June 24th, 2009 – New Castle, New Hampshire

It was Elizabeth's final day with her family and she was packing her carryon when Julie walked in.

"Hey, sis. I'm sure going to miss you." Julie said as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"I'll miss you, too." Elizabeth folded a shirt and placed it in the suitcase. "You know you, Bill and Skylar can come stay with me anytime you'd like."

"Yes, we need to do that. Maybe once Bill is done with this busy vacation season at work, then we can plan a trip to see you."

"That would be amazing, Julie. I would love to show you guys around the Ozarks. It's so beautiful there. How is Bill liking his Executive Chef job? What hotel is he at again?"

"The Woodstock Inn and Resort. Yes, he loves it. He keeps so busy during the tourist season though. We barely get to see each other, but we make it work."

"That's great you guys make it work. And you are such a great mom. Skylar is wonderful."

"Thanks, Beth. You will be too, one day." Julie watched a smile grow across her sister's face. "Do you see a future with Jack? Having a family with him?"

Elizabeth stopped packing and sat on the bed, opposite of Julie. "Some days I do. I can see us together, with children. He has such a kind heart, Julie. You should see him with his deaf niece. He loves her so much; he took the time to learn sign language so he can talk to her. They have such a special bond; it's amazing."

"That's wonderful, Beth. I really hope things work out for you. You deserve to find happiness and have all your dreams come true."

Elizabeth leaned over and hugged her sister, "Thanks, Jules. I hope so, too. When do you go back home?"

"We're going back today when you leave. Bill actually has tomorrow off, so we are taking Skylar to the zoo."

"That sounds like a lot of fun. Skylar will love that."

A few hours later, William pulled the car over and parked it in front of the terminal entry.

Elizabeth leaned forward and placed her hand on her father's shoulder, "I hope you had a great Father's Day, dad."

"I most definitely did. I had two out of three of my beautiful daughters home with me. It was wonderful."

She kissed him on the cheek and hugged him from behind. "Love you, dad." Then she leaned to her mom and hugged her too, "Love you, too, mom."

"Goodbye, Beth. Have a safe flight and let us know when you land."

"I will, mom. Bye, you two."

With her carryon suitcase and purse in tow, Elizabeth made her way through the airport, security, and to her gate. She pulled her phone out and dialed Jack.

"Hey, Beth. How are you?"

"I'm good, Jack. I'm at the airport, waiting for my flight to come home."

Jack's heart beat a little faster at that news. "Oh, good. Do you have someone picking you up at the airport? I can if you'd like."

"I was going to ask Rosie, but if you'd like to, that would be fine."

"Perfect," Jack responded eagerly. "What time does your flight arrive? And what airline?"

"American at 5:10." Elizabeth answered.

"I will be there waiting for you, Beth."

"Okay, Jack. Goodbye."

"Bye, Beth."

Elizabeth opened her text app and sent Rosie a message, letting her know that Jack was picking her up. After a quick reply of, "Okay, see you soon," Elizabeth returned her phone to her purse and pulled out the Bible that she carries with her.

Six hours later, Elizabeth walked through the terminal toward the exits. As she neared the doors, she spotted Jack. He was standing near the doors, dressed in his best jeans and new Cinch shirt his mom had given him. He was holding a bouquet of a dozen red roses in one hand and his cowboy hat in the other.

"Welcome back, Beth." Jack handed her the flowers and kissed her lightly on the cheek.

"Thank you, Jack. These are beautiful," she smiled as she smelled the roses.

"Let me take that." Jack reached down and took Elizabeth's bag.

After loading into the truck and getting on their way, Jack looked at Elizabeth. "It's good to have you back. Did you have a good visit with your family?"

"Yes, it was wonderful. Julie's daughter is getting so big. Did you do anything special over the weekend?"

Jack told Elizabeth about his letter to his father and the trip to the cemetery.

"Jack, I am so proud of you. You have been working so hard and I can see a change in you."

"Thank you, Beth. That means a lot to me. I started writing in my journal finally."

"Really? That's great, Jack. Do you think it's helping?"

"I think so. I saw what you wrote in it."

Elizabeth smiled and felt her cheeks warm.

