Chapter 31
November 5th, 2016
"Mom?" Rory asked, as they sat on those gazebo stairs on the morning of the wedding, having been up all night celebrating the elopement.
"Yeah?" Lorelai asked, already sensing something was up when she'd seen Rory all emotional, hiding behind some random line on how she wanted to remember everything. That had been too un-Rory-like.
"I'm pregnant," Rory exhaled, and expectantly waited for her mother's response.
Her mother's response was everything to her - she couldn't help it. She'd been the first person to call when Logan's family had treated her like crap - hell, she'd still been on the phone when Logan had showed back up again along with apologies.
Lorelai hadn't been the first person she'd spoken to when she broke up with Logan after Honor's wedding, but a pretty close third, practicalities having taken priority that drunk night. But she'd still been waiting for that 'I told you so' that never came. Lorelai had more tact than that, but Rory could sense it was just on the tip of her tongue. It had felt even worse when she'd told her mother that she could cross out that new address again and that they were back together. She'd even lied a little about the details of the bridesmaid's incident to her to ease Lorelai's fury on Logan in the future.
It had also been her mother's eyes she'd looked for in the crowd when Logan had popped the question in the wrong place at the wrong time. She'd been the one she'd begged to tell her what to do about said proposal. She'd also been the one to whom she'd ranted about being an awful person to, years later, the rant covering her one night stand, mistreating Paul, and sleeping with a very engaged Logan.
She expected Lorelai to ask or even just jump into the conclusions on the dad, she expected some judgement at least for not being more careful… Birth control was always something she was taught to be so careful with. She expected everything and anything.
"Wow, kid - I think… I think that's great," Lorelai breathed out, saying none of what Rory had expected, but wrapped her in her arms and held. Just like that.
"You think it's great?" Rory stared at her, after the warm embrace broke. "What? No 20 questions?" Rory asked in disbelief.
"Not today," Lorelai replied, patting her shoulder. She had that look that she could guess the circumstances already, almost like she knew that if it was anything else she'd already told her.
But it did feel like a relief.
They did talk about it in more detail later on - Rory actually then saying out loud that the baby was Logan's and that she wanted to keep her if she could. But still with a sensitive topic like this the feared lecture had never come. Rory was able to do her own internal lecture by now.
October 29th, 2021
Somehow, though, telling Lorelai about even considering trying something with Logan again, felt even more dreadful than that time. It was almost like admitting failure to move on, getting sucked back into that world even if the world wasn't the same as it had been, being like a weak addict to succumb to her drug of choice.
Rory tried to be strategic about this and she had a fully prepared dinner waiting for Lorelai and Luke to arrive for Friday night dinner. The plan was to feed her well and then tell her. Better than telling something like that on an empty stomach certainly.
Em had been home all week, and so had Rory - except for some paperwork, hence she actually had had the time to cook. Not that Rory was ever the person to do things from scratch. The trashcan full of packages was a prime example of that, having bought things precooked and pre-chopped when possible.
But there were bourbon and pepper infused beef sirloin strips, potatoes and carrots in the Dutch oven already ready on the kitchen counter, something she'd learned from Luke, already smelling delishious. A small cole slaw salad tossed together from a ready made sauce and chopped vegetables, and a plate full of chocolate chip cookies already in the oven. The dinner table already had appetizers on it - spring rolls, taco chips and guacamole, along with lamb samosas which were leftovers from yesterday. Thankfully Em liked Indian food too.
"She's going to tell something's up," Rory muttered to herself as she glanced over the spread of food, Em being out of earshot reading one of her books in her armchair.
The only thing really to do was to put another bottle of wine in the fridge.
While she did that, Lorelai and Luke had already let themselves in - they had a key and were allowed to use it freely. They were just finishing greeting Em as she emerged from the kitchen, quickly disposing off the apron she'd been wearing. That Lorelai would've made a whole bit about.
"Hey," Rory greeted them, desperately trying to hide her nerves.
"Wow, is that...?" Luke already smelled the bourbon infused beef, and went ahead to cast a look into the kitchen.
"Really gone all out for us, haven't you," Lorelai commented, hanging up her fall coat.
"Oh well - I'm going a bit crazy here all week - needed to do something," Rory fibbed, and began by pouring Lorelai a glass of Larkmead Cabernet Sauvignon, one of her own personal favourites, and a half a glass for herself to start with.
"Em, can you come help me with the plates?" Luke called for Em, already taking the reins in the kitchen.
Em was almost better - no more fever at least, and Jess was thankfully going to take her to Stars Hollow tomorrow to stay overnight. And while she was not about to have Em do sports, or play Just Dance like she kept asking, Em was also eager to do things around the house to keep busy. Believe it or not, but even cartoons seemed to grow old after several days in bed.
Rory didn't have a lot to talk about that week, except for the one conversation that she was delaying until Lorelai and her could talk privately, having been home all week, so she mostly just let Lorelai and Luke talk.
Kirk and Lulu had had their baby, Taylor was talking about retiring, and with Ms. Patty, already retired, had sold her dance school building to the highest bidder, not making neither Taylor or Luke very happy as it was likely they were going to build something big and ugly on the lot instead. Neither of them liked changes.
