So… did anyone know this isn't going chronologically? I know I didn't.

Just kidding, but yeah, this fic isn't going to be chronological. One chapter may be the chūnin exams and the other may be a pre-genin thing.

MoonLightSkies16: I sorta just lived the entire day living off the feeling of an adrenaline (I am just making it up at this point, aren't I?) rush from that great review of yours so I speed-wrote this.

In other words, it's gonna suck more than usual. Take it or leave it, though, because it was either this now, or a slightly polished, shorter version in 6 months.

Yes, SHORTER.

Also, um, prepare for a horrible quote butchering.

"Hello, Kakashi." Said man almost jumped in surprise. Had a spy gotten into the village and come for his life?

Upon seeing the shade of blond hair on the intruder, he knew that it was something worse.

"Yamanaka." He almost growled.

It was the therapist.

Keeping an optimum position as to have as much distance from the intruder and his head as possible in the room, even though they didn't exactly need physical contact for most of their techniques to work, the distance helped to calm him slightly.

"Now, now, Kakashi, no need for all the hostilities. We are all comrades here, aren't we?" Kakashi's only response to that was the appearance of a kunai in his hand.

"Really now?"

"Why are you here?" Kakashi said while trying to find something non-volatile to substitute with only to realize that in his increasing levels of paranoia over the years, he had made everything in his, and around his, 'home' volatile.

"That right there is why I am here," the yet-to-be-named Yamanaka said smugly. "You have always escaped us in the past via a masterful usage of the Kawarimi no Jutsu. It took a surprising amount of brainstorming to come to the simple conclusion that catching you in your home was our best bet. After all, any mentally unwell ninja of your calibre would rig the hell out of their house to the point where even a Kawarimi no Jutsu could set everything off; it was easy enough to catch you here after that point."

"Riiiiiiiggghhhttt," he drawled, "except that I am not mentally unwell so you can stop trying to get me into one of your clan's sessions."

'You can't catch me with wordplay of that level!' he guffawed in his mind. There was nothing, absolutely NOTHING that would get him to admit he needed therapy.

Kakashi knew there was only one way out of this aliv—without getting into a therapy session.

Unfortunately, the consequences behind the only way out were dire.

Sighing, he gave the still-yet-to-be-named Yamanaka a look full of suffering.

"You forced me to do this, I hope you understand that."

And, before the Yamanaka could do more than look curiously while getting into a position to defend themself, he yelled:

"YOOOOOOOUUTTTTHHHHHH!"

There was a rumble in the horizon. The sounds of many things collapsing as something went through them all.

All Kakashi could do to prepare himself was to loosen his body so he could be thrown around like a ragdoll.

What seemed like an echo of what he previously yelled was all the warning he had before—

BOOM!

He found himself flying alongside the Yamanaka, who had not been prepared for the collision or simply did not have the durability to not be knocked out on impact and was clearly knocked out.

'Or he's doing a remarkable job of getting me close to him so he can use one of his mind techniques on me.' His eyes narrowed.

Sighing because he knew he would be blamed for his death or injuries if he hit anything, he painfully decided to try and make a clone and have it save him.

… He made the clone weak enough that it shouldn't be able to save him, but at least he would be able to claim that he tried.

Feeling his own ascent stop but his horizontal velocity still as fast as ever, he prepared for impact, which would be happening any second now.

And then all he knew was a green blur before the world came to a stop and he found himself in a bridal carry by Gai. A Gai that was grinning so wide that it should have hurt his mouth. A Gai whose teeth were shining brighter than the sun—which showed they weren't reflecting sunlight.

Thank goodness he didn't have his Sharingan out. The detail would have ruined his already-ruined-enough psyche.

"YOOOOOOUUTTTT—" And he started ignoring him. Or maybe he went deaf again—yes, again. Either one was fine, really.

He just watched as Gai made a bunch of animated gestures and what seemed to be a lot more yelling if the vibrations he could feel in his body were any indication.

Yup, he was definitely deaf again.

Well screw that, he definitely wasn't going to a hospital to fix this.

He was in a very bad situation here; either he tells Gai he needs to go to the hospital by himself to prove his youth—because there was no way Gai was letting him go alone otherwise—OR he can stay out of the hospital at the expense of further ruining his reputation via being seen in a princess/bridal carry throughout the village.

