Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion (yet). Sorry for the delay, but we are back on track.
In this chapter, continuing our Shikinami saga, a little of old style non-sense comedy. A parody of a well known story, that got a very crazy and funny movie version that is almost as crazy and non-sense as some passages of Thrice Uppon a Time. We are gonna have 3 or 4 more chapters with Shiki and then we will move back to NGE - just like Khara is doing, after all.
Once again, thanks for all of the great reviews and special thanks for the writers of Asushin Discord for the support and great discussions.
Shinji walked alongside Kensuke to see how the colony was trying to rebuild itself from the aftermath of the failed Third Impact, until they were interrupted by the voice of a 14 year's old boy.
"Aida-sensei! It's been a while. Is that your new assistant?
"Well, something like that."
"It's the first time I have met a stranger I'm Kaji, Kaji Ryouji. What's your name?"
"I'm…. Shinji Ikari."
"No way! You're the famous Shinji Ikari?"
"Y-yes… I guess… Look, I'm sorry! It's my fault. I've screwed things up and because of my previous actions you guys are having so much trouble to try to rebuild everything."
"What? No, it's nothing like that. You're our biggest hero! Aida-sensei didn't tell you about that?"
Shinji looked at Kensuke, with a confused look.
"Shinji…. This village is not suffering like that because of the almost Third Impact. We are suffering because Nerv and your father are trying to control the world. They are purposely destroying the land to force us to pay high tributes and submit to them."
"But…"
"And you are the symbol of our resistance, Shinji."
"What? But how… I mean…"
"You're the guy that was ready to destroy the Geofront and disobeyed Nerv's orders during the Angel War. The child that challenged the Gendo Ikari! You are the hope of this village and also for people from around the world. That's why Wille exists. They steal resources from Nerv and give them back to the people."
"But…. but…. why did Misato… why did Asuka… I don't…"
Kensuke sighed.
"Shinji… you've been gone for almost 14 years while Wille was fighting for the sake of the people, using you as the symbol of the resistance. They had to be sure that they weren't dealing with a clone or a trick from Nerv. But then you've decided to fight alongside Nerv and your father. It's no wonder that Shikinami was angry at you."
"I…. I need to go back to the Wunder."
"Four-eyes, I need to make a quick stop before we proceed to the battle."
"Roger that, princess."
"Guess who?"
"What… I don't know."
"Let me give you a hint. A girl with a nice pair of…."
"Glasses! Let the idiot go" – Asuka's voice resounded into Shinji's cell at the Wunder - "Look, brat. I've come here to…. to…. to warn you that Nerv's forces will strike in a few moments and they plan to kill you. So, you'd better stay here and don't try to pilot that damn Eva again, understand."
"Well, that's easy, I guess. Ok, I won't."
"Really? This easy? Oh… well it seems like you've grew up a little bit. That's good to know, because they were going to try to lure you there by offering the chance of rewrite the world by causing another impact."
"To rewrite the world?"
"Yeah. You basically would be able to turn the world into everything you've ever dreamed."
"Really?"
"Hey brat!" – Asuka grabbed his face. "Promise you won't go."
"Ok, Asuka. I promise you won't go."
"Thank you." - She said as she started to move away from the cell.
"But wait a minute puppy, didn't you just..."
"Cool it."
"Chilled. Hey princess, didn't you have anything else to say to him?"
Asuka stopped and clenched her fists.
"You really need to learn to shut your mouth you know?"
"Don't be so grumpy, princess. The puppy deserves to know the prophecy. About the princess that was cursed with a sad destiny. She won't be able to age, sleep, eat or… 'love' because of that curse. That curse of Eva will be broken when the knight who is destined for her, endowed with a magical key, will finally bring an end to her virg..."
"Enough! You're making it even more embarrassing! Ok, fine…. Hey brat, the thing is… I think I kinda had a crush at you back then, but I've grew up before you and I'm totally over it now. So that's it. Goodbye."
Shinji stared at her, dumbfounded.
"Hey Asuka… wait!"
"What is it?"
"Well… I... I just want to say that I... liked you too … And I kinda still do, to be honest… since for me it has been just a couple of days since I've returned from the Eva, so obviously I still like you and... well, I'm gonna shut my mouth now…."
"Oh… that's…. awkward."
"Yeah…"
"Well… since you've grown up a little more, maybe could I give you at least one goodbye kiss. But I don't know if it's a good idea. It would be still awkward because you're a teenage brat and all, and while i'm trapped in this body i'm a 28 year's old woman."
"It would be… nice, I guess. And technically I'm also 28 years old, but spent 14 years of my life in some kind of a coma, so…"
"Ok. But first, I must warn you. It won't mean anything for me. What four-eyes said is true. Because of my... condition... I could never feel anything from one kiss."
"I understand…"
"Unless she were married! Or if a man pledged his endless love to her."
"Four-eyes!"
"Or if she knew that he desperately cared for her. Or if he were really cute. Or if he can make good and tasty bentos."
They both blushed as Mari continued her endless teasing.
The dialogue was interrupted by the sound of a loud alarm and the voice of an angry Misato Katsuragi.
"Pilot Shikinami! Pilot Makinami! Where the hell are you?"
"Scheisse! We are on our way commander!"
