Chapter 18

May 14th, 2021

Logan was in the bedroom of his London apartment, his closet's bifold doors open wide in front of him, deciding what to pack. The galloping strumming pattern of the son 'Little Lion Man' by Mumford and Sons was playing in his ears, having gotten stuck in there from his earlier playlist from when he'd decided he was going to do this. He was on a mission now. What he was doing was not one of the better examples of his strategic planning skills - but he inherently agreed with one particular line of that song - I really fucked it up this time. He just wanted to get out of there, he'd gotten sucked in too deep and for too long.

Out of the things that stared back at him from his closet there really wasn't much that'd be of use to him where he was going. He didn't even have a very concrete plan where he was going except for his first flight out, but he knew he wasn't going to need this many business suits - not the ones from Gieves and Hawkes nor the ones from Huntsman. All of their best models in at least five different colors and patterns, a couple of tuxedos, several alternate party wear options. Same went with the dress-shoes, shirts and ties.

After some thought, however, he decided that the only one that he was bringing was a Hugo Boss suit, light virgin wool with a slight stretch to it that didn't wrinkle easily. He packed his leather jacket, some casual wear, chinos, shorts and t-shirts, and his exercise gear, opting for sneakers and loafers mostly instead of more sophisticated options. If it came to it, he'd just buy something.

He skipped the jewelry drawer. Instead grabbed a hold of the golden ring on his left ring finger and pulled. It didn't come off as easily, but eventually it did. It was at that moment he suddenly felt liberated - the ring clinking against the glass shelf of his wardrobe, before it stopped spinning. For a moment he thought that he probably should've left it somewhere Odette was sure to find it, make a statement out of it, but she really was dumber than he'd thought if she hadn't pieced it together from their most recent conversation that they were done, and Odette was a woman with a doctoral degree, hence he didn't bother with theatrics.

Either way she'd gone too far. He was sure she knew it too.

He hurriedly packed his laptop, charger and a book he hadn't had the time to read, given to him by his sister for last Christmas. His toiletries really weren't irreplaceable - a face cream, toothpaste and -brush and his cologne - Tom Ford Neroli Portofino - the one that Odette had gotten him - were left there, deciding to just get a few things at the airport, feeling he needed a fresh start, that including fresh scents and tastes.

It had been a week since he'd seen her - Odette that is.

His final items were his personal credit cards, some cash and his passport.

On his way home from work that evening, where he'd tied things up as neatly as possible, having spent the day writing timed e-mails for everyone who needed to be informed of their new duties, the new command-line and instructions for those in questions that were going to be sent out on Monday, he'd made the most crucial call of all.

The call had been to Colin, his personal lawyer. Logan was handing everything over. Colin was to deal with all the documents regarding his stakes at the company, the resignation of his position even with the sanctions from leaving without the official two-weeks notice. Not that in his position those things were really precedented. And most importantly - divorce papers. He was willingly going by the generous offer of buying her out. He wanted out - at any price, and sooner rather than later. He no longer cared whose fault it was.

But just to make sure his disappearance was complete - he'd also made sure Colin knew that this meant everyone. He needed to figure things out on his own first before anyone attempted to cheer him up or bombard him with questions on what he was going to do. He only wished he knew.

As the very last item, he unpacked the new phone he'd just bought, and turned it on and waited a moment for his contact list to be transferred to it, leaving his old phone on the living room table to be someone else's problem. He'd gladly left out several numbers from that list, including those of Odette and her mother's. His father's was still in there for emergencies, but he had no intent of using it.

His driver was still waiting for him downstairs. He made his way to the entrance, leaving his keys to the sideboard, and let the door clash shut behind him. She could have it.

He briefly looked back up at the white pillared building behind him. The four-bedroom apartment with garden space at Eaton Place, stocked full of designer furniture and art, Henri included, was the one thing he was actually a little reluctant to leave.

It was the one thing that he'd fought Odette over and won. Instead of moving to a detached Victorian house in St John's Wood, which would've made his commute full of traffic jams, he had lived between Westminster - where he'd worked, and Hyde park, both providing his escape on different accounts, one with his business suits, the other with his running gear - the sound of gravel crunching under his soles early in the morning being forever burnt in his brain from those trails. He had been able to walk to work if he wanted to. Those had been the small luxuries of his life that had gotten him this far.

The truth was that he was probably not going to own anything equivalent ever in his lifetime, the prices in London having done a steep rise in the past few years, but especially after kicking his family company and inheritage to the curb and the divorce. He was through with this life. Despite that, the step away from its doorstep was the lightest he'd ever taken.


October 9th, 2021

Rory and Logan were still sitting at Rory's dining table, two empty cups of coffee in front of them and two empty glasses. Rory had just brought over the bottle of Hudson Baby Bourbon from her cabinet and poured herself another glass. She held up the bottle to Logan, offering to pour him some.

"I'm okay," he replied, not really knowing how long he was going to stay. Not that he wanted to leave, it was just that he needed to be in driving condition once it seemed inevitable. His Airbnb, which he'd extended by a few days, was a loft in Sheldon Charter Oak, located purposefully far from the neighbourhoods he normally would've expected to be seen in.

