RK is not mine!
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I have to warn you guys thoug, this chapter is a little boring... not much excitement in here... in the next chapter maybe.
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---Chapter 11: Her Story---
"Please look to the left and try to look more seductive but still don't look like a slut," the gay photographer name Pierre shouted out as he peered through his lenses and took several shots. "Now tilt your head to the right a little… yes that's it! Perfect!"
It took several shots and a few more poses before I finally heard him say that the photo shoot is finished. I quickly thanked him and the other staff before I made a beeline towards the dressing room where I shed off these expensive clothes and jewelry that I was wearing and changed back to my casual shirt and slightly stylish skirt. It only took me a few minutes to free my hair from the slightly intricate hairstyle and pulled back my now curly hair into a high ponytail. At record time, I said goodbye to my colleagues and walked outside to the streets of Paris.
The photo shoot took longer than I expected. Now I only have a few minutes left to hurry towards the famous culinary school where I am in my last term of my culinary course. I wish that I wouldn't be late because it's a little embarrassing..
My name is Kamiya Kaoru. I am twenty-one years old and am currently in my third and last year here in a culinary school in France. Aside from being a student, I'm also working as a part-time model. How in the world did I get that job? I'll tell you later.
I have been living here in Paris for three years already and to the people here, I'm the perfect epitome of a single and chic young woman who is ready to charm everyone to liking her.
However, I'm not really what they perceived me to be.
What they didn't know is that I'm a 21-year old girl who is on her way to her fourth year of marriage.
That's right. I am married and I have been hiding that fact to anyone in here except for my roommate and friend Takani Megumi. As soon as I stepped my foot here in France, I left my past self behind and promised to improve myself.
I don't want to be submissive and weak anymore.
I don't want to be pushed around and be told what to do.
I don't want to be the same person anymore.
In Japan I left Himura Kaoru. I left the helpless, timid, boring, plain and loser girl who is always laughed at and was never given a damn about. I swore that I would become stronger, become more beautiful and become more confident with myself.
Along with that, I swore to forget about Himura Kenshin and my feelings for him.
I looked at my left and right first before I crossed the pedestrian crossing. I looked at my watch again and estimated that in 5 minutes, I would arrive at school and still have time to change in my cooking attire and a small chat with my colleagues.
I sped through the pavement rushing past through coffee shops, bakery, bookstores and others. As I walked along the lines of expensive jewelry and clothing stores, I saw my own reflection glancing back at me through the glass windows. Gone were my thick glasses, pale face and long boring straight black hair. All I see now is a beautiful woman with bright sapphire eyes, red lips, smooth and rosy cheeks, a very well defined figure and long wavy black hair that are tied up in ponytail. Sometimes, when I look at the mirror, it is still hard to convince myself that the beautiful woman staring right back at me is myself. I have never thought that I can look as beautiful as I am right now…
I was so scared when I first stepped on the grounds of France. I may have been determined when I packed my bags on our graduation day and left without at least saying good-bye to my husband. I left Japan with a strength that is coming from my anger but as soon as it subsided, only fear and uncertainty were left.
I sighed as stared at the line of taxicabs in front of me from where I stood outside of the international airport here in Paris, France. I pushed the trolley that carries my two huge luggages towards the direction of the first taxicab. However, before I get in, I clutched the piece of paper and the map that Enishi handed to me before I left. Written in the paper is the address of an apartment that he said I could live in. He is an acquaintance of the owner and he said that the rooms there are really clean, safe and cheap.
"Mademoiselle are you going to ride the taxi?" An airport employee asked politely.
I looked at him and smiled apologetically. "Oh I'm sorry for stalling. Yes, I will ride the taxi."
He helped me place my bags inside the trunk and then I gave the address to the driver and we went on our way.
I was eagerly looking out at the sights as we sped through the roads and highways. I felt my heart leap as I saw the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre where all the famous masterpieces are kept. It has been 9 years since I last visited Paris with my parents and it's a joy to finally come back.
I arrived at the apartment shortly and the Madam Roselle has been expecting my arrival already because Enishi already informed her of my impeding arrival. After paying for the initial deposit, she assigned me to a spacious room (with 2 bedrooms, one bathroom, a small living room and a kitchen) in the 2nd floor where I will be sharing a room with a Japanese who is taking up her pre-medicine studies here in Paris.
I was just finished with my unpacking when I heard the apartment door open. I hurriedly went out to greet my new apartment mate.
A tall and beautiful woman with long and silky black hair looked at me curiously as I exited my room with a shy look on my face. "Anou, you're Takani Megumi aren't you? I'm your new apartment mate…"
She smiled at me as she sat down on the sofa. "Yes, Madame Roselle told me you are moving in. You're Kamiya Kaoru aren't you?"