The Inn Annex was fully booked this time of year, Lorelai just struggled to keep up with the pool area which needed constant fixes of something. It was difficult to find good staff, for both of them.
April was apparently coming to visit for Thanksgiving and bringing her girlfriend, a doctor, which left everyone at least a little impressed.
Doula hung out more nad more at Jess' bookstore and Liz was apparently worried she might turn into someone like Jess had been in his teens. It did make everyone at the table who had known Jess during those times wonder whether there was something about Liz's parenting that cause that. But so far Doula just seemed to be dressing according to the role - you know, dark with a hint of goth or punk-rock - who knew which, and nobody really dared to ask. Rory really didn't care about Doulas wardrobe choises unless she stayed off drugs and other similar things while she babysat Em sometimes, but she was fairly certain Jess had things covered even if Liz didn't know about it.
All-in all, while some of this was news, none of it was truly surprising.
Luke was a wonderful grandfather figure to Em and Rory felt truly thankful for having someone like that in their life, as Jimmy, Jess' dad, really wasn't going to entertain Em the way Luke did. And since Lorelai was insisting on a circus theme for Halloween, which was in two days, Luke had been practicing some magic tricks. Even though they weren't perfect, Em seemed to be enjoying them as the two hung out in the living room after dinner, Pets 2 playing in the background.
Lorelai kept talking about one of the new maids at the Inn that apparently was the spitting image of Shailene Woodley, but Rory wasn't really able to engage fully - another more pressing topic filling her mind.
"So, any plans for this weekend? I'm sure you're dying to get out of here," Lorelai asked, probably having sensed Rory's mind being elsewhere. "Any word from Seth?" she mouthed quietly, speaking quickly without giving her a chance to reply.
"No, no Seth - I think I won't hear from him again, actually. But I'll live," Rory shrugged, feeling actually relieved that she hadn't heard from him.
But the way Rory was fidgeting with the napkin in her hand, Lorelai could tell something was up.
"I saw Logan," Rory admitted, it being the first she'd talked to Lorelai about him at all in a long time. The only brief mentioning had been Mitchum's death almost a month ago. All Lorelai knew was that she'd been to Boston with Em to see Christopher.
"Oh..," Lorelai exhaled.
"A few times now, actually," she admitted and took a deep breath. "I told him," she confessed.
"You okay?" Lorelai asked, topping off Rory's wine glass without asking.
"Yeah, it was good... hard, but good," Rory explained with a deep sigh, not wanting to go into those details.
"Good," Lorelai replied, staying cautious.
"And I think…," Rory began, hesitating like those moments before ripping off a really big bandaid. "I think I want to… by taking things really-really slow, give him another chance… maybe?" she added, still sounding unsure. She actually wasn't hesitant about seeing him again, but she was hesitant about this discussion and how much she should disclose. Her mind had jumped way ahead in this game already, despite cautioning herself several times. That was what happened if one had too much time to think around the house.
"Oh..," Lorelai responded, really having not expected that.
"He's divorced. Since spring," she felt she needed to add, and took a large sip of wine.
"He's still really deep under your skin, isn't he?" Lorelai asked.
"I wouldn't say that… he's not luring me into this, but I do think there's just so much unsaid, unfinished there...," she admitted.
The thought that she must be pretty deep under Logan's skin too, if she put it like that, made her feel warm inside, having not really thought of his side this much until now. It was flattering, wasn't it? He still wanted her after all these years, with her glasses and wrinkles... It was only then it hit Rory that there were other parts of her that Logan really didn't know about - she'd had a baby in the meanwhile. There were strechmarks and a few scars from the hemmorage she'd had after delivery - all these things making her more nervous. Again she was getting ahead of herself.
"I know it won't be easy overcoming all of that, and I know… how hard it can be…," she began defending this, but decided to just not to. She was 37 years old - she didn't need to defend her actions to her mother. Not really.
"I just don't want to see you hurt, you know that," Lorelai said, soothingly.
Rory felt relieved, still expecting some comment to drop from her lips. But there was nothing.
"I know," Rory replied.
While she feared getting hurt too, somehow with Logan she actually had the benefit of knowing how much it could hurt if things ended badly. She knew she'd survived that before, two times at least.
Could one get used to something like that so it seemed less daunting?
What she feared now was something different though - if it didn't work, it would be for different reasons this time instead of the external factors or wrong timing. It would probably be because of the inability to incorporate him into her present day, package deal, life or of simply having become incompatible, too different, people, who were just living in their past shadows. If this didn't work - it would be time to accept that they were unable to communicate properly, incompatible and that would be that. It really would be the last time, wouldn't it?
"So you're going to see him tomorrow?" Lorelai asked.
"He's moving into one of my apartments actually, the one on N Main. I'm just going to make him welcome, have dinner maybe," Rory replied, realizing her not ideal choice of words. She could already hear her mother's mind running amok with that one.
"Uh-uh," Lorelai mastered, keeping her naughtiness to herself.
