Based on an idea of AkiraRedTiger who wanted to see Loki driving.


Loki, arms folded, looked at Tony's car collection with an interested pout. He had taken the elevator to the basement and "just by chance" (after walking through five different levels) fell in front of these little technological gems that individually cost a small fortune. J.A.R.V.I.S. had not considered that the information should be reported to his boss. After all, Loki was only watching. At least at first, he was just watching. Because after the first moments of visual discovery: ohwowowow it is really beautiful this ... Thing... Loki wanted to drive. But he had no idea how these strange little vehicles worked.

Car! That's the word! These vehicles are cars. That said, it couldn't have been that different from an Asgard ship. Loki approached one of the cars and put his hand on the door. He pulled and, to his surprise, nothing happened. Apparently at least because J.A.R.V.I.S. on his side had alerted Tony that an alien was attacking his beloved cars. Loki snapped his fingers, unlocking the vehicle and repeated the gesture. The car door opened without a sound and Loki slid into the leather seat and closed it with a soft slam. He put his hands on the steering wheel, decorated with a logo representing a feline, and his eyes were everywhere. Good. Great, he was sitting in the car, but what should he do now?

Loki pressed several buttons, turned a few more and by chance lowered his window with his elbow. He raised an eyebrow and raised it up, then down, then up again in a hurry when he saw Tony running towards him. Loki tried to start the vehicle as fast as possible, but there were really too many buttons on the dashboard! Even on the doors, the steering wheel or next to the cigarette lighter, what's the point? A left press on a new Loki button turned on the heater just as Tony's hands were resting heavily on the hood. Thanks to the Jaguar's sound insulation, Loki saw him just wiggling around and opening and closing his mouth like an unhappy fish.

Loki laughs, stirring the silent thunderbolts of the genius who came in authority to open the door. More clearly, he came to attack the door that Loki had locked a few minutes ago by pressing the umpteenth button. Loki was having a great time seeing Tony who, in his anger, forgot where he had put the keys to all his cars. Billionaire problems, you see. However, Loki was getting hot. The heating was very efficient and the Jotun could not stand the heat very well. It was very unpleasant. Then Loki opened the door and smoothly exited the vehicle before taking a nonchalant step away. He then let Tony inspect the interior of his Jaguar thoroughly.

After going back up the Tower to complain to Thor about Tony's omnipresence in the building, Loki learned that he wasn't allowed to drive without a license anyway. This was all new to him. On Asgard we didn't bother with this kind of detail. It was so ridiculous. But upon reflection, if Loki wanted to have more autonomy as a "model earthling" (hello SHIELD, look at these sessions in the talk group were awfully effective) being able and knowing how to drive Midgard's vehicles could prove useful. Also after a clarification on the automobile laws with Steve, who had confessed to him that he had to take his license only a few weeks ago - SHIELD suddenly remembered that the soldier had never taken the test and had been driving since he woke up completely illegally - Loki had registered to take the test for... his driver's license. Ah, naive that he had been on the spot. He had thought he could drive almost immediately. But he was soon disillusioned to discover that he had to get his sesame for the license before anything else... His code.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Loki had formally refused to use the weeks he should have used to train for the code. He specifically said he just wanted to drive as fast as possible. And the very next day, he found himself in front of a tablet in what appeared to be a meeting room.

Loki looked at the people around him while a woman explained how the examination was conducted. It was mostly stressed teenagers and a few adults, one of whom was staring at him, wondering if he hadn't seen him somewhere before... Loki looked back at the woman who told them to pick up their headphones and go whenever they wanted. The Jotun did not wait any longer and began.

A pedestrian approaches the road and doesn't seem to have seen me:

Answer A: I stop

Answer B: I honk the horn and I pass

Answer C: I shift to the other lane without slowing down.

Answer D: I am accelerating

Loki tapped without hesitation on the answer D. Never slow down, his golden rule in terms of piloting a ship. No reason why it does not apply outside of Asgard.

In the city center, which age group is the most affected by car accidents?

Answer A: under 15 years of age

Answer B: 15-25 year olds

Answer C: 26-65 year olds

Answer D: Those over 65 years of age

Once again Loki selected D. The elderly were a real calamity in the city center. The brown was convinced that some users did not hesitate to speed up if he could touch one.

What is the technical problem causing the abnormal wear of these tires?