His choice was made for him when Gai slightly threw him in the air and blurred away and then blurred back with an annoying addition over his shoulder: the Yamanaka.

Well, that settled it. He was definitely going to the hospital. Anything to stay away from that therapist.

He felt a grim sense of joy at the thought of how that Yamanaka would soon be joining him at the hospital with both physical and mental damage. Gai's unique mental damage that even Yamanaka's tended to stay away from. He wouldn't be making a recovery any time soon.

And that's when he looked back and saw a lot of flames and explosions occurring in the horizon.

Wasn't that from… back… home…

Right, Gai went through every single volatile thing he had when he smashed through his house. A lot of which was explosive in nature.

He definitely couldn't go to the hospital. How would he explain this to the Sandaime? The man would definitely put him in therapy.

No, Kakashi decided. He definitely wasn't going to be letting himself be seen in Konoha for a while. Maybe it was time he retreated to one of his underground bases where he stored his Icha Icha books—Yes, he had an underground base, too. Almost all strong, paranoid shinobi seemed to have one or multiples.

He was proud to know that absolutely no one knew the locations of his underground bases.

Absolutely no one.

Except for Gai.

And Naruto from that one time he took and hid his wallet in one of his bases.

Alright, so maybe some people did know.

(POV... You'll Know in a Second)

Oh, Sasuke is so cool! I swear, there has never, in the history of cool people, been a person as cool as Sasuke.

"Oh, Sasuke, do you want some water!?" I yelled, offering him some aphrodisiac-spiked water.

"Hnnn."

Kyaaaaa! He is so cooooooooool!

"One of these days we'll get him to drink that water, and when we do…"

I ignored Inner. She was interrupting my Sasuke time if I focused on her.

I also ignored Naruto who had been asking me to go on a date with him for 30 minutes now.

I also ignored everything else, too, with the sole exception of Sasuke.

The Academy teachers always told me that I had an exceptional mind and this was proof of it. My ability to be able to block all but the one thing I wanted to focus on—Sasuke—is a truly unique thing. I would know, Ino told me it was impossible for any sane mind to focus that much on just one thing.

Of course, I was sane. I was definitely sane.

"Sure you are…"

I was so amazing mentally that I was breaking what the Yamanakas thought to be as facts.

Now, if only Sasuke could realize my amazingness and realize how well it would complement his amazingness. I was the only one worthy of him!

(POV… Figure It Out Yourself)

If only Sakura could make a face like that for me…

Well, I knew it was time to stop asking her for a date. She always became freakishly strong when she made a face like that! Like, freakishly strong! Stronger than Zabuza with that whole 'picking that huge sword with one hand' level of strength!

I'll just ask her one more time. If only so I am sure about my sexuality after Haku messed up my confidence in it, and that moment with Sasuke on the day we got our team assignments made me learn what sexuality even was…

"Blerghhh." And I was barfing…

"Na."

Oh no.

"Ru."

Please no.

"TO!"

I was barfing on Sakura's shoes.

Well… I may as well commit to what I decided on doing anyways.

"Would you go on a—" Annnnnd I was flying. I do NOT wanna look at the point of impact between whatever limb she used to hit me with, and where she hit me; it was bound to be ugly.

There was a strange sense of peacefulness to this. Seeing the village become more and more smaller in the distance, soon becoming a speck, a dot, in the furthest part of my vision before I ascended beyond the clouds.

God did I love Sakura.

Or am I jus—and I couldn't breath. This could be bad. I feel like the Academy probably covered why this is happening to me in one of the lessons I slept through. Maybe.

Did ninjas occasionally find themselves this high in the air? Or was this an uncommon problem?

Well, I'll have to think about this more later. My vision was going black. I had some pretty intimate times with blacking out in my childhood, so I knew I was passing out right now. Weird. Normally, this happened when I was hungry. I wasn't hungry now.

And then I knew darkness.

.

.

.

And wetness?

I opened my eyes—when had I closed them?—and saw a sewer.

Well, I probably fell into some dude's house and they were probably pretty pissed about it and decided to throw my body into the sewers. Would be just like the villagers to do that. Heck, they might even be celebrating if they thought I was dead.

.

.

.

Or this was the afterlife.

I knew I should have paid some attention to the religious stuff I have heard over the years.

