Author notes: I don't own Evangelion (yet). WARNING. Angst ahead! And in an appropriate time for angst, isn't it? The worldwide release of Shin Eva, the last movie of Evangelion GT... I mean, Rebuild of Evangelion, will be at the next Friday, August 13th. I have something in mind for horror movies, but not for now. Maybe during Halloween, to make a full special chapter like the Simpsons does.
This one will be harder to catch because it's not exactly a mainstream movie, but there is an extra scene where I'm sure that you will understand the reference.
After this chapter, the next one will be an extremely silly and WAFFy chapter. And after that, we will have a bunch of chapters that will try to explore some Shikinami Asushin stories here, with some elements of the Shin Eva movie. Sohryu is amazing, but Shiki deserves some love too.
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Shinji woke up screaming again, until he realized where he was and sighed.
"The stars are... fading away? Oh... this is a familiar ceiling. So, it was all in vain again."
"Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday." –the voice of the always smiling Kaworu Nagisa made Shinji realize that he was right. He has failed again. He was, once more, laying alone in the same beach, looking at the desolated scenario and the red sea.
"I guess that this loop also didn't go well, eh Shinji-kun? How bad was it this time?"
"I would give it a 4 out of 10, I guess."
"Wow! Congratulations Shinji-kun! This means that this was one of your best tries of the last few thousand times. Good enough to enter your top 100, overall."
Shinji stared with a mean glare until he was able to see Kaworu's form standing floating above the red sea. He knew that the angel wasn't trying to be sarcastic with his comments, but that didn't help at all.
"Kaworu just…. Cut it off and leave me alone, ok?"
"But Shinji-kun, you know that I can't. Also, you understand me as well as I understand you. After all, I'm also stuck in that perpetual time loop, trying to help you and failing every single time."
The boy sighed again.
"No. We are different. You are an Angel and I'm a Lilim. You should be glad that you don't have free will, so you won't ever feel what I feel. The guilty and frustration of knowing that I always fail and I'm not able to change things not because it's my destiny, but because of my own dumb choices. I'm a total failure."
"Oh… that was kinda mean Shinji-kun. It makes me sad to know that you think about it that way." – said the angel without altering his voice or the smile in his face.
If Shinji was still able to cry, he would let the tears flown. The pain of knowing that he always will manage to hurt the people that are close to him, because of his own incompetence of making things right, was unbearable. But Shinji wasn't able to cry anymore. Not since about several hundreds of thousands of time loops ago.
"Ikari-kun. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I must ask you again the same question. Do you want to try again?"
Shinji looked around in the direction of the source of this new voice and he saw the image of Rei Ayanami materializes over the red sea.
He had answer to that question an infinite number of times. In his firsts thousands of tries, he answered her with a loud and clear "YES!" in a strangely confident way, motivated by the belief that if he had another chance, he would fix everything. But he can't even remember that feeling anymore. The truth is: he was still doing it only because nobody told him to stop, after all.
"Yes, Rei. Just give me another few minutes and I will try again."
"I really think you should stop." – the girl said with a louder voice, making both the boy and the angel stare at her in surprise. It was the first time that Rei have questioned Shinji's decision.
"You really think so? Don't worry. It's fine. I've already given up on trying to make everything perfect or saving everyone, but I guess that if I try again maybe I…."
"You won't ever be able to be happy, make her happy and be together with her at the same time."
"And you think I don't know that?" – Shinji spatted back at the girl, in anger, in an unusual display of raw emotion.
The only three sentient beings in the world looked at each other, without saying anything.
"Rei… you know that it would be everything I've ever dreamed… but you also know that I've already given up of achieving that. I would be glad just knowing that she would able to be truly happy."
"Yes. We know the sacrifices that you've made for her, Shinji-kun." Kaworu said with his ever-smiling face, which made the faintest of blushes come into the blue haired girl cheeks.
Shinji felt the sadness and those disgusting feelings of pain and jealousy overcome him.
He really tried to do everything imaginable to ensure her happiness. But in all of the times that they've got together, she would got hurt or died in some horrible way. Or got fates even worse than death.
So, he started to push her into falling in love with other persons. Kensuke, Toji, Kaworu… even Mari, Hikari or Rei sometimes. But it wasn't enough. His own existence... his mere presence in her life seemed to make impossible for her to ever forget him, be able to move on and achieve true happiness. And because of those feelings, she would eventually get badly hurt too.
He went even so far as trying to stop himself from being born sometimes. But then their fathers would've given birth to Yui Ichijo, and this girl's relationship with Asuka also wouldn't result in a happy ending for them, because piloting Eva would always….
The boy suddenly had an epiphany. That was it. For the first time in what seems to be an eternity, a new scenario started to form in his mind.
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Shinji woke up, feeling a warm and comfortable presence, although feeling a little different. He was… smaller.
"Shinji. Get up, sleepyhead. Look, I need you to wait here." – said Yui while putting him at a playpen.
