Can't get you out of my head.

This is for Shelly, who wanted me to write a tag to the Hive. Thanks to Merlin and Kodiak, my trusty betas, for their input and advice. As usual, all mistakes are my own.

I don't own Stargate Atlantis or its characters etc...

Chapter 1.

Sheppard quickly slipped away from the infirmary, hoping to avoid his post mission check. As he quietly exited, he couldn't help thinking how fortunate they'd all been.

McKay, Teyla and Ronon were fine, and were recovering well from the effects of the Wraith enzyme. All things considered, they had gotten off lightly. McKay had escaped the clutches of Ford's cronies, and Sheppard had escaped the Hive with Ronon and Teyla, via the dart. The Hive ship had conveniently been destroyed in the process of destroying another Hive. They'd been lucky, this time, and were safe back home in Atlantis. Well, except for Ford. Ford. Sheppard's heart sank when he thought of the kid. Yet again, he'd let his former second in command down. Instead of helping him escape, bringing him back to Beckett for help, he'd agreed for him to watch their backs and he hadn't seen him since. Had he escaped the Hive? Sheppard thought he had. Hoped he had. Another time, another place, Ford, he thought.

"Colonel?" Beckett's voice interrupted Sheppard's surreptitious escape.

Sheppard turned to look at the doctor, smiling. "Doc. What can I do for you?"

The colonel saw the look on Beckett's face, and inwardly groaned, knowing what was coming. "It's more a matter of what I can do for you, I think," Beckett answered matter-of-factly. "In there. Now!" Beckett had suddenly switched from his usual soft Scottish lilt to one of his 'don't mess with me, Colonel' voices. Sheppard knew better than to disobey Beckett when he used that tone. Mild-mannered Scot, my ass, he thought to himself.

"Okay. I'm going!" Sheppard answered, inwardly cursing himself for not being stealthier.

Beckett followed the colonel back into the infirmary, and pointed to a bed. "Sit," he ordered.

"What am I, a dog?" Sheppard moaned, by way of reply.

The doctor snorted. "No, not a dog. You're not well trained enough for that. Right then. Post mission check. Anything unusual to report?" Beckett eyed Sheppard suspiciously, and the colonel knew it would be better, in the long run, to be honest.

"Ah, not really. Got stunned a couple of times. Ronon elbowed me in the face. Other than that, nothing comes to mind." Sheppard knew he wasn't being totally honest, but figured it was worth risking Beckett's wrath by not admitting to his encounter with the Wraith queen.

Sheppard watched Beckett, wincing as he saw the doctor plaster one of his 'I know you're lying' smiles on his face. "Really. Are you sure about that, Colonel?"

The colonel considered his options: be honest and spill the beans, or, continue to – stretch the truth. He opted for the latter. "Nope. Just the usual." Sheppard smiled,what he thought washis most charming smile, as he watched Beckett start his usual battery of tests.

Beckett raised an eyebrow and sighed. "Right. So I must have misunderstood Teyla when she told me the Wraith queen interrogated you using telepathy, then?" Sheppard's smile instantly dissolved, and he thought about having a quiet word with the Athosian about what she should and shouldn't tell the doctor, in the future.

"Oh, that. Didn't think it was important. Nothing happened. She asked some questions, I…declined to answer them. She tried to get me to squeal by doing the old Jedi mind trick. It didn't work. That's it." Sheppard shrugged, really, it wasn't a big deal. The fact that his head was beginning to pound and he wanted nothing more than to lie down was irrelevant, he decided.

Beckett tutted, "Not important?" he asked incredulously, as he walked over to a nearby shelf, retrieving something Sheppard couldn't identify, and walked back, arms out-stretched. "Scrubs. Get in them. Now."

"Doc!" Sheppard pleaded, "I'm fine. Really. Do all the tests you want. I'll behave. But no scrubs…"

Beckett regarded his recalcitrant patient. "Stop whining, Colonel. You're sounding more like Rodney every day. Though he's not usually whining about leaving the infrimary or wearing scrubs. Quite the opposite, actually." Beckett gave Sheppard his no-nonsense smile, and continued, "Your blood pressure's a little high and I need to do some scans and get some blood work done, just to make sure everything's okay. It'll only take a few hours. So get changed, and I'll be back shortly." With that, he pulled the privacy curtain round Sheppard's bed and left the sulking man to change.

