suffer like that.
Rory looked around the parking lot, thinking whether to risk it with the blue plastic porta potty at the side of the parking lot further away, or head for the bushes. It was dark, which made either option quite easy, though the second one equally finable if they got caught.
"Okay, let's go," Rory suggested, heading for the porta potty. She didn't have the best experiences with these things, but then again - who did? But also when Em had been smaller she'd learned how to help her daughter in these things so she wouldn't actually have to touch any of the surfaces by holding her up. It just needed some strength and luck that the girl didn't pee on her shoes, like had also happened once. That was the life of a parent - things happened.
The trouble was the place was also pitch dark, which meant Rory needed to cast her phone flashlight in there first to actually see anything. It wasn't half bad by a brief glance, but as usual it smelled pretty bad. Em made a grimace, squinting her nose at the smell.
"It'll just take a minute, you can hold your nose closed, like this" she suggested, demonstrating on her own nose, while she pulled her daughter's tights and underwear down in the shade of the door and then lifted her in there with her one arm, while holding the phone in the other. Boy, was she getting heavy.
She was nearly done when suddenly a sound of a car passing by startled Em, she hadn't expected anyone else around and Rory was helping Em with the door half-open behind her. Not ideal, but there was no way they'd fit properly in there together.
With that jolt, Rory felt Em slipping from her arms, and she quickly grabbed her but dropped her phone in the process.
"Sh…shoot," Rory cursed, wanting to say a lot worse curse words at that point.
Thankfully the phone just fell to the floor, clinking against the plastic nothing worse, and shone the flashlight upwards. She could only hope the floor was at least more or less dry.
"It's okay," she calmed Em. "Are you done?" she asked, not seeing anything now with her phone just lighting the space from the wrong angle.
"Uh-uh," Em replied.
"Okay, good," Rory replied and helped Em get dressed, and lifted her out of there. "Just wait a second, I'll get my phone," she added.
She quickly searched her purse for a napkin, but not finding any she made a disgusted sound, "Fu..," she began, knowing that was as much as she was going to say with Em in earshot.
"You guys okay there? You should be careful not to wander onto the road, cars might not be able to see you," a male voice stated. It sounded like the voice of just a friendly concerned citizen, but to Rory that voice certainly made her heart stop a beat. It was so familiar - but it couldn't be…
"Mommy?" Em asked, having taken several steps back towards her mother, holding on to her jacket. She'd gotten the 'don't talk to strangers' talk recently, so she was being a good girl and being careful.
"Yeah, we're fine," Rory replied, and emerged from between the door, holding her phone reluctantly between her two fingers. She still didn't believe the voice could really be the same. She needed to see it to believe it.
"Rory?" Logan asked in disbelief, not believing neither his eyes or ears. It was dark so he wasn't sure if he was perhaps just seeing things. And Rory was also wearing her glasses, which was not what he'd expected.
"Hi," Rory replied, a weak smile forming on her lips, while remaining hesitant.
Logan took a few steps closer, but Em seemed frightened of him, snuggling into her mother's side.
"It's okay Em, this is Logan, he's not a stranger," she calmed her.
"Did you drop your phone in there or something?" Logan asked, noting the odd way she was holding her phone.
"Just the floor, but still gross," Rory explained and made a grossed out face.
"What are you doing here?" Logan asked, glancing back and forth Rory and the little girl. He certainly wouldn't have imagined running into Rory here, and with a child no-less. Rory was dressed in black, but in the darkness it wasn't really that easy to make out that it was funeral clothing.
"We lost Paul Anka.. mom insisted we scatter the ashes on the family plot," Rory explained. There was so much she wanted to ask, but with Em present right there, it was as if all those things were shoved up to the back of her head. She needed to stay strong, show as little emotion as she could or she might just break down.
"I'm sorry," Logan said. He didn't look like the Logan Rory had known five years ago. He was just wearing jeans and a leather jacket, but what was perhaps the oddest was how unpolished he looked. He had a rough beard and a moustache, longest she'd ever seen on him. He looked tired and no doubt older too, several more lines around his eyes and forehead than last time.
"I'm sorry about your dad," Rory said.
"Thanks," he replied. "I was heading there now," he added.
Rory nodded, unsure what else to say. Should she ask to see him, talk to him? Did he even want to see her?
"Okay, we better get you home, you must be hungry," Rory said to Em, snapping out of the seriousness of the situation, unsure what else to do. There was definitely something in his gaze... Some sadness, but surely that was just because of Mitchum. That was why he was there, wasn't it?
Rory wished he'd say something, express his wish to see her or talk to her sometime... for him to say anything. Even if it was just that. But Logan said nothing as she began to walk back towards her Mazda, only turning for a quick wave as she reached her car. Logan hadn't moved from his place, and waved back slowly just the same. He felt unable to move, unable to speak, as if being powerless.
Rory wanted to hold a strong front for Em - she couldn't just break down in front of her like that, not because of him. It was just too complicated. After she disinfected her hands quickly, placed her phone inside a napkin and fastened Em in her carseat, Rory went around the back of the car and she saw that Logan had left. In a way it felt like a relief, almost making it easier for her to imagine it having been just a mirage.
But as she climbed to the driver's seat, she felt unable to move. She suddenly broke from the suddenness of the situation and what it meant. If it was left just like that they were indeed nothing. Tears fell down her cheeks uncontrollably.
"Mommy?" Em asked, seeing her cry.
"It's okay, I just miss Paul Anka too," she said, reaching back to grab Em's hand. It wasn't the truth, but she wasn't bonded so strongly with the dog to sob like that. It was just a convenient cover.
She tried to take a few deep breaths and calm herself, but she knew she couldn't just leave it like that. For all she knew Logan might be thinking she was the one who didn't want contact.
Rory quickly found one of her Chilton business cards, which she hardly ever used, from her purse and scribbled her cell phone number in the back. She no longer had his number, she wasn't sure if he had.
"I'll be right back," she said to Em, and got out of the car, placing the business card on the windshield of the only other car, a simple black Audi with a tiny Herz logo in the numbre plate frame, that was in the parking lot by then, which had to be Logan's.
She returned, feeling relieved. She'd done what she could, largely thinking she was doing this just to offer her support. What he did with that information was for him to decide. With that thought she pulled out of the parking lot, heading home, pulling herself together.
AN: I know it's not a glamorous meet, but I wanted it to be unexpected, and show everyday parenting at the same time.
And we can just use Dr. Conrad Hawkins from The Resident (aka Matt) as the visual of the present day Logan. No more corporate look.
