Thank you all for your wonderful reviews. I hope these next two chapters will bring some relief to our die hard Jack fans and bring you to love him again. Thanks for sticking with me through this very different take on Jack and Elizabeth. It will only get better from here.
June 12, 1998 – Wisconsin River Pro Rodeo
"That was a great ride, Jack. I see you took my advice on your posture. Did you feel the difference?"
"Ya, dad. It felt more natural that way and I was able to hold my balance better. How was my free arm?"
"It looked like you got really close to the bull's neck a couple times, so be sure to watch out for that. Otherwise, you looked great. I'm so proud of you."
Thomas hugged his son, then put his arm across his shoulders. "Did you see that, Jim? Jack's going to be a champion."
"Yes, that was a great ride, Jack. Looks like you'll be following in your father's footsteps. Are you going to win three world championships too?"
"I hope so. That's my goal," Jack answered, smiling at his dad.
"He is 18 now, you know. So, he'll be competing with the big boys." His dad added.
"Oh, that's right," Jim said. "It's going to be a great day to see both of the Thornton men compete against each other.
Later that evening, Thomas drew a bull named Hannibal's Fury. Fury was one of the worst bulls on the circuit. He had already killed two riders and injured over a dozen, leaving one paralyzed. Jack had a bad feeling as soon as he'd heard which bull his dad drew. He begged him not to ride.
"Dad, please! Don't ride him. Fury is bad news and it just doesn't feel right." Jack pleaded.
"Son, it will be just fine. I probably won't make it to eight seconds but that's okay. We can't win them all."
"Dad, please. Don't do it. Not Fury."
"Jack," Thomas laid his hand on Jack's shoulder, "it will be fine. Trust me. I'll be fine."
Thomas walked toward the chute that held Hannibal's Fury, a 1900-pound Brahma bull that was made of pure muscle. Only one man had ever ridden him in Fury's four-year career.
Thomas was up next and Jack stood next to his chute to handle his bull strap rope for him. Jack's mother, Charlotte and his sixteen-year-old brother, Tom, were in their normal seats near the chutes.
Thomas got the rosin warmed and the rope in place, pulled his hat down tight on his head and nodded.
The bull exploded straight into the air when it left the chute but Jack's dad held on. The fans were going wild as Thomas neared the eight second buzzer. But at six seconds, Thomas came off the bull and hit the ground hard. Stunned at first, Thomas stood and shook away the confusion. Fury had spun to face Thomas and charged toward him. Thomas hadn't seen him coming. Fury tipped his head at just the right angle, that his horn pierced into Thomas' back, killing him instantly.
Jack stood at the chute, watching in horror. "Noooo!" He jumped over the chute gate and ran out into the arena as the gateman closed the alley gate behind Fury.
"Dad!" He yelled as he slid across the dirt onto his knees next to his father. "Dad!" he cried out.
Jim and another one of Thomas' friends, grabbed Jack's arms and dragged him, kicking and screaming, out of the arena as Charlotte and Tom watched helplessly from the stands.
…..
May 29th, 2009 – Sunnyspring Counseling
"I'm glad to see you back, Jack." Dr. Marie Harban said as Jack took a seat on the sofa opposite her. "How have you been doing since our last session?"
Jack leaned back in his seat and pulled his foot up onto his knee. "I've been doing alright."
The doctor read through her notes from last week before continuing. "So last week we talked about your father's accident. Can you tell me what you did to cope with that?"
Jack hesitated before answering. "Right after his death, I shut down. I never left the ranch, I just picked up on my father's work and repairs and spent every day trying to finish everything he had been working on."
"And when everything was done, what did you do then?"
"After a year out, I finally returned to the rodeo and poured everything into my riding." Jack hesitated as he recalled that time returning to the circuit. "I won a lot," he cleared his throat. "And...was constantly compared to my father." He cleared his throat again. This was harder than he thought it would be.
"How did you feel when you won, when you were compared to your father?"
"I didn't mind being compared to him; he was my hero. Everyone on the rodeo circuit revered him."
"And you wanted that same response? To be revered? Did that make you feel closer to your father?"