-oOo-

Five long and miserable hours later and Sheppard had finally been released from the infirmary, after much wheedling, whining and moaning. Beckett had let him go reluctantly, after having given him a clean bill of health. He knew he should obey Beckett's instructions to have something to eat and get some sleep, but needed to speak to Weir before the planned de-briefing, which was scheduled for the next morning. After shaving, showering and changing into clean clothes, he headed for the control room.

Entering the room he saw Weir was in her office and walked over, stopping in the doorway and leaning casually against the doorframe.

Elizabeth Weir looked up from her laptop and frowned at Sheppard. "I thought Beckett told you to get some sleep. Yes, before you start defending yourself, he told me he'd given you the all clear. He also told me you had a headache and needed to eat and rest. So, why are you here?"

Sheppard entered the small room and plopped himself lazily down on the chair opposite the doctor, slouching immediately. "Just wanted to catch up with you before tomorrow's briefing. I'll go and get some food in a minute, and then I'll get some sleep. For your information my headache is gone; Beckett gave me some Tylenol and it did the trick," he explained to Weir.

"Okay. I already know the basics of the last few days. What's on your mind, John?"

Sheppard knew the good doctor could see straight through him. "Ford," he answered solemnly.

Elizabeth Weir studied her military commander, and sighed. "I know you feel responsible for what happened. So let's end this right now. You couldn't have done anything more than you did. He put you all in danger, leaving you with no choice but to agree to the drugging of your team, and to participate in a fool-hardy raid on a Hive ship." Weir paused for thought, and stood, walking over to where Sheppard forlornly sat. "He's dead, John. Let's accept that and move on."

Sheppard looked up at Weir, shaking his head. "No, he's not. I know he managed to escape. I just…have a feeling. I want to look for him. I owe him that much. I want you to give me the go-ahead to mount a search for him." He looked up at Weir as she squeezed his shoulder with her hand.

"John, he's dead. I know it's hard to accept, but we must. Permission denied." She walked back behind her desk and sat down, grimly smiling at Sheppard, and asking, "Anything else?"

The colonel studied Weir for a moment, desperately trying to control the anger that suddenly was threatening to spill out of his lips. He took a deep breath. "Elizabeth. Listen to me. I know he's out there. We need to search any planets near to where the Hives were. He needs our help. I know he's behaved badly, but it's not his fault. You've seen first hand what the enzyme did to McKay. I can't just abandon Ford. Please, let me do this." He'd beg if it would make Weir change her mind.

Weir bit her lip, exhaling, and shook her head. "No, John. You don't even know he's alive. It's a waste of resources and time."

Sheppard stood, and started to pace. "A waste of resources? Is that what Ford is? A waste of our time? He's our friend, Elizabeth. He wouldn't even be in this mess if I hadn't woken up the Wraith. I… we owe it to him to help him. We don't leave people behind. Remember?" How could Elizabeth not want to find Ford? They had to help him. He had to help him.

Suddenly Sheppard felt himself sway a little as a sharp pain jabbed at his head. He reached out, placing a steadying hand on the nearby chair. 'Kneel', suddenly echoed in his mind, and he felt his knees give way as his body obeyed the overwhelming desire to obey the internal command.

Weir immediately ran over, kneeling down, looking into his eyes in concern. "John? What's wrong. Do you want me to call Beckett?"

The pounding in Sheppard's head continued, the voice echoing relentlessly through his mind. "Stop…make it stop," was all he could grind out. Placing his head in his hands, Sheppard screwed his eyes shut, panting to try and relieve the hammer being rammed repeatedly into his skull. Weir gently placed her hand on his shoulder, and tapped her radio.

"Weir to Beckett. We have a medical emergency in my office," she called into her earpiece, as she tried to soothe Sheppard.

The colonel whimpered as the voice continued to haunt him, the pain in his head having escalated to knives being driven into his skull.

"Just…make it…stop…'Liz'beth…please…" Sheppard begged.