And then we spent the entire day getting to know each other. It's a very comforting thought to know that I already gained a friend here in Paris.
I ran towards the entrance of our school and headed straight towards the ladies' comfort room to change to my white culinary garb. After changing, I went to the baking room where we will be learning how to bake festive cakes.
Several of my classmates turned towards my direction when I entered the room. I exchanged greetings with some of them as I went to where my friends, Cherie and Suzanne are.
"Kaoru! So how did your photo shoot go? It was today right?" Suzanne asked.
"Oh. It went well. Good thing it did not extend or I will be late for class again." I answered her.
"God! I'm so jealous! I always see your face in posters, commercials and billboards!" Suzanne said.
Joshua Smithson, very good looking English guy came up to us. He flashed me a stunning smile, as he stood right in front of me. "Hey Kaoru, I saw your latest ad in the Vogue magazine. You looked really lovely."
"Thank you," I answered returning his smile.
"Yes! We saw that too! Actually I have a copy right here." Cherie reached into her bag and pulled out a copy of the latest issue of Vogue. She flipped through the pages and stopped to an ad of a Lacoste perfume where I can see myself in a green grassy field clothed in a white flowing sleeveless dress while I'm looking up in the sky with a wistful and dreamy expression on my face.
Suzanne looked at me and pointed at my face. "Oh look! She's blushing! How cute!"
"Stop it guys! You're embarrassing me!" I lashed out as I looked down at my feet feeling the warmth spreading to my cheeks.
"Oh Kaoru. You never change. Always the humble one," Cherie said, flipping through the pages of the magazine to look at the latest fashion trend. "You know, if I look that good, I would be proud and boast it to the whole world! I'm sure you never looked bad in your whole life."
If they only knew what my life was like before I came here. I can say that my present self is the opposite of my past self. How will I describe myself now? I'm a strong, confident and beautiful woman who is admired by everybody. Here in Paris, I became a popular somebody.
So what exactly happened? What was that event that occurred from being a Nobody to transforming into a Somebody?
It was not a really big event but just a realization and an advice from a good friend.
Megumi and I became really good friends and I find myself trusting her with all of my problems. I told her all about my life in Japan, my high school life, my marriage, Kenshin, our relationship, everything. To me, Megumi filled the role of Misao and she became my best friend in here. She has proven her worth by listening to me and giving me advices. She also shows that she supports me 100 and that whatever I do with my life she will always be with me.
It was a month after my moving here when I suddenly had the urge to talk to Kenshin. Even though I swore to forget about him here, I can't deny the fact that I still miss him. I picked up our phone and dialed the number that my parents gave me when they last called me. I know that Kenshin has already moved to Tokyo and he is staying at a house that our parents gave to him. Actually, that house is really for the two of us.
It rang for about five times before someone picked it up. It was a girl's voice. "Moshi moshi?"
It was Tomoe.
I did not answer and immediately placed down the phone. I looked at the clock hanging on our wall and saw that it is already 9pm in Japan.
I must look so sad because when Megumi went out of her room and saw me, she immediately asked. "What's with the face? Who died?"
I told her what I did. She looked annoyed as she asked me, "Don't you pity yourself already? You need to move on girl! Stop being pathetic and do something!"
"But what can I do?" I asked helplessly. Even though I was so determined to make myself better last month, fear is beginning to set in. Aside from that I really don't think I can do it, be a better person than what I am now.
"Well you can learn to love yourself more because in the way I see it, you don't really believe in yourself."
She's right. When I think my life over, I can really see that I really don't believe in myself. Because if I did, then I would have fought for my dignity and not let others step over me. If I did love myself, then I wouldn't have let Kenshin hurt me that way.
And that is when it started. I wanted to change.
I want to love myself better.
So I asked my friend for help.
She told me that the first step towards doing that is to be confident with myself physically. So she dragged me towards several saloons and boutiques to give me a full makeover and a new style. Instead of leaving my hair in a boring hairstyle, they cut it and treated it to become softer and silkier. Then she let me buy a few blouses, cute shirts, skirts and dresses so that I will look more fashionable and more feminine. Aside from that, we also bought a few make-ups but Megumi carefully choose the natural colors because she doesn't want me to over do it.
My friend said that I'm naturally pretty but I'm hiding it behind my shell.
After that, we went to an eye center where she persuaded me to have treatment for my eyes so that I won't have to wear glasses anymore. She said that my eyes are pretty and I'm wasting it behind my thick glasses. I was scared at first but then after a few encouragements from the doctor and my friend, I finally consented to do it.
It was a hard transformation. There were a lot of resistances on my part but sooner or later I accepted the changes and became used to my new look.
Whenever I look at the mirror, I can't help that the changes were perfect because I can finally say to myself that I'm beautiful.