Answer A: a problem of parallelism

Answer B: Under-inflated tires

Answer C: Overinflated tires

Answer D: Improper tire balancing

Loki stared at the image. Yes indeed there was a problem with these tires. He clicked on answer B. Completely by feeling.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Two days after the examination, Loki, sprawled in a chair, was waiting for the results. And was bored to death. His brother was doing superhero stuff. This involved rescuing people during an extraterrestrial attack, as well as answering interviews. The Stark Phone "kindly" offered by its creator to Loki lit up on an email notification.

The brown one took a look at it. He had his code. Good. To the next one now. Loki jumped out of the chair. It was time to get down to business. He had watched videos on the internet. And as everyone knows, that's perfectly good enough to know how to drive. All that was needed was to prove it to a small mortal and the case was closed. All that was needed was to get to the test site by... Ah well, yes but no. Not by car. Unless...

Tony had responded with great enthusiasm and enthusiasm. He had grabbed the keys to an Audi and accompanied the god to the place of examination. He was now waiting with some excitement for the fateful moment when the Jotun wouldn't get his little piece of paper. No, Loki couldn't get his license the first time. Much too easy and not entertaining enough for the genius. Already he had strangely but easily obtained his code... No, no, no, he had to fail and have to retake the exam. At least a second time. Loki ignored Stark who was waving at him from the window as he walked away and walked towards the building. The moment of truth was near.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Well, we'll move to parallel parking. Here, on the left."

As the first candidate in the front seat was nearing the end of his evaluation, in the back seat, Loki was bubbling and a teenager was panicking. The Jotun had been robbed of first place. So he had to wait for this terribly nervous youngster to maneuver at two an hour in a space big enough to park the car three times. Loki thinks it's best to put the teenager out of his misery as quickly as possible. Anyway, someone so stressed out would be dangerous on the road. With a wave of his hand and under the bewildered gaze of the teenager - it wasn't that common to see hands lighting up - Loki moved a trash can into the driver's blind spot. The car went into it and the teenager crushed the brake pedal. He froze completely, his hands clenched on the steering wheel. The examiner pulled his glasses up over his nose and, looking in his rear-view mirror, made a cross on his paper.

"Hand brake and turn off the engine. Next. »

Loki opened his door and jumped on the drawer. The teenager got out of the car with tears in his eyes, and Loki slipped into his seat without a thought for the young man who would have to retake the exam. He put his hands on the steering wheel and smiled discreetly.

"The mirrors," said the examiner.

Loki glanced at him and slowly adjusted the seat and mirrors. He even quietly put on his seatbelt before starting off on a high speed. The pen, followed a few seconds later by the paper and its holder, fell at the foot of the car school instructor who clung desperately to his door. In the back seat, teenagers tossed around as Loki slalomed between New York cars and cabs hesitated between screaming and crying. Although it was possible to do both at the same time. Loki felt perfectly at ease. He even wanted to put on some music. The examiner finally regained control of his body and brought his foot close to the brake. Loki immediately snapped his fingers. There's no way anyone is going to take control of his vehicle. It was him behind the wheel after all. The brown will accelerate again.

"You can't go 90 in the city center," the man yelped in a high-pitched voice.

"And why not? I have very good reflexes and a resistant constitution, I risk nothing."

"But the pedestrians are! And so are we!"

The monitor tried once again, always in vain, to override the brake. Loki was doing it for his own good. This old man, who also wore glasses, was not at his best. And his vision was not optimal, while Loki's vision was much better than that of the midgardians. When the vehicle finally stopped after half an hour of high-speed torture, Loki turned to the examiner with a big smile that made the examiner shiver.

"As long as I don't have my license," he whispers. "I'll come back and take it with you. Have a nice day!"

He opened the door and left the three humans completely confused - and in the middle of a bridge - under the aggressive honking of other road users. Loki walked back to the Tower, walked along Central Park, thinking the place was pretty nice, and bought a coffee from a street vendor. A beautiful day had just passed for Thor's brother who was sipping his drink on the New York sidewalks.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"It's a disaster," said Tony before drinking a glass of whisky.

He coughed before resuming.

"This guy is a raving lunatic, he's dangerous and he's been given his license."

"It can't be that bad," said the soldier, who was nonchalantly drawing in his notebook.

"Have you ever seen him drive, Steve?"

"No," recognized the blond.

