Chapter 43

November 6th, 2021

Rory and Logan walked down the walkway up to Rory's front door, Rory's fingers tangling from his palm. It was peaceful, serene almost.

They both felt at ease, like something heavy had begun to unravel. Some very heavy topics had been… well - not solved. They couldn't be solved. But the veil of silence was lifted and there was now the willingness to make sure the other understood. If anything both of them had been scared. And in some twisted way it had been self-sacrificing behavior as well, neither wanting to ask for what they really wanted, neither daring to cross a line that wasn't meant to be crossed. Self sacrifice that not only hurt oneself but also, unknowingly, the other. It was sad, regretful - but the past couldn't be helped.

During the drive over, neither hadn't thought about how things could've been different, their regrets or how stupid they'd been, but how relieved they felt knowing that they'd been loved already then, that they had been loved even from afar. They'd even shared that thought with one and other.

"You want anything?" Rory asked Logan, as she pushed the door closed behind him and locked it, speaking up about anything after several minutes, the lighting in her living room having jolted her out of a cloud of fog.

She removed her jacket and Logan followed her lead. Even Logan felt fairly at home in this house already, though just the first floor so far - anywhere around Rory felt like home.

"Yes," Logan replied, and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close, his fingertips pressing into the fabric of her dress. He stretched out his neck, and kissed her fiercely, answering her question.

"Good answer," she replied, barely breaking the kiss.

Rory grazed his nose with hers, simply letting the moment linger.

"You think we're ready for this?" Rory asked, the meaning of this being self explanatory to both of them. They'd never waited this long to sleep together, perhaps excluding the very beginning. After each of their fights, their breakups, them simply being apart, slipping back into the role of lovers had come as easily as breathing.

Logan smiled and chuckled, his hand brushing through her hair, admiring her.

But it was surprisingly difficult for Logan to think of the right thing to say.

"You're hesitating!" Rory said, calling him out on it.

"I am not," Logan objected, laughingly. "I am just thinking of the right thing to say...," Logan explained.

"You need to think quickly on your feet," Rory said, wiggling out of his grasp, teasingly. For a moment the mood became lighter, less serious. "But for real, I really need to pee," she excused herself, almost bumping into the door frame in her giddiness.

Rory was nervous just from the prospect of what the night could be.

Logan chuckled, and watched Rory disappear down the hall.

That certainly bought him time to think, but he could swear - his mind had never had been as blank as now. He'd used most of his lines on her already, he'd even tested the bad lines on her and she'd humoured him. But he just really wanted this to be different. Respectful, deep, not just about the release which was no-doubt tempting.

While he knew it was a bit of a cliche - he resorted to music this time, and with a quick move connected his phone to her sound system. He swiftly generated a playlist based on the song 'Midnight' by Paper Planes, and pressed play the moment Rory emerged.

"Uh-uh," Rory murmured, as she stepped closer to him, wanting to feel close to him again. At the very least she wasn't eager for the night to end. "Still short of words, I see?" she asked playfully, but appreciated the music selection.

"Uh-uh," Logan replied. "I wouldn't want to say the wrong thing," he admitted.

"What would some of those wrong things be?" she asked, seductively, already taking his hand and leading him upstairs.

Before he had a chance to reply, however, she paused to kiss him at the top of the stairs. To her, taking someone to her bedroom, meant more than Logan probably realized at that point.

The kiss was a lengthy one, Rory leaning decisively against him and him against the wall. Tongues swirled, gaining courage, just like their hands were.

"That I can't wait to feel you again," Logan murmured between kisses.

"What?" Rory asked, feeling confused, before she realized it had been an answer to her earlier question. She shook her head dismissing her question, smiling through it. She kissed him again, her hands rediscovering his body, climbing slowly underneath the back of his sweater. His skin felt hot and inviting.

"That I am ready if you are..," Logan added, it having been one of the nearly dozen things he'd considered saying.

It was Logan who kissed her this time with more intensity, wanting to test her reaction. It was a hasty one, tongues swirling and hungry for more.

"I'm ready...," she breathed out, and pressed her hips against his rapidly growing bulge.

She led him onwards to her bedroom a few doors down the hall, stopping to kiss against the the wall a few more times. She didn't dare to switch on the light in the room, worried she might disappoint. Wanting to ease herself into being nude with him again.

