Chapter 31

October 30th, 2021

Rory and Em stepped out of their house, Em wrapped up a little warmer than normal, just in case, five minutes after Jess had called that he was outside. These lines had taken a while to sink in - he could babysit Em at Rory's place if necessary, but he did not have privileges to just step in with the key that he had whenever he wanted. That was for emergencies only.

"Morning," Jess greeted the two, giving Em a quick kiss.

"Hi," Rory replied.

"You're sure up and about early this morning," Jess noted, giving Rory a quick glance from head to toe, and helped Em to her carseat.

She wasn't dressed as one might dress for a dinner date, but there was a notable effort made - black, tight-fitting, jeans that showed off her delicate ankles, instead of her mom-jeans, a sleeveless V-neck chifon top underneath her favourite bomber jacket.

Rory didn't really get the fashion these days, and she really wasn't around trendy people much these days either. Chilton having an uniform did that, so she was stuck somewhere on the pre-Em fashion, but it seemed to be universal enough to work even now.

"Just going shopping," Rory replied, casually - she didn't really even have to lie, technically it was the truth.

She gave Em a kiss in goodbye.

"Uh-uh," Jess replied, and Rory was pretty sure he suspected it was more than that. "See you tomorrow," he added with a humble smirk, and walked around to the driver's side.

Now that she wasn't feeling as threatened by Jess' interest in her, like she might succumb to him if he pushed the righ buttons long enough, his appreciation actually left her feeling pretty good about herself. She knew it wouldn't be easy - there were bound to be bumps on the road, but she truly hoped that Jess would come around and finally accept that they weren't going to work. She wanted him to know she was dating, but hoped to ease him into the person's identity at a later time.

Em was resilient, and perhaps it helped that she didn't remember much of the time when they had actually lived together. They'd also made the adjustment a slow one - Jess first just living at home with them but sleeping on the couch or travelling a lot, spending less and less time in the house and mostly spending his time with Em elsewhere. The odds of Em adjusting to other changes ought to be good, in theory at least. Rory had spent several hours this past week thinking about these things.

Rory waved them off, and then got to her car herself. She was going shopping, just not primarily for groceries like she usually did on Saturdays.

It really was a ridiculously short distance to go by car, but she knew she'd have plenty of stuff to haul. She couldn't just let Logan live in a place that hundreds had stayed in without sprucing the place up a bit first.

Usually it was the type of thing she just asked her property manager to handle, but this time it was kind of fun too, it was more personal too.

She parked on Memorial, having several options right there. She got a few decent pillows from Crate Barrel, new stone-washed linen bed sheets and duvet cover sets in dark grey and navy, towels, and some bathroom accessories. With the holidays approaching she even got a faux fur ombre throw from West Elm for the cognac leather couch she already had at the apartment, feeling it needed to become less like a waiting room couch and more like something cozy. She got a large vase with some dried foxtails and a few more decorative items like a bowl for keys, a cordless phone charger and a few decorative mirrors. She realized she was probably overdoing this when she emerged from West Elm with both a dark ceramic table lamp and an overarching floor lamp. On her defence - both had been on sale.

The place was definitely not bare before - but now just the cheapest, most decent looking Ikea and Target stuff just didn't seem like enough.

As the last step she stopped by Whole Foods stocking up on the items she'd once known to be Logan's favourites. Some things took some recalling and didn't come as easily.

What was that cheese he liked? Truffle gouda? Three or six month old Manchego?

But mostly she just stuck to the basics - some good coffee, milk, popcorn, some fruit and vegetables, recalling his love for cooking, a few wines, some beverages, bread, rice and pasta. Spices - she mustn't forget spices - she noted, as she moved up and down the lanes. She picket up a few Halloween decorations even - a few decorative pumpkins, one of them already carved into a grin, wanting to add something fun.

Shopping was a real workout, and now she wished she'd done the shopping before she'd changed into the outfit she'd spent way too much time choosing, wanting it to be both hot and casual. She threw a pack of deodorant wipes into the cart, not wanting to meet Logan smelling like she'd just ran a marathon.