"So don't say that! I. Seen. It. While he was getting his license. It was even on TV! You would have seen it, too, if you weren't in the middle of... I don't even know what you were doing."

"I was at the fairgrounds nearby with Bucky. He's really good at the balloon stand."

"He's great at the balloon booth. What? No, actually that's not important right now. But we'll talk about it later. Come and see."

Tony dragged Steve to the first floor. He then led him to the door leading to the parking lot outside the Tower. As soon as he stepped outside, the blond man opened his eyes wide.

"But... But..."

"You see," cried Tony, who was certainly going to become completely hysterical this time.

"But your car is burning!"

"I know it's burning! I KNOW! And he keeps skidding on the parking lot as if nothing had happened for a good ten minutes!"

Loki, quietly seated behind the steering wheel, smiles as he replaces the sunglasses on his nose. And he could smile, these glasses gave him an extremely cool look. He waved a hand and the black smoke coming out of the engine disappeared, leaving him a clear view of a Tony jumping on the spot screaming at J.A.R.V.I.S to spray the entire parking lot with fire extinguishers. To which artificial intelligence soberly replied -and this is to its credit, even if it is in any case its only intonation- "Sir, I have already used all the stocks to extinguish Mr. Parker's experiments. And I must keep a minimum reserve in case of fire inside the Tower". Steve put a hand -which was meant to be soothing- on the shoulder of the smaller one who was biting his fingers -not really feeling the calm transmitted by this contact- as he watched the car spinning again and again and again leaving more and more tire rubber on the road.

"He's going to kill me. This alien is going to kill me. But before he does, he will have destroyed my entire garage!"

"Tony, you should go back to the Tower and rest away from Loki for a while. When he has emptied his tank, I will make sure he is not allowed near another one of your cars."

Our very dear archer chose this moment to come back from a small stroll in the streets of New York, a hot dog with mustard in hand.

"Tony? Is Loki, who wears sunglasses, which is quite weird, making doughnuts with one of your vintage cars, which is actually burning? No? Because it looks like it anyway," says the brown guy biting his hot dog.

"This is really not the time, Clint," Steve explained with a tight smile, taking Tony by the shoulders and dragging him inside.

"All right... But why is Loki doing this? It gives him an extremely cool side and I'm not sure how to react to this news. Guys?"

Clint turned around and raised an eyebrow. They were gone. Without answering his existential question. Nice team... Clint took another bite while following the vehicle with his eyes. If no one had stopped the Jotun since the time it seemed to be doing that - and at the sight of the extremely numerous traces on the ground, it had been a long time - he could well finish his meal before intervening. If he intervened. He hadn't decided that yet. But one thing was certain, his food was a priority. The SHIELD agent looked for a place to sit and opted for a low wall. He settled down quietly to finish eating.

Clint had been finishing his meal for a good hour and was taking a nap lying all the way down on the low wall when the incessant engine noise and tire squealing finally stopped. The archer straightened up before rubbing his eyes. Loki had gotten out of the car, completely charred - it was now impossible to discern the original color, which was once a beautiful champagne by the way - and, with his fists on his hips, stared at the engine.

"I think you're out of gas," yawned Clint as he approached him. "And then, secondarily, the car just melted in the heat."

"It's poor quality," Loki said, kicking what was left of a tire.

"Huuh... It's not supposed to run when it's on fire. It's not supposed to be on fire at all, by the way."

Loki glanced at him unconvincingly as he raised his sunglasses to the top of his head.

"You don't have water here?"

"For what? Fire? No, we have mostly foam. It's J.A.R.V.I.S. who manages that."

"That confirms what I thought. We need more water."

"Don't tell me about it," sighed the man. "In spite of global warming and rising water levels, we're still short of water. It's an infernal spiral."

Loki squinted his eyes. He couldn't see what the archer was talking about.

"But if you want water, live in a port or a lighthouse. I'm sure you'll get tired of it later. Too much water, too much wind, too much salt, too much sand or rocks..."

Clint listed a few more negative points about life on the waterfront and Loki listened attentively. Nothing he said was a problem for him. He just had to figure out how to get settled near the ocean. Maybe by borrowing a car from Tony? Oh. That's a good idea. Great idea. But before going to the sea for a while, he needed to do one last thing in New York.


I'm really not cool with Tony... Poor guy is going to end up in a speaking group too.