AN: Response to js: I think with Seth Rory was going through the motions. He ticked enough boxes and if there was some chemistry there the third date seemed like the "right" time to explore that part of the relationship. Logan wasn't really in her picture at that point, they were just friends. She was nowhere near introducing Seth to Em, she even thought about how she didn't see that happening. But with Logan she's definitely jumping several steps ahead and faster. Also I think she is a "man collector" as many have commented before me, and exes are easier for her like we see time and time again. She searches for approval from men too - daddy issues. She expects sex also to be what men want from her, like it defines a little how much they like her. And as for Logan's and Rory's sex life - I think back in college I said it as well somewhere that then Rory was still a little shy and fairly inexperienced. Not a nun, surely, but not like after Hamburg when she'd lived a little more and become more comfortable in her body. Was Logan's and Rory's relationship lacking in anything? I think there are the obvious things - she didn't want to be in that role Logan's life would've put her in, they were mostly on different continents, she was never a believer in big choises just because of someone, scared that it'd be a mistake. She felt she was one of the many probably and as Logan didn't say anything, she felt like she maybe wasn't enough for him. Sexual appetite wasn't enough to keep a relationship going (well it did that for years, but she felt it was demeaning in the end, she didn't want to remain a mistress to a married man).
Chapter 58
November 20th, 2021
Logan stood in the tiny kitchen of his fairly new apartment, staring out the window, his gaze frozen on a tree branch that moved in the wind. Well - supposedly it was his, for the time being at least. The thought of staying in a place owned by Rory still felt a little odd, but he supposed that was how many women felt when the boyfriend was housing them, just like when Rory had lived with him in New Haven. Sure, he was paying for utilities and such, but still - it was a strange feeling. He'd never really leaned on anyone else like this, if not counting crashing at Finn's or Colin's but that was something he knew he'd never really have to ask for and had offered many times in return.
The kettle boiled, steam blowing out of it, and a weak beep indicated it having reached the requested temperature. Logan's cup with a stainless steel tea infuser waited in front of him, a spoonful of organic green tea filling it. He poured the water onto the tea leaves and breathed in its scent. He wasn't quite sure what it was - but somehow making tea was more calming than making coffee. Already the word itself seemed calming compared to the rush symbolism that came with coffee.
Doing this same, very simple, routine a couple of times a day had become equivalent to a coffee break to him. And he was now also beginning to sense the lack of an actual break room in this small apartment. Maybe missing having someone to talk to a little? Even if it was just smalltalk.
That was the downside of having a home office. Everything he needed to get done took place in his inbox or on a testing platform. He communicated with his employees through writing mostly, having just done a few joint video chats so far. He had thought he'd be fine with just this, having more time for himself and less pressure to impress. There was also the factor that he didn't want to have to hide.
While he was doing okay mostly, there were still times when he didn't quite feel up to talking to anyone. All he felt like doing was hiding. And that would've been a lot more difficult to do if he was in an actual office. It had only worked in the HPG since Marjorie knew he was struggling. But the woman was a sweet one, one not to gossip and knew just when to give him his space. She was also the kind to never really ask how he was doing, and there had been moments when he truly wanted her to.
The reason for that was that, while his three lovable stooges were very much his friends for life, he'd pushed them far enough so he'd hesitated to contact them for far too long. He didn't want to drink or be bad company. He'd later overcome that though, Finn having assured him that if anyone was forgiving anyone it would be the four of them to each other, and made some sort of a musketeer reference.
And while Logan now had Rory - as much as one could 'have' anyone, besides Colin, Finn and Robert and his sister, who were all living hours away, in Hartford he really didn't have people he'd call friends.
At the same time while Rory was doing steps with him to work on their relationship, he was still doing his own steps too. He was rebuilding the job he wanted to have, the hobbies that he wanted to have and the relationships.
The job part seemed to be on a good path - the only real thing he needed to worry about was how to not focus too much on it becoming something bigger and too fast - that was what had happened with his last business in California. But he was knowingly observing it this time and was a lot less money hungry too.
His hobbies - well, he hadn't gotten very far from exercising, just doing it in moderation - it was still something that gave him that positive feeling if done rihgt. He tried to cook more again, doing what he once had liked but had nearly forgotten, and he was taking his time to enjoy what he made too. He'd been to every art gallery in town, often just needing to get out of the apartment after a long day sitting in front of his laptop, and every bookstore. He was reading more too. It was a good start. But as Rory had her own life to deal with on most weekdays, it was on the lonely side.