Rory hadn't, however, realized how much stuff she'd hauled together until she actually stood in the parking lot of the apartment building, running a little late, having hoped to be there early enough to set everything up by herself. She sighed as she comprehended it was going to make at least four-five trips to bring all of this inside.

"Need any help there?" a familiar voice asked from behind her.

Rory turned and smiled, already expecting a smug smirk.

Yup, there it was.

They hugged in greeting.

"You're early," she noted, tilting her head, scolding him playfully. She'd wanted this to be a surprise.

Logan looked handsom as ever, having trimmed his beard a little.

"Just thought I'd take a little walk around the neighbourhood, check out where the best coffee was," Logan replied, handing Rory a coffee cup.

"I should probably tell you that I'm actually not that big of a coffee addict anymore...," Rory said, raising the corner of her mouth, and took a sip anyway.

"Sorry, habit" Logan replied, smilingly.

"But I might turn into one again if you keep this up," she replied, in a friendly tone. She didn't mind, frankly it made her a little nostalgic. But she continued to explain to Logan how while being pregnant and nursing Em she'd gotten used to her one cup a day. Sure, on most days now she had maybe two, sometimes three cups, but she no longer attempted to keep up with her mother like she used to.

Logan inquired about Em's health, which Rory appreciated.

Without a comment about the stuff in the car, Logan followed Rory's lead in carrying the stuff inside. Thankfully it was only a second story walk-up.

It was not until they were inside, he said, "You really shouldn't have gotten through so much trouble with all of this," seeing that the place was in no way empty.

The place was simple - one bedroom, a fair-sized livingroom with a desk and a corner sofa as the main items in the room. The kitchen was adjecent to the the livingroom, all rooms looking out over tree canopies through large floor to ceiling dark gridden windows. The tonality was mostly light, making it indeed rather impersonal, but the darker masculine kitchen added at least some character.

"I know I went a little overboard, but it was kind of fun," Rory admitted. "And besides, once you move away I can just charge more for this one," she said, only believing that to be partially true. People generally didn't care much about pricier bed sheets or home accessories - it was all down to location, cleanliness, the easy check-in and communication.

They returned downstairs for another trip of things, and Logan brought also his suitcase, just a simple hardcase, and a sleek Thule duffel bag.

"That's all of your stuff!?" Rory asked.

If that was the case she'd perhaps underestimated how much he had in fact given up. This was a man that was definitely used to traveling with just his hand luggage and that he had done before, but whenever he'd moved, he usually had at least four-five guys carrying his boxes for hours. The book collection he'd had, had been amazing on its own, but there had been awards, art, antiques, tech, a couple of collector guitars that he'd even learned to play a little, wine and whiskey collection, carefully selected whiskey stones… not that a lot of these were vital for his existence, but still - they'd all been a part of the image Rory had of him.

"Most of it," Logan confessed. "I have a few boxes at Honor's too, but that's mostly books," he added, continuing to explain that he'd kept a lot of the first editions. Those he hadn't even bothered to move to London with him.

Rory knew well what it was like to live with things in boxes at other people's places.

"Well if you want, you could bring them here, I'm happy to get you a bookshelf if you want," Rory offered.

"You've done plenty, Ace - thank you," he said, adjusting the table lamp Rory had gotten, which was a sample item and therefore unpacked, higher on his hip and rolled his suitcase inside after him with the duffel on top of it.

Rory let him walk inside ahead of her this time, taking a deep breath before she picked up the last few things from the trunk.

Was she the one being shallow this time, thinking Logan was somehow defined by the things he owned or the things she'd felt like he needed and had just bought?

"It didn't look like this much stuff in the store," Rory said as she glanced around the 680 square feet of space that now seemed to have boxes and tote bags on every surface imaginable, and took a sip of the coffee that had cooled a little by now.

Logan had already taken the bags of groceries into the kitchen, and Rory could tell he was amused by some of the things she'd picked out for him. It seemed she'd apparently chosen at least a few things right.

Not to linger awkwardly Rory began to unpack the rest of the stuff, and made separate piles for trash, which was mostly the packaging, and things going for donation.

