Hey people, how are you doing? Now that I've finished my long series ("I don't want to forget") that pretty much contains everything that I ever wanted to say about Asushin and Evangelion, it took me a while to return to writing this, but I will sure deliver the promised 26 episodes.

Also, a fun fact. "I don't want to forget" was heavily inspired by "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and I posted it later, but the idea of making that one was actually the inspiration for this series and not the opposite.

I had planned to post up a Christmas fic today, but I will delay it for a good reason. So, instead, this time I got a larger chapter with a very emotional romance movie and also a small homage to a movie that referenced Evangelion itself. Hope you're prepared for more romantic angst to mark the return of Sohryu focused stories ^^. And Merry Christmas!


A man and a woman are running outside the train station.

"Mari…. Do you think I'm gonna be able to see them again?"

Mari looks at him and smiles.

"Puppy, this is heaven. The world you created to give everybody a chance to find happiness. Look, this is your home. I know that there is something important waiting for you right there."

Shinji looks to see a nice house, with a huge garden, in which some really beautiful watermelons are growing from the floor.

On the garden, wearing a straw hat, the familiar figure of Rei Ayanami, but with her long gorgeous blue hair.

"Ayana… Rei?" – Shinji says with his eyes tearing up.

"Hi Shinji. It's good to see you again." - she walks towards him and gives the man a soft hug. "Come on, let's get inside. There are so many things that I want to tell you about this world."

Shinji enters the house and is greeted with a familiar shout.

"Wark!"

"Pen-pen? You're back too buddy? But how…"

Mari smiles and Rei appears at his side, with a bowl of ramen on her hands.

"Let's eat, Shinji. You must be hungry."

Shinji sits at the table and starts to eat the food.

"Wow…. Rei… it's amazing. But how did you…"

"It's Neon Genesis World, puppy." – Mari answers for her – "Of course, everything here will be amazing. You sure deserve it. You also like music, right? You can select some for us to hear or even a movie for us to watch and have a pleasant afternoon here. What do you think about it? Sounds good?"

Looking to the side, Shinji comes across a gigantic bookshelf, containing several movies and music to choose from. He randomly removes a Blue-Ray box set from the shelf and tries to read the contents of it

"The best movies of.. Robin Williams?"

"Yes! Very nice choice." – Mari says with an excited look. "He is a very famous foreign actor, with a lot of good movies and…"

"Oh, I think I remember him. He is the protagonist for those Hollywood action movies, with explosions, heavy guns everything, right?"

"Erh… not quite but… whatever. We have all the time of the world, puppy. So, we will be able to watch all those movies and do lots of things."

"That sounds great Mari. But I want to meet the others first. Asuka. Where is she? Rei, do you know where she is?"

Mari and Rei stare at each other. A sudden tension overcomes the ambient.

"Shinji… I believe that you already said goodbye to Shikinami, right? So why do you intend to…"

"Shikinami… yes… No… but Asuka name is…" – Shinji puts his and on his forehead as a powerful headache overcomes him.

"Puppy, are you alright?"

"…"

Shinji suddenly raises his head and stares at both women.

"I want to see her. No. I need to see her. Asuka… Asuka Langley Sohryu. That's her name."

"Puppy… you probably need to rest a little bit. After that we are gonna see other people. No need to worry."

"She is right. You' re just making yourself feel worse Shinji, there's no point t ..."

"The point is there's just one thing I need." – Shinji says while punching the tale. The anger sets Rei and Mari back. – "And I need her… badly. Why? How did I forget about her?"

Mari and Rei keep staring at each other. Another tough moment of tension in the room.

"Shinji, I know that you're feeling confused right now, but that'll change in time…"

"To hell with time! Time's not that thing on my wristwatch anymore, is it? Time disappeared on me. And wherever it is, it won't make me need Asuka any less."

Silence.

"Rei…" - Shinji says, with a sad look – "How much time has passed since…. I've been with her?"

"There were a lot of loops and tries, Shinji…"

"Puppy… the thing is…. You can't reach her anymore. No matter what you do. And even if you manage to do it, you'll feel differently. And so will she."

Shinji glares at his friend. A sudden silence. No wind at all. And just above a whisper ...

"Mari. You don't know us."

Mari looks at him with a big smile.

"I sure do, puppy. You two are soulmates. Tuned in to each other. Pretty romantic stuff. Even if she never got into this realm, you've still loved another version of her. Any version of her."

"So, you understand that I need to see her. Please… help me."

Mari looks in his eyes and suddenly becomes sad. Rei speaks again.