Jack continued, "That drawing was amazing, Beth. I had no idea you could do that."

"Thank you. I'm glad you liked it."

"And...I want to say thank you...for what you wrote. It really touched me. All of it."

"I meant it, Jack."

Jack slid his hand across the seat and laid it on top of hers. They rode in silence for a few minutes before Elizabeth began asking Jack about this therapy sessions. They visited about that, her trip and Jack's horse training until he pulled into her driveway. He walked her to her front door, carrying her suitcase for her, gave her a quick kiss goodbye, and left for home.

…..

June 25th - Sunnyside Counseling

"How was your Father's Day, Jack?" Dr. Marie Harban asked.

"It was difficult. I did what you suggested. I wrote a letter and I went to his graveside. I read it to him before my brother and mom arrived."

"And did you feel any relief or change after doing that?"

Jack nodded, "I did a little. I finally told him how angry I've been. I told him that I was sorry for the person I had become." Jack paused and took a quick sip of water. "And I told him goodbye."

"That's a huge step in the right direction, Jack. Relief happens differently for each individual, too. For some, it comes immediately; while others it's a gradual change that sometimes can sneak up on you. I have had some people describe to me that it was like a weight was slowly being lifted from their shoulders; some it was across days, others it was weeks. But I have never had anyone tell me that it didn't help them in one way or another."

Jack nodded, listened to her intently, and thought about how he had been feeling in the few days since he read the letter.

"I would like to talk about Elizabeth now."

Jack straightened in his seat and raised his gaze to the doctor. "What about her?"

"Do you talk to her or see her?"

"I've seen her a few times. We talk a couple times a week on the phone."

"Have you made any plans to tell her what happened that night after the rodeo?"

Jack shifted in his seat, uncrossing one leg and crossing the other. "I don't know how to tell her."

"On this one, Jack, you're just going to have to say the words. Do you think the two of you can have any kind of relationship if you begin it with a lie?"

Jack shook his head.

"You've been making some great progress, Jack. Now that you've addressed where all your anger was stemmed from, you can begin to move forward with your life. Have you accepted the fact that your father's death was not your fault; that there was nothing you could have done to prevent it?"

"I'm beginning to, yes."

"Okay, a couple things I'd like for you to think about this week." Dr. Harban picked up a pile of pamphlets and handed them to Jack. "Here are a few support groups. I was able to find one that meets at a cowboy church; I thought you might feel more comfortable with your peers. If not, there are a couple others."

Jack looked at each pamphlet as she spoke.

"The other thing I'd like you to think about this week is how you're going to tell Elizabeth. That is if you still want to move forward in a relationship with her."

"Of course, I do." Jack answered quickly.

"Have you been journaling?"

"Yes." Jack told Dr. Harban of the entries he had found from Elizabeth.

"Elizabeth sounds like a wise woman, Jack. Everything she wrote in the journal sounds like she had put some real thought behind it. How did her last entry make you feel when you read it?"

Jack lowered his foot to the floor, leaned forward and rested his arms on his legs. "All of her entries really hit me in one way or another. They made me think of things in a different way, not unlike these sessions. But her last one, that ripped my heart out."

"Why is that, Jack?"

"Because Elizabeth deserves the world. She deserves better than me. I haven't treated her in the way she needs to be treated. And yet, she will wait for me. Why is that?"

Dr. Harban laid her notebook on the table next to her before answering. "Jack, perhaps Elizabeth has seen glimpses of the man that you are meant to be. If your father hadn't died, you would have lived a very different life and would be a very different person right now. The fact that you're here today, shows me that you believe that, too. Do you understand what I am saying?"

Jack nodded his head; tears were beginning to pool in his eyes.

"You need to believe that you are a man of worth; that you are worthy of Elizabeth's love. If Elizabeth is willing to wait for you, then you should be willing to wait for you."

Jack's gaze had been on the floor, but Dr. Harban's last sentence caused him to snap his head up, a tear slipped down his cheek.

"Another thing, Jack. Have you ever been tested? For STDs?"

"Yes, a few times. But not for a couple years."

"That is something else you need to take care of, Jack. If not for yourself, then for Elizabeth."

