Chapter 30

April 27th, 2002

Rory was asleep. Or very nearly so, sort of slipping in and out of sleep, I guess. Her childhood bedroom was dark. It was without a doubt it was in the middle of the night. Her wrist ached, but it was a dull ache by now. If she didn't move it around, it wasn't really enough to keep her up.

But mostly it was just worry about Jess that kept her mind awake. Was he okay? Had Luke been too hard on him? Besides her thoughts, there was teh sound of someone else breathing. She knew her mother was sleeping in the armchair, having been unsuccessful at convince her to sleep in her bed upstairs. But there was almost like another presence too, she couldn't quite put her finger on it. She didn't want to move, knowing it was best to keep her arm steady.

But it was her mother's voice that alerted her, thankfully shedding at least some of her worrisome thoughts.

"Chris?" she heard her mother's voice ask in whisper.

Was her father there too?

She couldn't believe it. It had been months since she'd seen him.

But as if frozen, she continued to pretend to lay there, her eyes closed.

"What? Lor… is everything…," his father's disoriented voice asked.

"Shh... Come on," Lorelai said.

Footsteps. They were leaving the room. If she was quiet enough, didn't try to turn her side - even her pillow sounded loud right now, and her mother didn't put the coffee machine on right away, she might still hear them, somehow that conversation becoming her prime interest.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Lorelai asked, her voice being just audible through the closed bedroom door.

"Uh, I have a really crappy mattress at home," her father replied.

"Chris," Lorelai said.

"I drove here as fast as I could and I went to the hospital but you guys had already left… so I tried your cell phone but all I got was voice mail," Chris began to explain. "So I came here but the place looked dark, so I got the key out of the turtle and came in but you guys were already asleep so I just grabbed a chair and apparently my evil plan worked exactly as I anticipated," he added, speaking quickly.

Rory had missed his humour. It was nothing like her mother's - it was so much 'less', more understated - but she'd missed it. She missed him. She missed seeing him and her together. She'd even missed just hearing them.

"I'm so glad you're here," Lorelai confessed, and it made Rory feel a little better too. She knew how worried her mother was, despite not really knowing what it felt like to worry about a child, but she was glad her mother had someone to share that with. Even a partially absent co-parent was better than none, right?

"Me too. How's she doing?" Christopher asked.

"She's in a cast," Lorelai said, like it was a huge deal, making Rory roll her eyes alone in her room.

"I know," Christopher replied.

"The doctor said she'll be fine, he'll take it off in a couple of weeks. The car is totally gone and I have to call the insurance guy tomorrow and… I don't know," Lorelai fretted.

"Did you find that kid?" Christopher asked.

Rory suddenly became feisty in her thoughts - she didn't like the way he'd said that. Jess wasn't just some kid. Frankly, anyone her age was a little offended if anyone called him or her a kid, herself included. But more specifically she just wanted her mother to believe her that it hadn't been Jess' fault. It was her car, she'd wanted to go for ice cream too, she'd said they could drive around for a bit before heading back. Hell - she'd probably distracted him too. She knew Jess liked her, even if he had a funny way of showing it, she wasn't that oblivious. It was her fault that she was flattered and enjoyed that different kind of attention compared to Dean who'd recently begun to call her 16 times a day, and made her feel like she was suffocating. She almost thought it was a rightful punishment for her - the fractured wrist - for indulding in that kind of attention that she wasn't supposed to.

"Jess?" Lorelai asked.

"Jess, dead meat, whatever his name is," Christopher said, making Rory even more angry.

Rory contemplated getting up and saying something, but somehow the cast around her arm was weighing her down like an anchor. She didn't want the ache to get worse. But she also didn't want to do anything that would make her dad leave.

"No, the little ferret is hiding out somewhere, I'm sure," Lorelai replied, making Rory cringe even more.

They didn't know him, they didn't know him at all.

"Okay, well, I'm gonna deal with the car tomorrow and I still wanna talk to the doctor, if that's okay," Christopher continued. "And I'm gonna need a picture of this Jess so I don't accidentally rip the head off the wrong kid 'cause that would be bad," he added.

Rory thought this was all so unjust - would it really have been that much better had there been a dead cat? Would it be better if Jess was called cat-murdered around town instead of the guy who crashed into a bench?

"Look at you all springing' into action;" Lorelai said, sounding impressed.

Rory had to admit that had it been another type of situation where she'd been hurt or sick, she'd probably find this behavior endearing. Through all the illnesses she'd had in her life - chickenpox, common colds, the flu, stomach viruses, ear infections…. It was the first time her dad had shown up like this. He'd visited of course, but her mother had always had things covered - and he'd settled for a call. She did now too, but perhaps there was something different about her dad.

"About time, don't ya think?" Christopher admitted his shortcomings. At least he seemed to know that himself. Rory wondered what had changed.

"I like the superhero you," Lorelai said, and Rory could definitely read some hint of flirt in that statement.

"Just trying to keep up," Christopher admitted.

"So, are you staying here tonight or do you have to rush back?" Lorelai asked.