When Rory had mentioned DuGray - that's how he'd always called him instead of his first name, he had for a moment wondered how weird would it be to contact someone he'd once known and suggest going out for a drink, or coffee... But somehow suggesting to another guy to go for a beer sounded more natural and less odd. He didn't want to date him bust just have some company. Would that come off as desperate to a man who surely had a busy life on his own? How did one make new friends in his age?
He was jolted out of his thoughts by the door. He realized then he'd let the tea brew for a little too long, but it wouldn't have been the first time and took the infuser out of his cup, deciding to drink it anyways.
"Hey," Rory exhaled, having let herself in like they'd agreed. It was her place, and he had no intention of not letting her in anyways. Rory's cheeks still felt cold from the outside, as she kissed him.
"Hi," Logan responded, and slipped his hands underneath her coat, pulling her firmly against him, leaving his tea on the counter.
"I'm all done. Whole next week - done," Rory exclaimed victoriously, having spent most of last night and this morning getting her prep work out of the way so she'd have around 30 hours of uninterrupted Logan time this weekend.
There was a lot they wanted to accomplish in those 30 hours, and not just what their naughty minds were thinking up this very minute, the close proximity being very tempting. They had couples therapy home assignments to do, and honestly - there was still a lot to talk about.
"You sure found a career that came with a lot of homework," Logan noted.
"I always knew it came with a lot of homework," Rory pointed out, her hands now around his neck. "And you forget - I like homework," she added, and pulled out of his arms, wanting to get out of her jacket. Once that had actually been the truth, but these days she did wish there was less of it. But she just needed to keep her attitude optimistic right now.
Logan took a sip of his tea, which thankfully while tasting a little bit more bitter than he would've liked, was at least at perfect drinking temperature.
"I don't really understand why you work full time though. Don't get me wrong - I believe 100% that you're great at it, and I know you like a good pace of work, but it's not like you have to, really - right?" Logan discussed, knowing Rory probably wasn't going to mind his question.
"Well…," Rory stopped to ponder, trying to formulate her thoughts. "From the practical side, I wouldn't have my own classroom if I worked part time," she said, realizing herself that that wasn't a very good reason.
"Donate enough so they'll give you one," Logan chuckled, the old mindset kicking in for a minute. Boy, had he almost forgotten how deep those things ran in him.
"Yeah, and then all the other teachers would treat me differently. Most of them don't even know I have anything, they don't know that I don't really need to work," Rory explained. Sure, Max knew, but she didn't advertise it, at least not knowingly.
"Are they blind or stupid?" Logan shot back. Sure she might have driven a middle-class car, but the family name was too well known for them to not know. Besides there were these little things about Rory that oozed wealth.
Rory was full of tiny hints that she really wasn't living on a teacher's salary, even if her house didn't show it much on the outside. Logan wasn't that good with fancy designer names or brands, he'd never really had to, but the way Rory dressed and the accessories that she wore spoke a lot to those who recognized handmade and custom made items. Even that handbag of hers that she'd come in with - his sister had something similar and that must've been around 10 grand. There was more along the same lines of course - tech, jewelry, fancy car seat, the furniture in her house and so on.
"What?" Rory looked at him questioningly.
"If the teachers don't know, they really must be blind. I am sure some do and are just being respectful about it," Logan added. "But I am sure the students know," he added.
Rory made an innocent face, having not quite realized. But perhaps she had herself gotten so infused in it that she really didn't think about it anymore. She never really bought things because they were pricey, but shoes and bags were sort of her love which she did indeed occasionally splurge on. Her wardrobe back at the house, while too small in itself, held anything from designer dresses to T-shirts from H&M, most of her work clothes being valued by their functionality rather than the brands. She bought what she needed and liked, not looking at the tags much.
But Logan knew old money. The kind that one didn't boast about but that shone off one's usually older but luxorious car, or simply the way one behaved - always buying quality over quantity. The apartment that she'd re-decorated for him was a prime example of this.
"Ah, I don't like talking about money..," Rory exhaled, still feeling utterly incompetent with it. She really didn't. As the minute she did, she would remember its source.
"I never really knew what happened to your grandmother," Logan confessed. He'd even asked Honor but even she didn't know the details. "But you don't have to tell me if it's painful," he added, unsure how she would take it, and placed his cup down on the counter again.
"You seriously want to talk about my grandmother right now?" Rory asked in disbelief. Compared to Monday morning when she'd literally come over for a quickie, Logan certainly wasn't in a hurry to get naked now.