"You can't. She is not here. Never was. She is in another place since the loops began. It might have been centuries or millenniums since then. What you call 'hell' ...a place for those who don't accept the realities that you've rewritten which each loop. They can't realize what's happened to them... because they were too self-aware of the old reality. They won't let go of the old world they've built around themselves. At this point it's like you're a different species on a different planet. Forget it"

"Where is she?"- Shinji insists.

Mari looks at Rei with pleading eyes. "Rei… please… show him!"

Rei sighs and opens the kitchen's door. Instead of seeing a kitchen, Shinji could see a empty beach, with a red sea. On the horizon, several crucified Evangelions, as well as the decomposing form of Lilith's head, could be seen.

"That's a big place, Shinji, as infinite as all the realities that you've seem during instrumentality. It's foolish to go there."

"Dear Rei. Shinji is a grown man now. But you know, if she was here, she would say that too much persistence can get kinda… stupid?" – Kaworu appears, walking from the apocalyptic scenario towards the living room.

Shinji gave him a soft laugh.

"I warned you that you would be lonely, Shinji. But have no illusions. When you find her. Nothing will make her recognize you. Nothing will break her denial, it is stronger than her love, in fact reinforced by her love. Denial twists everything around and you can't outsmart it, you can't beat it. Not even with the lances. There are things that neither the creators of this reality can change."

"I understand."

"But you can say everything you long to say. Including good-bye. Even if she can't understand it. In that sense, it's just like you did with Shikinami."

"Get me there. I'll decide what's enough."

Rei put a hand on his shoulder. "Remember. You can stay there for five minutes, tops. Otherwise, you will also become trapped in your worst nightmare too." – Shinji nods in agreement, and starts to walk towards the door as she continues. "Shinji!" – the man stops – "If losing yourself, and your soul... if being swallowed by hell itself ... could possibly save her... I…" – she gives a quick look at Kaworu and Mari – "we'd say, go for it. And we'd be there cheering you."

Shinji looks at them "Thank you". As he crosses the door, he realizes that he is now his 14 year's old version again.

Laying on the wet sand, the girl that he wants to see. Her plugsuit wasn't torn, but there were bandages on her right arm and left eye.

"A-asuka?" – he runs towards her and touches her face only to stop when the girl raised her right arm towards the sky, screaming: "I will kill you! I will kill you!"

Shinji blinks. And suddenly he is inside of the entry plug of Unit 02, as several replicas of the Spear of Longinus trespass its body, making the boy feel the worst pain that he ever felt.

As he opens his eye again, he realizes that he is in Misato's apartment. Asuka was there sitting at the table with an emotionless face. Like a doll.

"A-asuka?"

She turns her head to look at him.

"Who are you? Why are you in my house?"

Shinji's eyes tear up. Asuka doesn't remember him anymore.

"I'm… your new neighbor. The door was opened and I just wanted to introduce myself and."

"Oh… I see. Well, you must be pretty dumb to move over here. I've been living here by myself for a while and there is nothing to do here. It's boring. So, I just want to sleep all day. But when I do, I always have the same nightmare, so I wake up again and… why the hell I'm talking those things to you?" – she looks away from him and started at the table.

Shinji looks at her, with confidence in his eyes. He may look like a boy, but he is not. He is a man now. He will help her this time.

"Maybe it's because I remember you of someone?"

"What? No… of course not." – she says, still looking at the table –"Nobody is worthy of remembering anyway. Also, I don't need anybody. I'm perfectly fine living on my own."

"I see… however, you do remember me of someone."

"Oh… I doubt it. You don't know anything about me."

"She had a tragic story. She was betrayed by the person that she trusted the most."

Asuka flinches and turns her head to look at him again.

"She had her flaws, but she didn't deserve that. The person that betrayed her was an idiot. He couldn't give her what he wanted because he was so selfish that he didn't even know how to love himself."

Her eyes come up.

"And instead of solving his issues and become strong to really help her he… ran away. He pushed the pain away so hard ... he disconnected himself. From the person he loved the most. That's his crime. And he's gonna pay for it. Forever."

She stands up, looking at him with a curious look.

"He…. really seems to be an idiot."

"He sure is. In fact, he is so dense that it took him thousand of years for him to admit that he loved… no, he loves her. And he could only hope that she would know that, somehow."

"S…stupid Shinji?"

Tears stand in her eyes. Shinji starts to cry too. She reaches to touch his face. But at the last moment she recoils and, instead, pushes him backwards, making him fall over the floor, dropping hot coffee on the carpet.

"Why… what are you doing here? You don't do anything! You won't even hold me!"

Shinji fells like his consciousness is starting to fade. The time limit is reaching the critical threshold.