Before I could think about anything else, some red stuff suddenly attacked me and—

"AAAAAAAAHHHH!" I was falling from the sky. Awwww, I must have missed the highest point I got to. Would have been cool if I left the planet.

Naruto Uzumaki, the first ninja/human/Male/Jinchūriki to have left the confines of the planet and reached the heavens and come back alive.

What if I did leave the planet for a second and it's a huge sewer out there?

Yes, that definitely makes sense. The planet is in a sewer.

I gotta come up with a phrase for this.

Um… um… Welp, when in doubt, ask Gama-chan for help!

I pulled out Gama-chan and stared. "Can you help me make a good quote for when I left the planet and reached the heavens?"

"..." Silence was all I got. That was fine, Gama-chan worked in mysterious, amazing ways, not all of which were verbal. This must have been an answer I could see with my eyes.

I looked. I looked at the ramen stains that I had picked plentifully in the past. I looked at the bulge Gama-chan had from the money I had gotten from the Wave mission; Gama-chan had been fed plentifully from that.

Wait. Gama-chan was a toad. What did toads do? They leapt! I had it.

"Thank you," I said from the bottom of my heart.

"One small step for Gama-chan, one large leap in Sakura's physical abilities."

Seriously, though, dafuq was up with that insane stren—I was finally below cloud height. The village was definitely different than I remembered it being.

Did it always have explosions going on and fire everywhere? And… I strained my eyes, was that Sensei being held in a bridal carry by some green dude?

What happened while I was up there. Was this what they meant by, "Don't get high"?

Did I go too high?

Maybe I was punted into a different dimension!

'Focus!' I chastised myself. 'I am getting way too damn close to the ground now. It's time to start focusing on how to save myself.'

"Oh sure, NOW is when you should start worrying…"

… Yeah, that confirms it. I am in a different dimension where I have a voice in my head.

Well, I was getting pretty close now, so it was time to use my plan to safety.

I only had about 3% of it planned because of all my other thoughts, so that 3% of a plan will have to do.

Time to use a LOT of Shadow Clones and the MANY explosive tags I had in Gama-chan.

.

.

.

(2 Seconds Later)

"THE TAGS MULTIPLY TOO!?"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!

(POV Hnnnn)

"Hnnn."

"Hnnn."

"Hn."

"Hnnnn."

'For the word cou—I mean, I must gain power so that I can kill Itachi.'

I don't know how much more of this I can take. Sakura's weird staring is getting worse and worse. I fear she may soon gain the ability to stare people into submission if she keeps this up. I always thought incredibly high-pitched shrieking was the Haruno family's secret bloodline. Now I am starting to wonder if that's only the beginning.

I could bear with getting deaf, but this? It was slowly getting to me through my stone-cold outer demeanor.

I can't allow any emotions outside, however, for I know that she can smell fear. Why else did she only start hounding me after Itachi induced the worst fears of my life into me?

Please, Kakashi, (because I absolutely refuse to call him Sensei) please come a little earlier than normal. Why are you always so late!?

Orange met the corner of my eye.

Naruto!

He was my only hope here.

My heart started sinking. Sakura was, with incredible skills, ignoring Naruto.

Come on, Dead Last, don't be useless in this too!

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

My traitorous, shrivelled up, Itachi revenge-driven heart gained hope for a second.

Surely, not even Sakura could ignore this. Even I found the Dead Last annoying in the best of times, so there was no way she could survive him in his worst moments multiplied by 420 exactly.

How did I know that it was that number exactly? Taking out a kunai—one of the most polished ones I had—I looked at my reflection.

A two tomoe Sharingan in both eyes. I must have evolved my eyes when I was being traumatised by Sakura earlier. Now, I am all for power, but this? This was too far a cost for too little power. I wouldn't even go through with standing in Sakura's presence if it meant me getting the Mangekyō.

There were some things that just weren't worth doing for any reward, even if Itachi's death was that reward.

Now, you may ask why I stayed for so long after having said all of that about not wanting to stay.

Well, because of the word co—

Cough.

I mean, honestly, I would have run long ago but I feared that she would take it as a sign of weakness and pounce.

God was she was terrifying.

I dared to take a peek at her from the corner of my eyes with the help of my newly improved ocular prowess.

I almost got caught. My heart sank as I knew I had been caught.

How did I know I was caught? Well, upon looking at her from my peripheral vision, she started drooling while looking at me. She must have sensed weakness and gotten ready to devour me.