Jack nodded, flustered with himself for being in this circumstance to begin with.

…..

June 29th, 2009 – Hope Meadows Ranch

Jack heard Lee's truck pull in and he walked out of the barn to meet him. Lee stepped around the truck and as soon as Jack saw his face, his eyes widened.

"What the hell happened to you?"

Lee held his hand up to his cheek that was black and blue, gently touched it, and grimaced. "Oh, this? Well, all I can say is, you should see the other guy." Lee laughed.

Jack gave him a sideways look then asked, "Bull smacked you in the face, didn't it?"

Lee let out a big sigh and rolled his eyes, "Yes."

Jack let out a loud laugh and Lee joined him. "Brother, you need to start wearing a face shield."

"Me? What about you? You never wear one either."

"Yes, but I don't get smacked in the face by bulls repeatedly either."

Lee shrugged it off, "So, when are you coming back? I miss having you there by my side."

"You know I'm trying to figure my shit out. I just needed to take a step back from everything to get my head on straight. I'll be back soon. I can't take missing another rodeo."

"Everyone keeps asking about you. We all miss you. You know the Leon Rodeo up in Iowa is always the weekend of the 4th."

"Yes, that might be a good one to ease back into." Jack nodded and placed his hand on Lee's shoulder, "Well, come on, Rocky, let's get a couple horses out and go for a ride."

Lee laughed and the two disappeared into the barn.

…..

Later that evening, Jack was sitting at his kitchen island when he picked up the pamphlets from the therapist. He opened the one with Crossroads Group Counseling across the top with a silhouette of a cowboy kneeling at a cross with a horse behind him. He read the dates and times it was offered, looked at his watch, picked up his hat and walked out the door.

A few moments later, Jack pulled into the parking lot of what appeared to be an old barn. He stepped down from his truck and hesitantly made his way to the front door. He looked around the parking lot and saw several other trucks and SUVs and relaxed a little.

Once inside, Jack could hear voices from a nearby room and stepped into the doorway. A few people were milling around a table with snacks and coffee, while others were seated in chairs formed into a circle.

He stepped into the room, found an empty chair, and took a seat. A few men approached him and introduced themselves. One older man, that had looked like he'd lived a hard life, took the seat next to Jack.

"You're Thomas Thornton's son, aren't you?"

"Jack looked at the older gentleman with surprise. "Yes, sir. I am."

"I thought so. You look just like your father. He and I go way back, to his early rodeo days."

Jack listened to the man with disbelief.

"I was very sorry to hear about him. Very sorry. He was a good man. I was proud to call him my friend."

"Yes, he was a good man." Jack shifted nervously in his seat.

The man put his hand out to Jack, "My name is Chauncy Wilson."

Jack shook his hand, "Jack. Good to meet you."

Chauncy straightened in his seat as everyone was seated and the meeting was about to begin.

"Welcome everyone. I see many familiar faces and a couple of new ones. My name is Frank Hogan. I'm the pastor here at Crossroads and I started this group for people like me; people suffering from a hard time in their life. My wife lost her battle with breast cancer eight years ago and I struggled with moving on. I was filled with a lot of anger toward God, a lot of hatred to the world that was moving on as if nothing had happened. Please sir, can you tell us your name and why you're here?" Frank pointed at a middle-aged man sitting opposite of Jack.

"Hello. My name is Mark Smith. I'm here because I lost my son in a car accident ten months ago. I haven't been able to move on; I lost my job, my wife, my house."

"Thank you for coming here today, Mark. I'm very sorry to hear about your son. I think that you will find this group very helpful and understanding to your suffering."

Jack's heartbeat began to speed up as he knew he would have to speak next.

"Sir," he nodded to Jack. "Can you please introduce yourself and tell us what brought you here today?"

Jack nodded and shifted in his seat again. "My name is Jack Thornton." He swallowed hard, trying to clear the lump in his throat. "My father was killed during his ride in a rodeo eleven years ago."

"Eleven years? That's been a long time, Jack. Is this the first support group that you've tried?"

"Yes. My therapist suggested that I give it a try."

"Welcome, Jack. We're glad you decided to join us."

