July 4th, 2009 – Hope Meadows Ranch
Jack picked up his phone and stared at the name, trying to draw the courage to dial it. With his hands shaking, he pressed call.
After the second ring, Elizabeth answered. "Hi, Jack."
"Hi, Beth." Jack cleared his throat. "How are you doing?" He tried to steady his voice.
"I'm good. Are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine." Jack drew in a deep breath to calm himself. "I was wondering if you had plans today?"
"Rosie and I are getting ready to go for a ride. We were talking about going to the lake and watching the fireworks but nothing set in stone."
"Oh, alright."
"Are you sure you're okay, Jack?" Elizabeth asked with concern in her voice.
"I really need to talk to you. It's important."
"Alright, Jack. I can come over right now if you want. Rosie and I can ride later."
"Okay. I'll see you in a little bit then?"
"Yes, Jack. I'll be right over."
Jack nervously paced the floor, continuously returning to the window to check for her car. As soon as he saw her pull in, he stepped outside and waited for her on the front porch.
Elizabeth climbed the steps and could see the worry in Jack's eyes. "What's going on, Jack?"
"Let's go over here and sit down," Jack took her hand and led her to the chairs.
Once seated, Jack slid to the edge of his seat and rested his arms on his legs.
"What is it, Jack? Please just tell me."
He turned in his seat to face her. "I need to tell you something." Jack swallowed hard, the lump in his throat not budging.
"Okay, Jack. You can tell me anything."
Jack let out a big breath. "I did something that I need to tell you about." Jack's voice cracked and his hands were shaking. "That night at the rodeo, after our fight..."
"Yes, Jack?"
Jack let out a breath, his heart was pounding. "I...um...damn it."
"Jack." Elizabeth was getting an irritated tone in her voice as spoke. "Just tell me what you did."
"I spent the night with one of the barrel racers."
Elizabeth straightened in her seat, not speaking. Jack reached out to touch her hand but she pulled back.
"Beth, I am so sorry. I didn't really know you then. I was so screwed up. I am so sorry."
Elizabeth, still not speaking, tried unsuccessfully to fight back the tears.
"Please say something, Beth."
"Jack..." Elizabeth tone was filled with anger, "give me a moment please." Her breathing was deeper and faster as she tried to comprehend exactly what Jack had just said.
Jack sat quietly, giving Elizabeth the time she needed.
"So, let me get this straight," she finally said, "you got mad at me for confronting you about your past with women. So, your response was to go sleep with another one? Is that what you're telling me?"
"I am so sorry, Beth. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"And yet you did," Elizabeth replied, sharply.
They sat in silence for several minutes. Elizabeth wiped her cheeks and eyes and continuously shook her head.
"I need to ask you something," she finally continued. "Have you ever been tested?"
Jack looked at her and nodded, "Yes, I have."
"Lately?"
"I just got tested again last week and I'm still waiting for the results."
Elizabeth finally looked at Jack. "You just got tested last week? Were you thinking this little confession would make me fall all over you? Thankful that you were so open and honest? Hoping to get me into your bed?"
"No! Not at all. That's not...no, Beth." Jack started to reach for her hand again, then stopped himself. "I want to start fresh, Beth. I don't want to keep anything from you."
"I think I need to go home now." Elizabeth stood and turned toward the steps.
"Please, Beth." Jack jumped up and chased after her, gently grabbing her arm and turning her toward him. As soon as he saw the pain in her eyes, and the tears flowing down her cheeks, Jack changed what he was about to say. "Beth, I'm sorry I hurt you. I understand if you never want to see me again."
"I need time, Jack. Give me some time."
"As long as you need. I just hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me." Jack dropped his hands from her arms.
"Goodbye, Jack." Elizabeth turned and walked to her car; and without looking back, she drove away.
...
July 6th, 2009 – Elizabeth's Townhouse
There was a pounding at the door and Elizabeth rolled off the couch to answer it. They pounded again before she could get to the door.