She was a cannibal.

SHE WAS A CANNIBAL!

Naruto, bless his heart, was still trying to converse with her.

I never told anyone this but I always admired Naruto for his courage. His ability to face monsters like Sakura and that Therapist in the Academy had always inspired me.

Of course, not even his courage had ever managed to take either of them down, but it was the thought that counted.

Though, there had been rumours in the Academy of someone who had taken down both of them. Rumours I never put much of my trust in as they were never exactly confirmed, but they DEFINITELY had some truth to them. I know because Sakura and the Therapist had missed a week of the Academy once and come back terrified but without any actually visible wounds on them. I would have believed it to be a mental attack but that would have made no sense when it came to the Therapist.

If there was any such monster that could take both of them down then I shudder to think about who they are.

"Achoo." someone sneezed.

There was a kunai sent in the direction of the sneeze in an instant.

All I got for my effort was the sound of the kunai piercing a tree not a person, and Sakura squealing. Clearly to damage my ears so I was off-balance when she attacked me in my first moment of weakness.

Walking over to the place where someone had sneezed, I came across no one. No tracks that even my newly improved ocular prowess could find. Whoever was here stalking us, they were good. Very good.

And they could possibly still be around, watching us.

Instead of making me worry, this brought me a level of comfort. Maybe this person could defend me if Sakura finally decided that today was the day that she went feral. Maybe the Sandaime got me a bodyguard!

I knew that being the last loyal Uchiha had to mean something to the Hokage!

I stayed there for a while.

Going back meant willingly lessening the distance between me and… her.

My legs felt wet. Looking down, I realized that Sakura had drooled enough to flood the entire area. I made a note to scrub my legs raw later. Who knows what this saliva of her's contains.

Or I'd straight up cut my legs off. I don't need them to take down Itachi, anyways.

Naruto, bless his soul, was still going on with his efforts to annoy Sakura or something, I don't know, I never really paid any attention to why he tried speaking to her. Like, ever.

All 420 clones were speaking at once so I had no chance of understanding what he was saying anyways.

Maybe that was for the best. Did I really want to know what someone of Naruto's insanity level wanted with someone of Sakura's level of insanity?—and, yes, I classified every person I ever met by insanity levels. I believe that even the sanest of people hold great insanity in them.

Itachi definitely had nothing to do with me doing this. Definitely.

"Oh, Sasuke, do you want some water!?" Sakura yelled.

I stiffened.

My "no" came out as a cowardly "Hnnn".

I patted myself on the back for having managed to even do that instead of squeaking at her saying something to me.

That bottle of 'water' she was offering me was probably some sort of poison she had made that would make my insides taste good when it killed me and she started eating me.

Not for the first time, I wondered just how she got past the Yamanaka mental check when we were all checked in the Academy.

She should have been a red flag since the first day, what with her clearly OBVIOUS cannibalistic tendencies.

No human just looked at another human and drooled unless they were planning on eating them.

And then Sakura made a face even worse than any face she's made before. Shit. She saw the beads of sweat that were on me from nervousness, didn't she?

Whelp, I could just feel myself getting three tomoes in both my eyes from the trauma that look gave me.

And then, all 421 Narutos started vomiting at once.

I instantly concluded that this was Sakura's fault and ignored the Yaoi vibes I got from Naruto for a second.

So, Sakura could take down hundreds of Naruto's clones and the original all at the same time.

I mean, I could take down hundreds, too, but never in an instant.

I mentally heightened her threat level.

I saw one of the Narutos vomit on her shoes and actually take her attention off of me for the first time in so long.

I instantly decided I was going to gift something to Naruto for his bravery.

If he survived, that is.

To get up and still try to fight Sakura after whatever she did to induce his vomiting and face her terrible visage, her terribly large forehead which, even with my fully evolved basic Sharingan, I could not calculate the length of. Naruto was a truly amazing individual.

I could not hear what she said at that moment due to the sounds of hundreds of barfing going around in the area, nor did I even try to read her lips to know what she said to Naruto; I knew it was better for my mental health that way. What I do know is that Naruto, all-defying as always, clearly looked her in the eyes, and interrupted her mid-speech to retort.

And then Naruto was gone, a booming sound signifying his disappearance.

"Holy shit." For I had to say that out loud. However she attacked him, I do not know as even my eyes could not see it, she sent him flying beyond the speed of sound. That was clearly the sound of the sound barrier being broken.