"Sorry, Asuka." – he says, while struggling to get up – "There's some things I have to say. And there's only ... a few moments left."

"I'm sorry. For all the things that I've done. For all the moments that I've hurt you by my actions or by running away. I was never able make you smile. I was never able to comfort you. I was never able to hold you."

Asuka looks at him, with plain disgust on her eyes.

"But I also want to say thank you. For never give up. For always being honest. For always trying to push me to be stronger. For being someone I was always proud to be with. Thank you for your guts and your… sweetness. For how you always looked, how I always wanted to hold you."

He looks at her frozen and emotionless face, still looking at him with that disgusted look that made him feel utterly pathetic as Shinji starts to lose his consciousness for good.

"I also… apologize for every time I failed you. Especially this one."


"Thought I wouldn't make it out, huh?" Shinji says, opening his eyes.

"You were in there for more than five minutes" – Rei gently speaks, caressing his hair.

"Guess I was. Took a while to realize." He looks at Kaworu. "You were right."

Kaworu smiles a sad smile, that shows that he is not happy to be right. Not happy at all.

"Nothing you can do could ever help her. This trip was always just for you."

Shinji nods once more. He knows that now. Rei clears her throat.

"Did you come close?"

"To losing it? Yeah, I pushed it straight to the edge. That's why I had to come out now ..."

A flicker of apprehension across Rei and Kaworu's eyes, their instinct anticipating danger, as Shinji resumed talking.

"To tell you that I'm giving up ..." they suddenly relax ... "Just not in the way you think." Kaworu freezes and Rei just blinks as Shinji crawls towards Asuka and starts to gently caress the girl's frozen dead body cheek again.

"Kaworu, Rei." – he says as he starts to lose his consciousness again – "Thank you for everything. I love you both. More than you can imagine. But I've made my choice. And I won't leave Asuka. Give my regards to Mari."

Shinji blinks, and suddenly he is on Misato's apartment again. Asuka is still standing, looking at him with a disgusted look, not making a single move.

"Asuka… In one minute, I'll lose myself. I won't know you. Any better than you will know me. But we'll be together. Where we belong."

He pulls her to a strong embrace, holding her. She tries weakly to pull it free, but he won't let her.

"Good people end up in hell because they can't forgive themselves." – he stares at her eyes. "I know I can't. Not if it means that I have to abandon you here."

She is staring back. Transfixed. Shinji continues.

"But I can forgive you."

Asuka softly whispers.

"For what? Being a bitch? An immature child? A worthless pilot and an even worse person?"

He shakes his head and caress her cheek.

"For being so wonderful that a guy would choose hell over heaven … just to see you again."

And with those words, a light goes out behind his eyes. He blinks, pulls back and looks around ... while weird thoughts start to take form into his head. Why he is here? Why is the sea… red?

He looks at his side and sees a girl. A girl that has hurt him. So, he has to hurt her back. How many times he did that already? Always waking up on that beach and killing the girl with his bare hands, only to wake up again and do the same thing over and over.

He quickly positions himself to stand over the girl looking at her with an emotionless look in his eyes, and begins to squeeze her neck once more.

But he stops as he realizes that something is different this time. The girl is giving him a soft caress on his cheek. Tears fall from his eyes as he hears her voice saying that this whole thing is disgusting. And suddenly, as they look into each other's eyes, they realize that they are in control of their actions again. A soft blush forms on both of their cheeks.

"You're really stupid, you know? You have abandoned your perfect and deserved paradise and happy ending. Why?"

Shinji smiles softly. "Heaven would never be truly heaven without you... Let this hell be our heaven."

Asuka sighs. "Shinji… I'm… tired… I guess I want to try to… live in a world without Evangelions."

"B-but…I…"

She flicks his forehead.

"Idiot. You found me in hell. You will find me anywhere. You better! I won't forgive you if you don't!" – she gives him a big smile as her body starts to disappear.

"I… I promise." – he says while closing his eyes.


In a hospital room, two babies, side by side, pull out into the world. The Japanese boy howls with rage and life, to the happiness and joy of the woman with blue long hair who had just given birth to him and the wide smile of the white-haired man.

But on the other room ... ... the red headed baby girl is motionless, lifeless, a frozen doll. Her parents are in shock, tears starting to moist both of their glasses. A lifetime instant. Suddenly, to the astonishment of the man who had already dropped his camera, his wife takes the girl from the doctor's arm and delivers a blow across the infant's back, and the child ... gasps, breaths and screams with the joy of being reborn.

The two brand-new mothers clutch their babies. Those babies stare at the wall that is separating them, knowing that soon there will be no walls between them anymore.