After that, I opened up to people and made new friends here. Instead of staying locked up in my apartment liked what I did before in Japan, I go out and have some fun. Megumi helped me with that too and introduced me to some people.
I was really grateful to the things she has done for me because without her, I don't think I can do all of these.
So how did I get to enter the modeling business?
It was really a blessing because I really needed a high-paying job to support myself back then.
I was inside a famous clothing store when a man approached me and introduced himself as a model scout. He told me that that clothing store is looking for an Asian to model some of the clothing line and he thought that I was perfect for it. He gave me his business card and told me to call him so that he can get me to audition for the part.
I was really hesitant at first but my friends advised me to give it a try. I needed to earn money and this is the perfect opportunity for me to earn it. So I called the guy up and he told me the earliest date of the audition. I went there and to my shock, I got accepted. They guy who recruited me offered to be my manager and because he was kind and very professional, I accepted his offer.
It was really hard at first because it is my first time to do those things. I had to adjust to the work pattern and to learn how to project myself in front of the camera. The people I worked with back them told me that I was a natural.
A few weeks after the shoot, the ads finally came out and to my delight; the people of France warmly accepted them. The clothing line was a hit therefore; my first modeling job was a success. After that, many offers came. There were offers for other clothing lines, beauty products, food, jewelries and others.
A few months after, I can see myself in billboards, in TV commercials and in print ads. I really enjoyed modeling and aside from enjoying it, they fees that came with it are big and are enough to cover my living expenses and some luxuries. Of course I learned to control my expenditures and a saved a big amount for my savings.
I was only thankful that the modeling industry is not as controversial as the show business because up until now, two years after my entrance, my private life is still private and nobody but Megumi knows about my true-life story.
In the end, does that make me a fraud? Hiding my past to all of the people here?
What trouble me the most now is am I really my true self right now? Is this Kaoru the real Kaoru?
All I know now is that I never felt better with myself. And if there is such a thing as a 'true self' then I want that to be the present me.
Joshua leaned forward and whispered softly to my ear. "So have you thought about what I asked you yesterday?"
I averted my gaze somewhere and pretended to think more about it. "What did you ask me again?"
"You know, the charity ball on Saturday. The one everyone's been talking about," he reminded me.
"Yes I remember. I was just teasing you," I told him chuckling a little.
Yesterday after classes, Joshua pulled me away from my friends and asked me if I can go with him to the big charity ball this weekend. Most of Paris' elite will be attending the ball along with some famous and prominent people all over France. The Smithsons', Joshua's family, owns a chain of five-star hotels all over Europe and they are one of the host families for this charity event.
"So will you come with me? I promise that you will have a good time." He promised as he took my right hand and kissed it lightly.
"What if I get bored?" I asked teasingly.
"If you do, then I will do my best to entertain you." He smiled.
Ever since we entered this culinary school, Joshua has always been nice and sweet towards me. He has always dropped hints that he is interested in me during our second year in here because of various circumstances but it is only now that he outright asked me to a date. He seems such a great guy so what's stopping me to go out with him?
Well, there is always this fact that I'm a married woman.
What do I care about committing adultery now when I've been to numerous dates before this? It's not as if my husband is being faithful to me. He and Tomoe must be happily cuddling up to each other right at this moment.
It's not a real marriage anyway.
We are as good as strangers to each other...
"Okay. I'll be glad to go with you."
Joshua flashed me a brilliant smile. "That's great! I'll just pick you up at your place at around 7 pm. is that ok?"
I nodded at him.
He took hold of my hand again and gave it another kiss. Then he said thank you and went towards the table where his companions are.
So why do I feel so guilty once again?
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"Tadaima (I'm home)," I muttered as I enter our apartment feeling tired. My manager called me after school and asked me to meet him. We met at a nearby coffee shop and talked about my next project, a new commercial for a previous brand that I endorsed.
"Hey, okaeri nasai (Welcome home), Megumi answered without looking up from the book she is reading as she sat comfortably on the couch.
"You have an exam?" I asked as I went to the refrigerator to drink some cold water.
She nodded her head, eyes still focused on her book.
I sighed and went to where the telephone is and pushed the play button for the recorded messages.
The first one is from a colleague model who has been constantly calling me for the past few weeks. I sighed as I deleted his message without hesitation. The second was from a credit card company reminding me of my credit; I also deleted that without hesitation. The third and fourth messages were for Megumi while the fifth one is from my parents telling me to call them as soon as I get home. I ignored their message and made a mental note to do that later. The sixth one however is something that I have been waiting for all week and I can't help but smile as I heard it.