I will always remember Naruto as a man that I respected more than ANY other person in my life.

Whatever he told her when he interrupted her speech, it was definitely legendary.

And then, every clone along with most of the smell of barfing and the signs of barfing disappeared in a poof of smoke.

I say most of it because the vomit on Sakura's shoes stayed. T'was proof that that was the original. That he had done that KNOWING he was in danger.

My fear of Sakura was put to the side for now. After seeing Naruto do what I just did, I felt the courage—maybe he shared some of his. The mad lad may as well have been capable of it, what with how great his charisma was—to walk past her. The courage clearly being shared by Naruto from the afterlife preventing Sakura from being able to smell my fear, for I had none.

That, or it was the overpowering stench Naruto had left on her footwear.

I decided to walk home to get my best ceremonial clothes before going for the shinobi memorial stone that Kakashi showed us a while back.

Naruto had said something about wishing his name would be there someday if I remember correctly. It's only right that I write his name there. He was definitely worthy of it.

Hell, if I had my way, I'd put an entirely separate rock there, BIGGER than the memorial stone, and it would only have his name on it. He had certainly done enough to earn it.

I would never find out about Sakura's unconscious form on the ground where I left her, the earlier stalker brutally punishing her for having done something that enraged her.

And that was fine. I never wanted to ever come across the one that took down Sakura and the Therapist in the Academy, and I certainly don't want to meet them now.

A few minutes after leaving the clearing, I felt my hearing finally come back to me after it was partially taken from me by one of Sakura's screeches earlier.

I could hear screaming.

The world itself screamed because of Naruto's death.

I could hear crying.

The world itself cried because of his death.

And then I emerged from the trees and saw the village. Fire was everywhere, most of it being concentrated somewhere—Kakashi's apartment, not that I knew that at the time.

The world was pushing its rage out for the legend that had died today.

But he had gone to the heavens. He was in a better place now.

I looked up and smiled for the first time since… Since that night.

And then the sky went white.

The heat slammed into me almost as hard as when the Therapist and Sakura would slam into me.

My cheeks felt wet. Was it raining? Were the heavens weeping?

I wiped my cheeks and realized that, no, the heavens were not weeping. I was.

Whether from having my eyes burned from looking at what was clearly a deity descending from the heavens with my Sharingan or because of the unnatural smile I made, or because of the emotions I felt because of Naruto.

After a moment of feeling my eyes feel like they were burning off, I realized it was the first one.

Upon feeling my face feeling tired, I realized the second one had its consequences, too.

"All hail, Lady Amaterasu!"

I bowed, kneeled, and even grovelled on the floor.

One of the deities the Uchiha worshipped was clearly making an appearance in the lower plane; no doubt because of the bright-as-the-sun soul that had died.

And then many others started bowing down as well, following my lead.

I thought they had seen the greatness like I had. Had it burned into their eyes! I would never find out it was a crowd mentality thing.

This event would make the Uchiha gods among the most worshipped in Konoha.

Few would ever find out that it was an accident caused by one Uzumaki due to the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, explosive tags, and one toad-themed wallet that survived the entire thing without a scratch or burn, weirdly enough.

Many would, however, find out that the initial fires were caused by explosives in Kakashi's apartment, and they blew up partly because of youth—something the populace ignored for their sanity—and his fear of therapists.

But that's a story for another time.

Chapter end.

Once I get to five chapters or 15k words total, I will probably pass the website's rules preventing me from posting other fics or one-shots.

May post Kakashi's Funeral, which I half-wrote a while back, or Toad-pocalypse: DxD Version where he just tries to find his wallet and it keeps going through portals leading him into interesting places and compromising positions.

Never serious, though. I'll always keep Toad-pocalypse not serious.

Then again, I suck at keeping my promises.

Also, because I wrote this fast and didn't even read it again to check it properly, it'll probably have a LOT of errors. I already had to remove a lot of POV problems from Sasuke's end. Not even gonna mess with Naruto's POV. It is probably a mess.

Now… to post this on three websites and suffer because I don't know how to.

Also, I refuse to have a beta or ask for one. They suck. I say that because I am a beta and I suck. Attitude-wise and some other-wise, that is.

Man… this chapter probably has so many holes everywhere… I really should have read it once.