"I'm coming." Elizabeth yelled.
She opened the door and Rosie burst in. "You are alive."
"What are you talking about?" Elizabeth asked, following Rosemary into the living room.
"I have been trying to call you for two days. I've left messages, I've texted."
"Oh, sorry. I shut my phone off and forgot to turn it back on."
"For two days? What's going on."
Elizabeth couldn't hold the tears back any longer and let them flow.
"Liz, what is it?" Rosie pulled Elizabeth into a hug.
After a short moment in an embrace with her best friend, Elizabeth pulled back and wiped her face.
"Elizabeth, what is going on?"
"Jack..."
"What did Jack do?" Rosie voice grew slightly louder.
"That night after the rodeo I went to, after the fight Jack and I had..."
"Yes, I remember that."
"Well, Jack went and slept with some barrel racer after he left me."
"What? How do you know this?" Rosie asked as she pulled Elizabeth down to sit on the couch next to her.
"He told me the other day."
"That jerk! I'm going over there to give him a piece of my mind."
"No, Rosie. Please. Don't say anything to him."
"Okay. I won't if you don't want me to." Rosie pulled a tissue out of the box on the side table and handed it to Elizabeth. "What are you going to do now? Are you guys through?"
"I honestly have no idea. I need time to think."
"Would you like to come over to my place? I do some of my best thinking on the back of a horse."
Elizabeth looked at her friend and smiled. "Maybe tomorrow."
...
July 9th, 2008 – Hope Meadows Ranch
It had been five days since Jack told Elizabeth, and he hadn't heard from her. He was going crazy not knowing how she was or what she was thinking. He'd tried to keep himself busy, tried to keep her off his mind, but it was proving to be an impossibility.
He stood in front of a closet in his home, hesitating to open it. After several minutes of walking up to it, turning around and leaving, and then returning, he finally reached out and turned the knob.
Inside was a worn black case. He reached in, picked it up, and carried it to the living room. He laid the case on the coffee table and slowly opened it. He stared at the contents for a while, summoning up the courage to pick it up.
He slid his hand across the strings, then rested it on the neck of the guitar. It had been his dad's guitar and Jack hadn't touched it since his death. He lifted it from the case and laid it across his lap. Jack strummed his fingers across the strings and listened to the horribly out of tune notes resonate from the instrument.
After tuning it the best he could, and making a mental note to pick up new strings, Jack began to play a few cords.
...
July 9th, 1990 – Thornton Ranch
"Dad, Dad, is this right?" Ten-year-old Jack tried to curve his fingers around the neck of the guitar.
"Almost, Jack." Thomas bent Jack's fingers and pressed them down on the correct strings. "Like this. Now, take the pick and strum across the strings."
Jack did as his dad said, and as the sound of a perfect A major chord filled the room, Jack's eyes widened and a smiled filled his face.
"Again, Dad. Show me another one."
Eight-year-old Tom ran into the room to see what all the excitement was, and Thomas picked him up and sat him on his knee. He held the guitar in front of him as he demonstrated a few cords for his youngest son.
Charlotte leaned in the doorway and watched as Thomas let the boys take turns learning new chords as music and laughter filled the room.
...
July 9th, 2009 - Hope Meadows Ranch
As Jack's thoughts returned to the present, he smiled at the thought of his dad. He looked at his watch, returned the guitar to its case, and headed to his truck.
…..
Sunnyside Counseling
"Hi, there, Jack." Dr. Harban began. "So, last week we didn't meet because you had a rodeo. Can you tell me how that went?"
"Very well. My best friend came in first and I got second. I hadn't felt that good about not getting first in...well...ever."
"Congratulations, Jack. And your shoulder?"
"I was worried at first, but it didn't bother me at all."
"What happened after it was over?"
Jack leaned back in his seat and crossed his foot across his knee. "Lee and I loaded up into the truck and drove home."
"Wonderful, Jack. I am very pleased to hear that." She wrote something in her notes. "Anything else going on in your life that you want to share about?"