"I almost wish I'd taken a shower first," she fretted, worrying unnecessarily.

As they made it to her room, Logan tasted her neck next, not minding one bit the slight saltiness of her skin. Her perfume was still the same and her scent filled his nostrils, driving him mad with want.

"I don't care Rory..," Logan exhaled, though his kisses. "I love how you smell, how you taste..," he said, nudging her core with his thigh that pressed between her legs, having driven her dress up to her hips, to show what he meant.

Rory gasped at his touch, all her senses being heightened. God, how she wanted him. She felt like her stomach being swarmed by a kaleidoscope of butterflies.

She could barely make out the sound of her phone downstairs. But the unfortunate ringtone was the one she knew not to ignore.

"Fuck," she said, breaking the kiss, breating heavily, her cheeks flustered.

"Let it ring," he suggested, somewhat naively.

"It's Jess. I have to…" she said, and reluctantly pulled away. She cast an apologetic glance at him, looking back, and made her way down the stairs to pick up. It could be about Em. She had to.

Logan sank down on her bed, exhaling deeply. He didn't feel mad, he felt stupid for having suggested to let it ring. Of course she couldn't let it ring. These were the things he wasn't used to considering, almost expecting the worst thing a call could be about to be work. He'd never had anyone else to consider besides himself, not really.

"Jess?" Rory picked up, and Logan could vaguely hear her through the open door.

"She wanted to say good night to you," Jess said, plainly. "She napped in the car today, that's why the late bedtime," he added as an explanation and sighed. The time was approaching 10 PM, not terribly late, but late for Em's bed time.

"Okay," Rory exhaled, hoping her frustration concerning his poor timing wouldn't show in her voice. At least he was speaking to her, at least he was speaking to her when Em needed him to.

Rory spoke the next couple of minutes to Em, who sounded wide awake and wanted to tell her all about the fun day she'd had with Jess in Springfield, having gone for a little outing with him.

"Sweet dreams, sweetie," Rory exhaled after a few minutes, and hung up, not expecting any further interaction with Jess. She'd in the meanwhile casually unzipped and removed her boots, wanting to relax.

It was safe to say some of the mood had been killed by the phone call.

She sighed. She didn't even suspect Jess calling her this late on purpose - if Em was still up, it made sense. It wouldn't have been the first time. Though his timing had indeed been an utter disaster.

But in a way she felt relieved too - she hadn't been this nervous to sleep with Logan ever, truth be told. No matter what he said, how much he reminded her of the times he hadn't cared about this or that. She was still the one that pushed a 6.5 lb baby out through her vagina, no matter the kegel exercises. Sure - no man had ever complained, but it was still a source of hesitance - even four years later.

Rory could tell Logan was eager, excited - that was a part of who Logan was. She doubted that had changed and the past ten minutes certainly hadn't proved otherwise. Logan was bound to compare, and she was afraid she wouldn't live up to the expectations.

But would it be enough for her to chicken out? Their interruption was indeed providing a convenient excuse.

She made her way up the stairs, worrying how he'd taken the interruption. She found Logan sitting on her bed, looking a little defeated. One of the table lamps had been turned on in the meanwhile, which had allowed Logan a moment to study her room a little. It was a part of her after all.

"Sorry about that," Rory apologized, and stepped close, while he remained seated. She caressed his hair and neck, as his arms went around her hips, simply hugging her.

"It's okay," Logan said, looking up at her.

Rory sat down next to him, one leg tucked under her other leg.

"She couldn't sleep. It happens sometimes," Rory excused.

"I said, it's fine - sure, I liked the prospect of where that was going but I am not going anywhere unless you tell me to leave. I am happy to just talk, sleep…" Logan assured, a hint of his cockiness shining through his choice of words. But really - having waited this long - what was a little more?

"I meant it... You can stay, I want you to," Rory assured, having made clear earlier she was inviting him over for the night.

"No pressure, really," he added, beginning to feel her hesitation now. He really didn't want to persuade her into this if she wasn't there yet. It needed to be organic. "Go take that shower you wanted, maybe I'll have one too..., we'll relax.., pick a movie if you want," Logan said, fluctuating between wanting to say something naughty like 'maybe we could take a shower together' and suggesting something close to what roommates might do, just trying to read her.