"No, I wanna spend some time with Rory tomorrow," Christopher replied. It meant more Rory than she'd expected. Now if he could just not say anything bad about Jess.

"And Sherry's cool with you staying here?" Lorelai continued.

"Rory comes first," Christopher replied, making Rory seriously consider getting up again and just walking into the kitchen to hug him.

"Okay. Do you want some coffee?" Lorelai asked.

"I'll get it," Christopher responded.

"Do you know how to make coffee?" Lorelai teased.

"Yes, I do," Christopher defended himself.

"My coffee?" she inquired, doubtfully.

"One bag of coffee per cup of water, right?" Christopher teased.

Boy, had Rory missed their banter. They could go at it from nothing, she just wished she'd hear it more often.

"Perfect," Lorelai replied. "Oh my god. When Rory called me tonight and said the word 'hospital', I just legitimately thought I was having a heart attack, and let me tell you, it was not fun," she added. "I'm joining a gym tomorrow, that's how not fun it was," she continued, dramatically.

The image made Rory smile, while she kept staring at her dark bookshelf, listening in.

"See if you can get a two for one membership," Christopher replied.

"Anything could've happened. It could've been so much worse," Lorelai added. Rory didn't need her mother to start thinking worst case scenarios or she'd end up wrapped in a cotton ball. She had - Halloween 1990.

But in a way that was what Rory had been trying to get her mother to see. She was fine. A happy accident.

"But it wasn't," Christopher said.

"No it wasn't, but it could've been," Lorelai replied, making Rory roll her eyes. Her mother was so over dramatic sometimes.

"It wasn't. It's okay, everything's gonna be okay," Christopher assured. Rory could tell from his tone he cared not just about her but her mother too - more than he admitted.

"Hey, about the fight we had the last time you were here…," Lorelai began.

What fight? They'd had a fight? - Rory pondered.

"Oh, yes, that was a doozy, wasn't it?" Christopher responded with a sigh.

"I just, I didn't mean to..," Lorelai said.

Rory sighed in relief - it seemed it wasn't anything serious. She didn't want them to fight.

"No, I shouldn't have…," Christopher replied, the two speaking in half-sentences but clearly knowing exactly what the other meant.

Rory wanted to have someone with whom she had that - sometime in the future.

"N, but if I implied that…," Lorelai continued, picking her words.

"You didn't… I just snapped…," he confessed.

"I understand," Lorelai assured.

"I'm sorry," Christopher said.

"Me too," Lorelai exhaled. "Hey, did I mention I'm really glad you're here?" she added.

"I believe you did," Christopher replied.

"Well, good for me, then," Lorelai shrugged, quietly.

It was the last Rory recalled of that conversation, having probably just drifted off to sleep. It had been comforting to hear their voices, together, at peace.

Every child, a teenager or not, hoped for the happiness of one's parents, right? Even if it was a little unethical to hope that their other relationships failed so they could be together again. Rory could tell that they loved each other, even if it wasn't always straightforward.


October 26th, 2021

The situation was not entirely similar that evening in West Hartford, almost twenty years apart. But it had its parallels.

Em had a sinus infection and was still running a fever - 102°F, but she seemed to be responding to Tylenol well enough. Em had had worse - this time she just wanted to snuggle and be by her mother's side. Rory had given Em her meds, rubbed her chest with Zarbee's, just for comfort, and wrapped her up in her comforter. The doctor had said she'd be fine, expecting the fever to break any day now.

She sat beside her daughter on Em's bed, letting her just lay there watching the Paw Patrol, she'd put on upon her request, finishing up reading some essays. Teacher's homework. She'd been home all day, thankfully teaching at a private school had its perks and she could take her family leave whenever she needed. They had a substitute teacher on staff. It was just keeping up her standards that she had to worry about, hence preparing the work to give to her students herself and giving feedback on what they'd already handed in herself, while her colleague took over her classes for the time being.

It wasn't every time that she was the one to stay at home with Em when she was sick, sometimes Jess did - but as Em preferred to be home, which meant Rory's place, this meant that at times Jess would babysit her there too if she needed to work. It was a little weird - having him around the house like he lived there for those times, but the child's needs came before theirs.

That day Jess had gone to work himself, but he'd been around or at least done a video call every day since Em had gotten sick. He wasn't that good at being around a sick kid, truth be told, always fretting he was doing something wrong - going all out on reading each information sheets on every medicine, being extremely precise on dosage, even if it was measured by spoons or came with rough estimates.

But Rory knew that more than anything it spoke of his love for his daughter. Rory really couldn't dislike him for that, even if it was a little annoying sometimes. By this time in her life - Rory felt fairly relaxed about Em's little colds, just like this one, knowing what to do and what to look out for.

They'd had their nights staying up or sleeping by her side with Em when she had been little, just like Christopher and Lorelai had done for Rory that one time. Taking turns or even both of them guarding her as if worried something might happen while she slept. It was a rare feeling to love the same person with another person so much, to share that. It was one thing she and Jess had over what she had with Logan - they might share more of the past but they had lived less together than she and Jess had. It wasn't about time, but the content.