Jack took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and answered. "I told Elizabeth about what I did."
"Good. How did that go?"
"She left and I haven't heard from her." Jack shifted in his seat. "I really hurt her and she was very angry."
"Understandably, though, correct?"
"Yes." Jack answered, his eyes dropping to the floor. "I don't blame her at all. She did nothing wrong that night except confront me on my past and I...blew it."
"Maybe she just needs some time, Jack. That was a pretty big thing to confess to her; she has to process that information and figure out what she wants to do with it. You need to be prepared that she will have trust issues, she may remain angry, or she may be very forgiving. You need to be patient and let her have the time she needs."
"I know. I am. I'm trying to keep busy. Trying to keep her out of my mind."
"Is it working? Are you able to?"
"No, not at all."
"Are you still journaling?"
"Yes, a few times a week. I went to that cowboy church support group."
"That is wonderful, Jack. How did you like it?" Dr. Harban asked as she wrote another note.
"It wasn't as bad as I thought. A lot of people suffering though loss like me."
"Yes, Jack. Being with people that are struggling like you are, and hearing different ways that they cope with the loss, is very conducive to your own healing. Everyone reacts to loss differently; everyone has their own way of healing. Hearing others share their good days allows you to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel."
"I am beginning to see that." Jack dropped his foot to the floor and rested his arms on his knees. "Something happened just before coming here today."
"And what is that?"
"I smiled at a memory of my father for the first time since his death."
"Would you like to share the memory with me?"
"I got his guitar out for the first time since he died. I got it tuned and began to play it and remembered a day when he began to teach my brother and me how to play it." Jack smiled, seeing the image replay in his mind. "And I smiled."
...
July 12th, 2009 – Carlisle Farmer's Market, Missouri
Elizabeth picked up a cantaloupe and smelled it, set it down, and picked up another. She repeated this until she found the perfect one. She paid for her items, and moved on to the next booth. She was just about to pick up a cheese sample when she heard a woman's voice say her name.
Elizabeth spun around to find Charlotte standing in front of her. "Oh, hi, Charlotte."
"Hello, Elizabeth." Charlotte looked down at her purchases. "Looks like you've found some great buys."
"Yes, a few."
"Are you busy? Can we go somewhere to talk?"
"Um, okay, sure." Elizabeth answered hesitantly.
She followed Charlotte to an area with picnic tables and they took a seat opposite each other.
Charlotte began, "First, I want to say that you have made such a change in Jack. I have never seen him this way or this happy since his father died." She reached across the table and placed her hands over Elizabeth's. "You have been such a blessing to this family."
Elizabeth felt a lump form in her throat and she tried hard to swallow it, fighting back the tears.
"That being said, I know what Jack did. We had a nice, long talk the other day and he told me." She squeezed Elizabeth's hands. "I am not making excuses for his actions, not one bit. But Jack has really suffered by the loss of his father. Tom took it hard too, but it didn't seem to hit him like it did Jack. Jack has been making poor choices for many years. Now, his father's death does not give him the right to do what he did. Jack was in the wrong and he knows it."
Elizabeth nodded as tears were beginning to spill over and down her cheeks.
"Beth, Jack is trying. He is changing. And now that you're gone, he's a mess. But in a different way than I've ever seen him. I want you to know that he's not drinking, he's not doing any of his normal destructive behavior. He's not filled with anger like in the past. He's filled with sadness and regret. I can't have a conversation with him without him getting emotional."
Elizabeth had been looking at Charlotte's hands, but slowly moved her gaze up to her face.
"I'm not trying to tell you what to do, or guilt you into anything. I simply wanted to let you know how much Jack misses you. And how terribly sorry he is. I also wanted to check on you and see how you're doing."
"I've been better."
Charlotte stood and walked around the table, sat next to Elizabeth and wrapped her arms around her. Elizabeth felt the dam break as the tears began to flow and she hugged Charlotte back.