"I thought that's what I wanted. But the more I won, the further I felt from him."
"What did you do then?"
"I still continued to win, but..."
Dr. Harban waited quietly for Jack to continue.
Jack could feel his face grow warm. "But I started turning to girls for...I guess...comfort. I had grown numb to everything, and whenever I was with a girl, I could at least feel...something."
"Did this help you with everything? Did the numbness go away?"
"No."
"And yet you continued this reckless activity?"
"Yes."
"Why do you think that is?"
"I don't know. I guess for an evening, I could forget about the pain. Any time I could do something to make me stop thinking about Dad, I would do it. Sex, drinking, bulls. Even if it was just for a brief moment, I would try anything to feel some sort of normalcy."
"Was this kind of activity normal for you?"
"No. Not until after dad died."
"Then what kind of normalcy did this activity bring to you?"
Jack didn't know how to reply to this and shifted nervously in his seat.
"Do you think you were trying to replace the feeling of security and love that you had with spending time with your father with a different kind of feeling? Be it from sex or drinking or whatever you chose at that time."
"I don't know. Maybe. Possibly."
"So, why the change now? You've been doing this your way all these years, why are you seeking help now?"
"I got hurt pretty bad seven months ago and spent many hours just sitting at home alone. I had a lot of time to reflect on my life and how I'd been living." Jack picked up the glass of water and took a drink before continuing. "I was not proud of the man I'd become. And sick to my stomach at the thought of what my dad would think of me. He would be so disappointed in me right now." Jack paused briefly, "And I've met someone. Someone I want to get to know better."
Dr. Harban scribbled notes into her notebook as Jack talked. "Is she aware of your past?"
"Yes, for the most part." Jack switched legs again, "I did something really stupid that she doesn't know about. Something that might make her leave."
"Why do you think she'd leave if she knows about your past?"
"Because this happened after I met her."
"What transpired to lead up to this event?"
"It was my first ride since my accident. When I went to strap my hand in, all I could think about was my hand getting stuck, so I loosened it a bit. By doing so, caused my hand to slip out during the ride and I came off. I sabotaged my own ride out of fear."
"What did you do after that?"
"I saw Elizabeth and tried to approach her but she had heard about my past, that I had been with a lot of women. I said some hurtful things to her and told her we weren't meant to be together. Then I went to a trailer of a gal I'd been with the year before. She had approached me earlier that evening but I had brushed her off. I spent the night with her."
"Why do you think you did that? You told me that you had already made the decision to change your life. But it sounds like you returned to your normal, reckless choices."
"I have asked myself that question every day. Elizabeth is different. She's not like those girls, she's special, and she's a virgin. I just threw it in her face." Jack hesitated. "Then I left her standing there crying." He said, shaking his head. "That is when I went looking for that other girl at her trailer."
"It sounds like you were upset with yourself about your ride, then when Elizabeth confronted you with the information she had learned, you deflected your anger on her. And possibly you felt guilty for doing so and you returned to your coping mechanism of meaningless sex. You have been self-medicating with sex for so long, Jack, that you don't know any other way."
Jack sat in silence, his eyes beginning to well up with tears, as he processed this information. "I don't want to be that person anymore. I want a wife. I want a family. I want to be a man that my father would be proud of."
…..
May 30th, 2009 – Hope Meadows Ranch
Jack picked up his phone and dialed Elizabeth's number.
"Hi, Beth."
"Hi. How are you doing? How did your therapy go?"
"That's actually why I'm calling. I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to take you out tonight."
"Okay," Elizabeth replied. "Is everything alright?"
"Yes." Jack walked to his couch and sat down. "I am working on fixing my screwed up self and that is going to involve some changes."
"Okay, Jack. What kind of changes?"
"First, I'm going to stay away from clubs for a while. And, you."
Elizabeth did not respond.
"Beth? Are you still there?"
"Yes, I'm here."
"My therapist gave me a list of things to work on and one of them involves not using women for any kind of crutch or coping mechanism. The only way I can be sure not to do that, is if you aren't around. I don't mean to hurt you and this isn't permanent. I just need to do this for a little while to get my head straightened out."