Jack sat and listened to each person share what had happened to them, some setbacks they may have had since their last meeting, and how some are moving forward with their lives.

One woman had lost her husband to an accident on their ranch; a horse had rolled on top of him while out bringing the cattle in. He hadn't been found until hours after the fall.

Another gentleman around Jack's age, lost his brother during his bronc ride in a rodeo.

The stories went on and on, so many stories, so much loss. Jack's head was spinning by the time Frank came back around to him.

"Jack, can you tell me why you have decided to try this after so many years?"

Jack had been leaning forward with his arms resting on his legs. He straightened up and swallowed hard. "Um, well, I..."

"It's alright, Jack. None of us are here to judge you. We are all just here to listen."

"Well, after my dad's death...I...I began down a road of...self-destruction."

"What were you doing that makes you say this? If you don't mind telling us."

Jack wrung his fingers then wiped his sweaty palms along the tops of his thighs. "I started drinking a lot more. I...started sleeping around. A lot. I was angry. Very angry."

"We've all done things we aren't proud of, Jack." Frank said.

Several people were nodding their heads in agreement.

"Seeking help is a great first step, Jack. We've all been there, that first step was the hardest and you've done that. Now you just need to have a goal, keep focused and on track for that goal."

July 1st, 2009 – Elizabeth's Townhouse

Elizabeth's phone was ringing as she ran down her stairs to the kitchen where she left it laying on the counter.

"Hello?" She answered, out of breath, without looking at the caller ID.

"Elizabeth?"

"Oh, hi, Jack. Sorry, I just ran down my stairs to grab the phone."

"Oh," Jack chuckled. "How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you?"

"I'm doing alright. I'm riding in a rodeo in a couple days up in Iowa. I just wanted to let you know where I would be."

"Oh, okay. Good luck. Please try to be safe."

"I will. Do you have some time to talk?"

Elizabeth walked over to her couch and sat down. "Sure, Jack. What would you like to talk about today?"

"Can you tell me about your last serious boyfriend?"

"Well, that would be first, last and only semi-serious boyfriend. I went out with a few other guys, but nothing serious. His name was Charles and we met in college."

"Just semi-serious?" Jack asked.

"Well, it was more serious for him than it was for me."

"What happened?"

"We had been dating for a few months when he started talking about marriage and starting a family. I never saw a future like that with him. I hadn't realized it until he started talking about it. So, soon after, I called it off. I didn't see any reason to continue on with someone that I never thought I could love."

"How did Charles take it?"

"Not good at all. He called me constantly, kept showing up at my dorm, would wait for me to get off of work. I finally had to change my number and call campus security on him. He stopped immediately after that and I never saw him again."

"That must have been scary for you."

"It was. I never knew when or where he'd show up. For two weeks, I skipped class and work; afraid to leave my dorm room. I finally said, enough is enough, and made a few phone calls."

"That was very brave of you, Beth."

"I guess so. I just wanted my life back." Elizabeth paused for a few seconds. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure. Anything."

"Please let me know if I'm being too nosey."

"You can't be, but okay."

"Does bull riding pay well?"

"It can. Depends how well you do."

"You must have done really well."

"Why do you say that?"

"Your house. Your ranch, truck."

"Oh, well. Five world championships paid for that."

"Five? I thought you only had two." As soon as the words came out of her mouth, Elizabeth realized what he'd meant. "Sorry, Jack. I wasn't thinking."

"It's alright, Beth. You don't need to apologize. My dad had saved most of his winnings. Plus, he had a large life insurance policy. My mom didn't want it all, so she split it between Tom and myself. Mom lives in the house that Tom and I grew up in. Mom couldn't bring herself to sell it, so she remodeled it and built a new barn. I purchased the hundred acres that I use and manage and built my house and barn. I help mom manage her land, too. And her cattle. She also has a few hired hands."

"Cattle? I never saw any cattle."

"There are several back pastures that we rotate them through. Mom owns five hundred acres. She and dad picked up chunks of land across the years they'd been married. Anytime land would come up for sale that was attached to theirs, they would purchase it. Eventually ending with over seven hundred acres. Tom bought a hundred from her, too. He's on the opposite side of me."