"What can I do?" Logan asked, having finished in the kitchen nook, the small, under the counter, refrigerator now being full to the brim.

"I was thinking that lamp could go by the couch and the table lamp the bedroom maybe - there's one there now but this one is nicer," Rory instructed, now beginning to feel slightly apologetic about the excessiveness of this. It wasn't her home, she wasn't going to live in here but he was - they weren't even together, this was not their place - she had to keep reminding herself that. Slow and steady, right?

It was a good thing the place already had some former lamps actually, because naturally Rory had forgotten to get a bulb for one of the new lamps. But now thankfully they could just use the one from the old lamp.

They finished in the bedroom - making Logan's bed together, even after he'd repeatedly mumbled that he can do that himself. Sure, Rory knew he could, but it had been a little hard for her to picture him doing that until now - she hadn't seen him do things like that since he'd lived in a dorm room, always having maids to handle things like that later on.

Rory was just gathering up the last few packages and shoving them into the large garbage bag by the exit, when Logan approached her.

"This meant to give me a hint or something?" Logan asked in a friendly tone, as he held up the package of deodorant wipes, having guessed that it wasn't actually supposed to be amongst his groceries. Lavender wasn't really his thing.

Rory turned blotchy red in her face at that moment, and took the package for his hands, only now remembering that she must smell even worse by now, feeling her skin glisten after all this physical activity. She just made a face, something in between embarrassment and laughing at her own expense. But it was just that little something that reminded her of how intimate they'd once been - this type of thing really hadn't shaken them for years but now there was that added distance there again.

"Don't worry - we're all human here," Logan calmed her, with a light chuckle, simply finding her adorable like that. He continued to unpack some of his own things, not wanting to rub it in. But Rory could tell he would've liked to add something more - he didn't have to, Rory could imagine it. Something along the lines of how they'd once tested what a whole night of hot sweaty sex smelled like on each-other's skin.

"That's all of it, I think," Rory said, after a moment, the blush having disappeared from her face, pulling on the drawstring on the garbage bag to close it.

"It's too much," Logan began, looking around, still feeling like he needed to say something, running his palm over the back of his neck.

"Then let it be too much. Your first apartment was too much for me... But this is to show that I'm happy to have you around," Rory decided to be up front. Even just as they were, as friends with history and a promise of a future, his presence made her ridiculously happy already. Naturally that feeling wasn't present without some nervous anticipation and fears, but it was also about just having a friend she'd known for a really long time, a friend she'd known really well, come back to her life.

"Okay," he exhaled, knowing how to pick his battles.

"But lunch is on me, okay?" Logan insisted, glancing at the time briefly.

"There's a small eatery two buildings South," Rory said. "I'll feel like I'm cheating on Luke's a bit if we go there, but they're pretty good," she added.

This place was located just off the main streets, despite being on N Main street, so it was mostly people who actually lived or worked there who went there, not the typical weekend crowd that usually stuck to the main shopping streets. Hence it felt safe enough to go, not just for Logan but for her too - if the aim was to not have too many people talking about them before there was anything real to talk about so Jess wouldn't find out before she had something to tell her. Again she scolded herself for thinking that far ahead.

After some roast turkey sandwiches, they walked back, casually talking about his business some more, about what Logan had been up to during the week and about Colin's daughter, Rory having not met her yet. She had a few things to comment on based on her own experiences, like what Em had been like when she'd been two, what quirks she'd had like not liking anything with ketchup, simply refusing to taste it, which had been quite a challenge for the household.

Logan simply listened, taking in that part of her life which was still foreing to him.

As they reached Rory's car there was a moment of awkwardness - should she just leave and let him unpack in peace. It felt natural to just head back upstairs, even if it was just to hang out, but he hadn't actually proposed that. And technically the essentially tour of the apartment was already done, the place was cleared of trash and most of the donation things taken to her car earlier. This was his place now, even if she technically owned it.

"Do you have plans?" Logan asked, making Rory sigh of relief.

Rory shook her head, humbly, feeling a slight blush rise to her cheeks again.