His plea was answered when he saw a white flash in front of his eyes as an agonising wave of pain drove into his head. Screaming, he flopped on the floor as his knees gave way, rolling onto his side into a foetal position. Another blinding flash, and he surrendered to blissful unconsciousness.

-oOo-

Beckett ran into the control room and headed straight to Dr. Weir's office at full pelt. Seeing Sheppard lying on the floor, with an anxious Dr Weir kneeling at his side, he stopped and silently cursed, knowing he should have kept Sheppard for observation in the infirmary. "Elizabeth. What happened?" he asked the obviously concerned woman.

Weir looked up at Beckett. "We were talking; he wanted to go looking for Ford. I told him he couldn't and he became agitated and then collapsed, asking me to 'make it stop'. I think his head was hurting him," she explained.

Beckett examined Sheppard and tapped his radio, calling for a gurney. He looked at Weir, muttering, "I knew I shouldn't have released him. Damn, why do I always let him get his own way?"

"Carson, is he okay? Do you know what's wrong?" Weir had already thought she'd lost her friend once today, and didn't want to contemplate losing him a second time.

The doctor grimaced, answering, "I haven't got a clue. His tests and scans were all clear. He's not responsive at the moment, but stable. Best I can do is get him settled in the infirmary and run some more tests."

Weir sighed, studying the unconscious man lying on her floor. "Carson…"

"Aye. I'll let you know, lass," he answered, not needing to know the question.

-oOo-

Consciousness returned to Sheppard slowly, and painfully. The first thing he was aware of was the pounding in his head. Funny, I don't remember guzzling any of Radek's moonshine, he thought in his confusion. No, he hadn't been drinking, he remembered. So why was he feeling like hell? He tried to piece together his memories. Ford. The Hive ship. The Wraith queen. Suddenly his pain intensified, and he groaned as he remembered the sound of her hypnotic voice, commanding him to kneel. Feeling nauseous, he decided maybe keeping his eyes shut was the better option, but tried to think where he was. In the cell? Was that where he was? No, he was in a soft bed. He was in Atlantis.

Sheppard remembered talking, arguing, he corrected himself, with Elizabeth. Then the pain had hit - and the voice. Her voice. He was relieved to realise that there weren't any voices in his head now. Wouldn't Beckett just love that, the head of the military, hearing voices. If he admitted that to Beckett, he'd be given a one way ticket to see Heightmeyer, that much he knew. Finally, deciding to brave a quick peek of his surroundings, Sheppard opened his eyes to a slit. The pounding in his head intensified as he tried to focus on his surroundings. Groaning, he turned on his side, wincing as the pull of an IV in his hand told him that he was in the infirmary.

"Colonel. How are you feeling?" Beckett's voice filtered into his weary brain.

Groaning more, Sheppard whispered, "Like I stayed at the party way too long…"

Beckett chuckled, and started checking his patient's vitals. "Headache still bothering you? I'll get you something for that in a minute. Feel up to some breakfast?" he asked.

Sheppard groaned again. "Not unless you want it to make a re-appearance. Crap… what's wrong with me?"

The doctor sighed, as Sheppard slowly turned onto his back, eyes opening to slits as he tried to focus on Beckett's face. "To be honest, I'm not sure. Do you want to tell me what happened?"

The colonel sighed, answering, "I was talking to Elizabeth. My head started pounding, and I saw flashing lights. Then I just passed out, I think."

Beckett considered Sheppard's answer. "You're displaying the classic symptoms of a migraine, though that doesn't explain you losing consciousness. Your blood pressure is a little high, otherwise everything checked out fine."

"Never had a migraine before. Why now?" Sheppard was beginning to suspect his little Q and A with the queen might have had a bigger impact on him than he first thought.

Beckett considered the colonel's question before answering. "Migraine's, assuming that's what we're dealing with, can occur at any age and be triggered by many different things. I'll be honest with you, Colonel, there's a lot we don't know about them, though stress certainly can be an important factor. The last few days have been pretty rough for you, I'd guess. You've also been stunned twice, and being knocked around a bit could have contributed to this little…episode. Oh, and let's not forget your encounter with the Wraith queen."