Rory also knew now what her mother and father had felt when she'd had that car crash - however minute and insignificant it really had been. But she did hope that Em felt that same kind of love, even if Jess wasn't there all the time.

Life was funny that way, wasn't it? That ferret was now a loving father, the recollection making Rory smile as she checked her phone, and replied to another one of Jess' texts where he was asking how Em was.

Rory snapped a picture of the girl, all eyes for the puppies on screen. She was going to be fine - she had a gut feeling.

"She's okay, snuggly," she replied to Jess and sent the picture along.

There had been a bit of radio silence from Logan for a couple of days, but it actually felt like a good thing. Saturday had been very emotional and some distance was good. It was better than him asking more from her than she could offer. Slow was good.

But in that moment, after she had just spent several minutes pondering over how Em felt about her and Jess, the conversation between her mother and father when she'd gotten that cast had freshly popped into her mind. She wondered, whether Em pictured Jess and hre living together again someday and how was she dealing with the fact that her parents weren't together anymore? Would she hate any partner that would come in to her life? She'd liked Logan, Rory could tell - but would she like her as something more? Rory stopped her mind from going there - too soon.

While she had the experience of what it was like being a parent, Logan had those of a marriage, even if not a very conventional one. While she'd been changing diapers, teaching her kid the meaning of 'no' and how to get lost in the world of books, he'd been a team of another sort.

Four years was a long time to be married, wasn't it? - she thought, thinking of Logan. She'd only been with Jess for two, two-and a-half years. Even if the better part of those years had been more or less real, compared to what Logan had told her about his marriage, it was still a lot less.

She wondered whether Logan might need more time to reinvent himself after something like that. Was he really ready for what he was asking for? As with her - and Em, the package deal, it had a danger of getting serious pretty soon.

Taking things slow wasn't going to be easy either, many of their interactions already feeling so organic. All it really took was one slip to be in too deep.

"My offer on the apartment still stands," Rory messaged Logan, adding a link to a few of her apartments which had more vacances and could be cleared easily for him. That was the benefit of having several places - if something happened in one, a burst pipe or some piece of furniture needed replacement, she could just offer guests another place in exchange, maybe add in a discount or a gift card to the deli nearby for their inconvenience.

She liked the idea of having Logan closer - even if she didn't really know how to go about this. They felt too far gone to date in the classical sense. But they were not far enough to skip all of that either. They neeed to learn about each-other - see what had changed that was below the surface. With them there were parts of this she wasn't looking forward to just the same - the hard conversations that they hadn't really ever had. She knew there was hurt on both sides - despite their apologies, some burried deep, their latest relationship having been about anything but serious talking.

But even dating him was going to be a challenge, there were chances of running into someone either of them knew, and they both knew how gossip went around these circles. It'd be just one or two degrees from Jess or Lorelai.

She dreaded telling her mother and Jess about Logan - even about the barely 'nothing' they were now. If she said anything too soon and it wouldn't work, it would be yet another thing she'd have to speak about - she wasn't eager to do that. She wasn't even ready to think that. She couldn't even let her mind go there yet. She also didn't want the pressure of people knowing. People tended to get ahead of themselves. But all that wasn't reason enough to retract her offer.

"This one looks good," Logan replied on one of the links she'd sent over.

The place was thankfully not the one she'd used for hooking up with Seth last week - boy, would that have been weird. Thinking back she just wished she could erase that whole thing from her brain.

The place Logan had picked was a nice place, one of her favourites, in fact. A little on the smaller side, but had fairly recent finishes and a nice view of some greenery. She struggled to really picture Logan living somewhere as simple or small though - his first place in New York was probably bigger if she recalled correctly. The main benefit of this place, however, was that it was a 3 minute drive from her place, a 20 minute walk if that was what one preferred. She wondered whether he'd factored that in.

"Let me know when you want to move in. Once Em is feeling a little better, I could probably swing a personal tour," she added, smiling weakly at that prospect.

Rory almost felt like she should be making the place nicer for him - make it something he was more accustomed to, surely even at Colin's guest room he was used to more luxury than this. Rory knew she didn't need to do anything, he would never ask that from her, as if needing to prove to her that he was fine - but she wanted to. She felt as if Logan was homeless in a way, and in a way he was, and it was her that could offer him a home, even if it wasn't hers..

"Looking forward to that," Logan said. "There's nothing really keeping me here - whenever it is convenient," he added, admitting wordlessly that he'd been giving her some space knowingly.

"This weekend maybe?" Rory suggested, hopefully, already thinking of plans A, B and C for Em depending on how Em felt by then. Surely she could steal a night to herself?

"Sounds good," Logan replied, leaving Rory thinking about a strategic plan to do this. How to hold a pace that was slow and steady, cautious but didn't leave any stones unturned, how to tell her mother, for starters, knowing she needed someone on her side, and how to ease her daughter into considering that her mother might be happier with someone other than her dad - at least eventually. Rory bit her lip again, cautioning herself not to think that far ahead.