Charlotte placed her hands on Elizabeth's shoulders and held her back so she could see her face.
"If only you could have met Jack's father and seen the man that Jack was meant to be. He is a good man, Beth. And he cares a great deal for you."
Elizabeth nodded, blinking against the tears to focus on Charlotte's face.
"Oh, Thomas. He was...well...he was wonderful, caring..." Charlotte let out a little laugh, "..and so romantic. That man never ceased to amaze me with his little gestures to show me he loved me." Charlotte took in a deep breath, attempting to hold her own tears back. "I miss him so much."
"Jack really hurt me."
Charlotte lowered her hands and took hold of Elizabeth's. "If you didn't care about him, it wouldn't hurt."
...
July 14th, 2009 – Hope Meadows Ranch
Jack had been pouring himself into his horse training to fill his days. Delilah was almost ready to return to Rosie and he was leading her and another young horse into the barn when he heard tires rolling against gravel. He assumed it was his mother so he continued into the barn.
After getting the young horse settled in its stall, Jack led Delilah into hers and proceeded to brush her after removing her halter.
"Jack?"
Jack stopped, wide-eyed, dropped the brush, and stepped out from the stall.
Elizabeth stood in the doorway of the barn, silhouetted against the bright sky behind her. Jack's heart raced so hard that it almost hurt, his stomach began to churn, and a large lump formed in his throat. He pulled the stall door closed and slowly stepped toward her.
At the first sight of Jack, Elizabeth's butterflies made their presence known again as they began to dance around in her stomach. She could feel her nerves growing weak as she considered turning and running back to her car.
As Jack neared her, and the dark silhouette began to change to color, Jack's breath was taken away at the sight of her. She was wearing a flowy, coral-colored tank top with cream lace across her collarbones, a pair of perfectly fitted jeans, and cowgirl boots. Her hair was pulled up into a high pony tail.
"Beth," Jack finally said, in a breathy tone.
"Hi, Jack." She had played this conversation out in her mind several times, but at the sight of Jack, her mind went blank.
"How are you doing?" Jack finally asked, to break the silence.
"Do you have time to talk?" Elizabeth was finally able to voice her rehearsed sentence.
"Of course." Jack walked up next to Elizabeth and, without touching her, motioned with his hand for her to go outside. "Would you like to sit in the shade on the porch?"
"Sure, that would be fine." Elizabeth followed him to the chairs.
After they were both seated, and after a long, awkward silence, both of them began to speak at the same time.
"Jack." "Elizabeth, I..."
"Go ahead," Elizabeth said first.
"No, please, you first," Jack insisted.
Elizabeth drew in a deep breath, then began. "Jack, I have been doing a lot of thinking. I want you to know, my first thought was to run. Just move on with my life, never to see you again."
Jack's gaze fell to the boards under his feet.
"But then..." Elizabeth tilted her head, trying to see Jack's eyes. "Jack?"
"Yes," Jack answered, not looking up.
"Please look at me."
Jack lifted his eyes and looked into Elizabeth's.
"But then I started thinking about the man that I saw. The one that drew me in. The one that was trying so hard to turn his life around." Elizabeth paused for a brief moment. "The man I started falling for."
Jack let out a breath that he'd been holding, a wave of emotions rolled through his body and his eyes began to well up.
"A wise woman approached me the other day. She told me that she'd wished I could have met your father and seen the man that you were supposed to be. The admiration in her eyes as she spoke about your father just stung me to the core. I want to feel that kind of love for someone. I want someone to feel that kind of love for me."
Jack's heartbeat began to quicken and he wiped his sweaty palms across the tops of his thighs. "I can love you like that, Beth."
Tears began to pool in Elizabeth's eyes now. "I believe that you can." Elizabeth turned in her seat to face Jack straight on. "I forgive you." The tears let loose and began to flow down her cheeks.
Jack slid forward off the chair and fell to his knees in front of her, wrapping his arms around Elizabeth's waist. They held each other tight, as they both allowed the tears to flow freely.