"I understand, Jack. I want you to get better and I'll do anything I can to help you. So, if that means to stay away, then I'll stay away."
"Thank you for understanding, Beth. Just for a little while. Then maybe we could start going out and doing little things like coffee or take a walk or something."
"That sounds perfect, Jack."
"Good. I'm going to go now. I need to get some work done."
"Okay," Elizabeth replied. "Jack?"
"Yes, Beth."
"I'll be praying for you."
Jack remained silent.
"Goodbye, Jack."
"Bye, Beth."
Jack hung up the phone and laid it on the coffee table. He rested his chin on his hands as he replayed Elizabeth's voice in his head. "I'll be praying for you," she had said. Jack had not considered God ever since his dad died. God had let him die.
…..
Elizabeth hung up the phone and turned to Rosemary with a blank look.
"What's wrong, Liz?"
"That was Jack. He doesn't want to see me for a while."
"What? Why?" Rosemary stopped pulling up the cinch on the saddle and turned to her friend.
Elizabeth explained to her what Jack had said.
"Wow. Sounds like he's really trying."
"Yes, it does." A small smile grew across Elizabeth's face. "I'm going to miss seeing him but I just want what's best for him."
"Well," Rosie added, "I guess we'll just have to get some extra riding in to keep you busy." She smiled at Elizabeth and returned to the saddle.
…..
June 2nd, 2009
The sun had just come up and the early morning dew glistened on each blade of grass. A stream of low-lying fog stretched out across the front pasture, and Jack sipped his coffee as he watched a young horse kicking and bucking through the white mist.
The sound of tires on gravel pulled Jack's attention to his driveway and he saw his mother's truck approaching his house.
Charlotte climbed the steps to Jack's front porch, where he was sitting in a chair with his coffee.
"Good morning, ma," Jack said as he sat his cup on the table.
Charlotte took a seat in the chair on the other side of the table. "Good morning, Jack." She looked out into the pasture where the colt was still playing. "Beautiful morning, isn't it?"
"It sure is." Jack watched the young horse.
"Where's, Beth? She still coming around?" Charlotte asked, moving her gaze to her son.
Jack looked at his mom, "She's probably at home. She's not coming around right now."
Charlotte shook her head. "I really liked her."
"It's not like that, ma." Jack picked up his coffee and took a drink. "I'm working some things out. Then I'll hopefully see her again."
"Jack, I'm worried about you." Charlotte leaned forward, resting her arms on her knees.
"I know. I'm working on things."
"I hope so. You've been on a downhill slope to destruction for years now."
Jack's expression turned to surprise as he looked at his mother.
"I see you, Jack." She reached over and laid her hand on his knee. "Do you not think I know what you've been doing? Do you not think that I hear things? I've been wanting to talk to you for a long time about this but never knew what to say."
Jack felt his cheeks grow hot. "I'm sorry, mom." Jack laid his hand on top of his mom's. "I'm working on my shit right now."
"Jack, language, please."
"Sorry, ma."
"I don't think I need to tell you how shocked I was to see you ride up with Elizabeth that day." Charlotte squeezed his hand.
"I figured you had been," Jack grinned.
"And then again, when you had Elizabeth with you when you brought Savannah back over. I'm not going to lie; I was hoping to see her here this morning." She smiled at her son.
Jack shook his head, "She's not like that, ma. She won't be having any sleepovers here."
"Well, she is just a breath of fresh air, isn't she?"
The grin on Jack's face grew to a smile, "Yes, she is, ma." His expression made it evident to his mother that he cared for her.
Jack told his mother about his therapy sessions and the changes he was making in his life.
"I'm so glad to hear that, Jack. You know I love you, right?"
"Yes, mom. I know. I love you, too."
"Well, your birthday will be here in a few days. Do you think you could invite Elizabeth to my house for a cook out?"
"I think that would be okay. I'll ask her."
"Invite Lee, too. I haven't seen that crazy boy's face for a while and I miss him." Charlotte smiled.
"Okay," Jack laughed. "I will."
…..
June 2nd, 2009 – Elizabeth's Townhouse, Missouri
Elizabeth picked up her phone and dialed Julie's number.
