AN: Some trigger topics in this chapter that everyone might not agree with. But I do not want a discussion on the ethics of this. I just think it was a valid option to cross her mind considering where she was in her life - that is all.
And we'll get to the scenes of Rory and the guys hanging out soon enough, I just think this needs to set some context into Rory seeing her dad too.
Chapter 22
November 3rd, 2016
Rory sat at her father's office waiting for him. It had been his mini-skirt wearing 25-year-old secretary, Ashley, that had let her in upon his request, making Rory roll her eyes for a minute. Men would always be men...
The room, packed to the brim with antiques and no-doubt pricy knick-knacks Christopher had never in Rory's opinion had particular love for, felt hot and stuffy. Or maybe she was just nervous. Rory tried to focus her attention back to the room rather than why she was there, needing to not lose her nerve. The room spoke of an interior decorator, not of her father, really. Though maybe she just didn't know him well enough these days.
Seeing him hadn't been her top priority for many years, being mobile due to her work from city to city and country to country for years. She hadn't seen Gigi at all for years, because she lived in Paris with Sherry.
She heard the door behind her, but even that didn't quite snap her out of her thoughts.
It was the extra large cup of coffee that appeared in front of her that did the trick.
"Coffee here sucks. I had to go three blocks to get this," Christopher said, sounding eager to please. Sometimes Rory felt he was just trying too hard. Maybe he was kind of still making up for things?
"This is the biggest size they had, huh?" Rory asked, a tiny hint of sarcasm. But she knew what he was doing - trying to exceed the Gilmore girl's expectations.
Normally she would've just jumped from joy in sight of some good coffee, this certainly smelled divine, but in the light of the recent news she'd gotten, she knew she was probably going to have to make a few adjustments to her diet, avoiding excess caffeine being one of them.
Rory could pretend that the news she'd gotten over the phone mere hours ago was a big shock, but it was another week before that she had actually taken the first pregnancy test and gotten a positive.
She'd had a few mornings hugging the toilet seat of the on-suite bathroom and observing very closely the anaglypta wallpaper at the Gilmore mansion. She had also had an odd craving for apples before that, so she could say that she was pretty convinced of the fact already. And of course right after getting back from New Hampshire she'd made the faithful decidion not to go by the farmacy, taking her chances. She could only plead temporary insanity on that one.
The blood test had just confirmed things, making it official.
There was no question whose it was. There hadn't been anyone else.
"It's good to see you, kiddo," Christopher said, sounding genuine.
"Thanks for squeezing me in," Rory replied, holding firmly on to the take-away cup as if it was giving her strenght.
"Oh. Always time for you," Christopher said and took a seat behind his huge mahogany desk.
"So, new office," Rory commented awkwardly, making small-talk.
"Yes, the cave," Christopher replied, jokingly, implying there was a story there.
"The cave?" Rory asked, assuming that was a story he was eager to share.
"I call it the cave 'cause I caved. I'm working in the family biz," he admitted, sounding surprisingly smug.
It was hard to read whether he was actually happy with the path or not, but it felt so familiar to Rory somehow. So many people she'd known from her youth had ended up one way or another back where they 'belonged' - doing what their parents had planned for them, living the lives they were destined for according to their parents. Colin, her Brooklyn roommate Sandra, Logan, now her dad… It seemed inevitable. From youthful rebellion to settling, to acceptance. Maybe that was what she was kind of doing too, even if it wasn't the plan her mother had had in mind for her?
"Well it looks good on you. New suit, sitting behind that desk," Rory noted, not having to lie. He did look good - confident.
"Knife to the heart, kid. Knife to the heart," Christopher laughed.
"So, how's Gigi?" Rory asked, rising from her seat, feeling like she needed to keep moving to get what she came to ask over with.
"She's turning into a full-on Parisian. Got the baguette thing down," Christopher commented.
"Send her my love?" Rory requested.
"I'll do that," Christopher assured, sensing Rory was delaying saying something.
"And how's Lana? Are you two still together?" Rory asked, already feeling a little pitiful with the small-talk.
"Why not? And how are you?" he replied, trying not to take that too personally. He was observing her daughter, all grown up, instead, it having been a while since he'd seen her last.