Logan had just finished telling him that he'd left his former life behind - his job, his wife, his legacy, a large chunk of his money.

He'd spent the past four months in various parts of the world. In part it really did sound like he'd just been on a lengthy holiday. Well - considering he hadn't been on a real, unplugged, holiday in years, more than years - nearly a decade, it was well deserved.

But after a few months in Casablanca, Koh Hood and Port Louis - simply gathering his thoughts and healing, he'd taken a turn for the more ascetic and walked the Mount Kailash in China, Adam's Peak in Sri Lanka and the Kumano Trail in Japan as a series of pilgrimages. Despite having lived in tents and hostels during those latter trips, eaten what was offered and survived a nasty stomach virus in less than ideal conditions, it was still something he'd worried about sounding as the spoiled thing to do and he hadn't been that too proud to tell Rory about it. He was self conscious that Rory might think it was just something wealthy people did when they looked for their point in life, while real people just needed to push through or figure things out on the go while having bills to pay. He knew he was lucky to have that opportunity.

He wasn't terribly proud of having chosen these ways to figure things out, but at the lack of other options it was what he'd done, his main goal having been to take himself out of his comfort zone and away from familiar faces. That he'd certainly done - for those journeys he hadn't been Logan Huntzberger the heir of his family's fortune, a respected businessman or even a wealthy spoiled college kid, but where possible just gone by Logan H - he'd been anonymous, paid by cash and slipped under the radar as much as possible. He'd almost considered staying like that for good. After all Thailand was famous for people wanting something different from their lives.

Finally, he'd landed at JFK, knowing that he needed to begin to rebuild his life, but he wasn't quite sure where to begin. He had a few start-up ideas, some of which he'd even shared with Rory in this short time at her dinner table. He'd never worried about her being one to steal them. He'd learned about his dad from Colin while already in the country - but he'd just been unable to go to that funeral because of the people.

Still the part that he'd been most excited about telling Rory was the part that involved disconnecting himself from most of his family, everyone except Honor that is, to whom he'd left little hints every now and again, telling her that he was fine. But Rory agreed with him that Honor was probably pissed at him.

"Sounds like quite a summer," Rory exhaled, taking in his story.

"Yeah, one of a kind…," Logan agreed. He'd never taken a holiday alone in his life not to mention done something as drastic.

"But why?" Rory asked the dreaded question, wanting to understand. She was proud of him, but she wasn't sure it was what he needed from her. Without knowing the circumstances she wasn't sure it was really something she definitely could support or deny. Not that her opinion should even matter in this - it was his life. But it seemed he was here craving for something like that from her - an assessment, approval - maybe?

Logan was a little reluctant to go there - the details of his circumstance would take a while to cover, involving subjects that probably weren't going to be that easy for Rory to hear. He wasn't even sure if she really wanted to hear them. But it was also that he felt tired of speaking and he really just craved to know about her. After all - mostly what they were doing here was just catching up, right? That despite feeling they knew each other a lot more intimately than most friends ever could.

"How about you talk for a while, I think I need to fuel up before we continue," Logan sighed, wiping the side of his hand over his forehead, sounding tired. "I want to know how you've been - I can already tell you've gone a long way," Logan suggested, gesturing around them, casually, not wanting to see too eager.

He picked up his phone and opened up the food app, and showed it to her. He added that his mouth had gotten tired of speaking for so long, which was actually very valid. He wasn't used to giving lectures, especially now that he'd been intentionally isolated for months, often in places where people didn't speak his language and he really hadn't gone to look for friends amongst backpackers, somehow not feeling like he could fit in even if he tried.

Rory knew what a tired mouth felt like, having not always been used to talking being her main outlet at work either.

"I just had Mexican last night, maybe Thai or Indian?" Rory suggested, relaxing a little. "Oh, and there's a Bangladeshi place just a few blocks from here too, they're pretty fast," she added.

Logan's story had been a lot to take in, but had also raised more questions than it really had answered. But she was beginning to sense that he was equally worried of what she thought as she was of what he had to say. But Rory welcomed the distraction, needing for things to become lighter for a moment. Their relationship had been almost nothing but the light the last time around, avoiding responsibility, guilt and the complicated - that until the last six months of it at least when it had just become too much for her. She missed those former times though. And in that sense they were like that again - friends - without needing to consider any significant others. More was still too dangerous, something Rory was knowingly keeping at her arm's lenght.

"Oh, but the Cardamom has a three for two deal," Logan read out, knowing that'd get Rory's attention.

They picked out two meat dishes and Logan chose a vegan option, making Rory raise her eyebrows at him.

"Don't worry, I haven't gone vegan," he laughed. "I just grew to like eating less meat. Being on this continent is like being in a meat-obsessed world," he added, showing another much humbler side of him.

"Fine, but I'm getting appetizers anyways," Rory added, taking his phone from his hands and tapped a few more items into their order. "Unless of course you need me to make the order for you?" she stopped and asked, realizing that Logan probably wasn't carrying the Amex Black card anymore.