"Well - what do you want to do?" Logan asked. It wasn't really much like him to not have a plan, but perhaps this was a bit like being in uncharted waters for him too. Normal dating strategies didn't really apply with them.

"I'm a little tired, so maybe not go anywhere?" Rory suggested, deciding she didn't need to lie about this type of thing. She was a bit of a homebody, and Logan must've known that by now.

"Is that your way just to get me to ask you to come upstairs with me?" Logan asked, definitely in a tone one usually might have used after a successful dinner date.

Rory shot him a look that was equal to a shoulder punch, at the same time enjoying and disapproving his flirtiness. This was hard enough.

"Feels like home already," Logan said, appreciatively, as they made it upstairs.

"Good, because that was what I was going for," Rory replied, and excused herself to the bathroom, bringing also the deodorant wipes. It was not that she planned on this getting more physical, but she just wanted to feel a little bit more confident about herself.

After a quick pep-talk to herself in the mirror, she emerged, ready to tackle some more difficult issues.

Logan had opened up his laptop but only to put on some music. Rory recognized the band singing in German, it was not what she'd expected, but it was definitely creating some mood music - smooth, calm, nothing too energetic or distracting.

"It's a band called Oehl," Logan explained. "I met one of these guys in Thailand, Ari was good company to have around for a few weeks," he added.

"I don't know what they're saying, but they sound good..," she added, and took a seat next to her.

After a few more minutes of talking about Thailand, Rory pulled out a piece of paper that she had folded into four, having had it tucked into her back pocket the entire time.

"What's that?" Logan asked, curiously.

"A list," Rory replied, feeling a little tongue tied.

Logan replied with a smile that spoke of recognition, and Rory could almost hear him thinking - of course she has a list!

"Look, can I just show you something?" Rory began. "I don't want to just spoil rest of the day by bringing this up, but I feel I should," she continued. This was her way of being strategic about this.

Logan nodded supportively, curious what this was about.

"I had a lot of time around the house this week, and I just started to think of things we should resolve… sort of leave no rock unturned kind of thing, so basically these are things we should probably discuss in the near future and just put behind us. Some of these might be a little painful maybe, but the good news I guess is that most of the really heavy stuff we've begun to resolve already," she added, as she observed him. She still wasn't sure what his thoughts were on the miscarriage were exactly - she just knew he didn't hate her for it.

"Naturally, we don't have to do them all today… just it's something my therapist once told me to do with my own things, and it did work. Crossing things off this type of lists leaves a good feeling, kind of… and the way it worked with my crap was that I made a deal with myself that I could treat myself to something I liked or wanted once I done them. I know it's childish I guess, but I don't know… maybe that's something you'd be willing to try with me," Rory spoke, seriously but at the same time hopefully.

There was a lot Logan didn't know about everything she'd been through. For example, the fact that she'd seen a therapist between then and now.

Rory handed him the list hesitantly. "It's just the things that I could think of - you can add things, or maybe if something is irrelevant, we can just cross it off," she added, not wanting this to turn into something he was reluctant towards.

Logan took his time to read through it.

The list contained a checklist for things to discuss. Amongst them were topics going back as far as the proposal and a little before that, which certainly made Logan a little sick to his stomach. He didn't like to think about it. Not once had either brought that up when they'd gotten reacquainted. There was 'Vegas' which Logan could assume meant both of their reasons for that and just that, which was probably the root of many of their problems. Other discussion topics were marked by keywords such as exes, time in between, expectations, agreements. There was also a list of things to do - emotional check-ins, make wishlists, trust exercises, just to examplify.

The presence of the latter stung Logan a little - did she not trust him?

"What do you think?" Rory asked, her voice sounding worried. Maybe this was too much for him?

"Yes, I'll do it - I told you. Anything," he assured, not looking as cheerful as he had before though, but it was just so easy to forget their mess while being around her and it was a sharp contrast.

"I was actually going to suggest we might go to therapy. I got the name of a therapist Honor used with Josh a few years ago," Logan said, surprising Rory, but made it even more clear to her that he was serious about this.