"Hey, sis. How are you?" Julie asked.
"Hi, Julie. I'm great. How have you been? I haven't talked to you in a while."
"Oh, I know. I've been so busy with little Skylar. She's such a handful."
"I can't wait to see her again. She's three now, right?"
"Yes. Three going on thirteen." Julie laughed. "She's so sassy."
"Like mother, like daughter."
"Very funny, Beth. So what have you been doing?"
"Well, I've been riding horses a lot."
"Really? I never thought I'd see the day that you're on a horse."
"I have actually grown to love it, now that I know how to ride. I've been going over to my friend Rosie's farm almost every day and riding."
"That's great, Beth. What else is new in your life?"
"Well….I've met someone."
"Really? Tell me everything." Julie squealed.
"His name is Jack, and he's a bull rider."
"What?!" Julie gasped. "You're dating a bull rider?"
"Well, we aren't actually dating, per se."
"What does that mean?"
Elizabeth explained things to Julie without mentioning the unflattering parts of Jack's past. She wasn't ready to share that yet, if ever.
"I hope everything works out for you, sis. I really do. And I can't wait to meet Jack."
"I can't wait for you to meet him too. He's really a great guy. Hey, please don't say anything to mom and dad. I'll do it when I'm ready."
"My lips are sealed, sis."
…..
June 7th, 2009
Jack stood on his mother's front porch, waiting for Rosemary's truck to appear. He hadn't seen Elizabeth since the day she had met Savannah, and he was growing nervous to see her again.
"What is wrong with me?" He said aloud, loud enough for his mom to hear him.
Charlotte stepped outside to find Jack pacing. "What's wrong?"
Jack, embarrassed by this, shook his head and replied, "Nothing. I'm good."
"I know you better than that, Jack. What is it?"
"I don't want to screw this up with Beth." Jack shook out his shoulders and arms. "I'm actually nervous that she's coming over. I've never felt like this before."
Charlotte grinned at her son, "Jack, are you developing feelings for this girl?"
"What? No. No. I've barely known her over a month." Jack was speaking fast and stumbling over his words.
"The heart knows what the heart knows, Jack." Charlotte left Jack standing on the porch as she went back into the house.
Jack walked up to the porch railing and placed his hands on it, supporting himself as he watched Bandit, his mom's border collie, chase a butterfly through the yard. Wheels rolling over gravel caused Jack's head to snap up and his heart to beat a little faster.
Rosemary's truck came to a stop next to Jack's truck, Lee was driving. He had walked out to meet them and was already opening Elizabeth's door.
"Hi," he said to her, a huge smile across his face, as he put his hand out to help her down.
"Hi, Jack," she smiled back, taking his hand.
"You look very nice."
"Thank you, Jack. Happy birthday," she said as she stood on her toes and kissed his cheek.
"Hey, Jacko!" Lee exclaimed and slapped Jack on the back. "Happy birthday, buddy."
"Thanks, brother."
"Happy birthday, Jack," Rosie said as she gave him a hug. "It's so beautiful out here," she said as she looked around.
"Yes, it is peaceful," Jack replied.
Jack took Elizabeth's hand and led her up the front steps and into the house; Rosie and Lee followed, hand in hand.
"Elizabeth!" Charlotte called out as soon as she saw her. "It's so good to see you again." She walked up to Elizabeth and gave her a tight hug.
"You, too, Mrs. Thornton."
"Oh, posh. Call me Charlotte. And Lee. Hello, Lee. You need to stop by more often." Charlotte walked over to Lee and hugged him too. "And who's this?" She asked as she took Rosemary's hand in hers and gently swung it back and forth.
"This is Rosie. Rosemary." Lee answered.
"Well, hello, Rosemary. Very nice to meet you. Any friend of Lee's is welcome here."
"Thank you, Charlotte. Very nice to meet you too.
"Tom, Samantha and the kids are out back."
The group all filed out the back door and into the backyard. Tom and Samantha were sitting in the Adirondack chairs. Samantha was holding one year old, Austin, while six-year-old Savannah and her little brother, Luke, who's 4, were running around the backyard, kicking a soccer ball.