Logan laughed - "Don't worry. I'm not broke. Just being sensible and maybe drawing the line at fancy resorts for a while," he added cleverly, squeezing his eyes narrowly for a moment, showing the surprisingly deep crow's feet in the corner of his eyes. But even with them, that beard of his definitely added to his character like fine wine.

Rory handed his phone back to him, and he placed the order.

"So?" Logan asked, sensing she was a little avoidant of speaking about herself.

"Well I think you already know my main headline. I have Em. Emily after my grandmother," she shared.

"I'm sorry about that," he replied and Rory nodded.

"Well Em is four. She's amazing. She can read, she's a really good kid, I'm very lucky to have her," Rory said. "This is where the two of us live," she added, and continued to speak about her daughter lengthily, following things up with pictures from when she was little, her love for her shining through her.

Logan had never seen Rory like that. Sure, he'd seen her talk about books she loved, movies, her mother - but this was something else. Rory was completely and utterly infatuated with this little creature, and it was a gorgeous sight.

There were a few times when she'd come close to mentioning a 'we' of another kind, the 'we' that had stayed up all night with Em while she had a fever or the 'we' that took her to home from the hospital.

Logan listened, and humbly raised the corner of his mouth, it becoming clear to him that that ex of hers must've been the father or she wouldn't be as hesitant to tell him. If it was someone he didn't know it wouldn't have mattered.

"Jess is the dad, we lived here for about two years before we split. You remember him, right?" Rory summed things up, realizing there was no escaping this, as if ripping off a bandaid.

Logan nodded.

"Is he a good dad?" Logan asked, his voice making a slight involuntary winch, not really knowing what else to ask. It was not really that she'd gotten back together with an ex or that it had been that guy, it was just that doing the math in his head he knew already that it must've been not too long after they'd ended things. In a way he was glad she'd been able to move on - all he'd ever wanted was for her to be happy, but it stung nonetheless.

"Yes, he is," Rory replied. "He's a better dad than he was a boyfriend. We got too serious too soon, we didn't really have time to get to know each other properly before we were already playing house and sleeping in 2,5 hour cycles, feeding Em," Rory confessed objectively. She knew she'd rushed into things, she'd even tried to convince Jess of that at some point, but he had never really chosen to hear it. But Rory knew she'd been escaping feeling a lot of other things by burying herself in Jess and Em.

"But you get along okay it seems, so that's good," Logan discussed, trying to see the positive in this. He knew from Colin's own divorce from which Colin had a 2-year old from, that things weren't always that rosy.

"Yeah, we do. He usually has her during the weekends and I have her during the week, but we're pretty flexible. Jess has a bookstore in Stars Hollow, but he also travels a lot, and sometimes my work… that just can be a lot, during finals for example," Rory continued.

"So Chilton, eh?" Logan asked, wondering what the story was there.

"Well…," Rory began, explaining to him how she'd gone back to grad school and started substituting, her connection to Hanlin Charleston having come in handy after all, and how her old teacher and her mom's ex-fiance was now the headmaster, making it really not a bad place to work.

"I haven't seen you in front of a classroom, but I do think it suits you, especially with those glasses," Logan commented, leaning back, slipping with a hint of flirt, having thought those glasses actually looked kind of hot on her. But he corrected himself, by changing his stance the next second - it was not why he was here per se.

But Rory smiled on instinct just the same, definitely not minding a compliment even though it was making the line she'd drawn for herself more blurry.

It was then food arrived and the two dug into lighter topics, talking about the best dishes Logan had eaten at during his trips and many of the places he'd visited having also been on the list that they'd once planned on going to visit together. They talked a little about their joint friends and Rory's job, her family and simple day-to-day things.

"Hey, whatever happened to that book of yours?" Logan asked, both of them having relaxed considerably, leaning back with a full stomach.

"I never finished it," Rory confessed, looking down, not feeling too proud of that.

"That's too bad…," Logan replied, reading her. He certainly wasn't going to rub that in, but he did wonder why. For a moment he wondered how differently things would've been if she had only accepted his offer for her to stay in his family's house in Maine. It was a wonderful game of 'what if'-s he'd played in his mind way too often.

For a moment silence lingered, the two observing each other.

"You really want to know why I left?" Logan asked Rory, knowing it was the burning question on her mind.

Rory nodded, not wanting to pry - but it was clear he was kind of eager to explain too.

"You might not like hearing everything…," he warned.

"I'm not sure hearing about me and Jess was much better for you," Rory admitted. She didn't want to assume that he'd had feelings, not the way she'd had them - but she knew he had never been indifferent to her. It had been more complex than that.

"I guess," he said, raising the corner of his mouth again.

"So tell me," Rory encouraged. She wanted to know.

"Okay," Logan sighed, knowing this would take a while, having years of complicated relationships to cover.

His throat felt dry just then, and without asking, he poured himself another small drink of Burbon.

"The core reason I left, I guess..., the final straw, was that Odette got pregnant," he said with an exhale.


AN: I've grown rather fond of cliffhangers (sorry, not sorry) ;)

Also - Logan's apartment at Eaton Place can be found on Sotheby's Ground and Lower Ground, 101-103 Eaton Place SW1X 8NJ London if you want a visual (minus the child's room).