"Hey there beautiful! How are you? I miss you so much. I'm fine here by the way. I'm sorry I wasn't able to answer your call yesterday. I have been so busy lately… What about you? I'm sure you have lots of projects lined up for the future. Don't overdo yourself ok? Relax once in a while. Call me again if you need anything or if you just want to talk to me. I don't know when I'll be flying back there but I wish I can go there now. Say hello to the others. Take Care okay?" Then the message ended.
He really sounded like a mother, always reminding me to take care of myself and everything… well that's Enishi for you. Now that I think about him, I can't help but miss him terribly…
Two months after I moved in here, I was still having a hard time adjusting to the lifestyle in this place. I was also adjusting to the new me and I'm also feeling lonely. I miss my parents, I miss my friends, I miss Japan. Sometimes, all I want to do is to buy tickets bound for Tokyo and go home but of course I can't do that. I have to finish culinary school first and prove something to myself.
I was sitting in a small café all alone, sipping a cup of coffee while reading a novel. I was so engrossed in my novel when suddenly the waiter placed a bouquet of peach roses in front of me. I looked up from my book and gaped at the waiter.
"Mademoiselle, the monsieur over there asked me to give you these," The waiter said as he bowed a little and left me to look at the back of a black-haired guy who supposedly gave me the flowers. He was sitting right next to my table but his back was facing me so I can't really see who he was.
"Monsieur, thank you for the flowers but may I know who you are?" I asked politely.
"Hmm… I'm proud that your French is really fluent now," he said then he turned around to smile at me.
I squealed as I stood up from my seat and gave him a hug. "Enishi-kun! You're here?"
He returned my hug. "Yes. I'll be staying here for a while."
And he did. He was with me the whole time, encouraging me to give my best in whatever I do. He was my guide and my constant support. He was my true friend.
Enishi came to Paris to finish his studies here. I was glad of course and we were inseparable. I got to know him better and in return he got to know me better as well. Now here is where the question pops in: did I like him as more than a friend?
In our second year here in France, Enishi confessed his feelings for me once again. He said that he has always loved me and that my marriage to Kenshin did not change those feelings. I did not know how to react at first but then I finally decided to give him a chance because by then, my marriage to Kenshin has been pushed to the deepest part of my mind. I wanted to move on and I figured that this is my chance to do it. If I develop my feeling towards another person, it might be possible to love someone other that Kenshin.
So we dated. Enishi and I went out almost every night and we were always together. I can see that he is sincere and that he is someone that you can really love deeply. Enishi was able to occupy a very special place in my heart but there is something that is blocking me from fully loving him.
No matter how hard I try to forget him… I still love Himura Kenshin.
I wanted to tear my heart out from my chest and remove that part that still loves Kenshin but I can't. However, I can't deny the fact that with the love, I also hate him. A hatred that I am constantly holding on to so that someday, I may block all my love for him with that hatred and finally I will be able to love Enishi.
But not yet… not now…
So when Enishi finally finished his studies one year after we started dating, we broke up. It wouldn't have worked out anyway because he was going back home to Japan. We don't really believe in long distance relationships.
But before he left, he told me that he would always wait for me. He will be waiting for the day when I will finally be free of my marriage to Kenshin and I can fully return his love.
I asked myself then: Will that day ever come?
My answer was: I don't know
However, a year after Enishi left France, what I know now is that I am slowly getting over Kenshin. Finally, I'm starting to heal from the hurt that he has instilled upon me.
Three years after leaving Japan, I am finally detaching myself from my first love. I can finally think about him without feeling anything at all…
It took me three long years... threedamnyears to do it...
So maybe this time, I can finally open up myself and love Enishi…
Can I do that now?
Still I don't know the answer.
Later that night, I laid back on my bed, watched TV and flipped through the channels when I finally came across a Japanese channel. Right now, they are showing (again!) a rerun of Strawberry on Shortcake and today's episode is about to come to an end. Once again I hear Irie Manato's words as he pondered about his feelings for his loved one.
…Dakara kimi ni koto wasurenai you…That is why I will never forget you…
As I repeated the words over and over in my head, I realized that I am feeling the same way as Manato. No matter how much I push him out of my mind, even if I get over him over and over again…Even if I will love another and hate him for all of my life…
I will never ever forget Himura Kenshin.
That is one thing that I can be sure of.
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So what do you guys think? Please leave me a review!
Sorry, no kenshin and kaoru contact...
For those of you who are wondering, THIS IS DEFINITELY A KENSHIN AND KAORU FIC! I'm really just a sucker for dramas.
Hmm... The next chapter will be entitled "A Phone Call from Home" not yet sure though...
I will be interchanging the point of view from Kenshin to Kaoru in the next chapter... will you guys be okay with that?
mata ne! off to studying again! I have an exam on Tuesday that I need to prepare for.