July 23rd, 2017
"Rory?" Emily asked, seeing Rory sipping her one daily cup of coffee one morning in Emily's house in Nantucket, looking into the distance. Her pregnant belly was sizable by now, just a few months away from her due date, but in the mornings she felt pretty good - happy to be vertical for a change.
"Yeah?" Rory reacted, turning to her grandmother. Emily was still looking good, though her knees were not what they used to be, hence she used a cane to get around. But nevertheless she still sometimes went to walk the dunes - she had every intention of being outdoors as much as she could while she still could out here, and especially with weather like this.
Rory was over there for a quick summer break, while Jess had stayed behind due to work, hoping to rather get a few weeks off after the baby was born instead. Besides, Emily Gilmore had never really been Jess' favourite person in the world. She just wasn't his kind of person, and he wasn't hers, and Emily really hadn't minded. The one time Jess had been here to see Emily was when they'd announced the pregnancy, and even here, in far more humble surroundings, Jess had still struggled to feel comfortable. Emily hadn't even been too hard on him - he was a published author, an editor and department manager in his company. Even if he would never become rich from it, he was comfortable in his modest exsistance.
"Why don't we go sit outside for a bit, there's something I've been meaning to discuss with you," Emily suggested, gesturing towards the bench in her backyard. The bench overlooked the ocean, but this time of the morning it was pleasantly shaded by her house.
"Sure, grandma," Rory agreed, and grabbed a light throw from the chair to wrap around here into her other hand. The morning air was still a little chilly, and it had become her go-to thing to grab with her when she went outside to read in the recliner, quite enjoying the evenings out here. It was never this calm in Hartford.
The two heaved themselves across the lawn - one due to the weight on her belly, the other due to the cane, and took a seat on the padded bench. Rory was already a little apprehensive of what she wanted to talk to her about from the minute she'd invited her over. Knowing her grandmother, she was pretty sure the talk involved money, but she really didn't like talking about money.
It had been bad enough for Rory to go ask her grandmother for a partial downpayment on her house. She still had some money left from her trust fund, it wasn't all spent but she hadn't been terribly proud of how little of it she had left. Being a freelancer and paying for a large chunk of her own travel, insurance, housing and continuous training here and there had had their toll on it. But it had all been what she believed that Richard would've wanted her to do with it. To live, not just put it all into savings or investments. The small part that she had, hadn't turned out so great unfortunately - having been too occupied with work to notice the very red drop in her main stock. But she'd just had to push forward with what she had.
Emily had squinted her nose at the place she'd chosen to live in with Jess, but her choice had taken into account what she could afford to eventually pay for herself. Jess and Luke had already done wonders with the place. But it had also been about choosing something Jess looked like he fitted in, and something that kind of reminded her of her own home growing up.
"Have you thought of a name yet?" Emily asked Rory, after a deep, almost nostalgic sigh.
"We were thinking of Lee," Rory said. They'd liked it for its universality. "It works both for a boy and a girl, and we were thinking of adding a second name Lucas for a boy or Victoria for a girl," Rory explained. "We did consider Richard - but I wasn't sure it'd work well with Mariano. It just didn't sound right," she continued.
The sex of the baby was still a mystery, the baby being quite secretive about that little detail.
"Lee Lucas," Emily pronounced the name out loud. She did appreciate them going with Lucas instead of Luke, and knowing the background a little better, she actually didn't mind. Richard wasn't that keen on the idea of his first name carrying on anyways. "Lee Victoria," she did the same with the other name. "I have to say the first one sounds better. It's the strangest thing - I am not sure why we ended up with Victoria for your mother. I remember thinking of Elisabeth, Sophia and Catherine… maybe it was your grandfather's idea…," Emily continued to ponder.
"Wasn't it because of your thesis at Smith?" Rory reminded her. Her grandmother's memory wasn't what it used to be, on occasion slipping in and out of it. Her thesis had been on the representation of Queen Victoria in portraits. She was one of the most painted royals in history, even Rory recalled her stories. It made her sad that she occasionally forgot glimpses like that. Emily wasn't diagnosed with anything, doctors would just call it old age. And she had Berta to look after her and most of the time she was very lucid.
"Of course," Emily replied, and patted Rory's forearm.
"But I do think you should go with Gilmore," Emily said after a few moments. "Or at least hyphenate. As long as you two are not married - you should want to mark that child as yours. It makes things so much easier when you travel, with schools…," Emily continued.
Rory had thought of it, she really had. But as she was feeling guilty for a lot of things already, she almost wanted to gift the name to Jess as an unspoken apology for the way she'd used him to forget. At this point things between them were pretty good - he was still her escape, her rock but she sensed that maybe that wouldn't be enough for forever.