"Me? I'm five by five," Rory replied but it didn't sound too convincing and walked across the room.
"What?" Christopher replied, feeling confused.
"Oh uh, sorry, it's, uh I was watching a Buffy marathon and some things stick," Rory added, apologetically, being too stuck in her own thoughts still.
"Are you okay, kiddo?" Christopher asked with concern, reading her better than she thought he could.
"I can't come visit my father?" Rory shot back. It came out a little bit more defensive than she'd intended it to be.
"Any time. It just seems a little formal. Like you're gonna serve me with papers or something," Christopher explained.
Rory hadn't actually thought about it like that, but supposedly it was formal. When she'd first asked to see him, she'd mostly done it so to talk about the book, wanting to pick his brain about a few things. But as the pregnancy aspect had gone from a hunch to reality - the questions, the very same ones, held a lot more meaning.
"Mom and Luke are getting married. Did she tell you?" Rory tried to delay it further, turning to face him again.
She worried that actually asking those questions would somehow change things between them. She also worried that what she learned would mean that she was going to have to choose what to do. So far she'd limited things down to three, technically four, options - but none of them was a perfect one.
"I'm not real good at keeping up with e-mail. So, maybe," Christopher shrugged. Of course it stung a little, but it was a long time coming - he'd accepted it.
"Well, it's a town thing, and I thought you should know, but I'm kind of hoping you won't…," Rory added, feeling apologetic for even having mentioned it.
"Show up? I won't. Knowing when to admit defeat is one of my better qualities. I wish her all the happiness in the world. Is she registered?" Christopher replied, having truly the ability to chuckle at his own expense.
Rory's mind wandered again, wondering whether her father might notice how she instinctively held the cup of coffee in front of her abdomen hoping he wouldn't notice the miniature bump or the fact that she was yet to take a sip.
"As what?" Rory replied, her brain being still all scattered, realizing he'd asked her a question.
"For gifts. I have a crazy expense account here. I can get anything. Does she have a unicorn?" he explained, but considered it a bit odd she hadn't gotten that. Rory definitely sounded a little off, and he was curious to find out what it was.
"Shoot! She got one yesterday," Rory played along, her humour still sounding fake.
"I'll think of something else. So, is that what the big news is? The wedding?" Christopher probed.
"I'm switching gears a little. Career-wise. The journalism thing didn't really pan out the way I hoped," Rory admitted, taking a seat again. Even saying that out loud took some effort from her. She was admitting defeat.
"Sorry, kid," Christopher exhaled and followed up with one of his classics, "Do you need some money?" His offer came so naturally from him by now, even Rory had expected him to say exactly that. It sounded a bit like he believed most things could be fixed by money these days, maybe in his world things did worked that way. But this was certainly not one of them. Sure, she needed money, but she was going to finally do something with Richard's inheritage, the one she hadn't dared to touch until now.
"No," Rory refused, and shook her head.
"You sure? 'Cause I have some. I have no idea what to do. I bought this suit and every color of Beats by Dre," Christopher assured.
At the very least this left Rory with the knowledge that if it did come to it - if she was going to keep this baby, if she was going to raise it by herself - she would have people to turn to if it came to it. She had a village, and it wasn't a poor one, not poor from money nor love. But it wasn't that easy and she knew it.
"I'm writing a book," Rory said, biting her lip to stop herself from thinking about the heavier things.
"A book?" he replied, curiously.
"I'm writing a book about me and Mom," she shared, more lightly.
"Really? Does Lorelai know?" Christopher asked the million dollar question, knowing Lorelai perhaps even better in that sense. Thankfully that part of the issue was already resolved - things were okay with her and mom. Lorelai trusted her - that was all she needed.
"Yes," Rory confirmed.
"Does Lorelai care?" he asked, sounding sceptical.
"I'll find out," Rory assured.
"Am I in this book?" came the next logical question
"Well, it would be a little hard to avoid," Rory said, getting closer to what she'd come to ask about.
"Do I enter in a cloud of sulfur?" Christopher tried to see it through humour.
"I haven't worked out all the logistics," Rory admitted.