"What does Tom do?"

"He's a rancher, like ma. Samantha is a nurse."

"Oh, yes. She did tell me that. So, why the big, fancy house for a bachelor?"

Jack paused, choosing his words wisely. "Well, I didn't see it in my immediate future, but I knew that one day I would want to settle down, get married and raise a family. I also knew that whatever I built, was going to be the home that I live in until the day I die. So, I planned accordingly."

"You don't ever see yourself moving?"

"Me? Nah. This is where I was born and raised. Ma is here, Tom, too. I won't leave." Jack waited for a response, but there wasn't one. "Beth?"

"Yes, I'm here."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything, Jack."

"Could you ever see yourself living in the country?"

After a brief pause, Elizabeth answered, "Two months ago, if you'd asked me, I would have said, no way."

"But now?"

"Now? I would have to say that it's a possibility."

Jack smiled, "That's good to know."

July 3rd, 1999 – Leon Rodeo, Iowa

Jack tried to keep to himself as he made his way toward the arena, his dad's riding glove in one hand, the rigging in the other. His anger and sadness, mixed with the nervousness of the significance of the day; had him on edge. This would be Jack's first ride since the death of his father; and everyone that saw him coming, approached him with condolences and welcome backs.

Jack tossed his rigging onto a bale of hay and sat down next to it. He finished zipping up the sides of his chaps, then removed his hat and dusted it off. The day was hot and dry, and the air was filled with arena dirt.

His turn was coming up and Jack stepped up onto the planks that lined the backside of the chutes. He had drawn Candyman, an easy but low scoring bull, who was loaded into chute number four. With the rigging in place and Jack lowering himself onto the bull, he heard the announcer say something that caught his attention, picked his foot up off the bull and sat on top of the gate and listened.

"We lost a great man, friend, and rider just over a year ago. Thomas Thornton had been a three-time world champion rider and could ride bulls that other men failed to. The loss of Thomas hit this community hard and we all miss him. Well, today we have a special treat for you, folks. Jack Thornton, Thomas' son, has returned to the circuit and tonight will be his first ride in the adult division. Please put your hands together for Jack as he prepares to ride Candyman."

The outdoor arena filled with applause as Jack's heart began to race even faster than it already was. A lump formed in his throat as he slowly lowered himself onto the bull. As he reached up with his gloved hand to warm the rosin on the rope, he saw his father's friend Jim, take the rope from who had been holding it, nod his head to Jack, and pull the rope up. Jack nodded back and began his preparation rituals.

As Jack walked out of the arena after lasting only four seconds on the bull, Jim met him at the gate. As soon as Jack saw him, tears began to fill his eyes and Jim pulled him into a hug.

When they finally released the embrace, Jim took hold of Jack's shoulders and held him at arm's length. "Jack, it's really good to see you. I'm so glad you decided to come back. This is what your father would have wanted for you. He wouldn't want you to stop doing what you love."

Jack nodded his head as he listened to Jim's words. "It's so hard, Jim. I don't see how I'm going to be able to do this without him."

"You are strong, Jack. Just like your father. I'm not going to sugarcoat it; it's not going to be easy. But I believe that you'll be fine."

July 3rd, 2009 – Leon Rodeo, Iowa

As Jack and Lee walked toward the arena, Jack saw a familiar face. Jim, his dad's best friend, was walking his way.

"Hey, Jim." Jack said, smiling as Jim neared him.

"Jack, so good to see you again." The men hugged each other. "How have you been? You're looking much better than the last time I saw you."

"I'm doing well, Jim. Still working through things, but much better. How have you been? I haven't seen you in, what, ten years?"

"Yes, long time. Been good. Sarah's good. The girls are all grown, married. Jenny has two sons now."

"Wow. Last time I saw her, she'd just gotten her braces off." Jack replied, enjoying a normal conversation.

"So, are you riding today?"

"Yes, just on our way to get signed in."

"Wonderful. Looking forward to watching you ride again. Good luck today."

"Thanks, Jim. Tell Sarah I said hello."

"Will do, Jack. We'll be seeing you around."

Jack and Lee made their way to registration, being stopped several times by their friends. A few girls had run up to them, only to be brushed off by both.