Rory thanked him with a kiss. It was soft and gentle, but added a little bit of tongue - like a promise. Just one that was still withheld enough to not give him the impression she'd reconsidered. She didn't know what she wanted - well, yes, she wanted to be with the man in front of her, but she needed the nervousness to subside.

Rory made her way to the shower, not even closing the door all the way, having a lengthy mental debate over whether she should or not, or whether he'd take it as an invitation. She almost wished he did - she just needed to get this first time over with. She knew it sounded bad. She wanted to just transform into her former self, like that first time in Hamburg, in London… not sooner though as it was only then when she'd for the first time really felt like she knew what she was doing with him outside their college relationship which while good, had been vanilla and a little predictable, Rory still being a little hesitant back then. She'd had the bravery a woman in late 20s by then, having enough sexual experience to know what she liked and how to achieve that, enough courage to show what she wanted and not accept just whatever was given. But there really had never been any need for that with Logan, had there?

She took deep breaths as the wam water washed over her, loosening the ball of nerves in her stomach a little. He was here and he wasn't going anywhere - she kept repeating to herself.

She was relieved to find that she'd left some lingerie she'd hand washed a few days ago, to hang dry in her bathroom. It was brand new, just another thing she'd bought recently with Logan in mind. Just wanting to wear something new, just like they were in a way, she put on the simple, lacy bralette and its matching burgundy panties. She wasn't as confident just to step out of here wearing them, however, not quite sure where his mind was now… and pulled on her simple bamboo robe to cover up.

Logan had indeed made himself a little more comfortable - he certainly wasn't the guy whom one needed to tell twice to feel at home, especially around her and vice versa. Logan had toed off his shoes and pulled off his fine knit sweater, leaving him in a simple slim-fit t-shirt, and he was leaning against the headboard already perusing through her bedtime reading of Anthony Doerr's 'Cloud Cuckoo Land' and Maggie Shipstead's 'Great Circle'.

"It's pretty good," she recommended in passing about the latter, now feeling self conscious about having put on that robe, at least for having put it on as tightly as if hiding herself. She didn't want him to think that having a kid had just made her a prude either. She turned to her dresser and brushed her hair, at the same time adjusting her robe just a little so that it'd show some cleavage at least.

"I've actually read it. I liked it too," Logan replied.

Of course he had - it was published under the HPG - Rory realized.

They exchanged a few more comments on the book, neither paying really much attention, the awkwardness lingering.

"Do you mind if I?" he asked, gesturing towards the bathroom. "I could do with a shower as well to be honest," he added, surprising her.

Was it just her or did he seem nervous too now?

It was certainly not that she minded, but she did wonder whether her insecurities were causing him to doubt himself as well. But please - the guy looked and smelled as good or perhaps even better with a hint of musk.

For a moment Rory's mind wandered to one of their past after-sex cuddling sessions, both sticky and smelly, goofing around like young dogs in heat, before jolting out of her trail of thought. It didn't make sense to be insecrure, did it?

"If you want a towel, there should be clean ones on the top shelf," Rory added, already feeling a slight blush on her cheeks. She wondered whether he noticed.

She heard him turn on the shower and knowing that Logan generally wasn't one to linger in the shower unless he had company, she realized this really was the moment of truth.

Robe or no robe?

She took it off, and then pulled it on again, trying a number of intermediate options with the robe hanging open up front. But as she heard the shower turn off, she realized she was running quickly out of time to decide.

She couldn't go back to being that little shy Ace that he'd once met, could she?

And with a deep tactical breath for courage she threw the robe onto her ottoman and tried to take a sensual, but not comically so, position on the bed. She realized that they probably weren't just going to hop into bed and do it, despite her alluring outfit or position, but she wanted him to see her intention. That she hadn't postponed that thought into the distant future. Whether or not it'd be hours of pillow talk before that, a movie - not that she craved one - she didn't want that sexual tension, she'd felt before, to dissappear.

The smirk on Logan's face when he emerged, spoke volumes, practically eating her up. Rory blushed, and her eyes kept glancing down and up as if not daring to quite look at his eyes directly.

"Now I feel underdressed," Logan replied, with an appreciative smile.


AN: I am so sorry for leaving you hanging at this particular moment, but it was either this or nothing today. Busy work day :)