So far the book began with the scene of her mother telling her about how she was born in the middle of the night and several highlights from Friday Night Dinners that were knitted together by the controlled chaos of their household, the way it had been growing up. All the little details, the coffee and the pop culture references. She'd thought about bringing in Christopher by him riding into town on his motorcycle, it seemed to be the fitting image. But she felt it was a little overused.
Christopher chuckled. "Okay, well, I think it's great. Just try not to make me too big a villain. I was stupid, but I loved her. And you," he added.
"Can I ask you something?" Rory decided to get this over with. Now the question held a lot more weight from a personal aspect as well.
"Anything," he said.
"How did you feel about Mom raising me alone?" Rory asked, sounding suddenly dead serious.
"Ouch! You kind of coldcocked me there, Mr. Bernstein," Christopher replied.
"Sorry, I just have to know," Rory explained, adding, "How did you feel? What did you feel?"
"Look, your mom did what she wanted to do. I wasn't consulted," he admitted, not sounding entirely proud of the fact.
"I know, but you let her do it," Rory added with a hint of blame.
"I did. I... I let her do it," he agreed, seeing no point in pretending otherwise. It was a hard conversation for him to have with her daughter.
"So, now, all these years later, how do you feel about that?" Rory inquired further, truly wanting to understand.
One of Rory's option was telling Logan, naturally. But that involved messing up his plans and subjecting their child to that life and those people she really didn't want the child to have to deal with, while most likely bringing on all kinds of bad press and accusations to herself and the child. After all she wasn't entirely blameless in this either. She didn't want to be the one to ruin his plans, she didn't want his money. She didn't want him to consider doing the 'right thing' just because of the baby. She also didn't want the child to grow up knowing he or she had been the result of a careless affair.
"It was in the cards. Lorelai and you, from the first moment I saw you two together, no one was getting between you guys. Maybe that's why she's getting married now. You're grown. Her job is done. Now she can let someone else in," Christopher explained.
It was not what she'd expected. She'd never considered that she might have a part in why Lorelai had taken so long to get married to Luke might have had something to do with her. But in this moment it was a welcome distraction.
"So she didn't let you in?" Rory reflected.
"I'm not saying that," Christopher corrected, unsure if he was explaining it well enough.
"But is that why you weren't there? Because she made the decision and she pushed you away?" Rory asked.
"Not at all. We were just so young. I was so young, and Lorelai was, much like yourself, she was a force of nature. Just uncontrollable. Sure about everything. I couldn't come close to competing with that, so I didn't," Christopher continued. It really just showed his weaker character compared to Lorelai, but that Rory already knew.
"But you could've fought her on it. You could've talked her out of it," Rory tried to understand. Would Logan try to talk her out of what she'd considered? What would he do if she called him right now? Jump into problem solving mode like she expected him to or do nothing at all?
"You ever try talking her out of anything?" Christopher shot back at her.
And then of course Rory had the option that was very similar to her mother's. She was also pretty sure Logan wouldn't be as easy to convince to stay away like her father had been. Or she could have the baby and not say a word. It wasn't perfect, she knew…
"But do you think it was the right decision that she raised me alone?" she asked. That was really what it all came down to, didn't it? What would Logan think of it if he ever found out she'd done this on her own? Or how would he feel about it in the long run if he did know but she told him she didn't want him to be involved.
"I think it was exactly what was supposed to happen. And I think she'd back me up on that," Christopher confirmed.
"Yeah. I think she would, too," she sighed.
"You know I love you though, right?" Christopher felt he needed to assure.
"I know," Rory replied, having gotten even more food for thought.
Things were not a lot clearer. What had worked for her mother and father might not work for her. Logan wasn't like her dad, not really. He wasn't like Luke either, if she recalled what had happened with April. Logan might actually just be relieved that information wasn't brought to him now but at a more convenient time.
Or maybe there was no right way forward?
She could in theory do what she didn't really want to do, but had reluctantly already considered. She couldn't even really say it out loud. It almost seemed like the simplest option for her. It was her body and she wasn't sure anyone deserved to be brought into the mess that was her and Logan. All it took were a few pills, and she still had a few weeks to decide on that. She could even tell him and take that route anyways, though she wasn't sure what point was there to stir those waters back up just for that.