Jack pulled Elizabeth to his side as he walked up to Tom, "You remember Elizabeth?"
"Yes, of course. Good to see you again," Tom replied, shaking her hand.
"You too, Tom."
After all the introductions, they enjoyed the afternoon with food, stories and laughs. The kids played with their dad, Uncle Jack and Bandit while the women visited.
At one point, Elizabeth looked out into the yard and sitting under a tree, cross-legged, was Jack. Savannah was sitting the same way in front of him. They were facing each other and Elizabeth watched as the two had a silent conversation. She watched in amazement as the pair communicated with their hands, laughing and giggling at times.
"Aren't they adorable together?" Charlotte whispered to Elizabeth.
She looked up at Charlotte, who was smiling down at her. "Yes they are, very."
Charlotte squeezed Elizabeth's shoulder and walked into the house as Elizabeth returned her attention to Jack and Savannah.
"It's time for cake and presents," Charlotte exclaimed, coming out of the house with a birthday cake.
"Ma, don't you think I'm a little old for this?" Jack asked, embarrassed.
"You are never too old to celebrate the day you joined us on this great earth," Charlotte answered, setting the cake onto the table.
After singing and the blowing out the candles ritual, Jack began to open presents. He received a new Cinch dress shirt from his mom, tickets to a Chief's football game from Tom and Sam, and a weathervane with a bull rider on top from Lee and Rosemary.
"These are all terrific, everyone. Thank you."
"There's one more, Jack," Elizabeth announced. She pulled a small box from her purse and handed it to Jack.
He lifted the top of the box, and inside was a book with a leather cover. Embossed on the front was a cowboy on a horse. Jack removed the book and opened it; all the pages were blank.
"It's a journal," Elizabeth explained when Jack looked at her. "My sister is a counselor, and she has always talked about how journaling helps her and helps her clients. I thought maybe you could try it and see if it helps you, too." Elizabeth smiled sincerely at Jack, watching him as he turned the book over in his hand, running his fingers along the image of the horse and man.
He looked up at Elizabeth, "This is wonderful, Beth. Thank you." Jack leaned toward her and gave her a quick, soft kiss on the lips.
Charlotte and Tom looked at each other, wide-eyed and grinning…giving a that did you see that? look.
They finished the evening with cake and ice cream. Austin had more ice cream on his face, clothes and the ground than in his mouth. Jack had enjoyed himself more this day than he had in a very long time; Tom and his mother could see it. They hadn't seen Jack truly happy since before his dad passed.
It was time for Lee, Rosemary, and Elizabeth to leave and Jack walked them to the truck.
"Thank you for coming, guys. I had a really good time." Jack said to all three of them. He said his goodbyes to Lee and Rosie, and they got in the truck. He followed Elizabeth around to her door and took her hand in his, she turned to face him.
"How are you doing, Jack?" She asked, leaning her back against the truck door.
"I'm doing alright. Working through some things." Jack took hold of her other hand. "Thank you for the journal. I will give it an honest try."
"You're welcome. I'm glad you had a happy birthday. I had a lot of fun with your family. They are great."
"Yeah," Jack grinned, "they're not too bad."
"They're waiting, so I better go." Elizabeth motioned toward Lee and Rosie. "Give me a call when you're ready to talk again."
Jack nodded, bent down, and gave her another quick kiss.
"Good night, Beth."
Elizabeth smiled at him, "Good night, Jack."
After he helped her into the truck and closed the door, Jack stepped back and waited until they left, raising his hand in a wave as the truck backed up.
Returning to the backyard, Jack found his mom and Tom still sipping coffee and visiting.
"Well, Jack. Did you have a good time?" His mother asked as Jack took a seat in the chair next to hers.
"Yes, ma. A very good time. Thank you for this."
"Elizabeth seems great." Tom said.
"Yes, dear. She is very sweet." Charlotte added.
"Yes, Beth is a special one." Jack was sitting back in the chair, staring up at the stars.
"You seem different, Jack." Tom stated. "In a very good way."
"I feel different." Jack nodded, looking at Tom. "I know there are still issues I have to work through, but," Jack paused for a moment, "I feel like I'm on the right path for the first time in years."