"No need to hurry. They already surrounded us. We've lost".
Gendo Ikari and Kozo Fuyutsuki were standing on the top of Evangelion Unit 13, observing as all the crew members of Wunder were being arrested and handcuffed, as well as the Evangelion pilots.
"Father!"
"It's been a while, Shinji."
"Why are you doing this? Do you really think that Mother would forgive you?"
"We don't know if she will ever return, Shinji. Right now, I'm only focused into be the ruler of this world. Now bring me Evangelion Unit 01 to serve as a sacrifice. I will spare them all, but I will rewrite the reality to erase your presence of all existence, so there will be no more resistance to me."
"Wait!"
Both men stared at the redheaded pilot that had managed to remove her eyepatch, showing a bright blue light emerging from where her eye should have been.
"You just need a trigger for starting the final impact, right? You don't need him to pilot Unit 01 again. You can use me and this damn angel that you've trapped inside."
"You impress me, last survivor of the Shikinami series. You're severely outmatched here, but still, I want to avoid unnecessary conflict. What's your offer?"
"If you promise not to kill this brat, I shall do the most disgusting thing that I can think of."
"And what's that?"
"I will give my body to you."
Shinji stared at her, in shock.
"You mean… You'll give yourself to me? – asked an intrigued Gendo Ikari.
"Yes, but only my body. You will never have my heart, my mind, or my soul!"
"Oh, ok! No problem with that. I have committed almost all sins that a human being can commit, but I'm not a pedo. About your soul, well… I guess you wouldn't want to know… anyway, it's a deal! Come with me. We are going to the anti-universe."
Shinji could only watch as the girl made her way towards Unit 13, giving him only a brief stare that could be translated as "Do something, baka-Shinji!"
A few moments later, the floor where Shinji was standing collapsed as an awakened Evangelion Unit 01 suddenly appeared right below him, holding the Spear of Cassius in its hands.
"What? Mother, why did you…"
"God dammit Shinji! Get int the robot and go save the princess, already!" – Mari's voice brought him back to reality.
"That's right. Father! Stop it! I… I…. challenge you!" - said Shinji as Eva 01 reached the verge of the anti-universe.
"You're going to challenge me?"
"Y-yes."
"Ok... here is the deal… are you seeing that imaginary Evangelion over there?"
"What?"
"Yes. The Golgotha object! Or something like that, don't think too much about it. I just named it myself. Anyway, think about it as a target, alright? We will throw our Spears on that target and the one that manage to have his spear land closer to the center its heart will direct instrumentality and will be able rule the world and all different realities."
"I don't understand anything. Let's do it."
"Puppy, just a quick reminder that everybody is watching you, ok? No pressure."
Shinji focused himself. Asuka's destiny and the fate whole world were depending on him. "Center the target, pull the switch."
Unit 01 threw the Spear of Cassius and…. It hit bulls-eye, landing right in the center of the target.
"Ha! In your face father! I'm not a brat! I'm worthy! I'm am the Invincible Shinji Ik…"
Unit 13 threw the Spear of Longinus and it hit right in the middle of the Spear of Cassius, tearing it in half and hitting the center of the target.
"That seals it, Shinji. I've won."
"I've…. lost? I lost? No… it can't be right. This story is supposed to have a happy ending! Please! Mother! Rei! Kaworu-kun!"
"You're right Shinji-kun!"
"What? You're not supposed to be in this realm, Tabris."
"It's written in the Book of Life. In this kind of duel, he can have another chance, as long as there is an available Spear."
"Well. That changes nothing. After all there are no more spears to be…"
"Shinji! I've just made a new Spear for you with the Wunder! It's the Spear of Gaius! Kick his ass!"
"Misato-san! Thank you! I won't fail this time!"
"….. That's… cheating."
Unit 01 grabbed the Spear of Gaius. Shinji knew that it was all or nothing now. He took a deep breath and threw the lance aiming for the Golgotha object.
Only to miss it by a mile.
Until the Spear made a 180º curve.
It gained speed and hit the Golgotha object from behind its back, piercing the center of its heart and destroying the Spear of Longinus in the process, resulting in a huge explosion.
Asuka woke up. She could hear the sound of the waves and fell the summer breeze of a familiar beach.
"I was…. sleeping?"
"Baka-Shin… ji? Wait, you're…"
"Yes, Asuka. I don't know how, but we both are adults now. I think that the curse of Eva was finally removed. However, we are still trapped in this anti-universe until Mari-san can find a way to..."
"You mean… we are both alone on this empty beach? And we're both in adult bodies?"
"Hm… yes, I guess so… and hmmmmph"
Asuka tackled him into a longing kiss that lasted until they both were forced to remember that they still have to breath.
"You idiot! I've waited fourteen freaking years for this moment! So, it's the time! Take me! Now!"
"Y-yes!"
"…"
"Um, Asuka?
"Just shut up and start it already, idiot."
"You're not going to believe this..."
"What?"
"It won't open!"
"WHAT?"
"Your plugsuit. It seems to be ripped and damaged, so I can't open it."
"You must be kidding me!"
"No, I'm not. I guess that we won't be able to do nothing until they rescue us."
They looked into each other's eyes.
"Kimochi Warui."