"Grandma..," Rory began, hoping this wouldn't become this big conditional thing like it often was with her. She'd fund something and have a say in whatever she was funding or at least get quality time out of it. It had been the same with Lorelai's new Inn Annex - Emily Gilmore had had a say on the spa procedures offered and the mandatory visits. It was no big deal, but still it hurt Lorelai's pride a little to have these unnatural strings.
"It's not a condition, it's just a recommendation," Emily added, before Rory explained herself.
"Okay, fine - I'll think about it," Rory replied. Maybe hyphenating the name wouldn't be that bad? Though it'd certainly be one hell of a mouthful.
"That's all I'm asking," Emily soothed her. "And I also wanted to talk to you about how you are going to raise this baby. No - I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I'll gladly offer advice if you want it," she added smilingly.
"Of course you can offer your advice," Rory said, somehow seeing this frail woman next to her made her softer too, even though the answer perhaps would've been very different a few years ago.
"But first things first," Emily began with determination. "Your house - I paid your mortgage in full," she confessed. "It belongs to you as soon as you sign the papers with the bank, I've already informed my accountant too who will help you if there's anything," she said.
"Grandma, I can't accept that," Rory argued, feeling baffled.
"You can and you will, and that's final," Emily said firmly. "It's what your grandfather would have wanted. All I want is to see you and your beautiful baby as much as possible. Holidays, summers..," she requested, a smile already creeking up to Rory's face. She'd heard this so many times before, both in person and through Lorelai.
Rory knew arguing was useless.
"I would've come even without that, you know," Rory said.
"And I've set up a trust fund for the baby as well. He or she will get it at 25, but it'll be possible to use it before that for college fees if you need," Emily continued.
"I don't know what to say," Rory sighed, her emotions getting the better of her - damn hormones. Rory hugged her grandmother. "Thank you," she added.
"Just remember - if you need help, all you have to do is ask," Emily assured, and that really meant more to Rory than any money ever would. She knew it of course, but it wasn't like Emily to usually offer like that.
"I love you," Rory exhaled and hugged her again.
"Ah, enough of this - how about we go to the market to get some fresh fish today?" Emily suggested.
November 20th, 2021
"And then it was a few days after we had that talk that she just went for an early morning walk by herself. We never really knew what happened, she'd requested no autopsy unless foul play was suspected. But I guess she either fell and had some brain bleed because of that, or she just had a stroke and fell as a result," Rory explained to Logan. "Some hiker found her later that day," she added. "And I was just lounging in the recliner all day, nose deep in a book or my phone, and I never even thought something might have happened. I didn't even think to call her or ponder why she wasn't home for lunch. She loved our lunches. I was just so preoccupied… the baby, the house being mine just didn't fit in my head either. I spent my time picking out strollers and cribs…," Rory began, shaking her head, a small teardrop already in the corner of her eye.
"Hey - I'm sorry I asked," Logan apologized, and stepped closer to hold her. "Again - not your fault," he assured yet again.
"I know… it's just a series of 'what if's if I think about it," Rory admitted.
"Well we both know about 'what if's, don't we?" Logan said, stroking her arms.
"Yeah, no point thinking over what didn't happen unless it's something you can change," Rory repeated the mantra she'd heard almost in every therapy she'd ever been to.
"She had a full life, I'm sorry I didn't get to witness that last turn - I bet it was something," Logan said, having heard from Rory before how Emily was all about tennis shoes and enjoying life out there.
"She did," Rory agreed. "Except maybe the career part. I think she would've made a great teacher. The way she did tours in the Whaling Museum - seriously, I've never heard something so graphic from her mouth," Rory added, and laughed, remembering the way Emily had spoken when she'd visited. She'd even continued to do tours one or two days a week almost until the very end. It had even been especially advertised as the 'graphic version' after a few people had complained. Who would've thought?
Logan laughed, mildly, still wanting to make sure Rory was okay. He kind of felt bad for having asked, but it was yet another thing that had shaped her since he'd been away. He wanted to re-learn her too.
"Hey - what is Em's full name anyways. I realized one day that I didn't actually know? Did you take her advice?" Logan asked. "I know it's not my business really… just..," he added, apologetically.
"Emily Lee Gilmore-Mariano," Rory replied, and smiled. In the long run she was happy having gone with both names.
"You know, whenever I imagined us having a kid together I always imagined her or him being a Gilmore not a Huntzberger," Logan confessed suddenly.
AN: Thanks for all the review! Keep them coming!