"Mom and Dad have to speak with some people over here about adult stuff. But don't be sad. It seems that you've got a cute little friend here. Be kind to her, ok?"
There was her. A toddler Asuka, who was barely over two years old, was looking at him with a curious glance on her face. She tried to say, in Japanese, "I'm Asuwka. Chawmed, huh?"
Shinji looked at her, without responding, gathering the strength to make the most difficult thing that he would ever do.
"You got no tongue? Aunta bawka?"
Shinji approached her and whispered into Asuka's ear, with perfect and clear words, in plain German and with a voice full of venom.
"I hate you! My mom will create a robot that will kill your mama and will leave you alone."
An scared Asuka quickly got away from the boy and started to cry and yell for her mama.
Kyoko stopped talking with Yui and Gendo and ran to embrace the little girl.
"What happened, Schatzen?"
As the crying girl started to tell her mother what the mean boy had said to her, Kyoko's eyes went wide, like she had made a big realization.
Shinji, in an inaudible way, mumbled: "Good bye, Asuka."
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Get up!
(get up?)
Come on!
(come on…)
Why're you scared?
(I'm not scared)
Shinji suddenly woke up.
"An unfamiliar ceiling?"
He realized that he was his teenager self again, standing on a crowded train, listening to an unknown track on his SDAT device.
He also realized that he had woke up just in time, since he has to disembark in the next station.
As he prepared to leave the train, he started to think about this life.
His plan had worked.
Based on the information that Kaji provided him, it seems like Kyoko had discovered the truth about Yui's plot and left the Evangelion project for the sake of her daughter.
So, Asuka never got involved with the Evangelion project and probably was living a happy life with her mama in Germany, having already finished college at the age of 13.
He was glad. He has succeeded in removing both of her constant sources of pain - Eva and himself - from her life, without changing any of the other main events regarding the Dead Sea Scrolls.
But, of course, he would fail in other simpler tasks.
He was able to win the battles against the angels, mostly on his own.
Until Arael broke his mind, forcing him to remember all of his past failures and loops, leaving him almost catatonic and unable to pilot.
After that, Rei had to sacrifice herself to beat Armisael.
They weren't able to bring her back to life because Ritsuko panicked earlier than expected and destroyed her clone vessels, also killing herself in the process.
That event also leaded to Gendo's suicide, since he wouldn't be able to fulfill his scenario anymore.
With Gendo's dismissal, Seele took the matters into their own hands earlier, striking at Nerv at the same moment that Kaworu was introduced as a new pilot to replace Rei.
Fortunately, Kaworu's curiosity about the Lilim and his angelic powers were able to get Shinji out of his despicable state.
Also, this time, the last angel had decided to fight alongside Nerv forces against the Eva series, sacrificing himself to destroy at least four of the white beasts and stunning the others.
Then, by activating its self-destruct mechanism powered by the S2 engine, Unit 01 was able to finish the job in an amazing blast, as Misato and Kaji were making their own heroic sacrifice to ensure the destruction of Seele's main base that contained the Dead Sea Scrolls and other crucial information about Adam and Lilith.
In the aftermath, Fuyutsuki was among the causalities on Nerv's side.
So, there were no more active Evangelion units in the world and neither any person alive who could understand enough of their nature to be able to recreate those beasts again.
The body of the pilot of Evangelion Unit 01 was never found, and its status is still reported as "missing in action".
Without any place to go, and without any desire of revealing his true identity to the world, Shinji decided to live and take care of Kaji's secret watermelon farm.
The place had a nice house and decent supply of money and resources and it would be a nice place for him to live alone in peace for the rest of his days, even though he would eventually have to go to the city to get some supplies.
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The train arrived at the station. As Shinji was disembarking from the crowded train, he heard a plea for help.
By reflex, he grabbed a girl's hand and pulled her out of the train, allowing her to disembark safely.
"Thanks! You've really saved me this time."
He looked at the girl's face. Her gorgeous red hair. Her beautiful blue eyes. Her mouth that he had kissed so many times in so many different timelines. An infinity of memories passed through his head.
"But hm... For how long are you going to hold my hand?"
"Sorry." – the boy said while releasing the girl's hand as he turned his back on her and started to walk away.
As the tears started to fall off his face, he could only concentrate on the song that was playing on his SDAT.
Just take what you need, and be on your way. And stop crying your heart out.
Meanwhile, unnoticed by him, the girl kept staring at his back, with a curious glance on her face.
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After credits scene.
Floating over the red sea, Kaworu was staring at the events that were happening in a different universe, until he felt that his body and soul were starting to disappear.
"Wow… that's really how it ends?"
Rei Ayanami was at his side, also starting to disappear.
"While you and Ikari-kun were doing your time loops, I went forward in space-time. To view alternate futures. To see all the possible outcomes and scenarios where everything that Ikari-kun ever dreamed could be achieved."
"And what did you realize?" – Kaworu asked before being completely reduced to dust.
"That this was the only way." – Rei said before being fading into nothingness.