Sheppard sighed. "Don't see what she's got to do with any of this, Doc." If he was going to be able to make an escape from the infirmary any time soon, Sheppard knew he'd have to play down the queen's little mental torture routine.

"You wouldn't. Bottom line, we have no idea what her probing of your mind and interrogation could have done, despite your scans all being clear. We simply have no other basis for comparison. Not many of my patients seem to survive getting close to Wraith queens." Beckett paused, before continuing, "Before you ask, you won't be leaving my care today, Colonel. Another twenty-four hours, for observation. I'll go and get you something for that headache now." Beckett smiled kindly and walked off, returning shortly with a syringe which was swiftly injected into Sheppard's IV port.

Beckett patted his patient on the arm. "That should make you feel a little more comfortable. I'd really like you to get some food in you, but I think you should try and get some sleep first. I'll send Shelly with a sandwich for you at lunchtime."

Sheppard inhaled sharply. "God, the briefing! I've missed it, haven't I?" He groaned inwardly. Caldwell would just love that. After the commander of the Daedalus' attempt to usurp Sheppard as head of the military in Atlantis at the time of the 'unfortunate retrovirus incident', as Beckett euphemistically referred to it, Sheppard knew Caldwell would be rubbing his hands in glee. Atlantis' military commander incapacitated – again! Great!

"I'm afraid so, Colonel. Dr. Weir said she'll go over things with you later, when you're feeling better. There's nothing to tell her that can't wait. Sleep. Now, if you need anything, just buzz." Beckett smiled, and walked away, leaving his patient to rest.

-oOo-

Rest did not come easily to Sheppard; neither did sleep. His head was still throbbing, though the meds Beckett had given him had somewhat dulled the pain. The colonel tossed and turned, finally drifting into a restless slumber.

Sheppard saw Ford in front of him, calling to him, then screaming. The Wraith queen was standing in front of the former lieutenant, hand on his chest. Sheppard screamed for her to stop, raising his P90 and taking aim at the tall, white-haired creature. Sheppard heard Ford scream as the queen began to feed from him, and watched in horror as the young man began to age. I won't let this happen, not again. Sheppard steeled himself and fired the automatic weapon. The queen turned around and hissed, as Ford's lifeless body fell to the ground, his head a bloody mess where Sheppard's bullets had found their mark.

'Kneel' echoed in Sheppard's head, as his body yet again betrayed him, and he was forced to his knees. The Wraith queen towered above the colonel, and snarled as her hand slammed into his chest. Sheppard screamed as he felt his life drain away…

Screaming, Sheppard woke up, bolting upright in bed, sweat dripping from his forehead. He gasped as the jackhammer in his head pounded away, and flopped back against his pillows, desperately trying to calm down. A dream, it was a dream. Sheppard knew that.

He felt a hand on his arm, and opened his eyes to see the pretty young nurse, Shelly standing over him. "Colonel? Are you alright?" she asked him in a concerned voice.

It took all of his will power to answer the nurse without whimpering. "Ah, bad dream. Sorry. I'm ok now." He mustered a half-smile and closed his eyes, praying Shelly wouldn't inform Beckett of his little outburst.

"Alright then. Can I get you anything?" the nurse politely questioned the colonel.

"No, no- I'm good."

The nurse returned to her duties, but Sheppard noticed as he opened his eyes that she turned around, her eyes lingering over him.

-oOo-

After a day in the infirmary, Sheppard was relieved that Beckett discharged him, as promised, on the proviso that he rested and only performed light duties. Sheppard was relieved to be free from the place he seemed to spend so much of his time; the infirmary was becoming a second home to him.

After de-briefing with Weir, and writing his mission report, Sheppard headed to the mess to try and get some food down. Beckett had continually been nagging him to gain some weight after the 'turning into the bug' episode. The doctor had threatened to force feed him on numerous occasions, to 'get some fat on your skinny arse' as the Scotsman had delicately put it.

Sheppard entered the mess, picking up some soup, Athosian bread and a glass of juice. As he made his way to a table, he noticed McKay waving at him, and walked over to the scientist, flopping down in the empty chair opposite. McKay eyed Sheppard suspiciously, asking, "You ok? Heard you fainted on Elizabeth last night."