"Wow, look at us, Jack. Growing up and leaving some of this shit behind us." Shaking his head, Lee continued, "What is happening to us?"

Jack chuckled, "Brother, I think we are falling for a couple great girls and finally planning our futures."

"You know, Jack. I think you might just be right."

…..

Lee was up next and had drawn Charlie's Red Devil. Jack helped Lee with his rigging and getting him settled.

"You've got this, Lee. This one's yours." Jack patted Lee on the chest and back.

Lee nodded his head and the gate swung open. Red Devil shot out of the chute and immediately spun to the left. Lee dug in and held his ground. Before he knew it, the eight second buzzer blew and the arena filled with shouts and applause. Lee pulled his hand loose, went airborne, and rolled when he hit the ground.

Lee stood, the bull securely closed in the alley, and raised his hand up into the air, waving at the crowd.

"Lee's score is 86. That's the score to beat now."

The crowd began to roar again, celebrating Lee's high score.

Lee joined Jack by the chutes as Jack's turn was soon.

"Awesome ride, Lee. That's going to be hard to beat." Jack said as Lee climbed up onto the planks.

"Thanks. Best score I've had in a while."

"Only a few riders left, brother. Looks like you'll be taking the win tonight."

"You still have to ride, Jack. You could easily take me."

"I don't think so, Lee. You've got this one."

Jack stretched out his shoulder before lowering himself onto the bull as Lee held the rope taut. Jack worked his way through his preparations, strapped his hand in and paused for a moment.

"What is it, Jack?" Lee asked.

Jack remained silent.

"Jack, you can do this. You've got to get back in, just like you said."

Jack rewrapped the rope around his hand, tightening it, closed his eyes, drew in a deep breath and nodded. He opened his eyes to the bull exploding out of the chute. Each buck and blow, Jack was able to stay on, reaching the eight second buzzer.

A quick flash of Tornado flipping him around, entered Jack's mind for only a moment. He shook the vision out of him mind as quickly as it had entered. He loosened the rope, released his hand and dove off the bull.

Jack slowly backed toward the chutes, watching the bull disappear behind the alley gate, waiting for the announcer to reveal his score. He rolled his shoulder, realizing that there had been no pain.

"Jack has a score of 85. That's going to move him into second place."

Jack removed his hat and tossed it in the air. The crowd roared with excitement. He picked up his hat and met Lee at the gate, where the two men hugged and slapped each other on the back.

"I told you that you had it," Jack said, smiling to his best friend.

"It's not over yet," Lee added.

"Todd drew Firebird, it's over," Jack grinned.

"It will be a great day if the two of us take first and second."

"Yes, it will."

And the two did just that; Lee finished in first, followed by Jack. The pair celebrated by loading their gear into Jack's truck, and heading home.

It was four in the morning by the time Jack pulled into Lee's ranch and dropped him off.

"Congratulations, Lee. Great ride."

Lee yawned, "Thanks, Jack. You too, buddy. I'll see you soon." He climbed out of the truck and headed to his house.

Jack pulled out of the driveway and headed home. When he reached his house, he parked his truck in its usual place, turned the engine off and sat, staring at the house. He let out a sigh, wishing that Elizabeth was inside for him to tell the good news too, to celebrate with. He stared up at the bedroom window and envisioned a shadow against the glowing glass; the beautiful form of Elizabeth, waiting for him.

He let out another sigh as he got out of truck and walked into the house. He hung up his keys and hat, kicked off his boots and went into the living room. He turned on the lamp next to the couch and picked up his journal.

He turned to Elizabeth's last entry and read it again, as he had done many times. He turned to the front of the book and found the next blank page and began to write.

Today I came in second. It was the best day as I lost first place to my best friend. But coming home to an empty house, without someone to share the news, was almost more than I could bear. My dreams are changing, and it's all because of one person. One wonderful, perfect person. I see her in my dreams, I see her dressed in white, I see her holding my child.

But I have to gain the courage to tell her something. Something that might make her leave. And I'm not sure I could handle that. I am learning new ways to cope with my grief and disappointments and will need to lean on those things extensively if she truly goes.