"Funny. I don't faint, any more than you do. Beckett thinks I had a migraine. My head was killing me and I kinda saw flashing lights. I'm ok now." Sheppard thought it was prudent not to mention that the Wraith queen's voice had played a part in his collapse as well.

McKay grinned. "Good. I need you to come to my lab and touch something for me. You free?"

The colonel grimaced. "Is it urgent? I was going to lie down for a while…"

"It'll only take a few minutes. While we were… away, shall we say? Stackhouse's team found an artifact on L5B-196. It's Ancient, but so far no one has been able to activate it. As you're Mr Mega Gene, thought I'd ask you to give it a try." The scientist smiled at Sheppard, while his hands gesticulated wildly, as they usually did when McKay was being enthusiastic about some Ancient doodad or another.

Sheppard smiled, and nodded. "Sure. Why not? Beckett only okayed me for light duty anyway, so it's not as if I'm busy, or anything. Let's go." The colonel stood up to leave.

McKay frowned at his friend. "You haven't eaten anything yet. Don't you want to eat that?"

"Nah. Not really hungry. I'll get something later. Come on." With that, Sheppard picked up his tray, deposited it on the table where the used trays went, and headed out of the mess, McKay trailing behind.

McKay ran to catch up with Sheppard, and asked breathlessly, "You sure you're ok? You know, Carson will throw a fit if he finds out you skipped lunch. He's always complaining about how skinny you are…"

"Rodney, I'm fine. Headache's just made me feel a little nauseous. No big problem. I'll grab something later." Sheppard interrupted.

"Fine. Just don't go 'fainting' on me." McKay smirked, as he followed Sheppard towards the lab.

Once there, Sheppard sat on a stool, elbows on the workbench, waiting for the scientist to bring over his latest project. McKay almost skipped over to him, and held a small, cylindrical metal object for Sheppard to take. The colonel reached out to take the artifact, pausing before he touched it, to ask, "It's safe, right? Not going to explode or throw me across the room?"

"Honestly, I haven't got a clue," McKay answered as he gave his usual lopsided smile.

Sheppard raised his eyebrows. "McKay…" he started to say, but was interrupted by the sicentist.

"I'm sure it's absolutely safe. Now, just touch it, Sheppard."

Sheppard finally took hold of the Ancient cylinder, and thought 'on'. He felt warmth in the palms of his hands, and saw light emerge from under the device. He looked at McKay, and saw the smile on the scientist face. Sheppard was just thinking that McKay looked like a little boy first seeing his presents on Christmas morning, when he felt a jolt of white-hot pain stab across his forehead. "Ow!" he managed to cry out.

McKay's smile disappeared, as he asked in concern, "What's wrong?"

Sheppard looked at the scientist, and was about to explain, when the Wraith queen's voice returned with a vengeance. As 'kneel' began to echo relentlessly in his mind, Sheppard once again felt agonising waves of pain run through his head. Flashes of white light erupted in front of his eyes, and he suddenly felt nauseous. Falling off the stool on to his knees, he dropped the device, his hands reaching for his head. "No… not again…" he managed to whisper.

McKay ran to Sheppard's side, and kneeling, questioned the colonel, "What? What's wrong?"

Sheppard tried to answer, but as the pounding increased, and the voice in his mind deafened him, he cried out. He felt bile rising in his oesophagus, and managed to plant his hands on the floor as he doubled over, violently vomiting.

"Jesus!" McKay exclaimed, while tapping his earpiece. "McKay to Beckett. I've got a medical emergency in my lab."

As he reached to support Sheppard, the colonel cried out again, then, as McKay gently lowered the prone man onto his side, McKay heard his friend whisper, "Get her out of my head…please. Just… make her stop…"

Sheppard looked up at McKay, and, as darkeness approached, distantly heard the echo of footsteps in the hall outside. Another stab of white-hot pain overwhelmed him, and he simply whispered, "M'Kay…I can't do this…not again… get her…out of my head."

McKay knelt in stunned silence as Sheppard stopped writhing and closed his eyes, finally succumbing to unconsciousness.

Tbc.